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The Weirkey Chronicles: Prologue + Chapters 1-2
🕑 Added 2020-08-25 22:41:16 +0000 UTCOkay, chapters of The Weirkey Chronicles will be posted every Tuesday, starting today! This day of the week was chosen by popular demand, and hopefully it will work out. There's no concern of scheduling or falling behind, I'm only worried that I'll just plain forget. Tuesday is not a major day of the week for me.
In any case, expect chapters for several months until book one, titled Soulhome, is complete. My goal for this story is to write a fast-paced, light series with a different angle on cultivation, so the individual books will be a little smaller. I intend to keep writing this one for a while, though, so I hope that you enjoy it.
That said, I'll stop with the introductions. These three chapters are meant to be the introduction to the story, so I'll let them stand alone. Please let me know if they caught your interest or if you have any thoughts!
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Prologue
Stepping across space and time to enter a new world never grew dull, but it did become repetitive.
The liminal moment in which the vastness of a world not his own yawned before him. The hollowness filling his chest as he momentarily ceased to exist. The staggering disorientation as he stepped onto ground that changed him more than he changed it. Even as he stepped into the truly unknown, he was accompanied by those familiar sensations.
Theo took a deep breath of air he'd never breathed before. In his years of travel, he had set foot in five of the Nine Worlds, yet he immediately knew that this was not one of them, nor was it his nearly-forgotten home. No, this was something new.
All color had died on the desolate plane that stretched before him, a wasteland of gray that consumed every horizon. Overhead, the sky arched white as bone. A black sun burned overhead, casting shadows without objects. The only proper shadows lay behind him and the old wooden door that had taken him to this wasteland. Through it, he could still see the verdant world they'd left behind.
Then he saw his companions as they stepped through, their shadows joining his own, the pale wasteland now occupied by four intruders. Eratius flexed all six of his wings, glowering as if he liked this world as little as all the others. Brigana held her spear ready, but seeing him unharmed in the emptiness, returned it to her back. Khaluu entered last, his foliage rustling as his bark-like face took in the landscape.
"Have we left the Nine Worlds, Khaluu?" Theo asked as he turned fully to the others. Khaluu creaked as he inclined the upper half of his body.
"No ancestor of mine has ever set root in this place." His trunk floated lower, extending tendrils toward the ground, but they curled up as they reached the gray dust. "It is a lifeless world, yet the density of it..."
Brigana walked forward to stand beside him with a smile. "I take it this isn't your world, Theo?"
He shook his head. "No, this is nothing like Earth. What about you, Eratius? Do the hallowed libraries of Noven contain anything about such a place?"
"They contain many things." Eratius stalked past them, arching a wing to shield his eyes from the dark sun and stare outward. "Unlike many ignorant fools, we do not believe that the Nine Worlds stand alone. But most of the worlds around the Nine are fragments and corpses... what purpose can coming here possibly serve?"
"Don't rule it out so quickly. I'm sure this place must contain sublime materials we couldn't find anywhere else." Theo walked beside Eratius and peered toward the horizon as well. "Can you see anything?"
"Possibly." His rival offered no further explanation, moving forward again to put more distance between them.
That was unhelpful, but so was Eratius. Theo shielded his eyes and squinted forward, drawing on the highest chambers of his soulhome. Enhancing his eyesight revealed nothing at first, the wasteland apparently endless, but then he realized that something was wrong with the horizon in one direction. There was a strange line, almost as if there were two horizons. Unnaturally uniform, yet if it had been constructed by mortal hands, it was an impossibly vast structure.
A soft sound interrupted his observations. He glanced over to find Eratius on one knee, grimacing. His wings crumpled downward as if a strong wind had flattened him, and Theo searched for an attack, yet there was nothing around them. Yet when he looked back to the others, he found that Brigana and Khaluu struggled as well.
"This place... it abhors us." Eratius lurched to his feet with a grunt, but instead of moving forward, he retreated several steps toward the door. Khaluu rustled in agreement.
"I have felt few worlds so hostile. To proceed, we must cast our cantae against it, and that would soon leave us drained."
"Theo, do you not feel it?" Brigana straightened as she marshaled her power within her soulhome, but her face was pale. "I noticed the first step I took away from the gate, but you've been walking so easily..."
"This feels the same as any of the Nine to me." Theo frowned and looked down at his hand, his crimson ring a bloody scar on the gray wasteland. He did not truly know what it was, other than that it had been given to him when he left Earth. Since then, it had allowed his body to survive in the alien worlds of the Nine. "The artifact must work here as well. I'll scout while you all adjust."
Brigana nodded to him and closed her eyes, beginning to soulcraft to better prepare herself. Khaluu floated near the gate, pondering, while Eratius merely gave him a curt nod. So it was up to him to explore this new world. It would not be the first time he took the lead, as little as Eratius wanted to admit it.
Yet he had only taken several steps forward before Brigana caught up to him, her fingers brushing his arm. "Theo... please be careful. I wish I could go with you, but I need time to adjust."
"Don't worry about me. We can see there's nothing for leagues." He did pat her hand reassuringly, though, and didn't leave her so quickly. "You're already soulcrafting a defense, aren't you? Now that we've become Strongholds, you should have more than enough space for a chamber dedicated to it."
"Yes, but I wish I'd planned the soul architecture better. If I had known how strange the Worlds could be beyond the borders of Deuxan..." Brigana sighed to herself, then turned her gaze toward him with a strange expression. "Do you ever wish you could go back and rebuild yourself from the beginning? If I knew then everything I do now, I would have laid my foundations so much more carefully..."
"And spend years soulcrafting myself from the ground up? No thanks."
"Oh, but think if you could. You've truly become yourself here in the Nine, so you could lay a far better foundation. I can imagine it now... a field of golden flowers equal to the hero you are."
Theo flushed and looked away from her earnest praise. It was true that his time on Earth felt like a distant memory, and he had only discovered who he truly was when he entered the Nine. When he looked inside, he saw the spiritual fortress he had soulcrafted and could recognize a great many mistakes that were now built into his soul. If he could begin again...
He had no intention of doing so, but he discussed it to keep Brigana company. Her soulhome was a beautiful silver tower, yet she spoke eagerly of how she could redesign it. Surprisingly, she'd given his own soulcrafting considerable thought as well. She had such a clear vision of a brilliant foundation and blueprint that he almost regretted that he couldn't rebuild using it.
In the end, however, her cantae reserves began to ebb. He gave her one more smile as she retreated toward the door, then headed out into the wasteland. It was time to see just what this world had in store.
As it turned out, very little. Theo made sure to keep himself oriented, which was a simple task because the dust trail behind him was the only thing marring the vast wasteland. Except for the line in the distance, which very slowly grew as he approached. Whatever it was, it was tall and unbelievably long.
Though he'd been told not to remove the ring, Theo experimentally slipped it off his finger. He felt no different until he tossed it into the air... and fell to the ground faster than the ring. In an instant the air itself suffocated him and the sun seared darkly through his body. Shuddering, he scrambled in the dust until his fingers brushed against the ring and he felt a cool wave of relief.
The ring clearly allowed him to walk in this world before he was ready, but he could turn that to his advantage. Any sublime materials found here could well give them a boost they could never otherwise imagine. Theo placed the ring firmly on his finger and strode forward into the wasteland.
"Well done, Theo." The voice emanated from all directions at once, but when he swung his head about wildly, he spotted a hooded figure floating in the wasteland not far from him.
Exactly the same entity that had greeted him all those years ago. The same one who had guided him from his life on Earth and given him the ring. Theo had never expected to see Vistgil again, yet it was no reunion. Instead he found himself hesitating, long submerged memories and emotions from his old life swirling up to overwhelm him.
"This place is the end of the Nine Worlds," Vistgil said calmly, floating toward him without disturbing a single mote of dust. "You have grown strong and come far. If you so desire, you could return to your world. Not in the body you sacrificed, but to begin a new, fresh life."
"I don't want to go back," Theo said. He'd known that since the moment he'd seen Vistgil again, but speaking the words solidified them. "This is a better life than I ever had on Earth. I mean, I miss chocolate and air conditioning, but there's no comparison overall."
The hood tilted to the side and he saw dark eyes looking at him in confusion. "Chocolate? Air conditioning?"
"Just things from my world. Never mind all that. What happens if we keep moving forward here?"
"I would not recommend that, Theo." Vistgil shook his head slowly. "This place is too dangerous for you and your companions. If you wish to live your new life, return to the Nine Worlds and live it to the full. Here, you will find nothing but dead worlds."
"But why are they dead?" Theo walked past the hooded figure into the wasteland, peering again at the line across the horizon. Now it looked almost like an impossibly tall cliff... "You said this is the end of the Nine, but there's something out there, right?"
"I am here not to give answers, but a warning. You are not safe here, and you grow less safe by the moment. Choose well."
As Theo turned back to look at Vistgil, he spotted a fleck of darkness far beyond. It would have been imperceptible in most worlds, but in the empty wasteland it screamed its presence. He squinted toward the source, then involuntarily took a step back as he realized what he saw.
Five titans strode across the wasteland in a straight line, their movements slow, yet each step devouring the land before them. From the distance he could not see what weapons they carried, but their massive size was unmistakable. Even though titans were no longer a threat to him, since he had become a Stronghold, he still hesitated as he thought back to all the years when they had been lethal and invincible.
Even now, could he fight five of them? With his allies, it would be little trouble, but he was uncertain if they would be able to fight. How could five titans have come into being in such an empty place? They represented the third stage of demonkind, each created through the sacrifice of hundreds or thousands of lesser demons. He had encountered them only rarely, usually during the vast battles that occasionally spilled between worlds.
Yet as he watched, Theo realized that there was something worse. A line of dust separated itself from the titans, smaller and yet moving terrifyingly quickly. It grew larger by the moment, a muscular creature with bright red skin, cloven feet, and horns arching to either side. Though far smaller than the titans, it sent a spear of dread straight into his heart.
"Just what is that?" he asked Vistgil. "A local fleeing the demons?"
"Demons are more numerous and more diverse than you know." Was it his imagination, or was Vistgil almost smiling underneath his hood? "You have traveled far, but you have not seen every threat the Nine have to offer. Again, I suggest that you decide quickly. Return with me to your Earth, or return to your friends in the Nine."
Just to be safe, Theo retreated back toward the gate, though he frequently glanced over his shoulder. The being was gaining on him rapidly, apparently inexhaustible. Vistgil seemed to imply that it was a demon as well, but he had never seen one like that... was it possible that a fourth stage of demons existed? If so, the idea sent a shiver through him.
Vistgil remained behind, motionless, and the demon tore past him as if he didn't exist. Perhaps he didn't, just some intellectual entity that guided travelers between worlds. But there was no time to consider that, as Theo realized that he was out of time. Though he was close to the gate, the demon would catch up to him first. There was no choice but to fight.
He drew the Hurricane Blade from his side and readied it. His soulcrafted body was already far faster than most opponents, yet the demon ran every bit as fast as he could. With the Hurricane Blade in hand, his speed was vastly increased, so he thought that he would have an edge. It was simply a matter of whether he could land a lethal blow before it struck him.
As the demon approached, it let out a roar. Its eyes burned with an unholy blue fire, and when it opened its mouth, he saw the flames gathering within. They flooded out almost immediately, but he was faster, flashing past the demon, seven strikes with hurricane force cutting through its body.
On the other side, he found himself holding a broken sword.
Theo stared down at the hilt in his hands and nearly paid with his life as another blue inferno roared toward him. He managed to leap away, drawing on his wind chamber, but he remained shaken. Though he knew there were many soulcrafters more powerful than him, it had been years since he had lost a weapon so quickly. Worse, the Hurricane Blade had been a Stronghold-tier armament of great strength. Yet it had shattered in just a few blows...
Fleeing wasn't cowardice, it was the only choice in the face of such overwhelming strength. As he spotted the door ahead, Theo took in great gulps of air, wanting to shout a warning to his allies. Their only hope was to retreat through the door and destroy it before the demon could follow them. The titans in the distance didn't even matter, not compared to this new demon.
"Retreat!" His call came out ragged, but he saw them look up. Or perhaps they only noticed the clouds of dust and the demon close on his heels. "It's a fourth stage demon! Through the door!"
Brigana drew her spear and adopted a cautious stance, while Khaluu began to glow with cantae. Yet Eratius ignored his words, stepping forward and flexing his wings as power surged within him. "Do you run every time you see something new, Theo?" He sneered as brilliant light gathered around his wings. "Let me handle this."
A glittering beam of light exploded from his wings, and for a moment Theo almost believed that it might have stopped the demon. Yet a moment later, the demon plunged through, apparently unharmed. It released another burst of flame and Eratius dodged by taking to the air, but the shock was clear in his face.
Then the demon was on him in a leap that Theo didn't realize until it was already over. One of its horns speared through Eratius's chest. He slumped as if already dead, but the demon grasped two of his wings in one hand and tore them away, scattering bloody pieces even as the two bodies fell back to the ground.
"You must go." Khaluu spoke in his creaking voice, filled with a deeper weariness than Theo had ever heard. "Do not waste the shade I can offer you."
With that, Khaluu gathered his power, leaves rustling. A column of green light speared from the sky, his most powerful binding technique. Theo had once seen it hold three titans in place for hours until reinforcements could arrive, and it had single-handedly ended a siege by binding all the attackers in place.
The column of light shattered the moment it touched the demon.
Though the force still drove it back to the ground, the demon returned to its feet. It growled as it straightened, one horn covered in Eratius's blood. Another column of green cantae struck from above, but it halted the demon for only moments before it took another step forward.
Khaluu couldn't possibly continue like that for long, which meant he was giving his long life for them. Theo wanted to thank him, but there was no time. He saw that Brigana had understood the same terrible truth and had started retreating to the door. Though Theo fumbled for his weirkey, she had already begun to use hers, slowly opening the path between worlds.
"Go, Theo! I'll open it as quickly as possible!"
As he stepped up beside her, Theo realized that it wasn't an option and hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder. "No... Brigana, if there's only time for one of us to escape, it should be you. I'm... I'm not anyone special. Just a guest from another world. You have a life you could return to, a w-"
Brigana cut him off with a fierce kiss. Theo was almost too shocked to feel it, then she was already drawing back, tears in her eyes. "I want all of us to survive, but there may not be time. Live, Theo. Avenge us."
"There should be enough time t-" His words were cut off by a scream of pain, and he couldn't help but turn to look, even though he knew what he would see.
Blue flames licked through Khaluu's boughs, burning him despite all the defenses he had soulcrafted. Theo could see both his body and his soul burning away, the being that had once been a mentor to them giving his life to buy them so little time. Already the demon turned to stare at them through the ashes, without any satisfaction in victory, a machine of mindless evil...
Too late, he felt Brigana's hand grabbing his shirt. Once he might have been able to resist, to move through the air to take her with him, but he was still in shock. So all he could do was stare at her as he flew backward, through the gate.
His last vision of Brigana was her tearful smile as the demon's claws swept down toward her. Then the door crumbled and he was alone.
Noven was a bright, peaceful world, yet now it felt very cold. The white marble scraped his knees as he struggled to his feet, grasping the fragments of the broken door. Around him, the peaceful wisps of cloud suffocated him. Nine suns floated overhead, yet their intricate dance could not warm him. Not when his life had cost the lives of all his allies.
"Unusual."
The words hit him like an attack and Theo turned to look. Vistgil floated behind him, backlit by one of the setting suns, a silhouette against the golden disc. Theo's mind refused to believe what he was seeing and he could only stare as the hooded figure floated closer.
"Why would you have lived? I wonder if someone else was involved... or perhaps there is something special about you after all." Vistgil sneered, all trace of otherworldly wisdom replaced by venal glee.
"What... who are you?" Theo asked. He realized now that the question was far too late.
Then there was a surge of pain and his arm was gone. Theo let out a cry of pain and clutched the stump, for a moment knowing nothing but agony. He stared in horror as he saw Vistgil holding his arm and realized that he was in the presence of something far worse than the demon he'd escaped. Some of the Dominions he knew might have been able to fight the demon, but this...
"I'm only joking, of course." Vistgil slid the crimson ring off the finger that had once been his, then threw the severed limb aside carelessly. "There is nothing at all remarkable about you. Every visitor from Earth is so eager to believe that."
Even though it was hopeless, Theo couldn't bring himself to surrender. Not in the face of such betrayal. He drew the fragment of his sword with his remaining arm and raised it toward his opponent, watching the amused smile between the shards of the blade.
Fingers closed around his throat, lifting him into the air. They could have snapped his neck instantly, but instead they merely applied a force that left him paralyzed, the broken sword in his hand as useless as a twig. Vistgil looked up at him with another smile.
"Before you go, I just want you to know that it was all lies. You weren't brought here as a reward for heroically sacrificing your life, it was a cosmic coincidence. You actually died in a meaningless car crash, merely part of a statistic. The fact that your soul found its way here was every bit as much of a statistic, but you were so eager to believe it meant something more."
Theo wanted to fight to the end, but the power was overwhelming. Beyond that, the words hit him with the weight of truth. Years ago, he remembered being skeptical that he had really been chosen for anything. Somehow he had lost that, swept up in the deception that told himself he was meant for something more...
"Yes." Vistgil let out a sigh of satisfaction. "There's the expression that I wanted to see, that makes this all worth it."
Then his fingers tightened and Theo died.
~ ~ ~
At first, the repeated sound meant nothing. It was an eldritch call that he barely remembered, a word in a language forgotten. Then all at once he realized that it was the beep of a heart monitor and his mind returned to his skull.
It was a struggle to open his eyes, painful just to view the world around him. Yet Theo drank in the sight of the hospital bed. Not a restorative lotus of Siata, a warm pit of Ichil, or a healer's hut in Tatian. Just blank sheets in a sterile room.
He was on Earth.
Despite all logic, Theo still reached for his own soulhome to try to restore himself. But of course there was absolutely nothing, because soulcrafting didn't exist on Earth. For a brief moment he wondered if it had all been a dream, yet he couldn't believe that. The memories of all the years he had spent among the Nine weighed upon him too heavily, and the deaths of his friends sat in his mind like hot coals.
Theo forced himself to keep looking. His legs were completely encased in casts, one of them elevated above the bed, which explained why he couldn't move them. One arm had the cold needle of an IV within it, so he kept it still, but even his other arm could barely wiggle a few fingers when he tried. Throughout it all, the heartbeat monitor continued its steady reminder.
All he could think was that it must have been another cosmic coincidence. Vistgil was probably right that he had been in a car accident, throwing his soul into the Nine Worlds. Yet he was still alive. Perhaps he had died for a moment before the doctors brought him back, or perhaps coming near death had been enough. When he had died in the Nine, his soul had instead returned to his old body.
He wasn't sure if that made any sense, but he didn't know if anything made sense anymore. Most of what he had been told about the abyss between worlds and the reasons people moved across it must have been lies. The entire time he'd been a tool in some game Vistgil was playing, completely unaware of the truth.
But now he had a few jagged fragments he could trust, even as they cut into his mind. In his moment of victory, Vistgil had let several valuable clues slip. Worlds beyond the Nine, the fact that the ring had held some real value... Theo realized something even worse. The way the demons had behaved could not have been a coincidence, they had been used as a tool. All the stories about them being mindless monsters must have been lies, but what was their true purpose?
Once, he would have pushed aside the sheets and risen to his feet. But his real body lay near death and his soul was battered beyond belief. Only the constant heartbeat of the monitor reminded him that he was still alive.
Bit by bit, Theo drew his hand into a fist. He would find his way back to the Nine Worlds and take revenge on those who had done this to him. No matter how long it took.
-
Chapter 1
After so long, he barely recognized the feel of a world before him, he simply stumbled through the door. Then the emptiness consumed him and he gloried in it, welcoming the abyss between worlds. When he fell out the other side his world spun, but it was no longer his world.
Theo dropped to the ground, digging his fingers into the grass and dirt. He didn't even know where he was, but he could feel the spirit of the Nine Worlds in the air itself. His hands clawed at the alien earth, as if he could draw all of it into himself.
He wept. Forty long, miserable years, constantly haunted by the memories of another reality. The final moments of his friends never returned to him in nightmares, as if they had no place on Earth, but he called them to mind until the memory was so worn he could barely remember their faces. All that remained was the pain and trauma, the sense of betrayal, and the final separation. Everything else in his life had been nothing but a cheap replacement for what he had lost.
Finally Theo took a deep breath and drew himself up, tears drying. If this entrance was like the last, Vistgil would soon be arriving, and that would be fatal. But he'd thought about this moment for his entire life and made plans for any contingency.
Judging from the vast orange sun shining warmly overhead, he had arrived in Tatian. That was a good start. Tatian was a boring world, but it was mostly harmless. Had he arrived in Ichil or Arbai he might have died before he could even begin, and an unfamiliar world like Slest would have offered him no advantages. Unless he was immediately killed, he could work with this.
Fields of amber spread in all directions, split only by dirt roads and the occasional fence of living stone. He stood within a grove of trees, heavy with sweet fruits. That could describe nearly anywhere on Tatian, so it didn't narrow much down. What mattered was finding some sort of cover in case he was being tracked.
Though the spiritual reality of his surroundings overwhelmed him at first, as he left the clearing, Theo took inventory of himself. Strangely, his body was young again, as if it was the same age as the last time he had been in the Nine. Yet when he tried to examine his soul, he found nothing - he wasn't even capable of seeing his soulhome, as if he wasn't a soulcrafter.
That wasn't shocking: after having his soul wrenched between worlds twice, it would have been surprising if his old strength had remained. Besides, he'd been thinking about how he wanted to rebuild for years. It might be a long time before he became a Stronghold again, but when he did, he would be far superior to his past self.
Branches snapped to his left and he whirled, obsolete instincts trying to use power he no longer possessed. But what he saw wasn't Vistgil or some demon, but an ordinary man who appeared to be from Deuxan. When Theo saw the silver hair and ivory skin, for a painful moment he thought of Brigana, but they looked nothing alike other than their home world.
"What... what is happening?" the man asked, staring at him as if astonished. The words were composed of sounds that meant nothing to Theo, yet in his mind he heard the pure meaning as if it was his native language. Though the man might not realize it, he was no longer speaking a Deuxan tongue, but instead local Tatian. The wonder of the old sensation made Theo hesitate in his answer, then the sky cracked open not far from them.
An older woman fell through the crack before it closed, flattening some of the crops. In the glimpse he'd gotten of her, Theo thought that she might be from Fithe, though he wasn't very familiar with that world. This was more than just a door - there must have been damage to the space between worlds, to dislocate so many people.
Once, Theo would have leapt to help the old woman for its own sake. The bitter years attempting to find his way back to the Nine made kindness feel quaint, but he decided that was for the best. He headed out into the field to help her to her feet. "Are you alright?"
"W-who are you?" She flinched from him, and he wondered if the hand he offered was a threat in her world, but eventually she allowed him to help her up. "I... I was just sorting all my pots and pans for the shop, when suddenly... suddenly..."
"You've fallen a long way from home. Just rest for now." Theo gently led her to one of the fences and helped her sit against the stone. The living material was warm and softer than it looked, which seemed to calm the old woman.
As he left her there, Theo considered his next step. Though he was ready to flee at a moment's notice, he was starting to doubt that this was an ambush. When he had first come to the Nine, he had been alone and soon greeted by Vistgil. This appeared to be a major disruption between worlds that he had only stumbled upon accidentally.
His theory was confirmed over the next hour or so as more strangers either appeared through cracks in reality or stumbled toward their group from further away. Early on, a pile of rocks tumbled from the sky, soon rising and revealing itself to be one of the inhabitants of Arbai. Though the Mundhin appeared fearsome, it soon settled down calmly to wait.
Deciding that it was easiest to hide in plain sight, Theo stayed at the edges of the group, helping new arrivals remain calm. Some of them knew they were in Tatian, while others stumbled in confusion, uncertain about the very concept of other worlds. None of them had been doing anything unusual that might have opened a door, or at least that was what they claimed.
"Everyone! Please remain..." The loud voice trailed off, but it drew everyone's attention. Theo turned to see a Tatian man in brown robes standing atop a nearby hill. Like everyone native to the world, he had golden brown skin and light hair. He carried a gnarled staff of living wood, which marked him as one of their Farmguards, as well as a soulcrafter.
Fortunately, there were few selfish or violent soulcrafters on Tatian. The man stood blinking at the assembled group, as if surprised and a bit dismayed to find them so calm. But eventually he gave a broad smile and raised his voice again, the sound carrying without shouting as he filled his voice with cantae.
"It is wonderful to see that all of you are at peace. Please do not be afraid. An accident has upset the rivers that flow between worlds, casting many people into Tatian. You are not the first, and we can only hope you will be the last. We have made preparations to feed and shelter you, and in time we will find some way for you to return home."
Immediately some gave their thanks while other grumbled. The Deuxan refugees were particularly skeptical, looking for some scheme to exploit them, not understanding that this world had more than a differently colored sun. In all Theo's travels, he'd found Tatian to be a surprisingly gentle and naive world. When he'd been younger, he'd considered it bland but pleasant, whereas now it was just a bit sickening.
But useful, since the locals' first impulse would be to help the refugees free of cost. Theo could take advantage of their kindness both to hide himself and to get a head start on all his other plans. He would need to stay alert for Vistgil, but otherwise this might be an excellent beginning.
As the group of foreigners from other worlds began to buzz amongst themselves, Theo closed his eyes and tried to take in all the languages. Most of them spoke in the gentle tones of Tatian, their passage between worlds having fundamentally altered their souls' relationship to language. But several others, either multi-lingual or familiar with such travel, were speaking in their own tongues.
And Theo understood them all. As far as he had understood it in his past life, a person's understanding of language was transformed between worlds, so their original state was relevant. When he'd first visited the Nine, he had only known English, which allowed him to speak and understand the most common language in every location he visited. Since most worlds contained many languages, it had been a frequent annoyance, particularly when traveling far from an entrance gate.
There would be no such annoyances now. In his years away, Theo had learned three languages well and five more enough to hold a conversation. He'd even taught himself ancient Greek in the hope that it would translate into an ancient language in the Nine. That theory was still untested, but for the moment, he could understand every word he heard around him.
Not that they were saying much of any importance. Some wondered if a great battle could have broken open passages between worlds, while others just expressed confusion or uncertainty. A few simply grumbled about their schedule being disrupted, which he could appreciate for the pettiness if nothing else.
The local Farmguard returned with several more Tatian villagers bearing food. It was simple but nourishing, first the purple fruits that grew on every tree and then freshly baked spheres of bread. Theo devoured both, surprisingly hungry, but found himself growing impatient.
Though the wonder of returning to the Nine had carried him for a time, it was quickly ebbing away. The people around him might hail from many worlds, but they were still basically trivial and boring like villagers anywhere. Once he had journeyed with soulcrafters and dined on the finest of sublime materials. Sitting in this miserable little camp wasn't taking him any closer to revenge or understanding.
Just as Theo was about to leave the group, he heard whimpering from between the stalks of a nearby grain field. When he turned to look, he saw a young woman on her knees, clutching her eyes.
In an instant, he identified her dark hair and robes. Somehow she had been wrenched all the way from Ichil, a cold and dark world. The existence of such a large sun must be blinding to her, and the cacophony of colors and sounds would be terrifying. If she wasn't a world traveler, she would never have experienced anything like it, and this pleasant world must have seemed like a chaotic hell.
Leaping to help her might have been logical, but interacting with everyone had worn through his patience, and he had to consider if it was worth it. Before he could make a decision, one of the Tatian villagers stepped closer. He greeted the Ichili woman cheerfully and touched her shoulder, which was the worst possible thing he could have done.
She flinched backward, cried out, and threw up a hand. A burst of light briefly blinded the villager and he staggered away.
"Calm down there, miss!" The Tatian man rubbed his eyes, but continued smiling. "We're here to help, there's no need to be afraid..."
"You idiot, don't!" Theo's warning came too late, because the fool promptly reached out toward the woman again. Warm touching was common on Tatian, even among strangers, but on Ichil it was a shocking violation.
This time the light from her hand was no warning, but violent cantae flowing from her spirit. A torrential rain of bolts tore through the crops and descended on the villager and Theo.
-
Chapter 2
Theo tackled the man to the side, not quite fast enough. Several bolts struck the Tatian man, burning through his skin and the impact drove them both to the ground. More bolts flooded from the Ichili woman's hand, devastating the surrounding fields. Other refugees began to scream and panic
On the ground, Theo was just glad that he hadn't been struck. Though his movement might have looked selfless, part of his goal had been to get the Farmguard in between him and all that raw cantae. Now the Tatian man was pushing him aside and pulling back to his feet via his staff, while Theo stayed low and reconsidered.
So the woman was a soulcrafter, most likely of the first tier. It was frustrating not to be able to see her soulhome, but without being a soulcrafter himself, Theo could only guess. He had no idea how many in the crowd were soulcrafters, though surely at least a few would be.
"Now see here, there's no need for that!" The Farmguard approached, thumping his staff against the ground. "These are peaceful lands, so we'll have none of this violence!"
He raised his staff and a warm light closed around the woman. It was the gentlest of restraining techniques... but to someone from Ichil, it must have seemed like a horrifying trap of light. The woman clutched her eyes and dropped to her knees, but she soon retaliated.
The hail of bolts tore through the light surrounding her and sent the Farmguard staggering back. Theo was surprised by the ferocity of it - he didn't think the Ichili woman was a Archcrafter, or her attack would have killed many, but she must have soulcrafted her first floor more thoroughly than the Farmguard.
Several others with staffs frowned and approached as well, beginning to surround her. Though she was blinded and still trying to shield her eyes, the Ichili woman could sense them, more power gathering in her hands. She yelled "Stay away!" in an Ichili language - she was so shocked that she wasn't speaking Tatian and probably didn't understand them.
This would only get worse. Theo had wanted to keep a low profile, but decided that he needed to take a direct hand.
"She is frightened, not angry." He spoke soothingly as he touched the back of the first Farmguard. "I have walked her world, so let me speak to her."
"Stop her from destroying the crops," the Farmguard said, but he did gesture to the others to stay back. They might hate intruders who brought violence, but they were always open to cooperation. Theo touched another of the Farmguards reassuringly on the shoulder and stepped closer.
As he did so, he whistled a low tone. It took him several tries to recall the exact notes, but it soon came back to him. A simple series of three notes that carried over the empty fields of Ichil, announcing the presence of a friendly guest. Because it drew attention in the darkness, it was a position of intentional vulnerability.
When she heard it, the woman hesitated, her head cocking so that one ear turned in his direction. "Who are you? What is this hell?"
"This is the world of Tatian," Theo said quietly, focusing as hard as he could and hoping his soul would naturally adjust to speaking her language. She froze, focusing on his location. "I want to help you. Let me give you something to help with the light."
He took a single step forward and her hand came up, ready to burn him, but she hesitated. Theo removed his outer cloak, set it down on the ground in front of him, then backed away. The Ichili woman clenched her eyes tighter, fearing some trap, but cautiously moved forward to take the cloak. She quickly wrapped it around her shoulders and face, warding off some of the blinding light.
"May I ask your name?" Theo kept his tone cool and remained at a distance. The woman shifted back nervously, but eventually answered.
"I am Fiyu. Who are you?"
"I am Jake." If he accomplished anything at all, using his real name would be idiocy. Besides, it was all alien gibberish to her. "I once walked in your world for a time."
"This place is terrible. So... so bright, so loud..."
"Others from Ichil have endured in this world, but you need more to shield your eyes." Theo found himself smiling, even though she couldn't see him. The expression felt false, and the warmth was all an act, but he did want to stop her from causing any more trouble. "No one here will harm you, and they will keep their distance now. I will try to find something better for you. Please wait here."
"I will wait, Jake." She sat down on the ground and miserably pulled the cloak tighter over her face.
The immediate disaster had been averted, but Theo wasn't sure what he was going to do next. He made eye contact with all the Farmguards individually to make sure that they knew not to approach her and waited until they nodded understanding. Moving past them, Theo looked over the group, trying to remember the Ichili people he had known and how they had dealt with the brightness of other worlds.
First, he acquired a piece of silk from one of the Deuxan refugees. They tried to make him pay for it, but he argued that none of them had any money and all food was free there. Silk was a good start, as it wouldn't be painful on Ichili skin, but it wouldn't be enough.
"You are creating a blindfold for the Ichili one." The rumbling voice took him off guard, but he saw that the Mundhin from Arbai sat nearby. It had nothing like a normal head, but a sphere of stone set with gems turned toward him.
"Yeah, that's right." Theo felt a bit of relief just to talk to someone who wasn't stumbling around in ignorance. "Are you a soulcrafter or stoneshaper? Could you help me?"
"You freely speak in many tongues, yet you are not even a soulcrafter?" The gemstones regarded him with the cool inhuman intelligence of Arbai, but only for a moment. "I lack materials, but I am a stoneshaper. I could create something from myself, if only I knew what she required."
"There's a dense black stone..." Theo wracked his brain, but couldn't come up with the details. "I don't remember the name in Arbai, but it's similar to obsidian except a bit translucent. What I need is a thin plate of it to set across the eyes, as dense as possible."
"I may know of the substance of which you speak, but it is beyond my ability."
"Can you approximate? Any dense stone would help."
"Approximation..." The Mundhin grumbled, but raised one blocky arm and began to work. In contrast to its massive frame and crude movements, the rock flowed from its body gracefully. It rapidly darkened, becoming similar to obsidian and taking the form he had suggested. When at last it was done, the stone separated from the Mundhin's body and fell lifeless.
Theo caught it. He didn't know the appropriate greetings for Arbai, but he knew that lowering himself was respectful, so he went down to one knee. "Thank you, this will be sufficient."
"I do not like this crude approximation. If you can give me greater specifications, I will craft for her a better shield against this light."
"You will have my thanks. I am fortunate to have another traveler of worlds with me."
"I had never left Arbai before today. I have merely read of these things."
That was right - Theo had forgotten, but Arbai had a reputation for scholarship. Its rocky, ponderous inhabitants lived longer than most, giving them decades to pursue their fields of study. Theo set that aside for the time being and walked back to Fiyu, wrapping the obsidian in the silk.
By the time he arrived, he had a blindfold with the plate of dark stone fixed in it. The edges might not fit perfectly, but it would be better than just his cloak. Or so he hoped.
Fortunately, nothing had gone wrong in his absence. The people of Tatian might be overly friendly and a bit simple, but they weren't complete idiots. They had seen his actions and offered Fiyu food and water by leaving them at a distance, some even mimicking the words he'd used. Their offers seemed disconcerting to Fiyu, but now that she was not traumatized by her sudden arrival, she could accept it in bemusement.
Theo approached to several steps away, then whistled the tones again. Fiyu's attention immediately fixed on him, or at least her cloak-bundled head shifted in his direction. "You do not need to greet me in that way, Jake. I understand where I am now."
"I'm glad you feel better." Theo stepped forward and set the improvised mask down in front of her. "I have something else that might help."
"I will try it later." Fiyu ignored the mask and instead shifted the cloak wrapping enough to shove a piece of bread inside, presumably getting to her mouth eventually. He felt a surge of annoyance that she ignored his work, but swallowed it as unreasonable. She was likely surrounded by as many people as she usually met in a year, unless she lived in one of the caverns, which he thought unlikely.
"I spent only a short time on Ichil," Theo said as he shifted closer. He would have preferred to speak to her without all the Farmguards hearing, but privacy was hard to come by on Tatian. "May I ask where you range? Perhaps the Broad Dark?"
Fiyu slowly ate another piece before eventually answering. "I have never even set foot on that continent. I range in the Inner Moonscape."
"I've never visited there, but that speaks well of you." In fact, it was a bit intimidating, since he thought of the Moonscape regions as highly dangerous, places where you needed to be at least an Archcrafter to survive. He doubted that she would lie about such a thing, and in any case, interrogating her would get them off on the wrong foot.
Instead Theo turned to smile at the Farmguards, who all eagerly smiled in return. "You said that there was a plan to return us to our homes," he said. "What did you have in mind?"
"We will do everything we can, of course." The lead Farmguard bobbed his head cheerfully. "For those guests who have come from Deuxan or Fithe, we will escort them to permanent gates. Do not worry, they are only a month of travel away."
"You have no weirkeys?" Fiyu asked. Though her face was covered, her voice held naked concern.
"Only Landguards are capable of using weirkeys, and we are but humble Farmguards." The leader frowned as if this breach of hospitality hurt him personally. "The nearest Landguards are many months away, and even if they were to arrive, I do not think they have weirkeys for your world, miss."
Fiyu shrank back in disappointment, but Theo wasn't surprised. Moving between the Nine Worlds wasn't easy, even for soulcrafters, so most needed to use permanent gates. With extremely rare objects called weirkeys, someone could go to a specific world at will, but only a fourth tier soulcrafter could survive them. That was laughably far beyond his current position, but unlike everyone else, he wasn't trying to get home.
"Do not worry." One of the female Farmguards moved up beside Fiyu, mindlessly touching her on the back and receiving a flinch in return. "We do not know of a gate to your world, but we will find a way. Until then, you will be given a temporary home with us."
"No. I will remain here." Fiyu shifted further away from the Tatians and put her hands in her lap. "My relative will come for me."
"Oh? Who is it? A mother or father? An uncle or aunt? A brother or sister? A parent by marriage?" The Farmguard continued throwing out options hopefully, as if one of them would suddenly get a response. Fiyu remained unreadable, but Theo thought there was a bit of confusion in her posture.
Family relationships were everything on Tatian, but not so much on Ichil. Fiyu's "relative" could just as easily be her biological father, a cousin once removed, or an unrelated man who was part of her adoptive family. Since the sides were talking past each other, Theo decided to speak up again.
"Fiyu, does your relative have a weirkey to Tatian?"
"I... do not believe so." Her bundled head sank, obviously disheartened. "I know he has a weirkey to Slest, but he has struggled to acquire one for Deuxan. But I will wait until my relative is able to retrieve me."
"That could take years!" one of the Farmguards exclaimed, unhelpfully helpful. "You cannot be without a home for so long! Come, come, I will allow you to join my family and we will care for you."
"Thank you, but no. I will wait for my relative."
"Why not prepare for him?" Theo asked. Since she couldn't see him anyway, he gave all the Tatian villagers a broad smile as if he'd just had an idea. "In fact, you could help us make our way back! If we can advance enough as soulcrafters, we would be able to return on our own!"
One of the Farmguards nodded. "We do have many sublime materials for young soulcrafters. What of you, stranger? How can we help you return to your world?"
"I fear that it does not neighbor Tatian, and I have no relative who will come for me." Theo hung his head. "I must forge my own path back home, so my only hope is to rely upon your generosity."
"We would be happy to help you, young one." One of the older Farmguards gave him a pleasant smile, but something was slightly off. "But you have not yet begun building your soulhome, and I worry that perhaps you do not understand how many steps there are to take. Perhaps our generosity must take the form of guidance."
Theo froze for just a second, smile fixed on his face. The old man was too cagey to be taken advantage of so easily - he'd been afraid of that, but he had another angle. "But I do not wish to impose on your generosity with nothing to give in return. I have some experience, however. If you helped me become a soulcrafter, I could more than repay you with the work of my hands."
"A wonderful idea!" One of the other Farmguards clapped her hands in delight. "With all these cracks in our world, there will no doubt be more demons, and our guests could help prevent the weaker ones from harming any homes."
Ignoring her, Theo instead looked toward the old Farmguard, who was still watching him. The man's expression was perfectly pleasant, but Theo saw a flicker of skepticism in his eyes. Or whatever Tatian had in place of skepticism. Just as he was considering his options, clouds shifted away from the sun, sending Fiyu flinching in the sunlight.
"I know of a technique that might be able to help you." Theo turned to her fully, putting as much compassion into his voice as he could and pretending to ignore all the others. "It would require a new chamber within your soulhome, but it would shield you from light and heat in other worlds."
Fiyu's head shifted toward him. "But I have nothing to give in return."
"Consider it a gift. There would simply be the matter of acquiring appropriate sublime materials."
"But... would they truly share anything so valuable with us?" Fiyu shifted to regard the others, her voice carrying the slightest hints of hope.
Was it an act? There weren't many things she could have said to better manipulate them, but Theo didn't hear anything but sincerity in her voice. This was exactly what he needed, since his arguments had already softened up the Farmguards around them. Even the old man was nodding reluctantly, and after the villagers conferred among themselves, he was the first to speak to them.
"So be it. We will guide you and every other guest who cannot easily return home to one of our cities. They have established a school for foreign soulcrafters there." The old man's eyes met his sharply. "If you contribute to our community, we will assist you on your path as a soulcrafter."
"Thank you, grandfather." Theo clasped the old man's hands and lowered his head respectfully, which got a chorus of positive responses from the villagers around them.
Unfortunately, many of them came to sit closer, asking questions about his home world. That was exactly what he wanted to avoid - he had cover stories planned, but there was no sense wasting them on villagers. Since they had descended on Fiyu, asking her more questions about her relative, Theo decided that it was time to retreat.
He'd forgotten how cloying people could be. Theo finally let his smile drop as he moved away and the sides of his mouth ached. There hadn't been a lot of smiling over the past forty years. But even as he adopted a more comfortable scowl, he felt a bit of optimism.
Arriving alongside so many others might turn out to be a blessing in disguise in multiple ways. Meeting Fiyu might be a particular stroke of luck, if he played his cards right. He had useful information for her, and she could be useful to him both for her strength and her knowledge. Given how uncomfortable she felt in Tatian, it wouldn't take much to create a bond between them, which could prove mutually beneficial.
Setting her out of mind, Theo wandered beside one of the fields and considered his next steps while he waited for them to move. There might not be any more immediate emergencies, but he needed to gain power as quickly as possible. He needed to be a soulcrafter to accomplish any of his other goals, plus there was always the threat that Vistgil or a powerful demon would come for him.
Though no more people emerged, when he focused, he could still see faint lines of nothingness in the air, flickering as the world repaired itself. On the other side lay oblivion, countless demons, and every other world. He just needed to survive long enough to see them all.
-
I hate writing description/blurb copy, but I've made an effort. Now that you've gotten a good taste of the story, what do you think of this description?
"The Nine Worlds span dimensions filled with wonder and adventure, but for Theo that experience ended in tragedy. Betrayal caused him to lose his friends and question everything he thought he knew.
But Theo failed to die. Instead he woke up on Earth and spent his life struggling to find a way back to the Nine Worlds. Now, an old man reborn in a new body, he has a second chance to rebuild what he lost and unravel a mystery that spans dimensions.
Though Theo arrives in the safe world of Tatian, demons are crawling from the darkness between realms and he isn't the only inter-dimensional traveler. There's no time to carefully prepare himself: he needs to find allies among the lost just to survive long enough to make use of what he knows."
That aside, any thoughts about the story? Of course, more SC3 chapters on Saturday and TWC 3-5 next Tuesday.
Comments
Sarah Lin
You'll definitely get to hear more about his time on Earth. The impact it had on him is a huge part of the story, that part of his life will come up sometimes, and how he got back will be relevant when the story gets into some broader stuff. Anyway, glad you liked the start!
Isekaitis
I'm hooked! Like others have mentioned, I would also like to know more about Theo's forty years, before he managed to get to the Nine Worlds again. How did he manage to do it? How was his life in those years? But maybe you intent to showcase that later, trough small snippets? Or maybe not Either way, I really like this start, and am excited for more!
Sarah Lin
Haha, given what soulhomes fundamentally are, if someone's ended up behaving like the building in House of Leaves that would signal something pretty bad.
Runcible Technician
After reading House of Leaves, I realize that the terms 'home' and 'house' can mean a great many things. Is it really a home if the floor can open wide to dump a family member into an endless hole at random? What about the earie feeling of wrongness in a hallway thats just a little too long and dark?
Michael son of Jacob
Still can be much better. May be best to ignore Earth altogether and say, "Surrounded by friends' corpses and betrayed by his guide, Theo felt his body die. But not his soul. After years of struggle Theo returns to the realms of his death with a second chance at power, love, companionship---and revenge. But if he's to have a chance at rebuilding his power, first he must survive...." Can add in 'Master Soulcrafter Theo', 'guide to the Nine Worlds', or 'after years of struggle stripped of his power' as well.
Sarah Lin
Hopefully people agree! I've put serious thought into this system, trying to make one that will unfold over time and shift modes as the characters ascend, so it can hopefully remain interesting even in a longer series.
ExtraKeys202
^ I think that's why people are gonna love it. Some other progression series are either nearing or past their halfway points (SC 3 :( , Cradle, Mage Errant, etc). Having a series that can run for a long time sounds perfect right about now! Plus, the magic system seems really unique, with a lot of potential.
Kyle Aretae
I'm more or less with Michael's last round. More punch, shorter, FTW.
Sarah Lin
Don't expect long flashbacks to Theo's 40 years on Earth, but do expect information from that period of time to be relevant throughout. Theo has a long character arc ahead of him, but you'll see significant shifts even within the first book.
Sarah Lin
You'll see a lot more distinctives as the story progresses, which I hope will be interesting to everyone. Most soulhomes will keep to three dimensions simply because I want that side of things to be intuitively comprehensible, but there are some exotic things among the Nine Worlds...
Sarah Lin
Glad to hear!
Nandan
So Theo managed to get off Earth and is now back in the 9 worlds... as a young man in the flesh, but as an old, jaded and manipulative man in spirit. First question: Will we hear the story of how the heck he managed this? Second, will he get "better" inside? Cuz it kinda hurts to see a main character who was nice and heroic --and loved-- in the prologue, have strayed so far from this at the start of the story. I may be exaggerating, he's not turned into a bandit or ruffian... But were his last 40 years on Earth so painful that he's mostly forgotten how good altruism, selflessness and true friendship can feel? Let him remember, please!
Nandan
Hm... your "different take" on cultivation, "making it concrete in a way I haven't seen before", does indeed pique my interest. However, it would seem that the "Lucrim Soul" structure like we've seen in Street Cultivation was already a step in the direction of soulhome architecture. Keep the foundation but replace cores with chambers... This is cool though. Opens up lots of possibilities, when drawing on notions relative to inhabitable space: a chamber obviously has a function which may be reflected in it's materials, shape, volume, relationship with adjacent spaces, contents/furnishing, and why not appearance/decoration. Lots of attributes on which to map cultivation concepts. Also, why limit this inner space to 3 dimensions? Could be 4 or more... who knows. I'm excited to see how you're going to develop this system.
Welkin2
Really quite enjoyed this.
Sarah Lin
Glad you liked it! I sure hope people like this one, because it won't have a satisfying ending so quickly.
Sarah Lin
Glad you're enjoying it!
ExtraKeys202
Fantastic start to another great series! I have a feeling this one is gonna be the biggest success yet!
Fritsco
Awesome! I'm hooked already!
Sarah Lin
I suppose there are a few parallels there, though in a different direction. Glad you liked the beginning!
Sarah Lin
Look forward to his interactions with other main characters, though he has a long character arc.
Sarah Lin
Thanks for giving such detailed feedback. I've always been clear that I struggle with blurbs, so I'll try to take this into account.
Runcible Technician
What a dark beginning. reminds me of Ouroboros a bit, which is fantastic! I'm looking forward to whatever comes next.
Mountainking
I hope Theo cheers up
Michael son of Jacob
They do hit heavily. I think the first sentence of a book and the final sentence of a set-up are worth it, though. Also, just finished editing the other comment.
Michael son of Jacob
Regarding the blurb-- In copywriting, the most important thing isn't to inform facts, but to create emotion; do so, and the most interesting details will still come through. Before I start, I've noticed you've emphasised in your blurb copy that Theo is an old man now, and he struggled to get back to the Nine Worlds. I don't see that in the next. Between the prologue to Chapter 1, I see no struggle involved in his return. It even seems like it was easy, or he got lucky with some event that tore rifts between worlds. I feel no struggle on his part. Maybe you'll show us later, and you just want to get to the meat of the story. That makes sense, but we have a whole chapter of characterisation of Theo before we jump forty years into the future. It feels weird reading you tell us kindness is now quaint, that his cheeks hurt from smiling, that he has a familiar scowl. The flow is off. My suggestion is to lengthen the prologue by a bit, filling it up with some snippets of Theo's struggle on Earth, the slow hardening of his character, so that when he jumps through the portal, we feel connected to his pain by chapter one. Have you seen Always Be My Maybe? Same thing as the five minutes of that movie. The prologue you have now is the little girl home alone, but it's missing the following two minute montage. Okay, back to the copy. In creating emotion, you want the reader of the copy to feel the same emotions they'll feel after they invest in your product. You want them to be able to not just imagine but feel what experience your book will create---that spark of excitement that inspires you to buy or rent that book you found browsing bookshelves. That means you want the focus to be on the themes and emotional journey not of the character, but of the reader. Going off these three chapters, here's my guess at what that would look like: "A fluke of the cosmos sent Theo from the brink of death to [the Nine Worlds, where beings may learn to craft their very souls into bastions of power]. He found love, companionship, rivalry, and adventure greater than any on Earth. Betrayal and naivety tore it all away. Killed in the Nine Worlds Theo is cast back into his broken body on Earth with a second chance, and after forty years struggling to find a way from Earth to the magical worlds of his betrayal, Theo returns once more with all of his memories yet none of his former power. Older, wiser, and able to reforge his soul anew with all the insights of a master, [insert grand goal here]. [If he can survive long enough]." The first bracketed text is to create wonder---I don't know if it's accurate. The second bracketed text is to create excitement, imagining Theo's success. I don't actually know what his goals are, and 'Theo will quake the Nine Worlds to their very core' sounds trite and inaccurate. The third bracketed text is to add tension and hint at immediate conflict for this book or its first arc. I don't know what that conflict is. I don't know how well that example blurb works, but hopefully it gives you an idea. If you want a shorter blurb, do something like: ""A fluke of the cosmos sent Theo from the brink of death to [the Nine Worlds, where beings may learn to craft their very souls into bastions of power]. He found love, companionship, rivalry, and adventure greater than any on Earth. Betrayal and naivety tore it all away. The last words Theo heard from his companions were calls for revenge. Theo intends to make the coldest dish he can." Another route is to focus on the demons and Vistgil: "A mysterious being from another dimension grants Theo a second life full of wonder, battle, growth, and love, travelling the cosmos from world to world crafting his very soul into a bastion of power. Then his rival, mentor, and lover are all killed before his eyes. Theo feels their betrayer snap his neck and his naivety with it. Somehow surviving but once again powerless, Theo returns to the Nine Worlds: to avenge his friends, fix his mistakes, and become powerful enough to teach his betrayer the true meaning of a Soulhome." Actually, let's make an even shorter version: "Master soulcrafter Theo watched helpless as his guardian and guide to the Nine Worlds squeezed the life out of his body. But in the Nine Worlds, a dead body doesn't mean a dead soul. Powerless but alive, Theo finds himself back on Earth in the body he last left on the brink of death. Vowing to return to the Nine Worlds and seek his revenge whilst crafting his soul anew with all the skill of a master, after forty years Theo succeeds and finds himself in the Nine Worlds once more. Now all he has to do is not die."
Sarah Lin
Thanks for leaving detailed feedback! I'll certainly take your thoughts into account, though I'll have to see how it feels on rereading. For example, compared to some authors, I feel like short sentences and single sentence paragraphs hit very heavily, so I try to use them sparingly.
Sarah Lin
Glad to hear it has your interest!
Michael son of Jacob
I have two thoughts. First is on the blurb, second on the opening to TWC. I'll start with the second. You want the beginning to be as strong as possible, especially since this will be a series. I'd change the first sentence to: "Stepping across space and time to enter a new world became repetitive. But it never grew dull. The liminal..." The first sentence could be stronger. Don't want to put words in your mouth though or mess with characterisation. The reason for the swap in clause order is to have a shocking, intrigue-building sentence. How could stepping across time and space become repetitive? Saying that it never grew dull first is almost apologising for the shocking asserting that follows in the next clause. By saying it never grew dull, you add to the intrigue, and set up the following incomplete sentences that paint the sensations of crossing between worlds. Then for the final paragraph of chapter 2, add a line break before the last sentence: "Though no more people emerged, when he focused, he could still see faint lines of nothingness in the air, flickering as the world repaired itself. On the other side lay oblivion, countless demons, and every other world. He just needed to survive long enough to see them all." It adds suspense, and make it more clear this is the driving motive behind this book of the series. I'll address my thoughts on the blurb in another comment.
Chong Go
My only question is where's the 'buy' link? I want this right now!
Sarah Lin
You'll see echoes of NGM in some parts, though I intend to take them in a different direction. I have a ton planned for this setting, and the magic system is one I hope everyone will find enjoyable different!
Glaurung
I am very interested in the setting and magic system. Theo is giving me some new game minus vibes.
Sarah Lin
Glad you're enjoying; more coming regularly!
Sarah Lin
Good to hear!
CallOut4
More!
Gabriel
I'm enjoying it, I look forward to reading more!
Sarah Lin
Thanks!
Sarah Lin
Thanks!
Sarah Lin
Thanks!
Sarah Lin
You're right, the momentum of the blurb goes back and forth unnecessarily. I welcome such feedback, so I've made an effort to streamline the first two paragraphs: "The Nine Worlds span dimensions filled with wonder and adventure, but for Theo they mean bitter tragedy. For years he resented the betrayal that killed his friends, sent him back to Earth, and made him question everything he thought he knew. But now, after a lifetime of struggle, he's found a way back to the Nine Worlds. An old man reborn in a new body, he has a second chance to rebuild what he lost and unravel a mystery that spans dimensions."
Karthic
Love it! Very intriguing start
Alexander Dupree
COOL thanks for new story I like it so far. Your blurb is pretty good also.
Sean Coker
Oh man, this is awesome! I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes
Kyle Aretae
Sarah, I love your work. I've read most of what I've found that's published. I like this beginning as well. However, I think this blurb isn't as good as you are. :-) "There and back and there again" There's a way ... probably not mine ... to make it shorter and stronger. Theo died and went to a different world, then betrayals killed him there, and he came home. 40 years later, he found himself there again.
