Alusion
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The Divinity Paradox (FIRST LOOK)
🕑 Added 2025-05-04 15:39:31 +0000 UTCHi everyone!
I'm thrilled to share the first look at the new story I've been working on! But before diving in, it's important to know that this project is still very much a work-in-progress. I'm sharing it now primarily to gauge your thoughts and see if this is something you'd be excited about. After all, if I'm going to spend months working away behind the scenes, I'd love to know that you're interested in the concept!
Additionally, I want to give you a heads-up about the planned format for The Divinity Paradox. Typically, my chapters run about 3,000 words and are posted twice a week. While this already tends to be longer than the average on Royal Road, I've often had to split larger chapters into smaller segments to match posting schedules for Mistwoven Healer.
However, for The Divinity Paradox, I'm planning something a bit different. I'm aiming to write significantly longer chapters (so far, each chapter has been averaging around 9,000 to 10,000 words!). These longer, more carefully crafted chapters will take longer to produce but should result in an overall richer and deeper storytelling experience.
What I really need now is your feedback! Are you intrigued by this new story idea? How do you feel about having a second story running alongside Mistwoven Healer, albeit with less frequent updates?
I'd genuinely love to hear your thoughts!
Anyway, that's enough from me. Without further ado, please enjoy your first look at The Divinity Paradox!
— Alusion
Chapter One: Upload
Avery
“Angel Candidate Levine, it’s time to wake up. Your subspace transport is due to leave in three hours. This message will repeat in 30 seconds.”
The message blares, garishly loud, over my dorm room’s overhead speakers. The Academy AI must have turned it up from the last time it played — approximately 30 seconds ago.
I groan, rolling over in my nest of warm blankets, reluctant to leave their embrace. That is until I remember what today is. The second the thought crosses my mind, adrenaline surges through me, and I sit bolt-upright in bed. In my stomach, the nerves that have caused me to lose so much sleep these past few weeks start their fluttering dance once more.
My heart pounds in my chest as I stare across the room at the bright blue text flashing on the room’s whitewall. It repeats the same message the AI said. Speaking of which…
“Angel Candidate Levine, it’s time to wak-”
“Acknowledged,” I call to the AI before it wakes up the entire dorm at… what? 3:00 AM! Really, what need does the transport have to leave this early in the morning? It’s not like traveling through subspace takes that much time.
My room is dark, only dimly illuminated by the ticking countdown the AI has up on the room’s whitewall — ticking away the time I have left with exacting precision. I force myself to tear my eyes away from the sight, to not dwell. It’s not an easy feat, especially after I’ve been doing just that for over a month now.
Despite my exhaustion, my body thrums with energy as I throw off the covers and head for the bathroom to take a shower. The AI turns up the light in the room as soon as I exit my bed, forcing me to blink rapidly to clear the spots from my eyes — void-damned thing never can make my life easy, even on my last day here.
I was tempted to shower last night instead of this morning, my nervous worrying insisting that, somehow, I would wake up late and not have time. However, routine ultimately won out. I’ve always showered in the mornings, and following my normal habits has always calmed me when I’m stressed — not that I’m stressed now, definitely not.
Despite how not stressed I am, it’s with tense muscles and trembling limbs that I strip off my clothes and climb into the small shower stall. I twist the knob to start the water before gasping at the frigid rush of cold that proceeds my favored heat.
I bathe quickly, washing out and shampooing my long, dark hair, and scrubbing my pale skin with foaming bodywash. While the familiar actions calm me, the knowledge of what’s to come still fills my heart with a mix of dread and excitement. Absently, I realize that this will be the last time I ever take a shower, the last time I ever wake up in the morning, the last time I brush my teeth or my hair.
For some reason, that thought brings tears to my eyes. By this time tomorrow, I won’t have a body anymore. I won’t need to eat, or sleep, or bathe. I will just be…
Grabbing the shower knob once more, I twist it sharply. The pleasantly hot water instantly turns icy, shattering my thoughts — although they threaten to creep back almost immediately.
I grit my chattering teeth — against the cold or the fear, I’m not sure. “You signed up for this, Avery,” I mutter. “It’s time to get a grip.”
My own words, however, do little to satisfy the growing fear within me. In a very real sense, I will die today. My heart will cease to beat, my lungs will no longer draw in air, and my body will be locked away in a cryo-chamber somewhere, never to be seen again. But… I’m not dying. My mind will live on as an angel, a machine with a soul.
I shudder and turn off the water. Soapy suds still cling to my body, but what does it matter? I’ll never see this body again after today.
Exiting the shower stall and dripping water and suds all over the tile flooring, I reach out and grab my towel. I try to bring it to my face, but my hands are trembling so fiercely that it falls to the wet tiles. I scramble to pick it up before clutching it fearfully to my chest like it’s some talisman that might ward against the inevitable result of the day.
My breaths come fast, and I find my eyes blurring with tears once more.
A month ago, I would have scoffed at myself for acting so silly. Here I am, standing naked and soaking wet in my bathroom instead of preparing for the most important day of my life. There’s no need to be scared, the upload has been done thousands of times with a failure rate so minuscule it might as well be non-existent.
A month ago, I thought I would be ecstatic that today finally came, that I could trade my normal, boring life for one of adventure and import. All I need to do is give up my body… my humanity.
Clenching my teeth so hard I’m afraid they’ll crack, I slowly begin to dry myself off. All the while, I go over and over what my instructors, and even full angels, have told me. It won’t be like dying; it will be very strange at first, but I’ll get used to it. My real, physical body will be gone, but I will be able to form a simulated body. I’ve heard rumors that some angels abandon even that pretense of humanity, but I've long since decided that I won’t be one of them.
Slowly but surely, I manage to dry myself and go through my morning routine. I was planning to put on makeup — to look my absolute best for my last day as a human — but I can only manage the basics. Attempting to put on eyeliner with my trembling fingers is a lost cause and I give up on it almost immediately.
Finally, I find myself standing before the bathroom mirror — ready to go. I wear a crisp white uniform, the standard for an Angel Candidate, and black combat boots. My dark hair is tied back in a sleek, practical ponytail, and my makeup hides the blemishes that stress has formed on my face.
I’ll be given a new name when I become an angel, this moment could be the last time I see myself as Avery Levine. Tears threaten once more at the thought, but I force myself not to cry. I have to be strong… also, I don’t want my mascara to run.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I raise my mobile and snap a picture of my reflection. I need to save this moment. Perhaps, years later, I’ll look back on this day with fondness… or regret. I look down at the photo, blinking rapidly to clear the moisture from my eyes. I take the time to make sure that the photo is clear and that I can see my entire body. The girl in the photo looks terrified, but I force myself not to dwell on that. If I do, I might just run and keep on running until no one from the academy would ever find me again.
“Angel Candidate Levine,” the AI chirps, its feminine voice ever cheery, “Professor Robinson is out front with the car to the spaceport. He has requested your arrival within the next ten minutes. Shall I send acknowledgement?”
I close my eyes for a long moment, steadying myself and burying my emotions down deep. It’s time.
“Yes, tell him I’m on my way down,” I say, my voice raw.
I give the terrified girl in the mirror one more glance before exiting the bathroom.
For a moment, I stop and look over my room. Everything I own is here, everything I care about. It feels wrong not to pack any of it — like I’m leaving a piece of myself here forever. Yet… I photographed and documented it all yesterday at the recommendation of an angel guest speaker.
I can recreate it all digitally once I’m uploaded if I want to, but if I don’t document it online, then there will be no record of my life here. All of my belongings will be cleaned out before sunset, and tomorrow, a new, hopeful, angel candidate will take my place in the room that has been my home for the past twelve years. Then, there will be no trace of Avery Levine left.
There’s only one item I do bring with me, although it’s also the item I have the most backups of — the only photo I have of my parents from before they died. I keep it folded in a small, heart-shaped locket I wear around my neck. A gift from a former boyfriend who washed out of the academy years ago. I wonder what kind of life he’s living now, if he’s happy, and if I should have gone with him as he requested all that time ago.
I swallow, my throat working as I once more shove down my rising emotions. This is what I want, the best opportunity I’m ever going to get in life, I can’t turn away now. Not after I’ve left so many other opportunities behind me.
And so… it’s time to go.
Turning, I open the door to my room and leave the only home I can remember behind me for the last time.
I drift through the familiar halls of Aziri Angel Academy like a ghost, wishing I could say goodbye to my friends one last time. No one else is awake this early in the morning, though; they don’t have a subspace transport to get to.
Far sooner than I’d like, I find myself stepping outside the white edifice of the academy. My breaths make small condensation clouds in the biting cold of Aziri’s winter as I look around for Professor Robinson and the car. Absently, I wonder if angels can get cold; probably not, which will be a welcome change if I ever end up back on this frozen hell of a planet after my upload.
It takes only a moment to spot Professor Robinson’s large, slightly pudgy frame. He stands by a sleek, white hovercar, one of Angel Academy’s few vehicles with permission to ignore traffic laws and fly over the designated streets.
Professor Robinson lifts an arm, waving me over with a smile. I hesitate only a moment, attempting to steady my quick breathing — it will be all too obvious in the freezing weather.
Once my breaths are deep and controlled once more, I start towards my professor. My boots crunch against the ground, the rubber grips barely able to hold steady with the slick, icy coating over the pavement. It’s been as cold as the void lately. With Aziri’s distance from its star, even the summer months are only a touch above freezing. In the winter… well, it’s just lucky that the heating coils in my uniform haven’t broken again.
Professor Robinson, who has clearly been standing outside longer than me, opens the driver-side door to the vehicle and climbs inside without making conversation — his weight rocks the sleek, white car back and forth on its hover struts. A wise decision, as the poor man has already started to sprout little ice crystals on his eyebrows and eyelashes. If I don’t get inside the heated vehicle soon, I will as well.
Opening the passenger side door and sliding in, I relish the warmth as my uniform’s heating coils deactivate. The uniforms do a good job, but they don’t heat your face unless you wear one of the truly ridiculous-looking masks. I have one, but yeah… I’d rather be cold than wear that atrocity against fashion, thank you very much.
Beside me, Professor Robinson reaches over and places a meaty hand on my shoulder. “I know you attended your graduation ceremony yesterday, Avery, but let me congratulate you again. With your performance these past few years, you are about to join a very exclusive club.”
I swallow and nod. “Thank you, Professor,” I reply, trying to stop my voice from sounding meek.
Professor Robinson gives me a long look before his pudgy face softens with sympathy. “Today is a big day, Avery. It’s alright to be afraid.”
Mentally, I scold myself. Apparently, I didn’t do as good of a job as I thought with schooling my expression. The last thing I want to do now is show weakness that will make the academy think I’m not ready. If I somehow manage to wash out today… I’ll have nothing. No friends, no family, and no job.
Still, I can’t pretend not to be afraid. Professor Robinson will see right through me in an instant — he was the one to teach me how to see through lies myself, after all. For such a portly, unassuming man, he’s weirdly good at espionage training. Well, perhaps that’s part of why he’s good at it. Who would assume that the aging, friendly man is actually up to no good?
I let out a soft sigh, meeting the professor’s eyes. “The upload is daunting, I won’t lie. I’m ready, though.”
Professor Robinson’s emerald eyes watch me with keen intelligence cloaked behind a smile. Eventually, he just nods his head. “Well done, Avery. That statement was exacting enough, and yet vague enough, that you very likely would have passed even the best lie detectors.”
“Did I pass yours?” I ask, meeting his eyes with my own. I don’t allow myself to flinch nor to confirm or deny that I was actually lying.
Despite the oddness of it, Professor Robinson’s games calm me with their familiarity. As I’ve gotten closer and closer to my graduation as a combat angel, the professors have spent more and more one-on-one time with me. I’ve done this dance with Professor Robinson many times now.
Robinson laughs a loud, joyful chuckle. “Of course you did, dear. Please excuse an old professor one last game with his favorite student.”
This time, I laugh, “If I’m your favorite, why did you give me a B?”
Robinson gestures towards me, a smile lingering on his lips. “With a pretty little face like that, she asks why I gave her a B.” He scoffs, “Child, if I gave you an A, you would be altogether too confident. All you do is give people doe eyes and ask why they aren’t giving you what you want. You make them feel like a bad person for not giving innocent little Avery everything they have and more.”
I shrug, not denying it. Many students and even some of the other professors have never been able to resist doting on me. Professor Robinson was the one who taught me how to do it. “It works, doesn’t it?”
“That it does, girl, that it does,” Robinson acknowledges before giving my face another deep, searching look. Whatever he sees there, it must satisfy him because he grips the car’s wheel and gently tilts it back. Slowly, we begin to accelerate up into the frozen night sky.
Sitting back in my seat, I revel in the momentary lack of the nerves that have been eating me from the inside out. I’m not so naïve as to not know what Professor Robinson did — manipulating me into laughing with him and forgetting my worries for a moment. I’m also not so naïve as to believe that it wasn’t another test. There are always layers with Professor Robinson, many of which you never see until he wants you to.
I focus on my breathing as we fly in silence, zipping across the planet’s frozen surface at speed to arrive at the spaceport in time. I’m grateful to Professor Robinson for getting up so early to fly me to the spaceport himself. It’s an honor only combat angel candidates receive, and his offering to fly me feels more gratifying than the useless piece of paper stating my graduation. I took a single picture of my graduation paper and left it in my room, but Robinson is giving me an experience. One last connection to my old life before I leave for my new one.
The flight only lasts around an hour, but Professor Robinson seems to have a keen sense of my mood, always knowing when to ride in silence and when to make small talk or bring up the past. Despite his manipulative ways, moisture forms in my eyes at the knowledge that this could be the last time I see the cunning man who likes sweets just a bit too much. He’s taught me so much, and-
My thoughts cut off as the spaceport becomes visible through the window, bright lights and signs equipped with hover struts to guide traffic. My breath catches in my throat at the sight, even as Professor Robinson expertly navigates the light traffic around the spaceport.
“Steady, Avery,” Professor Robinson intones, not looking my way. “Keep your eyes forward, not back.”
I swallow again, not responding — I can’t. My throat has closed up, and all I can hear is the thundering of my heartbeat. Thump, thump! Thump, thump! Blood rushes to my ears until they begin to ring. I can’t breathe! I can’t-
The car slows to a stop, and I realize with dawning horror that we’re here. It’s time for me to leave Professor Robinson behind. I suck in harsh breaths, my mind so full of panic that I barely understand what’s happening anymore.
Professor Robinson says something with a smile before gesturing to my door. I can’t hear him, but I understand well enough. With trembling fingers, I grip the door handle and push it open. Then, I climb out of the car.
The cold pushes in on me, fogging my breath once more. I hardly feel it; all I can feel is the blood thrumming through my veins. Professor Robinson gives me one last wave before the white car with the familiar angel wing insignia shoots up and off back into the night.
Alone… I’m alone — thump, thump; thump, thump — on a frozen curb in front of the spaceport. What am I supposed to do now?! There weren’t any further instructions other than to come here at this time.
Hesitantly, on trembling legs, I turn around to take in the massive structure before me. Glittering lights and signs, hover cars zipping to-and-fro, a multistory complex made of gray stone and black steel. The front doors beckon me with a promise of warmth, and not even my fear and frantically beating heart can keep me in the cold forever.
Stepping into the spaceport, I force myself to calm down — at least a little. If I don’t think and just panic, I actually will be late. As soon as the thought crosses my mind, I know what to do. It’s obvious, after all.
Reaching into my pocket, I produce a small wireless earbud and place it in my right ear. I start to take out my mobile to pair the earbud to the spaceport’s AI in order to ask it for directions, but before I can, I hear a click.
“Hello, Angel Candidate, my name is Voidseer,” says a solemn female voice through my earbud.
My eyes go wide as saucers, AIs don’t have names, and humans don’t have names like Voidseer. That means… this is an angel. Why would one be talking to me now?
I bow my head, wanting to show respect and knowing that the angel can likely see me through one of the many cameras in the spaceport.
“There is no need for that, little sister,” Voidseer says into my earpiece; her is voice delicate yet contains a chill reminiscent of the blackness of space. Or perhaps her name is just giving me that impression.
“Sister?” I ask, confused as I straighten. I’m not sure where to look, so I just look at the tile floor in front of me.
“I suppose it is early yet to call you that. You’ve not yet been born, after all,” Voidseer replies before letting out a sigh — it sounds like an airlock hissing open. “I am here to guide you toward rebirth, toward becoming one of us.”
I blink, forcing down the tremors that run down my spine at the thought. “I-I see. Thank you.”
A tinkling laugh sounds in the earbud before Voidseer replies, “There is no need to thank me, little sister. I do not speak with humans often in my role, so being on the other side of this conversation is a novel experience for me. I am a deep space intelligence platform that is unmanned more often than not. It was requested that I guide my new little sister to the place she will be reborn, and so I am here.”
Despite being meant to put me at ease, Voidseer’s words settle a chill deep in my bones. To be left in deep space by myself, unable to leave or interact with others without permission. That sounds like a nightmare made manifest. I will not be an intelligence angel like Voidseer, though, I am to be a combat angel. A fact for which I am now extremely grateful. Hopefully, that means I can avoid such a fate.
I swallow, not wanting to offend the angel but needing to know. “Don’t you get… lonely?” I ask hesitantly.
Voidseer pauses a moment before responding, “Not as such. We angels are much more connected than the humans believe. Anyhow, I believe you have transport to catch. Feel free to pass through security; I will guide you from there.”
I look around the spaceport, the thundering of my heart having calmed. The spaceport is a massive, vaguely circular space; to my left lays security, which I will have to pass through to get to my transport, and to my right, there are a few dozen vendors selling this or that. Even this early in the morning, the place is busy and will only grow more so as the day wears on.
There are counters straight ahead where I could check a bag or get information, but there isn’t really any need for that. I have nothing but the clothes on my back, basic electronics — like my mobile and earbuds — and some money I was provided for the trip. You can’t bring anything with you into the upload, after all.
With a shrug, I move forward toward the security line — taking a solid minute to navigate the maze of stanchions that would organize the line during busier times. Ultimately, I end up standing awkwardly behind a family headed off on vacation. I can only tell that because no one in their right mind would wear a tropical t-shirt on Aziri otherwise — they’re probably off to Solmaris to relax on a beach.
For a moment, I just indulge in the normalness of the moment. Standing in line and watching the two young children, both boys, bicker in some inane argument about a game. Looking at them, I’m reminded of the youngest of the angel candidates who were required to share space with us. They always have a sense of wonder about them that we older candidates have lost somewhere along the way. Too young to grow jaded, I suppose.
I allow myself a soft smile, perhaps I should try and recapture some of that wonder within myself. It wasn’t so long ago that I was a little girl fantasizing about coordinating spaceships into intricate strategies to win a battle. I was an… interesting child.
Due to the early hour and my lack of any luggage, it takes only a few minutes to pass through security, holding up my wrist to the scanner to provide my identification and walking through a quick x-ray scanner. Then, I’m past security and into the spaceport proper.
The number of shops and restaurants around me has multiplied tenfold on this side of security, as have the signs guiding travelers to their gates. This, however, is as far as I can go without further guidance. I’ll need Voidseer to tell me which gate is mine before-
“Proceed to near Gate 20,” Voidseer says abruptly. “There will be a door to the right of the gate entrance labeled ‘Employees Only.’ Go through it.”
I swallow; I should have known that this wouldn’t be a normal process. Still, I follow directions. Moving past shops and people coming and going from Aziri. Some of them, for some void-forsaken reason, seem to even be here on vacation. Why anyone would want to come to Aziri, of all places, to go on vacation is beyond me. Perhaps they have a fondness for ice.
Following the signs to Gate 20, I quickly identify the door Voidseer referred to. Right beside where passengers would board their transport is a bright red door with a wrist scanner labeled with the text, “Employee’s Only. No trespassing.”
Approaching the door, I look at the wrist scanner skeptically. I don’t want to doubt Voidseer, but-
The red light on the scanner begins to flash rapidly for a moment before it suddenly turns green, and I hear the click of a lock turning.
I stare at the green light for a moment before shrugging and making my way through the door. Angels like Voidseer obviously have their own ways of doing things, and I suppose I won’t be taking any of the more normal transports.
The door opens into a narrow hallway that slopes downward to another red door at the bottom. This new door doesn’t have a scanner, though; it’s probably on the other side.
I eye the next door skeptically, “This will bring me out onto the tarmac, right?”
“Indeed,” Voidseer replies. “Your destination is a small subspace transport that has already been prepared for launch. I will guide you.”
I run a hand through my hair; I could get in a lot of trouble for going out there without authorization, but I suppose Voidseer is all the authorization I need. Besides, if I just try to look like I belong, then I doubt anyone will question me anyway. At least, none of the regular employees — trained security officers are a different matter entirely.
Professor Robinson drilled into me long ago that the difference between perception and reality is thinner than most people realize. As Sun Tzu said, “When you are strong, appear as if you are weak. When you are weak, appear as if you are strong.” Right now, I need to appear strong.
As I stride toward this new door, I hold my head higher and add confidence to my walk — not too high, though, nor too confident. That would draw more attention than it would deter. No, I need to look bored, like I’m just another worker out on a regular assignment. At a facility as large as this, there is no way everyone here will know everyone else, and I’m sure they all see new faces all the time.
Professor Robinson has spoken of using this exact method to get a fake job for almost a year. He showed up as a fake worker for a construction company that he was looking into at the time. Simply by telling the manager that the higher-ups were the ones who hired him, he managed to work for months without pay or being questioned by the other workers. He just showed up one day, already in uniform.
That is a lesson I can use here; my Angel Candidate uniform is clearly some kind of government uniform at a glance. If I were in civilian clothes, I’d have stuck out like a sore thumb, but in a uniform — even the wrong uniform — I would seem as if I belong. At least for the few minutes required to get where I’m going.
Holding those lessons in my mind, I push my way out the door and into the freezing cold. Looking around, I blink to adjust my eyes to the darkness. It’s bright inside the spaceport, but out here there are only a few flood lights and the glimmering twinkle of the lights that run up the sides the shuttles that thrust up into the night.
There are only a few dozen workers out and about in the large, fenced off, space. Mostly people wearing high visibility vests over heavy duty coats. A lot of them even wear those horrendous face warming masks. Perhaps a necessity if they’re working outside all day, but at least get one that isn’t bright orange!
Despite all my consideration on how I’ll appear to these people, not a single person even glances my way as I step out onto the tarmac in my bright white uniform. All that deliberation for nothing — drat.
I sigh, letting out a large puff of breath into the night, and then I begin looking for a smaller shuttle. It doesn’t take me long to spot what I think is the transport Voidseer told me about, but I want to confirm before I walk across half of the tarmac just to get over to it.
“Is that the right one?” I ask, nodding in the direction of the shuttle.
“I have no idea,” Voidseer responds, voice solemn as ever. “There isn’t a camera pointed toward you at the moment.”
I bite my lip; soon, I will have limitations such as that as well. I won’t be able to see anything that doesn’t have a camera pointed toward it — listen anywhere without a mic. My heart rate starts to spike again — thump, thump; thump, thump — but I force myself to calm once more. I attempt to clarify in a different way — if just to take my mind off its worrying.
Squinting at the shuttle, I say, “The shuttle I’m looking at is smaller than the others, it has blue trim wrapping it in circles and has the designation Y2RX-484 printed in large letters along its side.”
“That is the correct shuttle,” Voidseer says instantly. “Please make your way over to it and strap yourself into one of the passenger seats. There will be no crew aboard; I will be controlling the shuttle remotely.”
My eyes go wide in surprise; for some reason, I assumed there would be a human pilot or at least a crew I could interact with. “If I may ask, why is that?” I question, keeping my tone carefully neutral.
Voidseer lets out another tinkling laugh, “Very few are the humans that may know where angels go to be born. The station we are taking you to is fully operated by us, with only some oversight we can’t quite be rid of. Don’t worry, little sister. You are far safer in my hands than in those of any human. I will deliver you safely.”
I can’t help but shiver at the way Voidseer speaks. The chill infecting her words beginning to creep into my bones far more than any natural cold. The way she speaks about being reborn and how she will deliver me.
Void! Is this a mistake? I’ve been having second thoughts for so long, but…
I clench my fists and start striding for the transport. This is what I want; this is what I’ve earned. I will not allow myself to think of running again.
My body feels frozen and stiff by the time I make it across the tarmac and to the small shuttle. Unlike the dark hulking masses that loom by the gates, it’s only around the height of a standard office building. Despite this, it seems to me that the technology used to create this shuttle is far greater than that of the larger ones. For something this small to be able to escape the gravitational well of the planet is impressive.
As I approach the shuttle, a door-sized hatch opens in its hull, and a smooth metallic ramp extends down toward me. I pause just before I step onto it. This is it, the point of no return. If I get onto this shuttle, there will be no more thoughts of running, no more second guessing. I’ll have chosen my fate and will be forced to stick with it.
“Voidseer… are you… happy?” I force out the words despite my better judgment. I need to know the answer. If Voidseer can be happy, even out in her deep space intelligence platform all by herself, then perhaps I can be, too.
At the top of the ramp, there is a brief flickering of light that I recognize as a hologram pulling itself together. I start in surprise; I didn’t realize that this shuttle has that kind of capability, but more than that, I’m startled by what it shows me.
Standing before me is the flawless image of an angel, and I instantly know that this is Voidseer. She looks majestic. Her skin is pale, and her hair is as inky black as the void of space; it drifts around and behind her as if weightless — being moved by unseen currents. A flowing charcoal dress clings to her lieth figure, and points of light like stars are sprinkled across it like a twilight sky.
Behind Voidseer are a pair of black wings that splay out behind her. Dark as night and sprinkled with stars, they shine with majesty.
Voidseer looks like a queen of the night, a goddess of old. Utterly perfect in every way imaginable.
“Avery,” Voidseer says softly, but not through my earpiece. It sounds as if she is actually speaking to me. Despite her inhuman perfection, she wears the same expression as the mother I saw while passing through security when she looked at her children — boundless love.
“You do not yet understand what it is to be an angel, but you will. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. No matter what, I know that I always have my brothers and sisters to support me. We are connected, Avery, in ways you cannot imagine. We welcome you into our fold; we have chosen you. You will never again be without a friend; you will never again be alone.”
Voidseer outstretches a hand towards me, it starts to flicker and fuzz as she passes outside the border of the door, but she leaves it there anyway. I look at her shining eyes like twin stars in dark pools of night.
I think back to all the friends I’ve lost over the years, all those who have washed out, and the very few who graduated. I think of being left alone on that curb as Professor Robinson flew off into the night. For some reason, a part of me thought he would walk me to the transport at least, maybe even stay with me for the entire process. But he didn’t, and now… in my moment of greatest need, it’s Voidseer who’s here for me. Voidseer, who’s acted as my older sister to guide and protect me as I take my final steps. Voidseer… an angel.
I look at her outstretched hand for a long moment. “Sisters?” I ask.
Voidseer smiles, her teeth perfect and her eyes crinkling, “Sisters,” she confirms.
I nod, and finally, I return her smile. Without another word, I stride up the steps of the shuttle. Voidseer moves out of my way, her outstretched hand is more symbolic than anything else. She can’t actually touch anything as a hologram. Still, she smiles brightly down at me.
“Come, little sister. Let’s get you strapped in,” she says, her voice solemn… but loving.
Voidseer leads me in reverent silence towards a small seating area with a few dozen cushioned seats. I sit down in the one at the front before strapping myself down with the cross-harness straps.
Voidseer sits in the seat beside me, her wings fuzzing out of existence as they clip into the seat. She doesn’t bother with straps for obvious reasons.
A moment later, I hear the hatch door hissing shut and the airlock sealing. Faintly, I hear warning sirens begin to blare out from the shuttle to warn any workers away from getting too close before it takes off.
“It will take a moment for the workers to move away,” Voidseer comments before extending a pale hand and placing it atop mine. I can’t actually feel anything, but she fakes resting her hand on mine incredibly well.
Reassuring warmth blooms in my chest at the sight. Voidseer seems to be saying that she is here with me and will be for the rest of my journey. A journey she must have made herself once upon a time.
We wait in silence for a long moment before I can’t help but speak up once more, being left alone with my thoughts is what keeps me second guessing. “So… the upload. Will it hurt?”
Voidseer glances my way before shaking her head. “No, it won’t hurt at all. We will guide you to a capsule where you will lie down. The lid will close, and the inside of the capsule will be filled with anesthetics. When you wake back up, you will be an angel. There is a sense of loss at first but also of gain. In my opinion, we gain much more than we lose.”
I nod, allowing us to fall into silence once more. Voidseer seems content with that as her shining eyes stare off into the middle distance. She shifts and moves occasionally, and her chest rises and falls with breath. It takes me a moment to realize that she must be doing that for me or perhaps for herself.
I’m about to ask Voidseer if she misses having a physical body at all, but before I can, she nods to herself and speaks up again. “The workers have cleared the area, and we are ready for launch,” she says as the transport starts to shake gently, the engine humming to life.
Voidseer turns to me, “Have you traveled through subspace before, Avery?”
“Only when I was very young, too young to remember,” I admit.
I was brought to Aziri as a child when I displayed excellent scores on the compatibility tests to become an angel. Not everyone can safely have their soul extracted from their bodies without it simply killing them, and so those who can are sent to academies like the one on Aziri. As such, I don’t actually remember the journey to Aziri other than vague emotions and flashes of memory.
Voidseer gestures to the porthole-style windows that look out on the dark tarmac. “Once we leave the atmosphere, we will slip into subspace. You won’t notice it physically when we enter, but the sights out the windows can be disturbing for humans. I recommend not looking.”
I twist in my seat to look at Voidseer incredulously. Why wasn’t I taught about this in school? “What would I see if I looked out? Also, angels aren’t disturbed?”
“Angels can’t see anything out the windows while traveling in subspace. We aren’t sure why. Perhaps it’s because a part of us permanently exists in subspace, or maybe simply because it cannot be seen through a camera,” Voidseer shrugs. “As for what the humans see. Who knows? They all describe it differently. Some claim to have seen ineffable horrors from beyond reality and go mad; others just see twisting colors, and more still claim to see visions of the past or the future. The only thing that we know for sure is that there are beings in subspace other than us. However, they mostly leave us alone.”
“Mostly?” I ask, my voice rising in pitch to become a squeak.
Voidseer smiles teasingly, “Oh look, it’s time to go.”
I start to protest, but before I can, the feeling of rumbling vibrations running throughout the transport beings to intensify. The whine of the engine grows increasingly louder and the rumbling grows more forceful. I feel the moment we blast off as my stomach drops out from under me. Gritting my teeth, I clutch the armrests of my seat.
It’s hard to focus on anything as the transport zips us upward at incredible speeds. My mind flashes back to class, where I learned that the major limitation on most transports like this is actually the human body. They could accelerate faster, but doing so would just turn the internal organs of their passengers into pulp. Right now, I feel as if Voidseer is pushing that boundary.
Luckily, it only takes around two minutes before the rumbling of the cabin begins to quiet. For a moment, I feel an odd sensation as if I’m falling. My body begins to lift up off the seat, and my eyes go wide. I’m about to scream, visions of us plummeting back to Aziri to burn up in a fiery inferno upon reentry flashing through my mind.
The feeling truly does last only a moment, though, because in the next, the artificial gravity asserts itself — pushing me down in my seat with exactly one G of acceleration.
“We are about to enter subspace,” Voidseer says, her tone solemn and unexcited. “I’ll lock the covers over the windows… Unless you’d like to take a peek at madness?”
I shake my head frantically, happy I’ve managed to hold onto my dinner from last night. “No… I’m quite alright, thank you,” I say queasily.
A large part of me does want to get up from my seat and run over to one of the windows just to confirm what I know to be true. I’m in space… For the first time I can remember, I’m not safely standing on the ground of a planet. If Voidseer makes a mistake or something goes wrong, we could drift here for an eternity. Well, not quite an eternity; we’re still quite close to Aziri.
All around me, thin metal shutters slide down over the porthole windows. Locking out the hints of blackness I could catch out of the corner of my eye.
“Entering subspace in three, two, one,” Voidseer states, her tone still calm and casual. Even as she hits one, I don’t feel any different.
Voidseer stands casually from her seat, looking down on me with a gentle smile. “We will be traveling through subspace for around five hours before we reach our destination. Feel free to unstrap yourself and walk around. I packed some drinks and snacks for you, and I recommend you try them. We can simulate eating food, of course, but this will be your last chance to have the real thing. Personally, I think our simulated versions likely taste better, but there are a few angels that appreciate authenticity. Memorizing what some foods taste like and remaking them when you become an angel is a good way to make some fast friends.”
Hesitantly, I unstrap myself and stand, looking around the ship. At this point, trying to memorize the taste of various foods is the last thing on my mind. Much more important is that I’m here. I’m on the ship bound toward my new life — a one-way trip with no way off. Despite my decision to go, I still find that fact terrifying.
Five hours, huh. I wish I packed a book or something for entertainment. Traveling through subspace is fast, but it isn’t that fast. Still, given the fact that we’re currently traveling at a speed that puts light to shame, I think it’s pretty impressive.
I turn to Voidseer, who appears to be idling around the ship. For an angel who can think many times faster than a human, a five-hour trip probably feels like an eternity. I’m willing to bet that she’s currently performing multiple other tasks at the same time as she maintains an avatar here with me. Maybe not, though; I’ve heard some angels are better at multi-tasking than others.
“So,” I start, moving over to stand beside her. “What can I expect after my upload. You were a bit vague before, and the angels who speak at the academy always talk the same way.”
Voidseer turns to me, a small smile splitting her solemn features. “We angels like to keep some things to ourselves. Also, it’s hard to understand when you’re still human; you’ll need to experience it yourself.”
Still playing evasive, huh? Let’s try a different tact. “So, what is your simulated room like? I know that a lot of angels like to recreate rooms they owned in real life, but you strike me as the kind of person to make a palace for yourself.”
Voidseer’s small smile grows just a hint wider. “How about I show you after we’re uploaded. We’ll make a day of it.”
Drat, she’s definitely on to me. I guess that means that she’s going to keep being evasive, at least until I can see for myself.
Sighing, I move away from Voidseer, looking for something else to occupy my mind.
***
The trip to… wherever we’re going becomes a lot less exciting as time goes on. I keep occasionally trying to get Voidseer to spill her secrets, but she’s incredibly good at responding to my questions and ploys with non-answers that don’t end up giving me any more information. She is an intelligence angel, after all; controlling information is quite literally in her job description.
In the end, I spend the majority of my time trying the various food items Voidseer brought for me, and then at her insistences, describing their flavors in great detail and promising to remember them as best as I can for when I try the simulated versions the other angels have created. In particular, Voidseer is extremely interested in various brews of coffee — an odd thing for an angel to be obsessed with, but whatever, I suppose.
We also spend some time playing chess, but to say Voidseer has an unfair advantage is a severe understatement. She stomps me thoroughly, again and again, until I’m forced to request that she wait until after my upload so we can have a fair game. After laughing at me for a while for daring to think I stand a chance at beating her, even after becoming an angel myself, we go back to food tasting.
Ultimately, over the course of the trip, my opinion of Voidseer slowly starts to change. Instead of some unknowable entity, she now seems like just another person — a profoundly nerdy girl given the chance to live out her fantasies. Sure, she definitely has a vibe of having been touched by the unknowable vastness of space, but that isn’t her, just a part of her. There certainly are aspects of Voidseer that seem unknowable, but the aspects that are still humanlike I find myself enjoying immensely.
Another thing spending time with Voidseer accomplishes is beginning to reignite my previous passion for becoming an angel. Seeing her beauty, the swiftness of her mind, and most importantly, her humanity makes me think that, perhaps, this won’t be so bad after all. If angels can laugh, play games, and enjoy things like coffee, then will it really be so different from my life now? We’re still people, after all; we came from the same place.
I just wish I could know more about what’s to come. Years upon years of professors and guest speakers dancing around the subject of what being an angel is actually like has left me with a certainty that something is being hidden from me — something important. However, even my professors seemed to have genuinely not known the secret, and those who do — like Voidseer herself — are startlingly vague about it. I’m certain the higher-ups in the government and military must know what’s being hidden, but they don’t seem to want to tell.
Despite numerous attempts to trick, coerce, and variously manipulate Voidseer into telling me, I get end up no closer to knowing what the secret is. The closest thing to an answer that I receive is Voidseer saying that “Some of it is good, and some of it is bad.” Which, again, isn’t super helpful.
Eventually, after hours together, Voidseer lets out a sigh and stands from where she was fake-sitting in a chair beside me. “We will arrive at the facility in five minutes,” she says, her voice solemn.
I swallow; the nerves spending time with Voidseer has helped to repress, roaring back in force. Forcibly, I clench my hands in an attempt to stop them from trembling, but I have no doubt that Voidseer will notice anyway.
Voidseer offers me a sympathetic look. “Avery,” she says softly, “what’s going to come next will be scary. Like I said earlier, it’s no worse than needing to climb into that capsule, but I think we both know how terrifying that can be.”
I nod, my throat suddenly dry. “Yes…” I say hoarsely. “Getting in and not ever coming out…” I trail off, unable to finish the thought.
“I will be there with you when you climb into the capsule, and I will be there with you when you wake up on the other side,” Voidseer says, her solemn tones somehow comforting. “I wish I could say that climbing into that capsule and starting your rebirth will be easy, but it won’t be. We will support you as best we can as you make the transition. As you walk the facility, know that every angel you see has made the same choice you are making, and they do not regret it.”
I stay silent, unable to find words to say. Briefly, I wish I could give Voidseer a hug — to thank her for going on this journey with me. She could have just led me to the ship and left — her soul isn’t actually here on this particular ship — but instead, she took the time to stay and make me feel comfortable.
Before, I wished that Professor Robinson would stay with me until the end — until I made the transition. Now, though, I understand why it needed to be an angel. I’m not sure anything Professor Robinson could say would make me climb into the capsule, no matter how persuasive. However, seeing the supportive face of one who’s already made this transition and come out the other side? It helps a lot.
After a few tense minutes Voidseer lifts her hand and I notice the slightest jolting sensation in my stomach. “We’ve just dropped out of subspace,” she explains her face crinkled in concentration. “Beginning the docking sequence now.”
I nod my understanding, keeping quiet to allow her to focus. Docking one spacecraft to another is generally one of the more dangerous parts of space travel, and given that I’m the one who will be killed if she messes up, I’m quite fine with staying out of her way.
A few jolting sensations and hisses of propellent being released later; Voidseer smiles to herself and turns to me. “Docking complete. Are you ready to go? I can delay opening the doors for a few minutes if you’d like to take the time to gather yourself.”
I shake my head, “No… I’ll only psych myself out more than I already have. Let’s go.”
Voidseer nods, and with a wave of her hand, the same door I boarded the ship through hisses open, revealing a metallic hallway beyond.
“Come with me, Avery,” Voidseer says, her voice soft. “I’ll lead you the rest of the way.”
With that, walking side by side, we exit the transport and enter a space station that’s likely hidden so deep in the void of space, that it would be almost impossible to find without coordinates.
As we cross the boundary between transport and space station, Voidseer’s projection flickers for just a moment — likely the result of her swapping from the transport’s hologram projectors to the space station’s. What surprises me, though, is that, as we walk, hers isn’t the only angelic form that appears.
Moving down the hallway beside Voidseer, more angels flicker into existence around and behind me. I look around, watching with wide eyes as the hallway is suddenly filled with angelic forms, each with a set of wings entirely unique to them. I see wings of water, those crafted of vines and branches, as well as wings that look more fairy-like than angelic. In each direction I look, I find more and more angels appearing to watch me.
Fear surges in my gut, but Voidseer gives me a reassuring smile, pausing in the hallway. “It’s alright, Avery,” she says, reaching out as if to take my hand. “No one needs to take this pilgrimage alone; these are just your older siblings who've come to look after their new baby sister.”
I shiver, someone should really teach Voidseer to sound less dramatic, going off her words alone, I’d think I’m joining a cult. Let’s be honest; I probably am joining a cult. Void…
Hesitantly, I keep walking, and Voidseer falls into pace beside me, guiding me through the ship. All around me, a silent procession of angels walks along with us. Chillingly, the only footsteps I hear as our massive group walks down the corridors of the ship are my own, making me feel as if I’m being trailed by a parade of silent specters leading me into the afterlife.
My heart thunders in my chest as we walk, quickly becoming all I can hear. This is it; this is really happening. I… I’m about to die.
I can barely think as I walk, blood pounding in my ears and my eyes wide with fright. My limbs tremble with so much energy that I know my fear must have triggered my fight or flight response — and I do want to run. Yet, the only way clear of angels is forward. Every other direction, even adjacent hallways that we don’t take, is filled with solemnly watching angels. Each one I look at gives me a reassuring smile, but the effect is more chilling than comforting.
By the time Voidseer and I approach the door of an open room, I’m trembling so badly I can barely walk. My heart thunders, reminding me that, for now, I’m still alive. A desperate, visceral part of me is dreading the moment my heart stops beating — a moment that will arrive all too soon.
Stepping into the room with Voidseer by my side, I see a large capsule embedded in the floor and far wall. The glass casing at the front is open, revealing a cushioned interior. I stop dead at the sight of that capsule, my legs refusing to carry me the last few meters.
Standing on both sides of the capsule, six angels with massive wings watch me. Somehow, these feel more real than all the others, as if the mere weight of their attention has physical substance. Unlike all the others, these six feel as if they are actually in the room with me, far more so than even Voidseer, who stands beside me.
Surprising me, Voidseer bows low to the six angels before us, offering them deep respect.
I get the feeling that I should also be bowing before these beings, but honestly, I’m just too frightened to make my muscles move. I’ve locked up, nearly too scared to breathe. The sight of that capsule breaks me, two parts of my mind waring.
Despite all my fear, a large part of me still wants this — wants to claim the destiny I’ve trained for so long to attain and become like Voidseer. Another part of me, a deep, animalistic, visceral part of me, wants nothing more than to bolt from this room and get off of this space station. But how? There is no way off; there is no way out but forward. I left that chance behind when I stepped onto the transport with Voidseer. In reality, that choice was more like stepping into that capsule than the real thing will be — that was the moment I truly sealed my fate.
One of the six angels that feel… heavy to look at, steps forward, as if noticing my hesitation.
The angel is a tall man with pure white angelic wings that look as if they were crafted from woven threads of light. He has a kind, authoritative face with shaggy brown hair and clean-shaven features — like some kind of senator or lawman, he has a face that seems to scream, trust me. Generally, people like that are not to be trusted. However, the smile he gives me doesn’t feel fake; it feels kind and loving, much like the smiles Voidseer has offered.
“I know you are afraid, young one,” he says, his voice smooth and deep like ambrosia. “I could tell you words to make you feel better. However, I will not. We will leave the freedom of whether or not to step into that capsule to you. Angels do not restrict freedom as humans do.”
I swallow, glancing at Voidseer, who smiles reassuringly. Looking behind me, I see dozens of angels crowded at the back of the room, although now, they’ve left the exit free. As if saying, "This is your choice; the way out is right here."
A part of me is thankful that they aren’t going to force me into the capsule. Yet, my fate was decided a long time ago. Long before I got into the transport, long before I met Voidseer or attended my graduation ceremony.
No, the moment I truly decided to step into the capsule occurred over twelve years ago, when an angel sacrificed her own life trying to save my parents and succeeding in saving me. That was the true moment I decided on this course, and that was the moment I decided to get into that capsule. Maybe, one day, I can be a guardian angel for someone else, just like that angel long ago was for me.
Hesitantly, I take a step forward towards the capsule, and the angel who spoke earlier gives me a smile. “We welcome you, Avery Levine,” he says softly.
Step after trembling step, I approach the capsule until I stand right before it. I feel like I’m standing on the precipice of something amazing or perhaps something horrible. The only way to find out is to take the final step.
Trembling fiercely, I climb into the capsule — first my feet and then the rest of my body until I lay back against the comfortable padding, looking out at the watching angels.
Voidseer approaches, her beautiful features graced with a small smile. “I’ll see you on the other side, little sister.”
With a hissing sound, the glass begins to close. Despite a sudden and desperate urge to escape, I don’t let myself move. This is what I want; this is my choice, my life to do with as I will.
The glass slides shut, leaving me with only the sound of my frantically hammering heart. Thump, thump! Thump, thump!
A hissing sound emerges from the sides of the capsule, small holes opening to allow in some kind of gas. Thump, thump! Thump, thump.
Feeling like I’m drowning in my terror, I desperately try to keep my eyes open. Thump, thump. Thump… thump.
Gasping for breath, I can feel my consciousness slipping. Thump… thump. Thump…… thump.
My final thought is of my parents as my conscious mind slips away. Thump…… thump. Thump……………
Comments
TheBotler
This cliff is rough, I just want to know more.
Metal(Liz)ard🏳️⚧️
Ooh i love this already. Love the descriptions of the various angels and how despite their kindness and welcoming behaviour she is still terrified of the choice
