Alusion
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Interlude Nine: Family Troubles
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Interlude Nine: Family Troubles
Baylee is not having a good day. Staring at a map of Shirakaze and the surrounding country, she slowly draws out using markers where the enemy forces were and where her own sentinels were. Finally, in the spot where Serena would have died if not for Audrey, she places a large, stylized pin.
Distantly, Baylee understands that her team should never have attempted this final fight in the first place. She could have… should have, called a retreat far earlier. And yet, she can’t help but relive that moment of looking on helplessly as Serena nearly died and watching her other team members rush into compromised positions in an attempt to save her. If not for Audrey, her entire team would have wiped, and it would have been her fault.
She has to do better, to be better. So many mistakes were made in Shirakaze. Her initial planning and team setups were sound, but they fell apart so quickly, and the enemy played them perfectly. Why should Baylee feel the need to retreat when they won every fight, after all? Every fight, until the last one. A final fight where she was completely and utterly outplayed, where all the problems she thought could be managed arose all at once in one horrible moment.
Letting out a frustrated huff, Baylee stands from her chair and moves away from the map for the first time in hours. She’s not in a good place to do this kind of analysis right now; she needs to wait, request a meeting with Prof, and have him walk her through the correct steps she should have taken once more. For, if her team is going to achieve the heights she dreams, then she will have to be the one to lead them there.
Baylee walks over to the window, looking out over Shinara with her hands held calmly behind her back as she silently stews. As a child, she might have raged, thrown her map across the room, and wept at the fact that she wasn’t good enough — that her failure nearly cost lives. Yet, her mother long since trained her out of childish behaviors such that, even alone in her own home, she can’t bring herself to lash out the way she wants.
Instead, she forces herself to bring her mind to focus, and nearly unconsciously, she clutches at the necklace around her throat — the symbol of her renounced faith and of her freedom. It’s a simple thing, a modification of the necklace her mother gave her as a young child. The only thing different about it is that the seven-pointed star at the end was turned upside down so that the final point faced downward rather than up. A small, insignificant detail that hardly anyone would ever notice, and yet a detail that often brought her mother to rage.
Just thinking about it brings a small surge of old grief into Baylee’s heart. She didn’t get along with her mother for many years, but the day the GDF called and her mother learned she was a sentinel… yeah, that day is better left in memory.
Sighing, Baylee turns from the window and starts back towards her desk. She’ll roll up the map for now and work on some homework, maybe invite some of the others over to see if they need help — her team needs to be getting excellent grades in their sentinel-related classes, after all.
Baylee is just about to sit at her desk when a knock sounds at her door. Strange, she didn’t think anyone was coming over, but it isn’t so unusual for the other members of Team Picnic to drop by if they were at headquarters. Serena and Claire, in particular, like to come to say hi, and Serena often drags Akari along with her. Haruto, on the other hand, normally keeps to himself, only really coming out for team events.
Striding over the door, Baylee pulls it open to find Serena outside, although, unexpectedly, not with Akari by her side. Instead, a lanky young woman with long pink hair and somewhat blockish features stands beside Serena, looking incredibly awkward. And well, yeah, Baylee would also feel awkward in those clothes. Did this newcomer just dress herself in her father’s clothing or something? Why is everything so baggy? Baggy clothes are so last year; she would look so much better in a tight-fitting top and a skirt. Not that anyone takes her fashion advice anyway.
“Baylee!” Serena exclaims, surging forward and wrapping Baylee in a hug.
Momentarily, Baylee is surprised at how strong Serena feels, although her own ascension also gave her a large boost in strength, so that makes sense. According to Viera, the others on her team should have also gotten the option for a powerful new path to follow, and Baylee briefly wonders if Serena took the option to change paths like she did herself.
Ah, the wonders of being a sentinel; it takes things like size, sex, and build and just throws them out the window. Anyone, even someone as small and sweet-looking as Serena, can be a profoundly dangerous threat.
It’s not that Baylee thinks Serena is stronger than herself. Blue sentinels tend to advance more in the realms of mana usage during advancement than any other sentinel type, meaning that she’ll still be the physically weakest on the team unless she gets ahead in ranks. In terms of abilities, though? Serena is already a massive powerhouse, and Baylee is willing to bet that fact has only further amplified with her friend’s ascension.
“It’s good to see you,” Baylee tells Serena, stepping back from the hug. “What brings you by?”
At this, Serena begins to shift back and forth anxiously on her feet, her brilliant blue eyes opening wide in that puppy-dog stare that makes it near impossible to tell her no. “Well, I’ve got something of a favor to ask. Would you mind if we came inside?”
Shrugging, Baylee steps out of the doorway and gestures the two newcomers inside. As the girl with pink hair walks past her, though, Baylee narrows her eyes. Something about that girl seems familiar, but she can’t quite place her. Aggravating, as Baylee almost never forgets a name, though, from the look of Serena, something is definitely going on.
Baylee leads the two others to the couch, briefly noticing Serena pause as she walks past the map — briefly shivering and hugging herself. As well she should, that map is an attempt to figure out what Baylee could have done differently in order to save Serena’s life.
Still, Serena doesn’t mention the brief moment as she continues on to the couch, settling in beside the girl with pink hair. The girl who… Baylee narrows her eyes again.
“Viera… this girl is a sentinel, right? A weak one, but definitely a sentinel,” Baylee asks her familiar — who hides invisibly nearby.
[I would argue that you’re right. I did sense another familiar, but I attributed it to Celeste’s increased power. Hmm, this is something to be watchful of in the future,] Viera responds.
Sending her mental assent to Viera, Baylee focuses on the young woman beside Serena once more. A weak sentinel, huh?
“You are one of the four new sentinels,” Baylee says, offering the girl beside Serena a respectful nod. “I admire your confidence in making such a rushed decision to save your familiar. Becoming a sentinel is something that should never be undertaken lightly.”
Baylee keeps her personal opinions silent as she speaks so as to not offend. In her mind, though, she considers such a rushed decision to become a sentinel brash. If it were done to save the familiar, then it is acceptable, but Baylee wonders whether or not this girl bonded her familiar only in order to secure her own personal gain.
Either way, the only way through is forward. Baylee can’t say what she herself would have done in a similar situation or what thoughts and emotions would influence her final decision in that moment.
“You told her?” the girl asks Serena.
“Nope,” Serena says, smiling. “I know you’ve met Baylee before, but this is just how she is.”
Once again, Baylee feels as if she should know who this girl is. Stars, if this is someone she’s been introduced to before, then she’ll be incredibly embarrassed to have to ask for a name.
“So,” Serena continues, keeping up her puppy-dog eyes, “I came to ask if Benny here might be able to stay with you for a while. She… doesn’t really feel comfortable around people she knows right now, and I don’t think she should be alone.”
Benny… An image of a tall, rather handsome-looking young man appears in Baylee’s mind. Yes, Benny, he was one of Serena’s archery team members. They met once when Benny helped Serena during that large storm.
But, if this is Benny, and Benny recently became a sentinel? Oh… yeah, that would make sense. Benny was never a he; Benny was always a she, and now that she’s taken the first steps as a sentinel, her inner self has been brought forth.
There have been rumors of these types of things happening to sentinels in the past. People who are transgender, non-binary, or have one of the various other many potential modes of body dysmorphia or dysphoria can end up with their bodies suddenly beginning to change after becoming a sentinel. These changes are never unwelcome to the person, but that doesn’t stop them from being problematic.
“I see,” Baylee says, “you accepted your bond and found yourself a good deal of the way through a transition to your ideal self. Yet, you were caught completely unprepared. Do I have the gist of it?”
The pink-haired girl, Benny, nods solemnly. “I… uh, yeah. That’s about right. I wasn’t completely unprepared; I knew what would happen. I just didn’t expect it to happen right that moment, you know?”
Baylee did know. Many people with gender dysphoria would immediately seize an opportunity for their ideal body, especially if it looks like that opportunity would slip through their fingers. Honestly, Benny’s behavior should be viewed as completely expected; Baylee imagines that she herself would have done the exact same thing in Benny’s position.
“We were hoping,” Serena cuts in, “that Benny might be able to stay with you here for a while. Like I said, she isn’t really comfortable being around people she knows, and… I just think she should be with someone who can help if she needs it.”
Baylee meets Serena’s eyes and finds herself able to read the subtext hidden behind her friend’s words. Serena wants Baylee to watch over Benny and make sure she doesn’t harm herself.
After taking only a moment to consider, Baylee nods her agreement. “Of course, Benny can stay with me as long as she needs. Depending on missions and schedules, I won’t always be in the apartment, but I will do what I can.”
When Baylee left her home, her religion, and her family to become a sentinel, she made a very specific choice — that she will always follow the course of action that she believes will be the cause of the most good. Baylee would, of course, be willing to help out Serena’s friend so long as things like missions and training — that could potentially create an even greater good — were not disrupted.
Serena beams at Baylee, who briefly wonders just how many strays the other girl intends to take in. Serena certainly has a soft spot for anyone having a mental crisis, so Baylee assumes that Benny might be the first in a very long line of sentinels and random people Serena brings her way. That, however, is alright with Baylee. Maybe it can help her distract herself from her own issues.
After a bit more talk, Serena eventually leaves so Benny can get settled in — walking out with a promise to come back soon to check on her. This, then, leaves Baylee and Benny alone with absolutely nothing to talk about.
Benny watches the door for a long moment after Serena leaves, looking more than a little distressed. After a long moment, she speaks up with a forlorn voice. “I guess I need to try to go home to pick up my things. I might be able to sneak in and out without my parents seeing me.”
Baylee looks over Benny, then shakes her head. “I would argue that you’ll need a completely new wardrobe regardless. Besides, it won’t be too hard to pick up some basic necessities.”
Benny turns back, hugging herself. “I-I… don’t exactly have that kind of money to go and replace all my things.”
For now, that might be true, but Benny only needs to register with the GDF to get that problem solved. However, Baylee isn’t going to let someone with Benny’s potential keep walking around looking like that.
“You can pay me back when you get your bonus,” Baylee says, giving a slight smile. “I’ll grab you some of my clothes to wear, and then let’s go shopping.”
***
An hour later, Baylee walks side by side with Benny as they make their way down the skyway.
Benny, now clad in one of the many items in Baylee’s endless closet of dresses, looks a lot better than the rough-looking girl Serena drug into Baylee’s apartment. Although, a proper dress and some expertly applied makeup could do that for a lot of people.
Despite this, Baylee can’t help but notice just how nervous Benny looks, constantly tugging at her skirt and looking around anxiously. What she doesn’t seem to realize, however, is that this is the very thing drawing attention to her rather than her appearance.
Baylee learned as a little girl that perception and reality were much closer than most people seem to realize. She found that if she acted like she was an authority figure, most people would treat her as one. Whether or not she actually had any authority, Baylee often found ways to dominate a room. Simple things, like standing up straight, walking with confidence, and meeting people’s eyes when you speak to them, can convey a powerful message that words can only complement.
Benny, on the other hand… doesn’t do any of that. Despite looking down at her body with eyes full of excitement and wonder more than once, it’s obvious how uncomfortable she is. She slouches, which is likely the worst offender of this. Tall women often draw attention and will slouch in an attempt to avoid this — which tends to make them look insecure while still drawing the same attention. Benny herself stands an inch or two taller than Baylee, or at least, she should. By slouching and hunching her shoulders, Benny loses out on much of the power she could command simply by standing up straight.
“We’ll work on that first,” Baylee murmurs to herself as she leads Benny into one of her favorite clothing stores.
Astralan Designs has been a favorite of Baylee’s for a while, although she couldn’t often afford their merchandise until after becoming a sentinel. The shop is large and open-concept, taking up several floors of a skyway-connected skyscraper. While most similar stores normally cater to high fashion shoppers, Astralan Designs often has things that could be considered everyday wear with that bit of extra flair to make them feel special.
“Um… are you sure you can afford this place?” Benny asks, staring longingly toward the women’s section. “Some of these things cost more than I earn in a month.”
“I’m sure,” Baylee says with a laugh, looking out for anything that catches her eye. “This is only our first stop anyway; we also need to go to Aura Streetwear, Charmed Silhouette, and Nimbus Couture. That way, you will have a good wardrobe to choose from in the morning.”
“I, uh, usually shop at SkyMart,” Benny says, rubbing her arm. “Sometimes Daily Threads, if I want something more interesting. I think Serena does, too.”
Baylee nearly chokes and is forced to cover it with an awkward cough. “Right,” she says, clearing her throat. “Benny, darling, let’s not take clothing advice from Serena… or Akari… or anyone else on Team Picnic for that matter.”
Benny nods, still looking awkward and… slightly upset.
With effort, Baylee pushes down her horror at Benny’s clothing preferences. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “I was hoping that this might cheer you up at least a little. What girl doesn’t want new clothes?”
Benny sighs, “I just… how can I feel like a girl with a name like Benny. I feel like I’m some sitcom character. Benny isn’t even short for anything; my parents literally named me Benny.”
“So, change it,” Baylee says with a shrug. “Plenty of people change their first name for plenty of reasons. I specifically knew a young woman named Erin who changed her name because she thought it sounded like a man’s name, so this isn’t a problem specific to you. In fact, I’ll connect you with a lawyer, and we can get your name and legal gender all fixed up.”
“It’s just…” Benny pauses, thinking. “That’s the name my parents gave me. If I change it… it’ll be a final act of rebellion. They’ll never accept me for who I am anyway, but this would be a bridge too far.”
Parents, Baylee can think of one or two things she would say to her own parents if she were given the option. She knew well just how much the people who birthed you could micromanage your life until you find yourself stuck in a dark hole with no way out.
“And… you want them to accept you?” Baylee asks, a touch confused.
Honestly, Baylee decided that her own parents could rot and die by the time she was fourteen. Logically, she understands why some people love their parents; that just isn’t an emotion she’s felt in a long while.
Benny nods, “I do… I love my mom and dad; they just have some ideas that are… hard to deal with.”
“I think about parents like this,” Baylee says, stopping Benny at an aisle to pick a specific dress off the rack. “They can either accept you for who you are,” she continues, holding the dress up to Benny before shaking her head — the color clashes with her hair — “and if they don’t, fuck them.”
“I just don’t think I can act like that… I’m not… brave like you and Serena are,” Benny admits, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.
“Bravery is about doing things in spite of fear,” Baylee says, trying to find a different color for that dress. “If you weren’t afraid, you wouldn’t be brave. I’m not brave for standing up to my parents, for example; I hated their guts for years and felt nothing but relief to be rid of them forever. It still sucked, but I wouldn’t consider myself brave for doing it.”
Finding a beige version of the dress, Baylee holds it up to Benny and nods. “Hold this; we’ll have you try it on in a minute.”
“Still, I’m just not sure about the name thing,” Benny says, taking the dress from Baylee.
“How about this,” Baylee says, starting down the aisles once more. “Why don’t you just tell me what name you would like to be called, and we just use that for a while. Just give it a test run. You can always change it or back out if you want.”
At this, Benny goes silent for several long minutes while Baylee continues picking out clothes for her to try on. In fact, Benny is silent for long enough that Baylee is sure that she isn’t going to answer at all.
“Hayley…” she whispers after the long silence. “I’ve always wanted to be called Hayley.”
Comments
Alusion
These are all fixed. Also, I did my best to fix the sentence about dysphoria as well. Thank you for keeping me in check! I want Hayley's character to be handled as respectfully as possible!
Ria Corvidiva
"or have one of the other many potential modes of body dysmorphia" I feel the need to point out here that in this context, being trans is related to dysphoria, not dysmorphia, as the two are different. Sending her mental ascent to Viera ascent -> assent Baylee nearly choaks choaks -> chokes
Alusion
Thanks, glad you're liking the updates! We're about done with Hailey's characterization now, so most of her internal troubles will be worked on and handled off-screen, with only brief mentions. From here on out, she will mostly be handled as a normal character like Baylee, Akari, or Claire, where we see their progression when they're on screen, but we mostly focus on Serena's journey, aside from the occasional interlude. What I'm trying to say is that, hopefully, nothing in the future will cause any flashbacks! If that continues to be a problem, please let me know! Also, thank you for all your comments! It's so fun to release one and think, I wonder what Liz will think of this. I get a ton of motivation from people appreciating my work, so just know that you are awesome!
Metal(Liz)ard🏳️⚧️
God Hailey is such an interesting character i love her. Unfortunately she's too real lmao i get flashbacks everytime she speaks. Loving the update spree you got this writathon
