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IBHJ 1324
🕑 Added 2025-05-17 00:11:40 +0000 UTC"Put me down!" Mordred thrashed in the air, trying to kick at Arcueid's grip.
"See, I said I wouldn't mess with you tomorrow." Arcueid's grin widened. "But today's still fair game. You know, you've got really tiny feet. You should probably eat more."
"You...!" Mordred shot daggers at Arcueid with her eyes, then whipped around to face Shirou. "Dad, look at her!"
Shirou didn't even glance up from his newspaper. "Sorry, I'm both nearsighted and farsighted. Can't see a thing."
Mordred's jaw dropped. "..."
Arcueid's smug grin grew even wider.
Kama let out a disappointed sigh. Such a waste. Mordred was still too weak to exterminate this pest properly. Getting rid of cockroaches was clearly a job that only she, the professional exterminator, could handle.
After more squirming and bickering, Arcueid finally set Mordred back on her feet. Mordred straightened her clothes and turned to Morrigan with a serious expression. “Since Mom’s away on business, I need you to pretend to be my mother tomorrow.”
“What?” Morrigan’s eyes widened. “Isn’t that… I mean, shouldn’t we just tell your teacher that she’s on a business trip?”
"No way." Mordred shook her head firmly. "I need to nail this family impression thing once and for all. Please, I'm begging you."
Morrigan glanced nervously at Shirou. “But this kind of thing needs two people—it takes two to tango.”
Mordred followed her gaze, looking expectantly at her father.
Shirou folded his newspaper and set it aside, rolling his shoulders. "You know, my back's been killing me lately. Too much time hunched over reading." He stretched casually. "If only there was a sweet little girl, maybe under seventy-five pounds, who could walk on my back for a bit. That would put me in such a great mood, I might say yes to just about anything."
Mordred stared at him for a long moment before huffing out a sigh. "Fine. Lie down already."
"I thought you'd never ask!" he tossed his newspaper aside and flopped onto the sofa.
Rolling her eyes, Mordred climbed onto his back, her pink panda socks providing little traction as she tried to find her balance.
"Right here?" She shifted her weight experimentally.
"Higher up, near the shoulder blades... yeah, perfect!" He groaned contentedly. "Come on now, where's the customer service? Walk in circles or something. No tip if you slack off."
Mordred gritted her teeth but complied, making small circles with her feet while muttering under her breath.
After enough back-walking to satisfy him, everyone finally agreed to help with Mordred's scheme. She slumped onto a chair, exhausted but relieved.
At least now her perfect school image would remain intact. No way was she going to be labeled the weird kid in this lifetime. Not again.
The next afternoon arrived too quickly. Mordred escorted Taiga up the walkway to her house, trying to keep her expression neutral despite her racing heart.
"What a lovely home!" Taiga gazed at the property with appreciation. "Real estate prices are insane these days, yet your family has such a spacious place. You must come from quite a successful family." She smiled warmly at Mordred. "I'm sure your parents are sophisticated elites. You'll probably follow in their footsteps."
Mordred waved her hand modestly. "You're too kind, Fujimura-sensei. My parents are just a regular, loving couple. Nothing special." She managed a genuine smile. "They've always taught me to be honest and kind above all else."
Taking a deep breath, Mordred pushed open the front door.
Shirou stood just inside, looking surprisingly professional in a well-fitted suit. He stepped forward with his hand extended. "Welcome, Fujimura-sensei. I'm Akari's father, Fujimaru Shirou."
Taiga shook his hand enthusiastically. "What a distinguished gentleman! You must be a wonderful father."
Mordred fought the urge to snort. ‘Yeah, right. Excellent my ass.’
She gestured toward Scathach, who looked stunning in her perfectly tailored suit. "This is my equestrian coach, Scathach."
Scathach offered her hand with a warm smile. "Pleasure to meet you, Fujimura-sensei."
"Likewise, Miss Scathach." Taiga shook her hand, but her brow furrowed slightly. "This might sound odd, but have we met before? There's something familiar about you."
"Perhaps we have." Scathach's smile turned mysterious. "Life has interesting ways of bringing people together. We may have crossed paths in the past."
Shirou ushered Taiga into the living room, where they settled into comfortable chairs. He asked about Mordred's progress at school, keeping the conversation light and pleasant. After several minutes of chatting, Taiga glanced around the room.
"Akari-chan, where's your mother? I'd love to meet her as well."
Mordred's stomach dropped. "She's, um..." She searched for words while scanning the room. Where was Morrigan? According to their plan, she should have been here from the start.
She shot questioning looks at both Shirou and Scathach, but they seemed just as confused.
"Oh dear, we have company!" A sultry voice floated down from the staircase. "I'm terribly sorry for being late. Shirou spoils me too much, you see. He couldn't bear to wake me from my beauty sleep."
Mordred spun around and nearly choked on her own saliva.
Kama glided down the stairs in an elegant dress, holding a decorative fan that partially obscured her face. She swept past Scathach and settled herself next to Shirou, immediately latching onto his arm.
"Darling," she purred, pressing closer to him. "Why didn't you wake me when the teacher arrived?"
Shirou went completely rigid, his face frozen in shock.
Taiga looked between them. "And you are?"
Before Mordred could speak, Kama tightened her grip on Shirou's arm and flashed a dazzling smile. "I'm this little angel's mother, Sakura. How wonderful to finally meet you, Fujimura-sensei."
Mordred nearly bit through her tongue trying to hold back her reaction.
This was all wrong! Where the hell was Morrigan? This wasn't the plan!
"It's lovely to meet you, madam." Taiga bowed politely. "I'm Akari-chan's homeroom teacher, Fujimura Taiga."
"Oh, I hope our little Akari hasn't been causing you any trouble." Kama fanned herself delicately, the picture of maternal grace.
Watching Kama play the role of an eighteenth-century noblewoman, complete with the theatrical gestures, Mordred felt her stomach twist into knots. Then it hit her like a freight train. There was still one chaotic element unaccounted for.
Her blood ran cold.
Please, please don't let them do anything insane, she prayed desperately to any deity who might be listening. Just this once, let everyone act normal. Is that too much to ask?
Next to her, Shirou remained frozen like a statue, clearly trying to process how his life had suddenly turned into a period drama. His arm was still trapped in Kama's iron grip, and his eyes darted between her and Taiga with barely concealed panic.
Taiga seemed oblivious to the tension. "Actually, Akari-chan is one of our top students. You must be very proud."
"Oh, naturally." Kama's smile grew wider. "We've always encouraged her to excel in everything she does. Haven't we, darling?"
She squeezed Shirou's arm meaningfully.
Against all odds, Arcueid never showed up. Despite Kama hijacking Morrigan's role, the home visit actually proceeded without any major disasters.
‘Thank all the gods in existence,’ Mordred thought, finally allowing herself to breathe normally again.
"Well then." Taiga rose from her chair with a satisfied smile. "I should be heading home now. It's been wonderful meeting such devoted parents."
"Please, allow us to walk you to the door," Shirou offered.
Taiga waved him off. "No need for that. Though I would like to use your restroom before I go, if you don't mind."
"Of course. Down the hall, second door on the left," he directed.
The moment Taiga disappeared around the corner, Mordred collapsed onto the sofa like a puppet with its strings cut.
He immediately turned to Kama, who was still maintaining her aristocratic pose. "Okay, what happened to Morrigan? Where did she go?"
"How should I know?" Kama fluttered her fan dramatically. "She probably wanted to watch Mordred squirm, so she bailed at the last second. Someone had to step in. Ohohoho!"
The laugh made him visibly cringe. "Please, I'm begging you, stop doing that laugh."
"What?" Kama lowered her fan, genuinely confused. "Don't I sound exactly like those refined noble ladies? I thought my performance was quite authentic. This is how they always laugh in anime."
Mordred groaned into a cushion. "That's exactly the problem."
Scathach couldn't help but laugh. "That's exactly why it doesn't work! Anime is anime. In real life, it's just doesn’t work!"
Before anyone could respond, twin screams erupted from the bathroom.
"Ahhh!"
Everyone froze for a moment before rushing toward the sound. They found Taiga and Arcueid sprawled on the bathroom floor, apparently having crashed into each other.
But it was Arcueid's appearance that made them all stop dead in their tracks.
She wore rough burlap clothes that looked straight out of a 1970s farming documentary. But that wasn't even the worst part. Her stomach bulged dramatically as she clutched it with both hands.
"My baby! My precious baby!" She wailed dramatically. "Nine months along! Did my water break? Someone check if my water broke!"
Mordred felt her soul trying to leave her body. "I think... I think I'm having a heart attack."
"You're not the only one." Kama dabbed at her forehead with a handkerchief.
Taiga struggled to sit up, staring at Arcueid in bewilderment. "Your water broke? Wait, who are you?"
"The family maid, ma'am." Arcueid clutched her fake belly protectively.
"A maid?" Taiga's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "You're working while nine months pregnant?"
"Oh yes." Arcueid nodded solemnly. "My worthless husband sold me here all the way from Africa. Such is my fate."
"Sold from Africa?" Taiga's mouth hung open in shock.
Mordred grabbed the doorframe to keep from collapsing. This was it. Her school reputation was officially dead and buried.
Arcueid pressed a hand to her forehead with despair. "Oh yes, I sailed across the ocean to get here, only to be purchased by heartless capitalists as their servant." She swayed dramatically. "Every day I rise before the roosters crow and collapse after the dogs have gone to sleep. I work like a mule yet eat scraps worse than what they feed the pigs. And now look at me, heavy with child! My existence is nothing but suffering!"
Everyone stood frozen in stunned silence.
Kama whispered under her breath. "Dear god, even I wasn't this dramatic."
Shirou wiped sweat from his brow and stepped toward Taiga. "Fujimura-sensei, please don't take her seriously. She's just playing around—"
"Stay back!" Taiga scrambled away from him. "Human trafficker! No, you're worse than that! You're a criminal!"
Mordred felt panic rising in her throat. She waved her hands frantically. "She's kidding! It's all a joke, Fujimura-sensei! My dad isn't some kind of slave trader!" She paused, then added quickly, "I mean, even if he was, I'm still a model student! You have to believe me!"
Shirou whipped around to stare at her. "Seriously? That's your defense?"
Talk about throwing your own father to the wolves!
Arcueid suddenly struggled to her feet, one finger pointing dramatically at Mordred while tears streamed down her face. "Oh, but child, you don't understand! Thirteen years ago, on that terrible night in the servants' quarters, your father came to me and then..." She broke into exaggerated sobs.
Mordred found herself asking despite her better judgment. "Then what?"
"Then you happened!" Arcueid's finger trembled as she pointed. "Your real name isn't Akari at all. It's Mordred! I'm your true mother, and this baby I carry is your little sister!"
The room went deathly quiet.
Mordred stared at Arcueid for one long moment. Then her hand flew to her chest, her eyes rolled back, and she toppled backward like a felled tree.
Shirou lunged forward, barely catching her before she hit the floor. "Stay with me, Mordred! Don't go into the light!"
"Wait, her name really is Mordred?" Taiga's voice cracked with horror.
Scathach munched on sunflower seeds from a bag that had appeared from nowhere. "I have to hand it to Arcueid. This performance is something else." She cracked another seed. "These are surprisingly good."
