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Double Double - Part 2
🕑 Added 2024-02-23 19:02:57 +0000 UTC”Chaoril,” she replied. “My name is Chaoril.”
As she said it, she crossed into the area lit by the automated exterior light above the door, and I finally got a good look at her. My doubts about her alien nature evaporated as I found myself looking at features that weren’t quite human. Her eyes were definitely larger than the average person’s, without any visible whites. Instead they were two pools of brown just shy of black, making the size of her pupils tricky to judge. The rest of her face was less strikingly different from the average human’s (simply being angular in a specific way I didn’t think I’d seen before), but it was still striking for another reason.
To put it simply, she was beautiful. I would have readily believed she was some sort of fey from European folklore if she hadn’t said she was an alien.
”Ch—Chaoril,” I managed, before opening the door. “Um—come in?”
She nodded and followed me into the small apartment. It was (counting the bathroom) only two rooms, my futon as far as it could be from the stove, and barely enough space for a desk between them.
Still, it was presentable enough, despite the compactness. Or, at least, I hoped it was. Chaoril was the first guest I was going to have over… and who knew how her standards compared to that of humans?
”Cozy,” she said.
”I—yeah. I like to think so,” I replied, proving I still hadn’t learned to talk to girls despite my years of being cursed.
I’d just forgotten how to speak to guys instead.
As I mentally kicked myself over my fumbling, Chaoril sat herself down on the futon. Which caused my cheeks to grow flush. Afterall, that was my bed. And she was a girl. And… that meant something, right? It seemed like it would.
Even if I was a girl in my bed half the time. This was… well, another girl.
”Everything ok?” she asked, looking up at me with a bit of concern in her eyes.
”Oh. Yes. Fine. I’m fine,” I stammered. “I just… you were saying something about your mother, weren’t you?”
”I was. Yes. She… well, she’s studied the Earth for most of her life. Since before I was born. Growing up, she took me to see some of the famous landmarks. So I fell in love with the planet from a young age,” she replied.
”Oh. You’re a… second generation researcher? That’s… interesting,” I said, a bit at a loss for words.
Was that common in her species, to follow in their parents’ footsteps? How did they even reproduce? Like us, with… well, the two sexes and all that? Or, maybe they did cloning or some sort of budding. I wasn’t exactly a biology major or anything, but I had been given biology textbooks up to grade 12 level. I knew there were lots of options that might be relevant to her.
Was that too weird and intimate a question to ask right away? Or was it just general biological curiosity?
“Well, that’s the short version of my life story,” Chaoril said, drawing me out of my little rabbit hole. “May I ask about you now?”
”Me?” I said, before making eye contact with her.
Eye contact that saw me grow lost in the impressive darkness of her eyes, glittering with reflections of every light source in the small apartment. Such deep and wonderful eyes framed by such a wonderfully perfect, if clearly alien, face.
It left me tongue tied for a moment. So I panicked when I found my voice again.
”Well, I’m just a human, you know? I was homeschooled for a little bit, but now I’m here are university, plunging into society with both feet and all that,” I said, trying to wear a charming smile and hit a relaxed yet masculine pose.
Whatever that meant. (I had probably failed.)
Chaoril nodded slightly, and seemed a bit disappointed. I supposed that was to be expected. Without mentioning the whole ‘curse’ thing I really wasn’t all that remarkable. And, well, I couldn’t bring myself to mention the curse.
Maybe an alien would be perfectly chill with it, or maybe she’d decide to dissect me on the spot to see how it all worked. Or I’d just get slotted in as ‘female’ category and be forever barred from any sort of romantic options.
Ok, so maybe I didn’t have any strong reason to think I was on her romantic radar being another species, but there was no reason to stack the deck even more against myself.
Instead, I decided to try to offer her something to drink. She accepted, and was then mostly quiet, asking some general questions about my family. It was all fairly easy to answer vaguely. At least until she asked about a sister, with such total certainty.
”Hm?” I replied.
”Well,” she said, tapping her nose, “I can smell a scent like yours on everything in here, but female. So, it seemed a sister was the most likely explanation.”
”Oh. I—yes. Yeah. It would, wouldn’t it?” I mumbled. “Definitely something like that going on… that’s an impressive nose you have, though. I must say.”
”I… I suppose,” Chaoril replied, before looking over at the time on the stove. “You know, it is getting late. I should head home.”
”Oh, I—is it safe for you to be out there alone?” I asked.
”I carry defensive measures, do not worry,” she replied, standing up and crossing the small apartment in a handful of steps. “I will see you around.”
”Y-yes. That would be nice,” I replied, getting up to say goodbye and be ready to lock the door behind her.
Once she was gone I was left still not completely certain about what had just happened. The idea that I’d spent the evening talking to an actual alien (even a cat-owl-girl) was somewhat brain bending.
Worse, I’d stayed up later than I’d planned and I had class at 8am the next day. Getting ready for bed turned into a scramble that then ended in a mad flurry. As well as in my getting a nose full of Chaoril’s tail fluff while putting the futon in bed mode.
Whether it was more like fur or feathers, I couldn’t say, but it made me sneeze something fierce. I wasn’t even sure which form I was in by the time I stopped and curled into bed.
-
Female. I was female the next morning and I trudged towards class, having eaten only a couple slices of toast for breakfast. It was one of those rare days where I really wasn’t feeling comfortable with how I found myself and wished I would sneeze, but I made it to class before any sneeze came to me. So it was back to wanting not to sneeze, to keep up my cover.
As I attempted to blink some tiredness away, I felt someone sit beside me. Turning, I realised it was Akhtar, wearing his obnoxiously charming and perfect smile. My heart began racing at the proximity, despite all good sense.
“Long time no see,” he said with a soft voice and a sparkle to his eyes that almost seemed like he was telling a joke.
”Heh, yeah, too long,” I said, both truthfully and foolishly.
Why was I such a disaster around crushes of either sex?
At least Akhtar was human, though. That made me feel a bit less lost in how to interact with him.
Class started before we could find much to talk about, though. Despite the distraction of notetaking, I still felt his presence next to mine. He was tall and gentle, with those kind eyes (as well as some nicely solid arms), and I just wanted to lean against him… even though I wasn’t really feeling feminine that day.
Guilt welled in me as I wondered how he’d react to learning I was sort of a guy. It made me jump when the class ended and he said something.
It was only after a moment I processed that he’d asked if I wanted to go get food.
“It’s… it’s sort of an odd mealtime, no?” I replied.
“Maybe,” he said, “but it wasn’t hard to hear your stomach grumbling all class.”
The news left me blushing, but I also had to surrender. “I slept in and didn’t get a proper breakfast.”
“You and me both,” he said. “So I was honestly glad to know you were also hungry. Come on, there’s a little Thai place just off campus that I like. They’ve got good prices and good portions.”
I nodded, following along. It was a short walk, and neither of us had class for a while yet.
“You seem a bit different today,” he said as we neared the edge of the campus.
“Oh, uh… I felt a bit lazier, I suppose?” I offered.
That would probably explain the whole ‘jeans and a hoodie’ look in contrast with the dress I wore on Monday. Well, the outfit and the total lack of makeup.
”I suppose that could be it,” Akhtar said, half mumbling. “I was wondering if—well, no. Probably not.”
”Probably not what?” I asked, reaching around him to push the crosswalk button as he seemed to have forgotten.
”Well, I—don’t take this the wrong way, but it almost seemed like you were giving off different gender vibes.”
”Different… gender vibes?” I asked.
”Mhm. I was wondering if you were maybe a little genderfluid,” he said, looking a bit embarrassed.
Blinking, I tried to work out what that meant. “Gender… fluid? What is…it flows? Somehow?”
”Something like that. It changes from day to day,” he replied, as we reached the restaurant’s patio. “Or so I’ve read?”
“That… that’s a thing other people have?” I mumbled, feeling the whole world seem to shift and glad I was able to sit down at one of the patio tables.
I was also glad that we were alone on the patio, the restaurant apparently not popular with the Thursday brunch crowd.
”Indeed. I did lots of research into the sort of folks I might encounter, coming to university here,” Akhtar replied with a soft smile. “I am surprised you didn't know about such things, though.”
”My… my parents tried to keep me from researching too much of that sort of thing… they worried I’d get confused about gender and boys and—” I froze, realising what I’d said and worrying I’d just outed myself as originally being a guy. After all, would a girl’s parents be worried about her thinking about boys like that?
Looking up at Akhtar, however, he seemed utterly unphased. Maybe he’d interpreted my words differently? Just my parents wanting me to be generally sheltered?
”It’s all rather more dynamic than my father made it seem,” he replied with a small nod.
Any further conversation was interrupted by the waiter appearing, offering us menus and asking if we wanted anything to drink. We just had water, because we were university students. Tuition and rent ate most of our money.
I was in a bit of a daze for the whole process, however, my mind spinning about this idea that maybe there actually was something to my varying comfort with either of my forms. That I wasn’t just a guy playing dress-up. Sure, I had vaguely known about trans women, but I never felt strongly enough about gender to push to learn anything more than that.
”Can… can someone just not have a gender?” I asked.
Akhtar raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Yes. I think that was… agender?”
“That… that might fit me better,” I mumbled. “I… well, sometimes I feel a bit one way or the other, but I think I mostly just… just want to be me? And the path of least resistance sounds nice?”
The waiter came then, giving us our waters and asking for our orders. Akhtar had apparently already decided what he wanted, and I panicked and asked for the same thing.
All said, though, I wasn’t actually sure I was hungry. The emotions were slightly too strong to process that at the moment. My head was too busy spinning from how much more complicated my sense of self was suddenly feeling. Before I’d thought the only options were ‘guy’ or ‘girl’, and I was sometimes reasonably certain I was a guy, so it seemed so simple. It was what I’d been born, so seemed the most likely answer.
Suddenly, though… well, I supposed I was still me. I just was now going to have the chance to find the words for what I was.
“Are—are you…?” I mumbled, looking across at Akhtar, not sure how to word the question.
”Well, I—there’s cultural differences for me, so it is a bit more complicated,” he replied.
”Ah… I suppose that makes sense,” I said.
Before I could ask where he was from, however, our food arrived and the smell reminded me that I was indeed starving.
Comments
Zyla Kat
a bit more complicated would certainly be one way to say it :p (assuming my hunch is correct)
