Nef
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Lets Rewind...
🕑 Added 2024-10-18 15:23:48 +0000 UTCWhere have I been all year, what happened, why am I always moving? Life sweeps me in different directions and I have no roots keeping me in one place. When I feel the urge to explore a new city, I can't stop myself from going.
January-July of 2024:
After nearly a year of sulking in America, becoming at peace with leaving Europe, I decided it was finally time to go back and face the world. My friend Mila generously offered to host me in Los Angeles. Initially, it was planned to be long-term, but I was called to the heart of the city. By heart I mean Glendale. I didn't know the geography and with no car, I was stranded. I found out Glendale is basically Ohio to downtown LA and it took hours to get there without a car. But life was calm there, I would go on walks with my dog, cook for viewers on stream, and go out to dinner with my (now ex) boyfriend on weekends. What I couldn't shake was the constant ache for purpose. I felt empty in LA, whether it was the monotony of a boring relationship or the loneliness of few friends I couldn't tell, but I was always yearning for something else.
I think I moved to LA because the trips I had out there were spectacular. Unfortunately, I lost contact with the person I was most excited to see (we just drifted nbd) and I don't think there's a person in the world as exciting to be around so that was a little disappointing but fine. Eventually, I met some really cool people who I loved being around but I decided LA didn't meet my expectations and moved back to the East Coast.
(mini thing I need to mention from mid-February: Another thing I love about LA is the car scene, but being there and spending a considerable amount of time around those people, I began to hate it. When I was with family and respected people in the past I was treated as a human, but when I went alone people wouldn't speak to me and were just extremely disrespectful which was super disappointing.)
July-September of 2024:
I won't soften it, I had probably been quite depressed for the last 6 months or more. I moved to LA with hopes it would fix everything, and when it didn't I lost a lot of hope. I spent my time in DC(home) practically always alone, and then in LA alone except on the weekends, and I completely lost all of my social skills. I realized I wasn't happy in my relationship so I ended that and went to Austria. I was unbelievably excited to see my best friend Ana. I wish there wasn't a but, but there is. I was ecstatic to see Ana, but the way I treated her did not reflect that. Ana is one of the kindest loving and forgiving people I know. I am lucky that she is but it also let me be a bad friend to her. It wasn't just to her, but I spent most of my time with her, so I think she felt the brunt. I was snappy and rude, and I couldn't find the words to ask anyone a single question about themselves. I would feel terrible after every hangout with anyone because I felt like a jerk. It was uncontrollable and I don't know where it came from. Eventually, Ana and I talked about it, and I think bringing it out into the open made me realize I had to try harder. It was a weight off my shoulders in a sense because I was convincing myself there wasn't something wrong, but her noticing made it real and my emotions valid? I had an amazing time being back in Austria as well, and I genuinely love all of my friends there so much. It was sad to go, but despite the social anxiety or whatever that I developed, they mean the world to me.
Now... (October 2024)
I had always told myself, NY LA or not in America, so I figured it was time to give NYC a shot. I did a deep dive through Facebook marketplace and found a DREAM apartment!!! What is funny is I am living with a guy. I had never thought I would, because as a girl I just couldn't ever imagine that, but I am. He is very clean, respectful, and nice. No weird vibes *celebration emoji*! I moved to the city with no plan, and a few thousand in savings to pay my rent. I have had the most INCREDIBLE time here so far (on a budget). I want to let you guys in on a little influencer secret, which I really don't know if it is correct to share but you may as well know: Nearly everything I eat is free. I am a part of OTH which actually does advertise this publicly, but if I post on my story about the food I get, it is compensated. As a very broke 21-year-old in NYC, this is saving my life. I would be living off of bread and butter otherwise. (I do want to say though regardless of any of this I am very grateful for my life and I know it is better circumstances than other people have so please don't take it the wrong way)
But now I have a plan! I inherited my parents' company BME, which is a body modification website. if you have any interest in tattoos, piercings, scarification, etc go check it out! I have a lot of dreams for the company, but the first step is our relaunch!!! Eventually, I imagine interviewing people around the world and sponsoring a lot of educational events about culture and safety in this community. My parents inspired people everywhere and created so much change that they were too humble to even claim as their own. I love New York, but maybe what makes me feel good again is having a purpose. I want to carry on the torch and become a changemaker like my parents were.
Before I go:
That's a not short, but short update on most of what has happened in the past year and where we are headed now. I am really looking forward to life right now and have hobbies friends and a career <3 I thank you guys because I don't know where I would be without the confidence social media gave me. I didn't believe I could walk in a straight line, let alone work full-time as a content creator for 2 years, so truly thank you.
I want to blog on this Patreon about whatever random stuff I feel deserves a paragraph. I also want to give lengthy answers to questions you guys have, whether it be about me or different industries and things happening in the world. I will show you all my music progression, give you early access to whatever YouTube videos I am working on, and who knows what!!! Currently, I have a thing to send out postcards to the $50 tier(which I don't expect anyone to sign up for; it's just an option, lol), but I want to figure out some other perks I can give you guys, so LMK if you have any ideas!
Lovvveee,
Ari (aka Nefarious Larratt)
P.S. Attached are just a ton of different photos from this year that I think are funny or cool! Also maybe it's too cliche to point out but I look really happy in some even while being in a bad mental place so like don't believe what you see on the internet or something??? But I'm doing great rn so don't stress about that detail
Comments
Targa1312
Moved in with a dude from my college class back in 2004 cause neither of us could afford rent. Still good friends nearly 20 years later.
Lukas Hosford
I can relate to the experience you describe feeling like you were being snappy & inconsiderate to your friend unintentionally. I had a long term relationship where I felt like she created a lot of unnecessary struggle for me over a very long time — rightly so — but when I got really exhausted she become apologetic, but I guess I just didn’t actually accept the apology emotionally. I was so pained that I was really nasty with her. I remember snapping at her & then later having what I said echo in my head like “what did you say Luke 😢.” I never tried to get on social media seriously until I was 27, but now I am 31 and I have a lot of experience building online art businesses unsuccessfully 🤦♂️. I guess a lot of Nigerians think I am very knowledgeable about the future of the internet - lol - truth. I have lots of friends in general who are telling me that I am really onto something with the way I am approaching it at this stage, so determinedly I will convert that to successfully. Your/Your parent’s business is very interesting. I have studied a lot of philosophy & literature & there is a particular author who stands out in general, named Antonin Artaud who wrote a book titled “The Theater of Cruelty.” The book is about the connection between suffering & art & the role that connection plays in giving meaning to symbols. It comes to mind whenever I see the BME posts come up on my Instagram feed. I think your idea to do interviews is excellent. You could curate a beautiful fascinating podcast by asking great questions & hosting sophisticated conversations. I yearn to bring a deeper & more thoughtful tone to the mass media environment. Thank you for doing what you do Nefarious, Ari 🙏
TOTEBaby
These photos are so fun! Love how natural you blend into all these places
