EHawkins
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Cut content - The Flashback/Prologue
🕑 Added 2024-02-14 19:20:44 +0000 UTCAlrighty, how about the first edition of some of the Villain Juice! cutting room floor?
Originally, the story opened with the flashback of the AdVenture team making their way into the compound. The overall course of events was similar, but certain parts were much, much more detailed. Unfortunately, this was to their detriment. I got a solid 17k into the chapter before I realised that this was far too slow as an opening and I was getting bogged down in too much intricate branching. At the rate I was going, the chapter would end up being the length of a novel by itself. (heck, the final/official draft version of the chapter is 46k, and that's with a lot of condensing!)
Of course, a lot of what I did write wound up retooled into the chapter 2 from the actual game, but there are a fair few bits that didn't make it. For example, picking out the exact ways in which you and your best friend became especially close (or you and your partner got together).
For example!
Furthermore, regarding your friendship with Beth…
*choice
#I'll never forget how she stood up for me at work.
While waiting for urban exploration to transform into a full-fledged career, you pay the bills by working in a coffee shop, and Beth also happens to be a colleague there.
One morning, during the opening rush, a customer started yelling and screaming at you that you'd made a mistake with their order, insulting everything from your haircut to your intelligence to your parentage.
*choice
#I got into a shouting match with them.
To put it bluntly, you were pissed, and you'd had it up to here with entitled customers criticising you while you were trying to do your job.
You let them know exactly what you thought of their double vanilla whatever with cream, and they stormed off, swearing that they would call the chain's regional management.
Beth swooped in as you stood fuming at the counter, told you to take a second to cool off, and handled the entire rest of the queue solo. When your boss asked afterwards what the heck had happened, Beth spoke up in your defence and calmly explained the customer's abusive behaviour.
All things considered, she probably saved you your job.
And how about:
Thinking about your relationship with Prii…
*choice
#There's that time they saved my butt from an angry drunk.
You didn't exactly plan to get a man built like a brick wall mad at you, but there you were, the guy's ham hock of a hand snagging a fistful of your clothes whilst he screamed obscenities into your face.
*if mc_height = 6
Nevermind that you were even taller than him, the dude was @{mc_pro_build ripped|ripped|ripped|ripped|ripped|more ripped than [i]you[/i]} and furious enough you feared he might try bringing you down to size by snapping off your legs at the knee.
*elseif mc_height = 2
He was so big and so ripped, in fact, that he was capable of lifting you fully off the ground. You know that because he demonstrated.
*else
The dude was ripped, furious, and looked all set to force feed you his fist a couple dozen times.
Honestly, you can't even remember why he was so angry anymore. The memory has been sandblasted out of your head by the sheer terror of the experience.
You were about to accept your fate, and then Prii…
*choice
#Somehow worked their magic, and defused the situation.
Did Prii care that muscleman had half a foot on them and was probably double their weight? No. No they did not.
Instead, with a genial smile and a joke you can't recall thanks to the aforementioned overwhelming fear, Prii cracked through the guy's rage and actually got him to laugh. Suddenly, whatever you'd done—or allegedly had done— to piss off Drunk McBeefcake was no longer at the top of his priorities.
A couple of drinks and a few more jokes later, and the walking pile of biceps was apologising to you profusely and crying on Prii's shoulder about a bad breakup. You're not entirely convinced Prii's powers of diplomacy aren't some kind of parahuman ability.
Prii still has Mr. Muscles on social media last you checked. Guy owns about six pet golden retrievers.
Other than these character pieces, the most significant change is that originally, someone (usually the MC, but there was the possibility of Shauna) was going to take a spill while trying to ram open a blocked door.
"Man, I am so over wriggling through little tiny spaces," Grant grumbles.
It seems like the group needs another volunteer.
*choice
#"Leave this to me."
*label sidlehub
*if (dated_grant)
"See that, guys? That's my $!{mc_name}. So gallant." There's genuine pride and affection in Grant's voice, no matter how he tries to deflect it by mock swooning.
*elseif (dated_shauna)
"Be careful, $!{mc_name}, okay?" says Shauna, fidgeting. "I don't want you to get hurt."
*elseif (dated_beth)
"Go slowly and cautiously please, $!{mc_name}," says Beth. Her expression is stony as ever, but her voice holds a note of genuine concern.
*elseif (dated_prii)
"Don't go getting yourself hurt now, $!{mc_name}," warns Prii. "I like my partner when $!{mc_he} @{singular is|are} in one piece, thank you very much." You know them well enough to detect the worry that they're masking beneath the playful tone.
*else
"Thanks, $!{mc_name}, you're the best," says Prii.
"Yeah, yeah, our hero," adds Grant, earning a disapproving glare from Beth.
I was pretty fond of this next bit. Perhaps small components may be recycled in future!
Incidentally, stealth was the precursor to subterfuge, and I was considering having it as an overall 'agility' style of stat. However, it felt like it overcrowded other skills, and given I wanted to use it as a deception style skill, 'stealth' felt unsuitable.
(as MC slides through the narrow gap between the door and wall, into a dark room)
Your eyes still haven't adjusted, but at least more of you is into the room than outside now. With one more twist of your body, you create the right angle to enable you to slide your other shoulder through the gap, followed by the rest of your arm and finally, your leg.
As part of the same motion, you take a step into the room.
And your foot plunges into a void.
*page_break Fall.
There's a split second to react.
*choice
#I scream.
Panic tears from your throat.
*goto thetruefall
#I swear.
"Fuc—!"
*goto thetruefall
#It's not enough.
There's no time—
*goto thetruefall
#I try to catch myself.
*if stat_stealth > 55
*else
*label thetruefall
You fall.
You fall, and an explosion of sickening pain blasts across your skull. Consciousness quakes, and an instant later, the breath is crushed out of your lungs as your back is slammed with an unforgiving impact.
What…
*page_break blink, blink
What just…
*page_break blink, blink
The blinking doesn't clear your eyes, overrunning with something hot and wet.
You think you're laying on your back.
It's so dark.
*page_break is that a noise?
You can't tell. It's muffled. Indistinct.
You taste metal.
*page_break the noise again
Blinding light assaults your senses, and in rushes the agony.
You choke out a hiss of pain, screwing your eyes shut.
*page_break what's that sound?
*set mc_health 4
*set injurydesc 2
*if (dated_prii) or (bestie = 2)
"$!{mc_name}! Oh my god, oh my god—"
Arms wrap around your shoulders, trembling.
*elseif (dated_beth) or (bestie = 1)
"$!{mc_name}! Thank goodness, I cannot believe—"
"Geez, Beth! Hold off on the lecture—"
"[i]Shut up.[/i]"
*elseif (dated_grant) or (bestie = 4)
"$!{mc_name}! Holy shit, are you okay!?"
*elseif (dated_shauna) or (bestie = 3)
"$!{mc_name}! $!{mc_name}! P-please answer me!"
*else
"$!{mc_name}! Stay right there! We're coming!"
Was that… Beth?
I'll always mourn the loss of this quip.
(upon failing to get the door open)
#"Damn, who'd have thought we were dealing with the elite door."
Grant groans, which you choose to interpret as appreciation.
Overall, I think that the fall into darkness idea was a pretty fun one, but taking that step back and assessing was the right decision. The flashback is super important to the plot, but starting with it meant starting the entire story slowly, rather than with an action packed scene which immediately showcases the MC's powers.
I'll probably share a few more snippets of the original flashback in future! There's a few bits of it I enjoy a lot!
