Maria Ochoa
patreon
Something completely different
🕑 Added 2025-04-16 04:56:19 +0000 UTCWhile Ive been having fun drawing my zorca, behind the scenes I've been going through a lot of emotions and dealing with stuff to the point where I'm feeling like that line Bilbo said:
"I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."
When I used to post on my personal tumblr, I repeated myself when writing out personal posts and it made me self conscious. Repeating stuff helped me think, like, if I said something over and over, it was the equivalent of turning something over in my hand and I can somehow see new angles, and hopefully solve the problem or understand/accept what bothered me.
I didn't want to vent the same issues to my friends so I turned to drawing out my thoughts. I was feeling sorry for myself, as well as frustrated over this mentioned pattern. The latest incident of this "pattern" had me step away from tumblr months ago due to drama and online harassment. And Im so tired of having to look for a new space, having to start over again.
I have mixed feelings about my patreon because there's a degree of isolation. I'm trying to make it accessible, enjoyable and fair. But sometimes I get tired by the performance of it all, if that makes sense. There seems to be a level of performance for all social media platforms.
There's no happy conclusion to this little comic but Im still glad it exists.
I want to keep drawing because it makes me happy. There's days when it feels like Im not doing enough good, and others where I feel lonely because Im not as social or accomplished as friends around me. It's okay to not be okay. Sometimes you just gotta ride through these emotions, have a good cry, and most of all, be kind to yourself.
