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Chapter 6 - Better Call Robert (R)
🕑 Added 2025-09-12 19:31:06 +0000 UTCStorm’s End
Having figuratively set the Storm’s End on fire, Robert knew it was time to face the music the following day.
He had woken up later than usual, since his family had spent the night interrogating him while his father was smoothing the ruffled feathers.
The Targaryens were in a state of shock and had not done anything, but the pride of the Starks was wounded due to Robert’s loose mouth.
Not that Steffon Baratheon cared much.
The first song was Eddard Stark.
“Are you pleased, Lord Robert?” Ned’s was as cold as the northern winters, but Robert didn’t care. One did not pull a sword on him and get away unscathed. He couldn’t harm Eddard Stark, nor did he want to, but humiliating him was just as sweet.
“About?” Still, there was fun to be had.
The Lord of the newly rebuilt Moat Cailin frowned. “You humiliated me, my house, and my wife. Your revenge for what happened at Harrenhal five years ago.”
The song “Non, je ne regrette rien” played in his head. “Well, Ned, I have a perfectly good song in mind to answer that question, but it would be wasted on you.”
Seeing further conversation was meaningless, Eddard Stark left with final parting words. “Good day to you, my lord, and may we never meet again.”
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jon, his aging foster father, along with Elbert, his foster brother, who was Jon’s nephew and heir, were the parts of the next song.
There was also a lady standing next to Elbert.
Gathering the two in a hug, Robert shook them around a bit, like a bear would thrash its prey, but in a more friendly way.
“Jon, Elbert, so good to see you two.”
“You as well, my boy, but perhaps you should stop shaking us?” Jon complained, though he still had a fond smile on his face.
“Yes, stop it, you big buffoon.” Elbert groaned mockingly, and Robert finally put the two down.
Sniffing like a child with big eyes, Robert looked heartbroken. “Is that how you greet your brother after so long? Why, I am so hurt I might just break something by accident.”
Being a mummer could be another career path in this world.
Robert Baratheon, the first superstar in Planetos, sounded rather nice.
“Hah, good luck with that.” Elbert laughed heartily. “Good to see you too, Robert, especially alive and in one piece.”
It took Steffon Baratheon a lot of pleading to save his son, but Jon had not stayed idle either, having appealed to the king, claiming Robert’s mistake was due to Jon’s insufficient teachings.
Robert winked. “Why, you had doubts?”
“I thought you might get drunk and break your neck by falling down stairs.” Elbert retorted, not holding his words back in the slightest.
“Ye of little faith.” Robert slapped his foster brother on the shoulder, who protested in pain.
“And this lovely young lady is…?” It was rude to ignore her, but reunions awaited, and Robert had missed Jon and Elbert a lot.
“My dear wife, Lady Carolei Arryn, of Houses Arryn and Waynwood.” Elbert introduced her with shining eyes, and Robert groaned.
He missed a bro’s wedding, which was inexcusable according to the bro code.
“Ah man, I missed your wedding? I’ll get you a belated gift, don’t worry.” Robert was sure he could find something good enough, but now the lady awaited.
“And my lady, may I congratulate you on your nuptials? A rascal like Elbert is truly lucky to have wed a beautiful lady like you.” Robert praised Carolei while throwing dirt at Elbert, who shouted in denial.
“Thank you, my lord; we are fortunate to have each other. My husband speaks highly of your generosity and strength of arms.” The future Lady Arryn curtsied. She truly was a lovely woman, with a round face, honey-brown curls and eyes, dressed in colors to honor both houses she belonged to.
Pulling Elbert closer with a headlock, Robert barked a laugh. “He speaks the truth. Anyway, it was great to see you all, but I have headaches to cause.”
“Well, now that you have dragons, I suppose I won’t have to worry about you.” Jon, who was watching the exchange with pride and joy, finally spoke.
—
Lord’s Solar
The third song had a lead with a voice that you couldn’t help but hate.
“You knew about this, didn’t you, and dared to keep it a secret from me.” As he approached the door, Robert could hear Aerys’ voice, which sounded like nails on a chalkboard to him.
“No, Your Grace, I was as surprised as you.” His father excused himself, and from the tired sigh that followed, Robert guessed the king didn’t believe him.
“Lies.” Yep, the inbred fucker didn’t.
Kicking the door in, which startled the people inside, Robert quickly sat down next to his father. “Hey, who the hell told you to harass my client like that?”
Steffon sighed again and looked to his son with weary eyes. “Robert, step outside; this doesn’t concern you.”
Robert snorted. “No, it does; you’re literally talking about me.”
“Don’t think you can do as you please, boy, just because you have dragons.” Aerys spoke as if his house did not do exactly that for over a century until they lost the dragons.
“Why not? Targaryens did.” Robert pointed out, and Aerys’ defense was paper thin.
“You’re not a Targaryen.”
Robert smirked, ready to roast the king. “Believe me, not being an inbred arrogant little shit is a blessing, not a curse.”
“You dare?!” Aerys was getting angrier by the second, and all Robert lacked was popcorn.
“Yeah, I dare to tell the truth. I know you guys don’t like it.” After all, anyone who had the guts to tell Aerys the truth concerning him would most likely be dead.
The king’s purple eyes were burning with flames of vengeance, which probably was the closest he would ever get to commanding fire by himself. “You will pay for speaking to me like that.”
Robert rubbed his chin, thinking, before snapping his fingers. “We should ask that to higher authorities.”
“Who?” Steffon asked. Who could his son mean?
Robert grinned and walked to the window. Poking his head out, he whistled, and within seconds, his dragons came flying down.
“Hey boys, can I talk to people as I wish without any consequence?” Robert asked the dragons, and Obelisk roared. The dragon had no idea what his father had just said but roared in agreement nonetheless.
Turning to Aerys, Robert gave the king a thumbs up. “He says yes.”
With a scream of frustration and rage, Aerys left the room, with Barristan and Hightower following him.
“Don’t be so angry; it’s bad for your health.” He shouted one last time before the door was closed.
Rickard Stark, who had been quiet so far, broke his silence. “Do you believe it wise to make everyone your enemies?”
The Father of Dragons leaned back, hands on the back of his head and not a care in the world. “If a couple of words makes us enemies, by all means. I would love nothing more than a war.”
Rickard left following Robert’s declaration, which only left Tywin, Robert, and his father, Steffon, in the room.
The Lord of Casterly Rock left without saying anything, his emotionless gaze hiding his inner thoughts.
“Do you enjoy turning everyone into enemies?” His father was tired, but Robert was still feeling a bit displeased with the whole heirdom to Storm’s End thing.
“Yeah, it’s only fun when they come in force.”
“Robert, get out.”
“Whatever you say, old man.”
—
House Tully left Storm’s End silently and quickly, the shame too much to bear. They were brought low before the Crown and the great lords, as well as the whole realm, once the news spread.
Hoster Tully’s duplicity of “giving spoiled goods,” as it was rather crassly deemed, would shake his house’s already weak standing among the Riverlands.
His daughter getting pregnant with a bastard was bad enough, but for the Lord Paramount of the Trident to lie and offer her hand in marriage to the heir to the Lord Paramount of the Stormlands?
That was something House Tully would take years to recover from.
—
The final song was a bit unexpected.
He was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, watching his dragons soar, when the Queen of Thorns approached him. “Lord Robert.”She greeted him, and Robert gestured to the bench next to the one he was occupying.
“Lady Olenna.” He returned in kind, still focused on his dragons.
“Your acting was impressive; have you ever considered being a mummer?” Olenna Tyrell had a sharp tongue and wasn’t afraid to use it.
Robert rolled with the teasing, nonplussed. "I did actually, but I would put everyone else out of work and didn’t have the heart for it."
“How thoughtful of you.” The Tyrell matriarch didn’t find the blustering young man she was expecting.
“I know, right. I am such a softie.” Robert nodded, acting proud of himself.
“I wonder, what inspired this change in you?”
“Fooling around forever got boring, and I am a man who cares very much about his pleasures.” In a sense it was the truth, as after merging, his interests had changed.
“Ah yes, women, wine, and hunting.” Olenna said, mentioning his old vices, the ones that caused many a noble to look down on him as a brute.
“It’s mostly dragon riding, amassing wealth, and life-threatening sports these days.” The dragons flew overhead, their shadows and his retort silencing Olenna.
But he wasn’t done yet. “Congratulations are in order, my lady.”
“For what?”
“Your daughter is to wed Prince Aegon, is she not? House Tyrell finally earned a royal betrothal after so long, provided the history doesn’t repeat itself.” Then again, it was Prince Daeron, the person Aegon’s older brother was named after, who did not wish to marry Olenna.
That elicited a reaction from her. “It will not repeat on our side, but can we say the same for you? After all, people who remember Lyonel Baratheon liken you to him, the Laughing Storm Reborn.”
“Please, unlike my great-grandfather, I wouldn’t lose.” Even if Robert didn’t have dragons, there wasn’t a member of the current Kingsguard he couldn’t beat in a one-on-one, except maybe Barristan Selmy giving him a hard time.
“No hesitation in becoming a kinslayer?” It was perhaps the greatest sin in Westeros, on par with breaking guest rights, but no one in canon had portrayed Rhaegar’s death at Robert’s hand as kinslaying.
“Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Blood didn’t really matter to him, nor the stigma of kinslaying.
If someone crossed him, they would die, regardless of any familial ties between them.
“True, but I don’t believe the gods care.”
“I love my grandmother dearly, but the blood we share won’t save the rest of her kin should they cross me.”
“Who are you to wed now that the woman you professed to love has been betrothed to Prince Rhaegar?” Finally, the Queen of Thorns got to the actual matter that had brought her here.
“I only wanted to wed her to be good brothers with Eddard Stark, but I learned he wasn’t worth it. As for who I will wed, honestly, I have no idea.” Changes Robert had undergone meant Lyanna Stark wasn’t attractive to him anymore, but the past couldn’t be changed, so he had to lie.
“You are very forthcoming. Marriage could be a wonderful union with the right partner.” Now, if Janna Tyrell, with her massive tits, was in the equation, Robert might have considered it.
Alas, it was time to end this.
“Can’t disagree with that. I certainly wouldn’t want a simple-minded spouse who would ride herself off a cliff.” That wiped the insipid little smirk Olenna had.
“Good day to you, my lord.” The aging woman left with a surprising vitality in her steps.
“You too, my lady.”
His grandmother came out of her hiding place, cackling like a hyena.
“Enjoyed the show, Grandmother?” Robert asked, though the answer was obvious.
“Definitely.
