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The Uncovering of Lumen
🕑 Added 2024-04-08 16:00:03 +0000 UTCI am Lumen. My name is defined by the speed in which light travels. I resonate with everything that involves the concept of light. As a young child, being raised in a very religious background, I was gifted the spirit of light. I was proclaimed to have it within my eyes, my voice and even in my touch. I was declared “different”.
Which was beautiful and a privilege.. yet meant I was to travel a road unlike many others.
The biggest contrast to light is the darkness… which is habitually attracted to the light.
A light filled soul only desires to befriend the darkness which is a road map to pain, tragedy and suffering.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that my soul is “new”.
As a being on this earth, it’s as if I’m experiencing everything for the first time and as to why I keep repeating many of the same well intended mistakes.
My soul and heart is resilient, hopeful, bright, youthful and naive.
It hasn’t been too deeply tarnished by the world.
My light hasn’t been dimmed but instead glimmers even despite all the set backs.
That vibrant glimmer continues to attract both positive and negative energy.
A lesson that I recently stumbled upon is that a human does not inherently have to be “bad” but can still hold darkness and inner demons. There are also humans that appear to be nothing but “good” and truly the devils within the flesh.
The process of trying to differentiate between the two is still an ongoing study.
The problem is, I’m seeing the red flags but taking them as challenges instead of warnings. Just like a good little light filled soul would automatically do.. just trying to see the best in everyone and believe they are of the same light because that’s what they are presenting.
I’ve encountered incredible magic within a soul and there was so much promise that our souls had aligned for a reason. I felt my purpose was to help set this soul free from their limiting mindset so they could step into the freedom that awaited them and that they seemed to truly want. However, the roller coaster of this journey slowly broke us. Eventually the inner demons of this soul that I loved won and hence the ending to our chapter. I had to accept that even though I could see he wanted it, he’d have to do the work and there just wasn’t enough love I could ever give to do the work for him.
This love changed me in a way that still hurts to this very moment.
I still feel the taste of him on my tongue like a fine red wine, his fingers on my skin and the warmth of his love wrapped around my heart.
We weren’t severed because we didn’t love one another.
But because of love,
we had to let go.
The beautiful tales I have to share about this soul will forever be some of my favorite, most cherished memories.
I can still feel his magic.
And on days that feeling brings me great sadness, I force a smile upon my face and choose to only focus on the gratitude of experience a love like his.
I also experienced a story that not only broke my heart, broke my soul… it broke everything that made me. This poison infilitrated my mind, using it to make me physically ill. I was caught in a tormented cycle that brought my light filled soul to the darkest of places… without breath,without life and without hope.
I fear to admit, it’s not my first time experiencing such a devastation through a hellish soul like this.
The tactics were different, but at times I felt the likeness to the one in my childhood past.
And that brought me to my knees as I was filled with self loathing for allowing myself to fall into this trap.
It was incredibly painful road back to finding life and light again.
It would have never been possible without the beautiful souls in my life that stayed with me through it. They showed judgement free grace, patience and unconditional love. They were the angels in my life and they all very well saved my light on this journey.
I have also experienced friendships that presented themselves as roses but were only thorns.
I’ve also learned some thorns aren’t about you even though you have been pricked along the way of their journey.
I’ve learned that ALL hardships weed away what’s not meant for you so that the roses that cherish your light can bloom and blossom along side of you.
These are just a few topics that I will cover along with the joys of becoming a traveling model and the upkeep of it all.
Plus the fun bonus of my erotic adventures, which I will share in a playful manner: it will be a mixture of reality and fantasy. It will be up the reader to guess if the story or character is real or made-up.
Overall, it’s an insight to the beauty I have been gifted to discover, the trials I’m privileged to overcome, the incredible souls that share their magic through art and creating and what has yet to happen.
I will travel back and forth between time to share this journey with you and sometimes it will be a “lumenous” ride ✨✨✨
As always,
Follow the Light
Lumen 🤍
Image Set: Steve Dent "Light Bulb"
Buffalo New York, October 2023
Image Set: Steve Dent "Light Bulb"
Buffalo New York, October 2023
Comments
Bethany
Thank you so much for this kind response.
James Landon Johnson
It sounds like you’ve processed a lot recently. To be ready to share it implies a readiness and willingness to do so. Proceed with care. Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Do what you need to be strong. 🖤
