Kirunax
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Dysfunctional (Chapter 9)
🕑 Added 2025-03-26 13:01:34 +0000 UTCA/N: Double update today. Make sure you haven't missed Chapter 8.
There was a lot Emiya did not like about these ‘heroes’. As someone intimately familiar with the topic, the way it was handled in this timeline grated on him.
Case in point: today was the day he and his sister were to be introduced to the public as the city’s newest Wards. Apparently, such an event called for a press conference, where they would be paraded around like prized dogs. Put on a costume, get on stage, introduce yourself, read a prepared speech.
Congratulations, you’re a hero!
What did any of it have to do with being a hero? With saving a kingdom, completing an impossible task, defying gods?
With saving a single life?
Nothing.
All Emiya had to do was appear on a stage and be declared a hero by a government agency.
His promise to Kiritsugu fulfilled!
Emiya wondered what the man would think about it. Perhaps he could invest some time figuring out if his father was still alive in this timeline and ask him. The divergence point seemed to have occurred almost two decades before the Fourth Holy Grail War, so it was a possibility. Although, if the local version of Kiritsugu was anything like his own, the chances of him being dead were quite high, considering what had become of Japan.
Over the years, Emiya had become increasingly sure that he was the only magus around. So, who knew if Kiritsugu had ever been born here?
Idly, Emiya wondered what else had gone wrong with this world if magecraft was either a dead art or had never been founded.
“Stop spacing out. I need you to be at your best.”
Tanya stood in front of him in her new costume, glaring at him and promising hell if he didn’t behave.
She was quite annoyed with him for his ‘inappropriate conduct’ and ‘insubordination that will negatively impact his prospects’.
Emiya didn’t quite see it. The Wards annoyed him on a fundamental level. However, after a good night’s sleep and some reflection, he realized that actively blaming foolish children for the stupidity of adults was perhaps somewhat immature.
They were still idiots, buying into the shining dream of being superheroes and saving lives, completely blind to what it actually entailed. Eagerly throwing themselves into danger for one moronic reason or another.
Thinking back on his encounter with Dauntless, however, made him realize that those children were a different kind of stupid than Emiya Shirou.
Shawn was a man who didn’t actually want to be a hero. There was zero passion for it in the melancholic man. His whole life revolved around making sure his son, his last connection to a girlfriend who had abandoned them, had a good life. So, Shawn put on a costume, collected his paychecks, and cleaned the city in the process.
The last part was important, because, on some level, Shawn simply wanted to fight. It wasn’t the first time Emiya had met a man who sought the thrill of battle, but that was the thing—Shawn wasn’t a warrior.
He wanted a future for his son. Yet, at the same time, something deep within him pushed Shawn to take up Arclance and use it. He didn’t enjoy it, didn’t even register that he had this need. And yet, every time he fought, his broken heart felt a little more at ease. The memories of his lost love became a little brighter, no longer as painful.
It was a curious contradiction—so deeply connected to his past, yet simultaneously divorced from his core aspirations.
In the end, Dauntless wasn’t much of a hero. Just a hurting man yearning for the future because the past was too painful, and who had found a way to reconcile two conflicting goals through gainful employment.
A fake.
For some reason, it bothered Emiya.
Still, Shawn’s story had made Emiya realize that despite his unfortunate appearance, Dennis was not Emiya Shirou. Neither were the other children. They were still human, not empty shells filled with impossible ideals.
So he eased up on them. Emiya would still speak his mind, but he would try not to be needlessly antagonistic—or at least, he would try. As long as they didn’t prove themselves as self-destructive as he had been during his own life.
“I know it’s your big moment, Tanya. I’ll try not to ruin it for you,” Emiya said dryly.
“It’s a big moment for both of us. I’ll do my best, and I expect the same from you, brother.”
“I don’t appreciate the exposure. Why inform criminals about our abilities, or that we even exist for that matter?”
“It’s not ideal, I agree. But being public figures is part of the job. The addition of two new heroes reassures the public and sends a message to criminal elements.”
“I’d rather use the element of surprise to eliminate those criminals entirely.”
“So would I, but the nature of law enforcement is more than just removing criminals from the streets. Criminals will always be there, but if we’re successful, new ones will be informed of our abilities anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some easy wins early in my career, but in the long run, it doesn’t matter. That’s why it makes sense to use us for good PR—to signal to the public that the government protects them. After my conversation with Vista, I can confidently say they need it.”
“You don’t find it all... performative?”
“We’re public servants, accountable to the citizens. Part of our job is reassuring them that they’re safe. Both factually and perceptively.”
“Even if it’s a lie?”
“When the alternative is anarchy—yes. If the public doesn’t trust heroes to keep them safe, they’ll turn to villains for that safety. Crime rates will skyrocket. And if it gets bad enough, we’ll enter a downward spiral, where systems meant to protect society will break down entirely.”
“So, the pageantry is as much a goal as the actual performance?”
“Speaking very broadly, yes.”
It made sense when she put it that way. But Emiya also knew, for a fact, that those rational considerations weren’t what made someone a hero. Fixing crime rates certainly wasn’t what made people—or the Collective Will of Humanity, for that matter—grant that title to a person.
It was all about great deeds. People adored heroes because they were inspired by figures larger than life. They wanted to become one of them. It was natural.
Doing the impossible, fighting great foes, saving lives. All of those things spoke to humanity. Cu Chulainn spent most of his life making mistakes and satisfying his bloodlust. The man wouldn’t even deny it if asked. Yet humanity itself considered him a hero because he was a great warrior who singlehandedly held back the army of Connacht for months on end.
What did he care for image? For PR? Or even for how his actions affected others? Emiya understood the importance of what Tanya spoke about, but still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that heroism was about deeds. Heroic Spirits inspired people because of their actions. Only after achieving something great were they called heroes.
And yet, here, all you had to do was apply to the Protectorate.
It all felt so artificial. So manufactured.
The PRT took the title and attempted to mass-produce heroes like a glorified police force. If it was just that, Emiya could live with it, even if it was distasteful in his eyes.
However, it wasn’t just adults signing up for a paycheck like Dauntless. The PRT also involved children. They created a cheap plastic facsimile of heroism and sold it to impressionable kids who dreamed of becoming modern-day King Arthurs. Doubtlessly, there were plenty of idealistic fools among them, who bought into it only to find an early grave. Because tragedies always follow heroes, and in many cases, it’s those tragedies that define them. That was what Emiya saw on all those advertisements for the Wards – tragedies, that had either already occurred or just waiting to happen.
Emiya was against stupid children trying to become heroes on principle alone. But the way it had been reduced and refined to this... that bothered him in a completely different manner.
Even if he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why it bothered him at all.
***
Lisa was sitting on the couch in the Undersiders' loft, watching a PRT press conference. The announcement of new Wards was a prime opportunity to gather some data for her analysis.
Coil had warned her about those two beforehand and ordered her to learn as much as she could. He had given her the results of their power-testing. Given how he had done it so soon after the testing happened, it allowed Lisa to gauge his level of access a little more.
The event started with all the usual assurances about how the PRT worked hard to protect the city and yada-yada, until finally...
“... and I am happy to announce our newest Wards! Please, give your applause to Argent and Armiger!”
Two young children appeared on the stage. The boy wore a blue helmet and silver armor pieces, with blue sleeves and a half skirt. The girl had a silver breastplate and vambraces over a white bodysuit and a blue, short skirt summer dress.
Thirteen and nine years old. Siblings. The boy is older than the girl. The girl is older than the boy.
What?
The boy is subtly positioning himself between the girl and the crowd. The girl stands ready to tackle him to the floor. Both consider themselves responsible for the other. Both consider themselves older than the other. Both act older than they look. Both act older than they should be.
Changers? Body snatchers?
No active Stranger, Master or Changer powers are being displayed at the moment. Hyperaware of their surroundings. Prepared for an ambush. The girl scans the airspace for flyers and roofs for snipers. The boy had already scanned the roofs for snipers and is currently monitoring the crowd.
Their files listed strong Combat Thinker powers of a skill granting variety. Could this cause Lisa’s power to struggle with interpreting their body language? Possibly. Thinker interference at its finest. Kids shouldn’t behave like veteran soldiers prepared for an ambush. In fact, young children with Thinker and Tinker powers were notorious for highly atypical behavior. This was largely attributed to a still-developing brain trying to process an overwhelming amount of information, with mental powers disrupting natural development, often amplifying impulsive tendencies.
Meanwhile, the boy took his turn to introduce himself.
“Hello, Brockton Bay. I am Armiger, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to join the ranks of heroes who protect this city,” he delivered in a stilted manner.
Not being truthful. Armiger is annoyed and frustrated at having to participate in the event. Hates being a Ward. Forced being a Ward. Joined the Wards because of his sister. Protective of his sister. Thinks his sister wants to be a Wards. Afraid of the implications of his sister’s decision to join the Wards. Joined to protect her.
Wow, what a drama. Still, it was sweet that the little guy was so protective of his little sister. Also, what implications?
Afraid of his sister becoming like him. Afraid of his sister becoming suicidal. Armiger is suicidal.
Lisa froze. As Armiger continued his rehearsed speech, she let go of her grip on her Thinker power, allowing information to flow freely into her mind.
Armiger wants to kill himself. Doesn’t believe killing himself will result it his death. Wants to kill himself in a very specific manner that he believes will result in his death. Actively deludes himself into believing it will result in his death. Doesn’t actually believe it will result in his death. Willing to try anyway. Waiting for the right opportunity.
What. The. Fuck.
Lisa pushed her power to the limit, closely observing his every word, every subtle shift in his muscles, every change in his microexpressions as he continued to speak words he didn't care for in the slightest.
Armiger believes he is in hell. Armiger hates how he looks. Armiger hates his name. Armiger hates pretending to be a hero. Armiger doesn’t consider Protectorate and Wards real heroes. Armiger wanted to be a hero in the past. Armiger tried to be a hero in the past. Armiger saved people in the past. Armiger killed people in the past. Armiger hates killing. Armiger is desensitized to killing. Armiger will kill again. Armiger is traumatized. Armiger has a survivor guilt. Armiger’s overall psychological profile is highly atypical for the host-specie. Armiger cares for his sister. Armiger is a readhead. Armiger is male. Armiger’s resemblance to Reggie is superfi...
“Jesus Christ, Lisa!” Brian’s voice shouted from somewhere above her. Hands grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her upright. When did she...?
Tattletale-self suffered a panic attack. Tattletale-self overstressed her power.
“B-Brian?” she mumbled, her face feeling wet.
“Lisa, what’s going on? You’re bleeding from your eyes!”
Oh, good. She wasn’t crying.
Her head felt like it was being torn apart. She dry-swallowed.
“Sorry. Just pushed myself a little too far.”
“A little? What were you...” He glanced at the TV. Armiger was still talking. “The Wards introduction?”
Lisa tried to look past Brian, but he grabbed her head and forced her to face him. Grabbing the remote lying on the couch, he turned off the TV.
“I need to watch that!” she protested.
“Lisa, I came to the loft and found you seizing on the floor, frothing at the mouth. What happened?”
“I already told you. I was watching the new Wards and got a little carried away. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine,” Brian stressed.
“Look, it’s for the boss. He told me to gather intel on the new Wards.”
Brian was ready to protest, but Lisa tossed him Armiger’s and Argent’s files.
“Motherfucker...” was all he could say after looking through them.
“Yeah. Now you see why it’s so important?”
“... You can do this later with a recording. Lisa, you’re a mess. I’ve never seen you this bad.” He looked at her with concern. It was touching, really. But she needed to know more.
“Please, Brian? It’s important for the team.” It was important for Lisa.
“Fine,” he relented. “But I’ll be watching, Lisa. The first sign of another seizure, and I’m driving you to the hospital, consequences be damned.”
Now, that’s a warm feeling. Brian genuinely would do that, despite the risks of a brain scan.
She tossed him her phone.
“Look for Cuddy in the contact list. Call that number, and the boss will send a doctor.”
He nodded, grabbing the remote she was reaching for. Giving her a warning look, Brian turned on the TV.
“... and you can be sure that I intend to give my utmost to your protection!” a girl’s voice declared with firmness and clarity. Her posture was rigid, almost military – back straight, hands clasped behind her back.
Used to give speeches. Used to authority. Has military training.
Lisa felt a spike of pain digging into her brain. She had to ration her power for now.
“Thank you, Argent. Now we can move to questioning,” the announcer said, gesturing to a random reporter.
“Jennifer Sutherland, Brockton Daily,” she introduced herself. “Could you give us a demonstration of your powers?”
Armiger silently outstretched his hand and created a glowing energy cloud that coalesced into a Roman shortsword.
Gladius Hispaniensis, forged in Rome in 62 AD. Standard issue Roman Empire guard equipment. Composi...
Doesn’t matter. Lisa already knew what his power was. She focused on looked for details she’d missed in the files Coil had provided.
[Request pending. Connection to shard assigned to Armiger-host not detected within primary network. Connection to shard assigned to Armiger-host not detected within Warrior-network. Data from Thinker-network unavailable.|
Lisa’s headache suddenly lessened.
Armiger is not a parahuman.
That can’t be right. He’s showing his power right there!
Armiger lacks the necessary relay structures.
Relay structures? Corona Pollentia?
Armiger lacks both Corona Pollentia and Gemma.
That doesn’t mean he isn’t a parahuman if he has powers! Lisa dismissed that line of thought and focused on the girl.
Argent gave a more impressive display, rising into the air and creating an energy blade from her hand. She hovered for a few seconds before dismissing her powers and landing.
[Request pending. Connection to shard assigned to Argent-host not detected within primary network. Connection to shard assigned to Argent-host not detected within Warrior-network. Data from Thinker-network unavailable.]
Argent is not a parahuman.
This again? The siblings don’t have brain growths—good for them. They’ve got a shitload of powers instead.
Now that she felt better, Lisa pushed a little further, but her power seemed unable to tell her anything more about their abilities than what was already in the report.
She wanted to read Armiger a little more, but the next reporter stood up.
“Garry Addams, Cape News. You two seem pretty close. Are you related?”
“Correct. We are siblings,” Argent answered. Armiger clearly didn’t want to speak more than he had to. He practically radiated a desire to be done with this show already.
“I can’t help but notice your costume designs. Any relation to Armsmaster?”
“He is our father,” Argent replied matter-of-factly.
The crowd exploded with questions.
“Armsmaster is an exemplary hero with a long and storied career. It is our privilege to join him in his endeavor to protect this city, and we hope to uphold and continue his legacy!”
“Damn,” Brian muttered. “That’s one hell of a family.”
Lisa stared at the screen with hollow eyes.
“She’s never met Armsmaster in her life,” she said listlessly.
“Huh?”
“Neither of them has. He doesn’t want them. He doesn’t even know the PRT decided to announce it.”
Lisa leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes.
“He’s being paid with tinkering money for bringing the kids here.”
Brian looked at her for a few moments, until he let out a breath and leaned back on the couch himself.
“What a piece of shit,” he sighed.
Lisa agreed. Armsmaster’s actions hit close to home for both of them. For Brian, it was his mother using his sister for child support she wasted on drugs. For Lisa...
She took one last look at the brother.
Armiger’s resemblance to Reggie could be considered significant.
“I’m going to my place,” she said abruptly, standing up.
She needed to figure out how much she was going to tell Coil.
Comments
Christian E. Y.
"Argent has eaten nothing but Armiger's homecooking since she was four years old." "Argent has been economically dependant on Armiger since she was four years old." "Argent is aware Armiger has deprived himself of any and all comforts for her sake since she was four years old." "Everything Argent has, was bought for her by Armiger." "Argent admires her older brother." Lisa: "No shit? Thank you power, I would never have guessed." *rolls eyes* "Armiger has killed people." Lisa: "You already told me that." "Armiger has saved exponentially more people than those he has killed." Lisa: "Uh." "Armiger has saved the world many, many times." Lisa: "What the fuck..." "Armiger is the bone of his sword. Steel is his body, and fire is his blood." Lisa: "Alright now you're just spewing weird shit."
Lmc9389
Looks like she missed catching Tanya as hyper lethal. I hope she ends up fucking e88 up for being an insult to her old empire
Christian E. Y.
I’d assume the lack of shardsmeans the simulations are flawed and show his mercenaries easily overcoming powerless children, so he gives the ‘go’ and then his troops get killed.
Dragonin
Poor Lisa getting the brain blast from her powers, also wonder if Coil’s had to deal with similar issues since there is no shard to ping for simulation building.
Ержан Жусанбаев
Lisa doesn't see that information stream. I wanted to describe her shard trying to give Lisa more data on their powers by pinging shard network and noticing irregularities. The text was supposed to be crossed out. Anyone knows how to do it on patreon?
Darkarma
Great two chapters, but should Lisa's shard be giving out top secret information about the shard network, or was it just as surprised as she was about a potential solution to the Endpoint?
Ержан Жусанбаев
Thanks for noticing. It was supposed to be crossed out, but patreon apparently doesn't allow that? It was crossed out in MS Word. I don't see that option in editing here, so I did what I could for now. And yeah, Lisa doesn't have that information.
Retexks
I think you should strike through or make the section talking about thinker/ warrior networks as there is no way it would pass on that information to Lisa, I got that she didn't react to that information displays it wasn't really passed on so I just think it should be made more clear that [negotiator] is missing information.
