Meredith
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the breaking let’s the peace in
🕑 Added 2022-02-20 11:57:40 +0000 UTCi want me.
i love me.
i thought sleeping alone would be the hardest part of separating.
but instead it has been a way back to myself.
finger tip against finger tip.
breathing into the four pillows pressed against my body.
a night with no self pleasuring
but self pleasuring in the million little ways that paying attention to your body brings.
self pleasuring by noticing my self.
bringing the erotica into everything
by pausing the erotica where we’re told it should be.
sensual
sensual self
sensual self sleeping
sleeping with suffering
turning the suffering into pleasuring
finger tip brushes against finger tip.
window panes all around me
sleeping in a glass room
made of a glass body
i break so easily
i break
and i break
and i break
but by allowing the breaking
is what puts me back together.
allowing the breaking
helps me feel all the pleasure of the world.
is pain a sort of pleasure?
i don’t know
but it allows for a pleasure to enter where it usually would never reach.
the pleasure goes deeper
but then so does each cut.
deeper pleasure,
deeper pain.
deeper pain,
deeper pleasure.
by allowing the breaking
and all my little pieces laying on the floor
i become wide open for all of the pleasure of light to touch every broken piece of me.
if i kept myself together ~
(don’t break meredith
don’t break
hold it in hold it in)
i would have alllll those dark places and pieces inside of me.
but i break,
and i fall,
and i lay it all down.
throw it all over the ground.
and light comes pouring in once in a while
and in those moments i feel nothing but the pure pleasure of being alive.
it is greater now
somehow the beauty is illuminated.
somehow.
we know how.
the brokenness
the brokenness!!!!
it is healing me.
breaking and broken
and ill brake again and again
