gorathart
patreon
WIP sketches and life update
🕑 Added 2022-09-23 14:53:22 +0000 UTCNot dead! Here's a couple sketches I've been working on lately.
Drawing has been a huge struggle, still. I'm trying every day, even if most attempts end in tears. Seems like lots of dead ends and very few successes.
I've been thinking a lot about what direction I want to take this Patreon in. It was never supposed to be just commission slots - I just never considered sketches would take as long as they do now! They used to be a lot more simple, and I used to be much faster - but the quality I'm capable of has a much higher ceiling now. The problem is, the world has changed a lot too and I'm not working in a vacuum. I really need to adjust things as I change and as the world changes. What I'm doing now just isn't sustainable...
I'm going to *try* and make some changes to myself and my workflow. I need change, and it's very difficult to express what I've been going through the past few months to explain why, but I'd like to start trying to express myself more. I'd love to make some simple comics about it, for my own sake as well as just having it out there somewhere in the hopes that maybe someone like me will read it, and it will inspire that someone to keep hanging on and waiting for change to come to their life.
I've been settling into my new environment since moving early this year. It's very comfortable there and I've got great roommates and a couple of very sweet cats. I feel a lot more secure in my life in general now than I have at any other point. But that's part of the problem...
Putting myself in a secure and comfortable environment unleashed something in me. I've been processing the trauma, abuse, and grief of my childhood. It is hard. I'll make another post about it later. There would be a lot of trigger warnings, and I think making a comic about it and trying to mix in humor would make it a lot more palatable. I know talking about trauma usually has the effect of turning people's stomachs. I feel like I need to vent this stuff and establish some sort of a narrative for myself but damn its hard, and it seems like stories like that don't FIT anywhere. I'm not sure how else to get such a depressing story off my chest, but I desperately want to. I want to use my art for my own therapy - I'm spending over half of the money I make every month on therapy right now and it is REALLY wearing on me.
Rest assured I'm basically fine. The mood swings come and go. Sometimes the flashbacks are really elating and I have a lovely memory pop up and put me in a good mood. I have a pretty big support network and enough friends and work to get by. Don't worry too much, but please understand - things just aren't easy for me right now.
