The Wilder Lands
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Impure - Chapter Seven
🕑 Added 2024-11-23 22:53:40 +0000 UTC*****
Chapter Seven
*****
Argos led Rivi back through The Worldstrider, towards one of the few dining halls already open. Between the extended boarding process, and the growing swirl of confusion around what was being removed from the ship and what wasn’t, most of the vessels shops and eateries remained closed. Normally, most of them would be open for business in time for departure, but Argos doubted that was going to be the case this time.
Before he’d met the cat, Argos and Iosa already had dinner plans. Though they’d volunteered as overwatch to help during the unusually chaotic embarking, that was only temporary. The ship had arranged for replacements to take over in the evening, so that the coyote and fox could go eat, and eventually retire to their rooms. Argos expected Iosa to already be in the dining hall, awaiting his arrival. He hoped the vixen wouldn’t mind that he was bringing company.
Before they’d left the room, Argos located his spare key, and the safe combination. He gave the to Rivi, with instructions to keep it safely hidden on his person along with his billfold and enough cash to pay for food and other expenditures. Everything else, he told the cheetah, could be kept in the room safe. Argos had Rivi memorize the combination, and then store the rest of his valuable documents in the safe. Rivi wasn’t likely to need his identity booklet, or his travel permits, or his banking slips for the duration of the voyage. And on the off-chance he did, so long as they were in the safe, it would be a simple matter of locating and presenting them.
During their travels, Argos pointed things out to Rivi, giving the cheetah a very basic lesson on the ship’s layout. He showed him which decks held shopping promenades, which had dining halls and saloons, where to find things like first aid and security stations, where some of the viewing decks were, and so on. Argos also told Rivi which decks included which classes, in hopes of preventing the cheetah from inadvertently finding himself wandering around in steerage, unaccompanied.
Not that Argos planned to let the cheetah wander around on his lonesome very often. It was all too clear to the coyote that left to his own devices, it just as likely Rivi would get robbed and stabbed as it was he’d get his head stuck in a porthole, or end up buried under his own luggage. Something about that cat just screamed trouble, though it was for no fault of Rivi’s own.
When he’d first gone to save the cat, he’d assumed Rivi to be some entitled rich brat, traveling the world on someone else’s dime. And to be fair, Rivi was at least some of those things. Argos knew a whole hell of a lot more about Rivi’s homeland, and his people, then he’d ever let on. And one thing was certain, a whole lot of unfortunate, dirt-poor felines couldn’t afford to travel in their own country, let alone throughout the world. And even if they could, their damn Church would have to relax its iron grip on their throats. And lately, that grip had only gotten tighter. Their current rulers had ensured that travel permits were not easily obtained by anyone below a certain class.
Rivi, though, damn sure wasn’t lower class. Hell, Argos had glanced at his information. Even his damn travel permit status was listed as Diplomatic/Governmental. Argos wasn’t real sure he wanted to pry too hard into the cat’s family, but it was pretty clear that Rivi was connected to someone important, or wealthy. Probably both.
Argos had guessed as much as soon as he first saw Rivi pacing around, waving about his money as if he expected it to solve all his problems. He’d gone to save the cat just the same, cause entitled brat or not, he still didn’t deserve to end up broke, or in a meat locker. But he’d been wrong about the rest of it. Rivi wasn’t entitled, at least not in the traditional sense. The cat probably didn’t know how good he had it, especially living the sheltered life Argos imagined for him. But it wasn’t a malicious sort of entitlement, just a spectacular naivety. And where Argos expected to be saving an ungrateful brat, he found something else entirely.
In Rivi, Argos saw innocence.
In the coyote’s line of work, innocence was a quality he rarely encountered. He’d done terrible things, in his life, things he hoped would make the world a better place in the long run. But whether for the greater good or not, Argos was far from innocent. And the people he worked with, the people he cared for, they were the same. Theirs was a dangerous, bloody existence, perpetrated in the hopes of making changes for the better.
It took Argos only a few minutes with the cat to realize that Rivi was in many ways, a better person than Argos would ever be. The cat was all heart, with big feelings, and an uncontrollable desire to see the best in everyone. It was foolish, to be sure, but it was a beautiful sort of foolishness. Rivi had a head full of fear, and a heart full of kindness. Best Argos could tell, he had no one to share either of them with. Hell, Argos was pretty sure the only thing Rivi was ever given in return for his kindness, was cruelty.
Rivi struck Argos as the sort who wouldn’t even fight back if someone was hittin’ him. And given the horrified look in the poor cheetah’s eyes when he’d accidentally called Argos handsome, the coyote was pretty sure someone had hit Rivi, in the past. Rivi had mentioned something about ‘impure’ thoughts. Argos had spent enough time in Rivi’s homeland to know what that meant. As soon as those words came out of Rivi’s mouth, Argos knew they were one and the same. Only, no one ever tried beat the impurity out of Argos.
Poor Rivi, though, was cursed with kindness. That was what Argos called it when a person was so filled up with decency, they damn near choked on it. If someone belittled Argos over his sexuality, he’d tell them to fuck off. And if someone tried to hit him for it, the coyote would put them through a damn window. But Rivi was too sweet for that. He’d probably put on a brave face, and smile, and thank them for trying to help him. And if they hit him, somehow Argos doubted Rivi would have fought back. Hell, even if he did, what good would it have done the cheetah? Argos imagined Rivi would have struggled to win a fight with a pillow, let alone with an angry bigot. No, the coyote feared Rivi would have just taken the insults, taken the punches, and then somehow, blamed himself for the pain.
It didn’t help that where Rivi came from, they called it a damn sin. Taught people like Rivi that all it took to stain your soul was to think the wrong way about another male. The Church’s followers believed it a sort of sickness, something to be cured by any means necessary. Argos had the sinking suspicious that they’d probably tried to cure Rivi. Whatever horrible things they’d done to him, Rivi probably pretended it worked, for his own safety. Hell, he probably told himself it worked, if only to make it easier to maintain the lie that kept him safe.
Well, Argos told himself. Rivi didn’t have to lie, anymore. He had Argos to keep him safe, now.
Argos meant what he said to Rivi, in the suite. He’d watch the cat’s back like a fucking hawk, for as long as they were on this ship together. And before they parted, Argos would hire someone he trusted, to keep Rivi safe in his stead. With any luck, by the end of the cat’s pilgrimage, he’d have learned just enough that he wouldn’t need protecting, anymore. Then again, at the end of his pilgrimage, he’d be back to whatever safe, cozy, sheltered life he was living before all this.
The coyote scowled to himself, as they waited for a lift. Rivi’s life might have been sheltered, but it sure as hell wasn’t safe. Most of the cats in Rivi’s homeland were anything but tolerant of those they deemed impure. Rivi was just lucky he seemed to be connected to someone important, and wealthy. At least that way, he was a lot less likely to end up jailed by the Church’s vice police. Or worse.
Rivi was cursed by kindness. Argos was sure of it. Born with a kind and open heart, in a society that spat on him just for being different. Hell, given everything Rivi’s own people probably put him through, it was a miracle that all that innocent kindness still shone so brightly in his red-gold eyes. But shine it did, even as Rivi tumbled through life in a cloud of bad luck, and the ill intentions of others. There was strength in that, Argos was sure.
Argos glanced at Rivi, just as the lift doors opened. “You’re stronger than you think, Spot.”
Rivi gave him a confused look, ears flattened. “What?”
“Nothing. The coyote lead Rivi into the elevator. “Nothing. Just wandering thoughts, sneaking out across my tongue when I wasn’t looking.”
Rivi chuckled, his tail flicking. “I certainly know how that goes.”
Argos gave the lift operator their destination, and the car lurched downwards. Rivi gripped the brass railing that ran around the inside of the mirrored lift cab. Argos considered putting a steadying hand on the cat’s other arm, but he wasn’t sure Rivi would appreciate it. Though he’d touched the feline in support before, he did not wish to make Rivi uncomfortable. Best he could tell, physical contact was alright, so long as there was fur between them, or better yet, clothing. But he also did not wish to push too hard against any of Rivi’s personal boundaries.
“Hope you don’t mind that we’re meeting Iosa.” Argos reached into his waistcoat for his billfold. He withdrew a bank note, and when the lift came to a stop, passed it to the operator.
“Thank you, Sir.” The kobold running the lift tucked the bill away inside his uniform.
“Not at all,” Rivi said, following Argos into a busy atrium. “I just hope she doesn’t mind that I’m there. I hope I’m not intruding on anything.”
Argos flicked an ear back. “Don’t worry about it. If she ain’t happy about extra company, I’ll just buy her a few more drinks. That’ll brighten her mood.” The lift doors open, and Argos led Rivi out. “Besides, I think she’ll be happy to have someone to talk to other than just me.” Argos left it unsaid that he was also planning to recruit Iosa to help him watch out for the cheetah.
“In that case, I’m happy to talk with her!” Rivi looked back as the lift doors closed. “Is tipping the attendant customary?”
The coyote shrugged. “You don’t gotta. Especially given how many trips you’re gonna take with ‘em. But if you got a little extra cash now and then, it’s a nice gesture.”
“Understood.” Rivi rubbed his hands together. “Then I can tip them, next time. I did bring an assortment of various denominations with me.”
“Various denominations, huh?” Argos smirked. “You scholars sure got a way with words.” He paused to get his bearings, glancing at the signs. “Alright, we’re heading to Common Dining Hall One.” Argos pointed to the signs. “Ship’s got signs everywhere to help you figure out where you are, and where you’re going. You just gotta pay attention to them.”
“Understood.” Rivi walked along at Argos’s side as they turned onto a wide corridor. Already, there were more people walking about than there were on the upper levels of the ship. Rivi gazed at them, his eyes wide behind his oversized spectacles, as if still growing accustomed to seeing so many non-felines. “Argos, do you really think your friend will enjoy talking to me?”
The coyote stuck his hands into his trouser pockets. “Don’t see why not. She’s probably getting sick of hearing me blather on about whiskey, anyway.”
Rivi scratched one of his ears. “I just hope I don’t talk too much. Believe it or not, I can be quite the chatterbox when you get me going.”
Argos glanced over at the coyote, fighting back a grin. “You don’t say.”
“It’s true!” Rivi looked at Argos, his eyes dropping down to the coyote’s hidden hands. The cheetah then shoved his own hands into his pockets. “Why, I could discuss the many works of Illustra Omnus all day!”
The coyote blinked, glancing over at Rivi. “Who or what is an Illustra Omnus?”
Rivi brightened immediately, his ears perked. “Illustra Omnus was a renowned feline author and poet, from the immediate Post Fracture Period. Her works are considered highly influential on nearly all modern feline literary pursuits.”
“Oh yeah?” Argos paused at an intersection, glancing at the signs. While the growing din of boisterous voices told him which direction the dining hall was, he was trying to set an example for Rivi. “Okay, Spots, which way are we going?”
Rivi, meanwhile, was lost in his own little world. “And, I should like to point out,” Rivi said, pulling a hand from his pocket just to waggle a finger in the air. He continued down the hall, going the wrong way, oblivious to the fact that Argos had paused. “That Illustra was a cheetah! Which, I can assure you, is no small source of pride for my people, and myself.”
“Rivi…” Argos took a few steps after him.
“I studied her works extensively in university. Took a number of courses on her life, and the three eras her writing is commonly divided into.” Rivi adjusted his spectacles, pushing them further up his blunt, feline muzzle. “I’d even tried to incorporate some of stylistic flourishes into my own written compositions, but I’m afraid it only ever came across as derivative.”
Argos hurried after the coyote, sharpening his voice. “Rivimiralous!”
“Yes?” Rivi looked over his shoulder, without ever continuing his forward momentum. “How did you get behind me? Oh, am I walking too fast?”
Just ahead of Rivi, a trio of disgruntled looking felines stood alongside a pile of crimson-accented luggage. Argos realized that in about two heartbeats, Rivi was going to stumble over their suitcases. The coyote lunged forward, snatching the golden-striped sleeve of Rivi’s purple sweater. He pulled Rivi sideways, just far enough to ensure Rivi didn’t trip over the other feline’s belongings. Rivi gave a startled noise, half-mewl and half-squeak, staggering. Argos grasped his arm, just to steady him.
“Sorry, Spots.” Argos waited till Rivi had his balance before releasing him. “But you gotta watch where you were going.”
“Oh, right, yes.” Rivi swallowed, his ears flat. “Sorry, I was thinking about literature.”
“I noticed.” Argos gestured at the felines. “I’m just glad you didn’t bump into them, or hurt yourself trippin’ over their stuff.”
Rivi turned towards the three darker-furred felines, a horrified look on his face. He quickly bowed his head. “My deepest apologies for inconveniencing you.”
The other felines glanced at him. A lion with a reddish, unkempt mane a frustrated growl, while a dark-furred panther gave an appreciative nod. The third feline was a tiger, who simply waved him off dismissively. They returned to their own conversation, and Argos gently turned Rivi back the way they’d come.
“You really gotta work on your situational awareness, Spots.” Argos guided Rivi back towards the intersection. “Now, look at the signs, and tell me which way-”
“Hey, Cheetah!” One of the panthers called out. “Are you him?”
Rivi spun back around again. “Him who?”
“The Wandering Scholar!” The panther glanced between his friends. “I saw his picture in the newspaper!” He looked to Rivi again. “You were in the newspaper, right?”
Rivi rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish grin creeping across his muzzle. “I’ve probably been in a lot of newspapers. At least back home.”
“That’s definitely him!” The panther grinned, nudging the tiger with an elbow. “He’s going around the world, or something.”
“Yes, that’s right.” Rivi clasped his hands, his grin widening. “It’s called The Scholar’s Pilgrimage. I’m going to be writing a book about my experiences, and the Church will distribute it.”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s right.” The panther waggled his finger. “I ain’t lived there in years, but my mother sends me newspaper clippings. You were in some.”
The lion slowly turned away from his conversation with the tiger, and slowly looked Rivi over. “Yeah…” He snorted. “He does look kinda familiar.” Then his gaze shifted to Argos, his voice twisting into a dismissive sneer. “Who’re you? His porter, or something?”
Argos wasn’t sure why, but something about the lion rubbed him the wrong way. He didn’t care about being so easily dismissed, but there was something almost contemptuous in the way the lion looked at him. And the way he looked at Rivi wasn’t much better. It was almost as though he recognized the cheetah on a different level than the panther did. Recognized, and did not like him. Though it was probably nothing, in the back of his mind Argos marked that lion as someone to keep an eye on, and keep Rivi away from.
For now, though, he played dumb. “That’s right, Sir.” Argos softened his voice, shifting into feigned subservience. If the lion already thought him some hired servant, then it was all the easier to play that role. “I’m the good Scholar’s trusted porter and guide on this vessel. And while I’m sure the Scholar would love to regal you tales of his adventures and exploits, I’m afraid he’s a pressing dinner engagement he’s already late for. A pleasure to meet you, gentlemen.” Argos turned and swept his arm down the hall, back the way they’d come. “After you, Sir.”
“Oh, um…” Confusion washed across Rivi’s face. His muzzle twisted up, his ears splayed. “Right. Of-of course.” He gave the three other felines a little bow and wave. “The pleasure was mine. Have a lovely journey.”
“Yeah, you two.” The panther waved back. “Hope everything goes well!”
“Thank you!” Rivi bowed again, before turning away and walking down the hall.
Argos followed after him, maintaining a subservient position until they’d rounded the corner towards the dining hall. Then he caught up with the cheetah, glancing over. “You didn’t tell me you were in newspapers, and shit.”
Rivi stared back at him, blank look on his spotted face. “You didn’t ask.”
Argos grit his teeth. “Got me there, I guess.” He stepped to the side of the hall with Rivi, out of the way of people walking the corridor. “Alright, I got a question for you, if you’re willing.”
“Of course,” Rivi said, swishing his tail. “I’ve one for you as well, now.”
Argos inclined his head. “You first, then.”
“Why did you pretend to be my porter?” Rivi made a frustrated chuffing noise, a few sharp teeth flashed. “I’d have just as soon told those fellows that Fafren abandoned me, and they’d chivalrously stepped in, in his stead.” He scrunched his snout. “Well, perhaps not chivalrously, for that tends to have slightly different implications.”
“For one,” Argos said, ticking off a finger. “They don’t need to know your business. For another, they sure as hell don’t need to know my business. And for three, there’s something off about that lion. Like a bully, kinda. But the sort who’s got in his head that somehow, everyone else thinks they’re better than him. Like he’s looking for a flaw to pick at, just to make himself feel better. He was looking at me like I oughta be scraping shit off his shoe.”
Rivi crinkled up his muzzle. “I’m afraid I hadn’t noticed that. I’m sorry, Argos, some of my countrymen still cling to grudges and biases that were unwarranted before the Fractures, let alone after them.”
“Don’t worry about it, Spots,” Argos said. He was well aware of the misplaced hatred that lingered between the more bigoted members of their people.
Rivi canted his head. “Very well. That’s not entirely what I meant, though. I don’t understand why you acted like a servant instead of…well…” He scratched at his cheek, ruffling the thin fur. “If you were worried the lion might cause trouble, why didn’t you just flash your secret policeman badge? You could have told them the Church assigned you to be my bodyguard.”
“Tailor the action, to the expected reaction,” Argos said. He nudged his shoe against the carpeted floor. “Something I was taught, you see. Intimidation works against people like that wolf because they can tell, just look at me, that I ain’t to be fucked with. Danger recognizes danger. Predator recognizes predator. That’s how it was in the old days, in the darker times of blood and fear. In the pre-histories. But people like that lion?” Argos sneered. “They think they’re the only predator out there. They wouldn’t recognize real danger if it shoved a pistol up their ass. If I tried to intimate him, he’d probably take a swing at me.” He grimaced, his ears back. “And then I’d have to hurt him.”
The cheetah listened intently, his ears swiveled forward, his attention solely focused on Argos this time. “You say that as though you hadn’t threatened to hurt people before.”
“See, Spots, that’s just it. I don’t take hurtin’ people anymore lightly than I take usin’ these.” Argos patted one of the pistols hidden beneath his waistcoat. “Believe it or not, I ain’t real fond of having to resort to either one. Now, some people out there deserve to take a beating, but it ain’t my preference. You give me a choice between defending myself with violence, and scaring someone off, I’m gonna choose intimidation, every time. Intimidate, to deescalate. They taught me that, too. But that goes back to what I just said. Tailoring the action, to the expected reaction.” He waved his hand. “If you expect them to react to intimidation by taking a swing at you, you try something else, instead. In this case, the lion thought I was your servant, so I let him believe it. It was the quickest way to get you out of there.”
Rivi rubbed his muzzle with both hands, murmuring into his palms. Eventually, he dropped his hands back down. “That actually makes a lot of sense. But wait, why did you want to get me out of there, if you feared he was going to hurt you?”
“Oh, he wasn’t gonna hurt me, Spots,” Argos said, a smirk on his snout. “I’d have fucked him up down one side of the ship, and back up the other.”
Rivi giggled a little, his shoulders shaking. “You’re quite confident, aren’t you.”
“I am.” Argos glanced away, one ear flat. “Got too much experience fucking people up to be any other way about it. Ain’t trying to brag, either. Just stating the facts.”
“I suppose the secret police don’t really have a choice, sometimes.” Rivi turned in place, looking back towards the intersection. “Why did you want to get me out of there, then?”
“That lion looked like he thought he knew you from somewhere.” Argos scrunched his nose in concerned thought. “I just got the feeling I didn’t want him to remember where. When I get a hunch like that, I find it’s best to listen, just in case.” The coyote folded his arms. “Which brings me to my question. Are you famous or something back home, Rivi?”
“Famous? Me?” The cheetah gave a chittering laugh. “Hardly! Though, as I explained to my fellows, after being selected for The Scholar’s Pilgrimage, I have been featured in a number of newspapers. And several magazines! And they interviewed on the radio! I probably sounded like a stuttering fool, though. I was terribly nervous.” Rivi splayed his ears back as if just the memory was enough to leave his poor belly bubbling with anxiety. “But I wouldn’t call that famous, exactly.”
The coyote folded his arms, grimacing. “It ain’t not famous, either. I’m starting to get the feeling this Pilgrimage is a bigger deal than I realized.”
“Well, yes.” Rivi wrung his hands together. “It’s a very prestigious position.”
“Yeah, you mentioned that part.” Argos leaned his head back against the dark wooden paneling covering the wall. “I think I just sort of assumed you meant prestigious as in, they pay you lots of money. Not as in, they plaster your photograph everywhere.”
“Not everywhere,” Rivi said, his tail flicking in uneven time. “But it does make the national headlines, and thus, so does The Wandering Scholar.” He licked his nose. “That’s the title of the person undertaking the pilgrimage.” Rivi shifted his weight back and forth, tail swishing faster. “The Scholar’s Pilgrimage is a point of national pride, in fact.” He looked down at his feet. “I did attempt to offer to tell you about it, you know. I’m sure it seemed quite unimportant, though.”
“Hey…” Argos reached towards the cat’s face, intent on gently lifting his chin. But he stopped, unsure how appropriate Rivi would consider such a gesture. “Look up, Spots.” Rivi slowly did so, and Argos smiled at him. “It’s plenty important. And I remember, cause I teased you about asking me out on a date, for a drink.”
Rivi blinked. “You did?” Then his eyes widened. “Oh, that’s what you meant…” The cheetah looked away again, swallowing hard. The faintest hint of a shy, happy sort of grin tugged at the corners of his muzzle. “I didn’t mean it that way, but…” He stared down the hallway, speaking slowly, his words chosen with care. “If you are interested in hearing more about The Scholar’s Pilgrimage, I would not be averse to explaining about it, whilst enjoying an alcoholic beverage in your company.”
“That’s very specifically worded,” Argos said.
“Yes.” Rivi fidgeted with his clothes, his eyes darting everywhere but the canine. “It is.”
Argos reached for Rivi’s shoulder, then paused. “May I put my hand on your shoulder?”
The cheetah nodded, silent.
Argos gently rested his hand on the cheetah. “I don’t wanna embarrass you, Spots. Or scare you. Or make you talk about things you ain’t comfortable talking about. And seeing as how this might not be a ‘public hallway’ type conversation anyway…” Argos squeezed Rivi’s shoulder. “Lemme just say, I’d be happy to enjoy an alcoholic beverage in your company too, while you tell me all about your pilgrimage.”
Rivi swallowed audibly. His eyes returned to the coyote’s, if only momentarily. For but a breath, the cheetah’s eyes met Argos’s. Rivi’s red-gold eyes pierced him, as if searching Argos’s very soul for the answer to a puzzle he’d been desperately trying to solve, all his life. He tensed under the coyote’s touch, then just as swiftly, Rivi’s gaze broke away, and he stared down at his own feet again. “You shouldn’t tease me with dangerous ideas.”
“I ain’t teasin’, Spots.” Argos squeezed his shoulder a little harder. “And the only thing dangerous here is me.”
“More than you realize, I think.” Rivi wrung his hands together, his breath shaking. “I probably shouldn’t even suggested it. I’m sorry.”
Argos flattened his ears. Maybe, he feared, he was pushing the cheetah a little too far. If the cat was dead set on overcoming his own so-called impurity, then Argos did not wish to make things more difficult for him. Nor did he want to make Rivi profoundly uncomfortable. Hell, he didn’t want to make Rivi feel anything but accepted for whoever he was. The coyote decided there was something else he had best discuss with Rivi before the evening continued.
“Rivi, you mind if stop and talk about…” He gestured between them. “Whatever this is? I don’t wanna be making things difficult, on you, but…” Argos gazed, his eyes settling on an empty storage alcove with its door propped up. “How about in there? Give us a little bit of privacy, at least.”
Rivi looked towards the alcove, his ears slowly going back. “A-alright, Argos.”
Argos led Rivi to the alcove. He went inside, and waited as the cheetah shuffled in behind him. Rivi muttered to himself again, but it was so low under his breath Argos couldn’t make out the words. Once he was inside, Argos closed the door, and turned towards the cheetah. Rivi had already taken up pacing, and hissing at himself. Pain squeezed Argos’s heart. It was as though Rivi was already blaming himself for whatever he imagined Argos was about to say. As if the cheetah thought he’d done something wrong, somehow.
“Rivimiralous.” Argos spoke his full name to make sure he had Rivi’s attention. “You ain’t in trouble, and I ain’t mad at you. I wanna make that clear right now, if it ain’t.”
Rivi turned towards him, worry etched across his face, and his slanted ears. “Alright.”
“Now, what we do need to talk about probably ain’t gonna be comfortable. Especially for you.” Argos scratched at the thick fur around his neck. “And you can probably guess what it’s about. But I’m only gonna bring it up with your permission. May I do so?”
The cheetah whimpered. “G-go ahead.” His eyes sunk, fixated on the floor.
“Thank you, Rivi.” Argos reached out, his finger hovering just under Rivi’s chin. “And may I touch your chin?”
Rivi licked his nose. Even with his face downcast, Argos could see the uncertainty washing across him. His ears twisted, his lips curled into a worried grimace. But just as Argos was about to pull his hand back, Rivi answered. “You may.”
With the absolute utmost gentleness, Argos touched a single finger to Rivi’s chin. The cream-beige fur there was impossibly soft, and ever so warm. Argos lifted Rivi’s muzzle until the cheetah’s eyes were upon him once again. “I want you to keep your eyes on me, if you can. If it’s too uncomfortable, you can look away. But I want you to try, alright?”
Rivi’s ears trembled, almost imperceptibly. “Yes, Mister Argos.” He swallowed. “I mean Argos.”
Argos withered, deep inside. The poor cheetah suddenly seemed as though he feared he was about to be screamed at. Or hit. “You ain’t in trouble, Spots. As far from it as possible. In fact, I’m starting to think maybe you ain’t ready for this conversation.” He sighed, his ears drooping. “Rivi, I’m sorry. I’m honestly trying to put you at ease, and I think I’m just fucking it up. Why don’t we just go to dinner, and-”
“No.” Rivi straightened, squaring his shoulders. “If you think it’s important for me to hear it, then…” He balled his hands up at his sides, his tail swishing. “Then it’s important I let you say it. Just…please, don’t yell at me. I don’t like it when people yell at me.”
Argos’ heart cracked. Even now, when Rivi finally flashed a glimpse of the strength Argos knew was somewhere in his soul, the fears that filled him still shone brighter. If Argos ever met the people who instilled the poor cheetah with so much internalized terror and self-loathing, he was going to do terrible things to them.
“I ain’t gonna yell at you, Spots.” Argos rubbed his face, grimacing. “I can’t imagine why anyone would ever wanna yell at you.”
“Because I’m impure.” Rivi’s voice was all too quiet, and all too certain.
Argos breath caught in his throat. That was it, then. The cat finally said it out loud. Not that he was suffering impure thoughts, not that he’d accidentally slipped up. But that he was impure. Argos hadn’t expected Rivi to be the one to just…come out and say it. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not. He feared it was less because Rivi believed Argos accepted him, and more because the cheetah felt cornered.
“You ain’t impure, Spots.” Argos reached out to grasp Rivi’s arm, only to hesitate, fearful his touch would only make the cat more uncomfortable.
“Yes, I am.” The cheetah wrung his hands so tightly, his knuckles stood out against the silken, beige-gold fur. “I suffer impure thoughts, Argos. I know you’ve already guessed as much, but I didn’t call you handsome by mistake. The mistake was saying it out loud, but…” He took a slow breath, his throat clenching. “I do think you’re handsome, and it shames me greatly.”
Argos, for the first time in years, found himself speechless. All his instincts screamed at him to do two things. To deflect the cat’s shame with a joke, to tell Rivi he must have thought Argos was ugly then, if being attracted to him was shameful. And two, to pull the cat into the tightest, most smothering hug he could, to whisper into his ear that he had nothing to be ashamed of, that he was impure just because he was different.
But he couldn’t. A joke wouldn’t help someone like Rivi. And the cat didn’t even want their paw pads to touch, let alone the rest of their bodies.
“Rivi, I…” Argos took a slow breath, gathering his thoughts. He had to proceed carefully. The last thing he wanted to do now was make things harder on Rivi.
“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about, right?” Rivi’s whole body trembled, a shaking that showed itself even through his layers of clothing. The cheetah sounded as though he was on the verge of tears, soldiering on and speaking evenly through sheer force of will alone. It was almost as if his words were rehearsed, and only by the power of repetition was able to spit them out. Maybe, Argos thought, some of them were exactly that, even if they weren’t initially meant for him. “My impure thoughts? My impurity?”
Argos’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah, Spots. But only if you’re comfortable, and willing. We don’t gotta.”
Rivi shook his head. “Well, it’s out there now.” Bitterness tainted his words, and he spat them a little too fast. “So, you may as well say whatever you have to say, and be done with it.” Then, just as quickly, the resentment was gone, replaced with stark regret. “I-I’m sorry, Argos. I didn’t mean it to sound that way.”
“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for, Rivi.” All at once, it was Argos who struggled to keep his voice from breaking. There were so many painful, mixed up feelings in the poor cheetah’s head, Argos didn’t even know where to start. “And you sure as hell ain’t get nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yes, I do.” Rivi sniffled, his ears drooping. He looked down at his feet. His tail, so often twitching, went limp behind him. “Impurity is shameful. Impurity is sinful. And impurity is-”
“Impurity ain’t real.” Argos growled, his own ears flat. “Being different don’t make you impure. It don’t make you evil, and it don’t make you no sinner. You are who you were born to be, no more and no less.” He took a slow breath, and when Rivi’s ears swiveled towards him, he continued. “Rivi, I know you’re genuinely frightened by the thoughts you’re having. And I don’t wanna get preachy on you. It ain’t my place to argue your lifelong beliefs. Instead…” Argos ran a hand back over his ears, trying to navigate what suddenly felt like a minefield laden with nothing but pain and humiliation, waiting to be inflicted on an all too innocent feline. “I wanna tell you what I believe. Is that alright?”
Rivi nodded once, his eyes still downcast.
“Firstly, Mister Rivamiralous…” Argos gently tapped a finger between Rivi’s ears. They twitched, but Rivi did not duck away. “It is my belief that there ain’t nothing impure up here. Your thoughts are just thoughts. Ain’t nothing at all wrong with who you think about, or what you think about them. And there sure as hell ain’t nothing impure…” He gently poked the cheetah’s chest, just over his heart. “In here. Hell, Spots, I like to think I can see what’s truly inside people, pretty well. And I don’t see nothing in you but light, and sweetness.” He sneered, a low, disgusted growl escaping him. “Only thing dark I see in your soul was put there by others, who don’t like that you’re different.”
Rivi sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
“But there ain’t nothing with being different.” Argos gently grasped the feline’s shoulder, squeezing it. “Nothing. No matter what your Church says, about people like us.”
Rivi stiffened, sucking in a breath. He slowly lifted his head, staring at Argos, his red-gold eyes full of tears and uncertainty.
“Yeah, Spots, I said us. So, if you’ve been wondering about that, then wonder no longer.” The coyote let out a long, slow breath. “Your people woulda called me impure, too. Probably call me worse than that, given half a chance. Believe it or not, I know what it’s like where you come from. The way your kin talk about people like us. All the terrible ways you musta been treated, before you learned to hide it. All the worries, and all the fears they musta put into you..” Argos clenched his jaw, his throat tightening. “I ain’t known you but hours, but I can tell you’ve been wearing a mask for years now. And there probably ain’t nothing that scares you more, than when that masks slips.” The coyote paused, blinking back a few of his own sudden tears. “Am I about right so far, Rivamiralous?”
Rivi opened his muzzle, but the only sound that came from him was a faint whimper. A few stray tears ran down the back of his muzzle, soaking into his fur. He nodded once, and quickly wiped his eyes again.
Argos did the same. “Look, Spots. I pulled you back here, cause you said something that made me realize maybe I’m pulling at threads you don’t want unraveled. You said I shouldn’t tease you, with dangerous ideas, and here am was, practically asking you out on a date.”
“I…” Rivi sucked in a long, shuddering breath. “I wasn’t sure if you were teasing me, or serious. Or if it was just my impure thoughts, creeping in once again.”
Argos managed a smile. “I suppose it’s as serious as you want it to be.”
“That’s exactly the problem.” Rivi dug the heel of his palm into one of his eyes. “That’s why it’s dangerous. I’m terrified that I would accept your offer. And I’m…” He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “Terrified of what would become of me, if I did. The temptations that might befall me.”
“I know you are, Spots,” the coyote said. “Hell, that’s what I first wanted to talk to you about, before we got even more serious.” Argos rubbed his forehead. “At this point, I’m just gonna be blunt. Do you want me to stop flirtin’ with you?”
Rivi blinked, confusion whirling in his eyes. “You’ve been flirting with me?” The cheetah’s tail swished twice, his muzzle scrunching and brow furrowing in thought. “So it wasn’t my imagination.”
Argos gave a single, incredulous bark of amusement. “Nah, Spots. Hell, if anything, I been laying it on extra thick just to see if you’d notice.”
“I noticed,” Rivi said, looking away again. “S-sometimes. But I thought it was just my impurity, causing me to misinterpret things.”
“It wasn’t.” Argos sniffed, brushing his hands down the front of his vest. “I was flirtin’. And, now that I think about it, I owe you an apology.”
Rivi turned his gaze back to the coyote. “No, you don’t.”
“Yeah, Spots, I do.” Argos fidgeted with a button, undoing it and closing it up again. “Like I said, I know how your kin view people like us. Soon as you called me handsome, I shoulda stopped flirtin’ and teasing you. I guess I thought maybe it would help you feel more accepted around me, but…” The coyote sighed, laying a single ear back. “I shoulda known it’d just brought out all kinds of turmoil. Hell of a lot harder for you to ignore being interested in other males, when you got one flirtin’ with you.”
The cheetah swallowed, a tiny smile twitching at his lips. “Especially a handsome one.”
Argos lifted his ear again. “You sayin’ it’d be easier if I was ugly?”
“Might be a little easier,” Rivi said, shrugging. His smile grew ever so slightly.
Argos laughed, a playful, tension breaking sort of laughter. “That’s the spirit, Spots.” He made a show of looking around the alcove. “I don’t see anything I could mess myself up with too bad, but I could always smash my face into the wall a few times, try and rearrange my muzzle.”
“Yes…” Rivi rubbed his chin, following Argos’s gaze. “If you were hideously disfigured, I probably wouldn’t find you quite so…” The feline paused, clearing his throat. “Intriguing. Let’s pretend I was just going to say intriguing.”
“Works for me.” Argos rubbed his arm. “Seriously though, Spots. Do you want me stop with the teasing, and the dirty jokes? Say the word and it’ll end, just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “We got a long voyage ahead of us, and I don’t want to spend the whole trip making you feel uncomfortable, around me.”
“That’s just it, though.” Rivi knit his hands together, idly stroking one thumb with the other. “Most of the time, it’s me making other people uncomfortable. Because I’m weird, and talking to myself, or getting in their way, or just being a useless, naïve fool, who doesn’t understand how things work.”
“Rivi, you ain’t a fool, you’re-”
“I almost gave wrote my bank account over a criminal, Argos.” Rivi offered him a embarrassed smile. “I am a fool. That’s part of my point, though. You’re maybe the only person I’ve met in months who’s treated me like…” His ears fell. “Like a person should be treated. Which, is ironic, considering as far as I know, you’re also the only person who realized I was impure. So…” Rivi shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to stop teasing me. To stop flirting with me, if that’s what you’re doing. It’s terribly dangerous, and I know, logically, I should ask you to stop it, here and now. But I think…” Rivi wrung his hands, staring down at them as if looking for answers in the tiny black spots of his fur. “I think I like it, and I’d be terribly saddened if you stopped. The way you treat me, the way you speak to me? It sounds foolish to say, but it makes me feel…” The cheetah grimaced, his ears down. “Normal.”
“Normal is overrated, anyway.” Argos reached out, resting his hand on the cat’s arm. “You are who you are, Rivi, and that’s beautiful.”
Rivi whimpered, looking down at Argos’s hand. With his other arm, he quickly wiped his eyes again. “Th-thank, Argos.”
“Of course.” He rubbed Rivi’s arm. “And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise-”
“Fuck them, right?” Rivi giggled through his tears, his ears perked.
Argos burst into incredulous, yapping laughter. “Damn right, Spots!” He released the cat’s arm, playfully thumping his fist into the cheetah’s shoulder instead. “Not literally, though. They don’t deserve you.”
Rivi winced and rubbed his shoulder. “Perhaps not.”
“I mean it,” Argos said. He tilted his head, smirking. “You ain’t gonna be sent straight to hell for swearing now, are you?”
“Probably not.” Rivi dropped his hand back down. “I rather imagine the impure thoughts would send me there, first.” His eyes wandered the room for a few moments, before settling back on Argos. “That’s a joke, by the way.”
Argos leaned back against the door, grinning. “I figured.” His expression turned serious. “So you really don’t want me to stop flirting with you?”
Rivi quickly shook his head. “No. It’s nice, to feel normal for a little while.”
“As you wish, Spots.” Argos smirked. “Still, I’ll try not to call you cute, too often.”
Rivi put a hand over his muzzle, trying and failing to stifle a sudden bout of musical, chirping giggles. “You’re quite likely the only person who ever has, as it is.”
Argos shared his laughter, happy just to hear the cheetah laugh. He was worried for a time, there, that he’d pulled Rivi aside for a talk like that far too early. Hell, he’d known the cat for less than a full day, and already they were having a heart to heart. Maybe that meant something, he thought. Or maybe it didn’t. Argos wasn’t even entirely sure what had possessed him to broach the subject. It simply suddenly occurred to him, that all his playful flirtatiousness might be doing more harm than good. He only intended to make sure he wasn’t making the cat uncomfortable, and to let Rivi know that he was…
Wait.
There was one other thing he meant to tell the cat. For all Rivi’s talk of dangerous ideas, and all his fears of damnation, Argos wanted him to know one thing.
“Rivi…” Argos waited for Rivi’s laughter to stop.
The cheetah slowly ceased giggling, his attention fixed once more on the coyote. “Yes, Argos?”
“This might sound foolish, but…” Argos rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re safe, with me. To be who you are, I mean. I know it scares you, deep inside, in ways it never scared me. And maybe I’m the lucky one, for that. I’ve always been okay, with who I am. But I never had anyone try to fill my brain with bullshit that said otherwise, either. So I just want you to know, whatever mask you like to keep up around your kin, around strangers, you don’t need to wear it around me. You can, if you want. That’s fine.” Argos slowly shook his head. “But you don’t got to. If I can promise you one thing, Spots, it’s that you’re safe, around me. I ain’t never gonna call you impure. I ain’t never gonna look down on you for who you love, or who you want to be with. I ain’t ever gonna judge for your thoughts, or your feelings. I will only ever see you as a person.”
Rivi stared back at him, wide-eyed. “I…” He worked his jaws, struggling for words. “I don’t…” The cheetah scrunched his face. “I don’t know if I’ve ever just…been myself, around other people. At least, not since…” Rivi winced, looking away. “I’m not even sure if I can do that around you. At least…not the way you do.”
“And you don’t go to.” Argos eased away from the door, moving closer to the cheetah. “I just wanted you to know, you’d be safe doing so, if you were ever so inclined. That’s all.”
“Thank you,” Rivi said, rubbing his blunt, feline snout. “Do you know what’s saddest, about that?”
Argos dreaded even to ask. “What’s that, Rivi?”
“I’ve only known you half a day, and you’ve already shown me more kindness and compassion than my own fa-” Rivi snapped his jaws shut in an instant, but it was heartbreaking clear to Argos just what he’d almost said.
Everything good inside Argos away into sorrow, and anger. “Oh, Rivi…” He took a slow, steady breath, and stepped closer to the feline. “I know this probably goes against everything you believe, given how short a time you’ve known me, but…” Argos slowly opened his arms. “I’d very much like to hug you right now, if you’d allow me.”
Rivi sniffled, fighting back a fresh round of tears. He stared at his boots for a few moments, nudging one against the ground. “I…” He took shuddering breath, only for it to escape him in a sad little mewl. “I think I’d like that.”
Argos threw his arms around the cheetah, and pulled him into the tightest hug he could. He squeezed the cat against his body, holding him firmly. Rivi hesitantly hugged Argos back, stiff and uncertain at first. But after only a few heartbeats, the cheetah melted into Argos’s touch. His whole body went half-limp, his weight resting against the coyote. It was as if Rivi had waited his whole damn life just for someone to hold him, and now that the moment was here, he didn’t want it to end. Then cheetah’s shoulders shook. Another strangled mew escaped him.
“It’s alright, Rivi.” Argos gently rubbed his back. “Let it out.”
Rivi squeezed him tighter, a sob wracking him. He pushed his spectacles out of the way, and then buried his face in Argos’s shoulder. For the second time in the same day, Rivimiralous broke down crying in front of Argos. This time, at least, Argos was ready for it.
“You’re alright, Rivi.” Argos held the cheetah in his arms, gently stroking the back of his head. “I got you, now. You’re alright.”
