Meredith
patreon
growing pains
🕑 Added 2022-03-23 22:01:37 +0000 UTCi am so tired.
i don’t know if i can do this.
i don’t know if i want to.
i look back on the agony i was in the last few days of january, where i wrote
“…i would do anything. i would… and never complain about sexism again if i could have him back…”
and god does that make me feel silly.
wow, i fucking meant that with everything in me when i wrote it.
but i know and i knew that that was not for me. the life i had, the pain i was in constantly, was not to stay.
i am in a different kind of pain now,
it’s growing pains,
instead of chronic pain.
i am mourning,
but the mourning is of a loss,
instead of a life.
i am crying,
but this time the tears are welcomed,
instead of feeling embarrassed by them.
i don’t know if i can do this.
but i will try.
i will create a community here,
i will find contentment in myself
and i will learn to have compassion in every moment.
i will build a life in this town,
i will create friendships and art and love.
i have more people to meet who i will love
and who will love me.
i have more people to meet who will laugh
and cry
with me.
i have flowers to plant
and cakes to bake
and i have this breath to breathe right now.
reminding me
of all i am and all i can feel in every beautiful moment.
