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78. The Secret Task

🕑 Added 2020-05-22 14:01:06 +0000 UTC

Comments

Mecanimus

I’m really glad because I put some actual efforts into it lol.

Redbeard

The way Ariane's songs set the tone for the chapter was marvelous, a masterpiece really.

Mecanimus

You’re welcome. There is another POV change chapters later you may enjoy as well.

Sam

This chapter was amazing. Thank you

Mecanimus

I'm doing another POV change for the next chapter. I decided that I will only use it to show Ari under a different light.

ParoxysmDK

I loved it, a masterful use of change of POV. When POV change is done right, it can really add flavour to an already amazing story, well done. I also agree with Bunny Waffles about the love craftian feel, the descent into madness exposition was great.

Mecanimus

I promise I will only use it if it really brings something and directly involves Ari. I think it works.

Zachary Smith

I second sunderGoldmane

Mecanimus

Excellent, I'm glad you liked it. I ent for the Cthulu feel.

Mecanimus

Nice. I'll try similar stuff in the future.

Chad Hagner

This was a fantastic chapter! It was a great change of pace to experience it from the captain's point of view with his slow slip into madness. Very interesting and descriptive writing, fantastic!

Murigi

Loved it

Mecanimus

Sinead. Good, I'm glad that I was able to correct it.

Mecanimus

Why limit yourself to harlot when there is also hussie, trollop and skank?

Mecanimus

Tis a dark tale.

Mecanimus

That was an experiment though I don't intend to switch too much. Would you be ok about similar chapters?

SunderGoldmane

Interesting change of POV but also very jarring because I have become used to reading your story from the 2nd? Person? Not bad though.

Joseph

I enjoyed the chapter, though I'm a bit disappointed he found and destroyed Smollett account at the end.

Darren Li

I petition that the author find a way to put the word "harlot" in every chapter! Jk.

Vexdt

nice chapter now with the added dialoge far better understandable than before and was the man with the amber eyes at the end a new foe or sinead?

Mecanimus

Sorry I got a lot of similar feedback so I expanded the exchange between Sinead and Ari at the beginning.

Mecanimus

Not only do I get it but I'm also super happy you got a Lovecraftian feel because this piece was influenced by Dagon which I listened to recently. Man I'm so proud.

Mecanimus

Edited, the early dialogue is longer now.

Michael

Wow, you are in a roll! Three chapters in two days, I was not expecting that (no worries, I won't be expecting it in the future seither). I like the POV change, even though I can barely see any connection to the regulär story. Without and context, it could be set in the same world as Arianne's story, but it could also be a different one. Unless I should have recognized one of the three names and didn't, in which case disregard the last part.

Bunny Waffles

I absolutely loved this. I don't know if this makes sense but to me it reads like one of the short stories from a core or supplement book, something to give you the feel of a strange fantastic and utterly horrifying world to get you in the mood and mindset of the story you would soon take part in crafting. It reads like loving nod to old classic almost Lovecraftian horror stories, where the terrors of the otherworldly can do naught but send the storyteller into madness. I don't know if I am getting what I am trying to say across properly but just know that I think this was utterly fantastic.

Garbled Sounds

I quite liked this one. Seeing the monsters from the poor Smollet's point of view was fun. We know what she is, but seeing it from outside with the narrow focus of a regular guy is quite different. I just wish we had a bit more exposition somehow without breaking the flow or the atmosphere. What was their mission, why were they there, who was it they fought et cetera. I'd have liked to get some answers, even if partial ones, in the chapter.

Mecanimus

As you may have guessed, this is an experiment on POV change and third-person perspective. Your feedback is welcome just please don't thrash me :(


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