Kirunax
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Dysfunctional (Chapter 2)
🕑 Added 2025-03-06 17:17:08 +0000 UTCEmiya
What a joke.
Emiya looked at an advertisement under the roof of the bus they were riding in. An advertisement for the very same event Tanya was dragging him into.
Teenagers in silly costumes, wishing to be heroes. Enabled by the government, propped up by the PR machine, sponsored by taxes and merchandise. Envied by other stupid children.
It was grating. A lot of things were. Not least of all the lack of directions.
What was this deployment? No mission parameters, no immediate threats, no stated goals. Granted, he could think of three very big reasons for Counter Force involvement but what exactly was he supposed to do about it? Instead of being thrown right into the thick of crises as is Alaya’s usual want, he had found himself in a body of newborn, flailing to make sense of his surroundings.
A full-blown Incarnation.
Why?
Not summoning, not Independent Manifestation - a new life.
This was not how Alaya operated. He literally had no point of reference to what was going on. The eternity of constant slaughter, of putting down threats both magic and mundane alike, but it was definitely the first time he was cut off from Alaya’s well of mana, deprived of Servant container, turned into a baby and implied to have to kill three city destroying monsters.
Emiya knew Alaya always did the bare minimum stop humanity’s extinction but this was a new low.
He could do nothing, so he did nothing. And nothing happened.
Why?
“It’s our stop, brother,” Emiya was pulled from his musings by a small hand on his shoulder.
He nodded and took her hand, making Tanya frown in displeasure at being treated like a child she was. She didn’t voice her objection, though.
A rueful smile found its way on his face.
The diminutive 9-year-old was trying to act far too mature for her own good. Didn’t she know that little girls are supposed to walk holding their onii-chan’s hand while on the streets?
But he would save that comment for another time. Tanya was acting her age for once, expressing interest in this insipid event. Better to start practicing restraint from the get go, least he says something that will ruin it for her.
As they went through various stalls, Emiya noticed Tanya’s gaze to linger on one in particular.
“How about we get some treats?” he asked, mirthfully observing her eyes snap away from condiments.
“The goods here are ridiculously overpriced for their quality,” Tanya raised an eyebrow.
“It’s ice cream, Tanya,” I chuckled. “You pay for experience.”
The girl blinked at him. “You want ice cream? I was talking about chocolates.”
Emiya glanced at the stall. Indeed, under the glass there was a selection of candy bars. He didn’t know about quality but their size was definitely far too small.
“I didn’t want anything; just thought you wanted some snacks for the event.”
She didn’t seem pleased with his answer.
“You were mistaken. We can find a better price at supermarket, anyway,” she said, walking away from the stall.
Emiya could only sigh.
This. This was the reason she didn’t get along with other children.
He had no idea how to interact with children. So, he couldn’t teach her how to do that either. Frankly, Emiya thought it was supposed to come naturally, but clearly, he was mistaken.
Since early age, he just talked to her like he talked with everybody else. Which had done wonders for her vocabulary, and run havoc on her ability to interact with her peers.
She was smart. Emiya underestimated how smart and perceptive children can be. They may not understand first few off hand comments about limited budget, but they learned fast.
He never burdened Tanya with their poor financial situation, but one day she simply gave him a sheet of paper with what looked like a child’s idea of a financial report written on it. Very “official” looking, if not for a conspicuous lack of proper terminology.
Apparently, she saw one on TV, and learned that it could be used to help manage money more efficiently.
She then proceeded to declare that he could charge more for his repair services.
Emiya chuckled.
He wondered if that’s what it would have been to grow up alongside Iliya. Her berating her stupid brother for letting other people take advantage of him.
Still, she was far too mature. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so proud of his idea to put her to sleep by reading newspapers in engaging voice when she was a baby.
“Oh, it looks like the meet up has already started,” Tanya pointed at the line of people leading to kids in colorful outfits.
And just like that, Emiya’s mood was ruined.
“We better get in line, then.”
As they waited, Emiya observed the main divergent factor of this timeline.
Parahumans.
He wasn’t sure what to make of them. Oh, the ones he was observing now were fools, no doubt about that.
But what were they?
He could never smell magic on them, even when he was in the vicinity of them actively using their… abilities.
Emiya could imagine all kinds of bad scenarios of a competing species suddenly emerging on the planet. Why, he was routinely charged with cleaning after the consequences of one such particular scenario.
But it didn’t seem to fit. Parahumans were too human for that to be the case. All the difference was in those strange powers only.
And they definitely weren’t magi.
What were they?
Still, it was but idle curiosity for Emiya. They didn’t seem to be the reason for his deployment. Well, unless Alaya expected him to hunt down each and every single last one of them. Not something he would firmly put past the collective will of humanity, but were that the case Emiya assumed he would already be swinging swords at them.
And wouldn’t that be a good lesson for them not to leave idiots without supervision?
Emiya couldn’t see a single adult in the group of capes. He didn’t count a woman that seemed to be their PR representative or something along those lines. What was she supposed to do if they got some stupid idea in their heads? Yell at them? It wouldn’t stop a thickheaded idiot hellbent on playing hero. Imminent death would not…
Tanya’s blue eyes bored into him.
“Are you alright, brother?”
Emiya shook his simmering anger off before it ruined a little girl’s day.
“Just thinking. Who’s your favorite Ward?” he quickly distracted her.
Tanya’s eyes momentarily flashed with… panic?
“Oh, uh” she glanced at the capes, “Jester. He has commendable reputation,” she pointed at a boy dressed like a knight.
Emiya looked at the Ward in question. He had a lance with tip sharp enough for Emiya to learn that titular Jester used it in combat as a conduit to channel… something. All he got is a garbled mess.
Still, a knight theme and a lance…
“Are you sure he’s not called Jouster?”
Tanya’s cheeks flashed with embarrassment. “Yes, of course. I thought it was something francois” she looked mortified.
What?
“Who’s yours?” Tanya asked quickly.
Emiya was sorely tempted to tell her his thoughts exactly. He had more self-control than that, though. Digging into his memory he came up with a name.
“Myrddin.”
“I think I heard of him. Protectorate leader in Chicago, right?”
Probably.
“Yes.” The only reason he even remembered that name was because of his own connection to Arthurian myth.
“He is not a Ward, though,” Tanya pointed out.
“What are a bunch of kids compared to Merlin himself?” He of course did not mean Merlin’s poor bearded impersonator.
“I suppose it’s easier to admire a Protectorate leader than a subordinate.” Tanya seemed to come to her own conclusions.
“Yes, ever have I aimed for the halls of power.” Emiya couldn’t help but add sardonically.
“That is a good attitude to have, brother,” Tanya quipped in return.
For all her serious attitude, she was always quick play along with his dry humor. In her own dry sarcastic manner, that no doubt flew over the head of her peers.
He withheld his sigh this time.
As they bantered, the line drew closer to teenage heroes until finally it was their turn.
“Hello, kids! I am Jouster of New Your Wards Lancers Team. Nice to meet you.” the boy in armor greeted us enthusiastically.
“Have you really come all this way to meet your hero?” He… winked at Emiya. He bent down to make sure Emiya could see his eyes in the slit of his helmet and winked at him.
Would Tanya be upset if he decked him in the face? Now that the kid had shown such consideration as to bend down low enough for Emiya to comfortably do so. It was practically an invitation, really.
He glanced at his sister, only to find she was looking at him expectantly.
“My little sister really wanted to meet you,” Emiya forcibly smiled at the idiot.
Tanya sighed. “Forgive my brother, he’s being shy. Can we have two of your autographs, please? And…” she hesitated and looked at me and then back at the long line of people eagerly waiting for their own peace of this circus, “a handshake?”
My, maybe his joke about Tanya being at that age wasn’t such a joke after all. He wasn’t sure at what age children started to express interest in opposite gender, but he heard that girls matured faster than boys.
He also realized that it was on him to explain to Tanya the particulars. Still, wasn’t 9 too early?
Who explained it to me? Kiritsugu? Taiga? Did we have health classes in Japan? Do I wait for health classes in particular?
Sumire just had to go and die, didn’t she?
Emiya noticed that Jouster made a discreet hand sign at purple clad girl with a crossbow, who was now watching them.
“Sure thing, little lady!” Jouster shook tense looking Tanya’s hand and then turned to me.
Emiya took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“You have quite a grip for your age, kid. You work out?” Jouster seemed impressed with his silent attempt at showing a bit of his frustration.
“You never know when you have to beat some sense in an idiot,” Emiya politely smiled at a fool.
“Heh, have to protect your little sister, haven’t you? But don’t get too carried away, it’s my job to save cute kids like you.”
Emiya was oh so tempted to add a little reinforcement to this handshake.
Tanya was watching them intently.
Jouster let go of his hand and gave them two presigned cards.
“Here you go, kids. Hold onto them. Who knows, in a few years you could boast that you met Jouster when he was still small time.”
Emiya was about to point out that he could at least take the effort of signing those cards here but Tanya spoke first.
“Thank you for your time, Jouster. We will watch your career with great interest.”
Jouster laughed for some reason as Tanya hurriedly led Emiya away from the line checking her sleeves.
“It was only a handshake, sister. It hardly means you have to get married now.” He smirked at her.
Tanya turned to him with a look pure incomprehension on her face.
Shaking her golden head, she asked, “Can I hold on to your autograph too, please?”
“Having his signature hardly means I have to marry him either.” Emiya commented wryly.
Tanya gave him her best Tohsaka impression.
He chuckled and gave her his card.
“Thank you. I would like to go to bathroom now.”
As he waited for his sister to return, Emiya wondered what to do about school. Jefferson didn’t seem to be the type to give a damn as long as he didn’t create more work for him. And giving him a talking to after getting a call from the principal would be definitely be more work for their case worker. He gave the impression of someone do a bare minimum on his job. A tragic state of affair when it came to children, but it worked in Emiya’s favor.
Still, there surely was a limit on how much lessons he could skip even if his grades were practically flawless. Emiya didn’t go out of his way to avoid school, even if it was dreadfully tedious, but their monthly insurance payment was horribly insufficient. It was only enough to cover rent. Everything else, he had to cover with his various part time jobs. Meaning that he had to skip school to make enough money.
It would be so much simpler if he was alone. Orphanage meant nothing for someone who could easily leave it to make it on his own. Life of vagrant in war torn deserts of Middle East was infinitely harder than a life of a homeless kid in New York. At least if the kid in question had magic circuits and a mind of adult.
Not so with a little girl in tow.
Tanya didn’t want to be separated from him. Alicia’s death shook her and when Jefferson mentioned likely separation upon entering the system Tanya looked… scared and desperate. Furious too.
It affected him enough to ask for alternatives.
But maybe that was a mistake. What do you know about raising little girls? You forgot your own childhood long before you forgot your life. You buried you sister long before you learned what it meant to be a brother. You are on your way your way of creating your own Emiya Shirou.
He took a deep breath. Now, that was a little unfair. For all that Tanya picked up on his demeanor, there was only ever one Emiya Shirou. Perhaps some day he will correct that.
He himself was not Kiritsugu.
Suddenly, there were sounds of shooting in the air. Screams followed right after.
