annaleebelle
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Two things can be true at once
🕑 Added 2021-03-12 23:00:06 +0000 UTCThis was taken Wednesday, while I was enjoying the glow in my skin and feeling overall pretty good.
Tuesday afternoon I had a gnarly depressive episode, but journaled and felt better by Wednesday morning. I felt like the glow in my skin reflected the hope I have inside. It’s been nice to be able to identify my feelings so much faster and process them healthier. I feel pain more now, the same as I feel joy more. The biggest difference now is that I don’t feel hopeless when the depression hits. That light at the end of the tunnel feels closer every time.
I’m working through some big stuff in therapy and in my spirituality, and I was aware that taking on some of these new things would bring a rollercoaster of emotions. What I didn’t expect was what happened yesterday.
When I woke up, I felt sooo drained despite having slept great. I knew it was from talking about these things so much this week in different capacities. I ended up dissociating (feeling disconnected from my body) on and off for several hours and had probably 5-6 full on cries during those hours. I’ve dissociated before, but never to that degree. Once I spilled my guts to JD, I immediately felt better, even before I felt like I had resolve. Just being in a safe place, with a person I trusted was enough to help me feel connected again and today, I feel FREAKING GREAT!
Therapy can get messy sometimes as we break our patterns and push through discomfort. Years back, I had gotten to a place in which I felt good because I could be around certain family members without being so bitter. But by no means did I do the work to truly heal the relationships. That’s where I am now- trying to genuinely heal these things instead of just cope with them.
I have such a great support system in place these days, so I finally feel safe to do this elective work. My support system is a mix of therapists, friends, family, books, healers, spiritual advisors, authors, podcasts, and myself. It’s taken me a bit to get all the right people around me. Yes, that included myself! I am so in tune with my body and mind now, it’s kind of unreal!
Not everyone needs all of this. If I were single and living the way I was before meeting @mrjdscott, I could probably do the work alone, but because I want stability for us as a couple, him and the people in our lives, as well as needing to be okay to keep being sincere online, my support system has to a big ol’ net of things to catch me if I fall.
I’m saying all of this to hopefully help you all feel less afraid of building your support systems, taking on therapy, and working to overcome big hurdles because that sh*t is not easy! It’s is not easy AND it is so worth it (for me). Two things can be true at once, and I think we often forget that. Not everything has to be a dichotomy. It’s not always this or that, right or wrong, hot or cold. At times it’s this AND that. Or this AND that AND that. Or it can be this AND that AND these AND those AND this. You catch my drift? 😂
Anyhow, that’s my way of saying we live in a complex world and we are complex people with complex feelings. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re trying to change. Your mind and body have kept you alive this long, and it can a big process to adjust to living differently. Have grace and compassion with yourself like you would with a friend you love. 💗
Comments
Beautiful
OrangeBurrito
Proud of you buddy!
