LexHanley
patreon
Stepping Forward
🕑 Added 2019-10-28 12:19:50 +0000 UTC I'd like to start by saying I will not be deleting my previous journal and all its negativity. I feel that would be disrespectful to those who commented and also denying of what has happened. It was removed from Patreon because I see Patreon as a place to be slightly more professional, but it's on my DA/FA
Anyway, I spent the weekend in a bit of a crying fit over everything. Manly? No, but needed. After a while I've begun trying to process my emotions so here it goes. I guess what I'm trying to do is both own my disappointment/frustration/whatever and also move past it. What happened sucked. It sucked hard. It's put me in a really bad place that even the federal organization contact who had to tell me about it admits it should never happen to anyone. But it did and we're here. Anyway, I guess what I'm holding onto at this point is that prior to this job offer, my life wasn't bad by any major stretch. I have friends, roommates, family. I'm pretty hard to fire being senior in my department and in a union. I have a Patreon, a DA/FA and it's all been growing nicely. I'm making games, which is something I have wanted since I was a child.
If this all sounds like a lot of forced positive affirmation: it is. I'm of the mindset that if I keep saying it, I'll start believing it and honestly it's working. I'm in a far better mood. So I think the best thing to do is to neither deny it happened nor let it push me to a drastic decision as it nearly did. I will be taking today off from my day job as my grandmother is very ill and I should go visit her (life comes in waves, huh?) but when I get home I will be returning to working on art and programming. I've had my cry and it's time to get busy.
I appreciate everyone's patience in this matter.
Lex
