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Mighty Ducks Ep 5
🕑 Added 2022-08-17 08:17:52 +0000 UTCJoz: This isn’t a quippy intro because I have to acknowledge something important. We read an email in the mailbag and it sounds like I don’t reply after some very kind things are said about me. I tried but couldn’t because I was so choked up, so I’m replying now.
I see and always have seen myself as non-binary. I’m a me who from a very young age learned to play dress up, and I have continued to for the rest of my life. It’s not my identity. It’s an appearance that expresses one small part of it. My entire solo show in the online Edinburgh Fringe fest is about this very thing.
You mentioned finding your way to your authentic self after years of being told no, and I hear that so clearly. I still have to ask myself what I think, how I feel, or what I want to do about something I’ve experienced, because the trauma of appearing in my femme expression in the world has taught me the safety of staying small and not thinking too much.
But it’s never safe. It will always be a risk even in your home skin, though it will feel better. I just auditioned for a show at LaJolla that celebrates non-binary, trans, and genderqueer people with an entire cast of these identities, and through the multiple callbacks I was so happy to show up as myself in that room. No layers, just me. I finally felt safe. They were quite complimentary of my artistic choices and I knew I had earned that in my home skin.
I didn’t get the show which stung because I had revealed so much, but it was a good lesson. Even as my truest self I still may not get the role, but the self respect of walking in and then walking away on my own terms gave me back a thing I have been missing for years.
I found my voice.
May you soon find yourself in a forge that shows you yours.
Paulo: Thank you Joz for absolutely killing it with Mighty Ducks. I really don't want to follow such an important and personal blurb. But I like to tell our patreon folks what the next movie will be when we know it. We're in a long chain of very exciting listener-sponsored episodes we're working our way through. Next episode: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.
Comments
Clay Dowling
I hope you feel safe enough to present your home skin to the listeners at least some of the time. We're all aboard for the avatar of Chaos we've come to know and love.
The Film Reroll
Hey Jesse thank you for asking! I use she or they pronouns. I don’t have a strong preference except in gendered contexts where “she” minimizes my agency.
Jesse Walker-McGraw
Joz, do you still prefer she/her pronouns? Or do you prefer they/them or something else?
