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The Trap/Snare (First Draft)
🕑 Added 2019-08-01 20:11:02 +0000 UTC*slaps first draft on the table*
Alright so this is gonna need some tweaking and fine-tuning, but it's general how I want the story to go. As always, feedback and critique is greatly appreciated!
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"Ohhh, this is such a terrible idea. This is terrible, dreadful, monumentally awful idea."
"I'm sorry, Missus Fluttershy." Moondancer lit his horn, clearing a rotten tree from their path. He turned to face the shivering yellow pegasus, his eyes full of concern. "Would you rather turn back?"
"No, no, I'm okay...." Fluttershy tried for a reassuring smile, but squeaked when a stray branch snagged in her mane. Swatting it away, she gulped a breath to steady herself. "It's just....the, um, the Everfree Forest has never been welcoming to visitors, but now...." She swallowed, glancing around the twisted trees. "....Something's different. The air feels....hostile, somehow. I-I don't think the forest wants us here."
"Don't be silly, Missus Shy." Moondancer chuckled. He clambered over a fallen log, then lifted a hoof to assist the older mare across. "We're just ponies. What reason would the forest have to want us out? I've been crossing in and out of it with no problems whatsoever."
"...Hm." Fluttershy's ears slicked back, unconvinced. "Moondancer, what exactly-"
"In any case, I'm eternally grateful you answered my summons." He said quickly. "I sorely apologize for all the urgency and fuss, but I didn't know how to help on my own- I was afraid of making things worse, you understand."
Fluttershy nodded. "You said it was a bunny....?"
"Yes. Poor thing got caught in a snare. It was lucky enough to get its paw between the wire and its throat, so it didn't appear to be strangling, but its paw is bloodied and mangled. It's a ghastly sight, Missus Shy." Moondancer shuddered, looking a bit pale. "I-I'm afraid I haven't the stomach for these kinds of things."
"That's alright." The pegasus lifted her head, determined. "Amputation may be necessary- and infection is always a risk- but we should be able to save it if we can reach the poor thing in time."
"Goodness, what a relief." Moondancer sighed. "I knew you were the one to ask, Doctor."
"But bunnies or not, you shouldn't have been out in the Everfree in the first place. Especially not alone." Fluttershy chided, maternal instinct flaring up. "It's not just not safe, Moondancer. There's rumors going around of ponies going missing. Vanishing without a trace." For a moment she looked fearful at the notion, but remembered her scolding. "Nothing's been confirmed yet, but the princesses have warned everyone to be on high alert. M-maybe it's a little silly, but I've forbidden Rosie and Featherweight from going out after dark."
"Oh, come now, Missus Shy." Moondancer let out a huff of laughter. "Your children are big ponies. Isn't one a self-defense teacher? Or was it both of them? You needn't keep them penned in like a mother hen with her chicks. It's a lovely evening."
"No." Fluttershy said sternly. "As a matter of fact, as soon as we get that bunny stable, I'm escorting you home myself. We can't be too cautious. Not after what happened to poor Midnight."
"....Oh." Moondancer's face fell. "You.....you don't think that's related to the disappearances, do you?"
"Who's to say?" Fluttershy ducked under the branch he pulled aside for her. "But, if you ask me.....something smells rotten about this whole thing."
"Absolutely. I believe something is changing about our world, Missus Shy. Rabbits caught in wires, ponies vanishing in the night....and of course, poor, dear Midnight. I'm glad I have a brave, experienced mare like you for company." Moondancer praised warmly, "I'm certain you and your friends will get to the bottom of all this in no time."
Fluttershy turned a little pink. "Oh, thank you, sweetie." She reached out to touch a hoof to his shoulder. "Things may seem scary, but as long as ponies remember kindness, then harmony will always prevail." She gave her first genuine smile of the evening, motherly and soft. "You'll see."
"I'm sure." Moondancer nodded. "...We're here."
Before them sprawled a massive, twisting cavern of tree roots. Rotted vines, thick as ropes, lay strewn like spiderwebs across the canopy, casting the forest floor into eerie shadows. The bark of every tree was saturated with thick slime mold, black as tar. Peering into the cavern, Fluttershy couldn't make out how deep it was. It seemed to go on for miles, an open, beckoning black void.
"Oh dear." Fluttershy's courage buckled. "The rabbit's not in there, is it?"
"I'm afraid so, my dear."
"But...b-but...." The older mare jerked suddenly, realizing something. "....But there aren't any tracks."
"Hm?" Moondancer tilted his head. "Why would there be any? The bunny is inside."
"It would've still left tracks. The forest floor is too soft, covered in mold. Tracks would still be visible, even if they were days old." Fluttershy glanced around, frowning. "And there isn't a single dropping in sight. After owning my little Angel Bunny all these years, I think I'd be able to recognize rabbit droppings." She regarded him carefully. "Moondancer, are you sure you saw a rabbit?"
"There's no doubt in my mind I saw a tiny, trapped little animal." Moondancer said. "But where did it go?" He gave a frustrated snort, levitating a tree root out of the way. "Could it be under here? No, it couldn't have wedged itself in with a broken foot...Perhaps over here?" Lighting his horn, he conjured a gust of wind, upheaving a pile of decaying compost. "...Where is it?"
"If it gnawed through the snare, it wouldn't have made it far." Fluttershy examined gaps in the tree roots, then braved a peek into the gaping cavern. She rested a hoof against the entrance, and the slime mold stirred, just a little. "Unless the poor creature crawled in here to di-"
The mold on the trees suddenly burst to life, dividing and becoming a great, rolling mass of black tendrils. In a heartbeat, they ensnared the yellow pegasus. Fluttershy bleated with terror as she was wrenched violently into the air, to dangle like a lure on a fish hook.
"Where, oh where is that little trapped rabbit...?" Moondancer lilted. He gazed up at her, only just noticing her predicament. "...Oh." He tipped his head to the side.
"There she is."
Fluttershy opened her mouth, but a tendril slapped across her muzzle, cutting off her scream. A rope of black mass snaked round her throat and constricted lightly, just once. A warning.
"Don't." Moondancer urged. "Please. You're a nice mare, Missus Shy. I'd like to keep your stress to a minimum." He lit his horn, and the tendrils lowered her, so they were face to face. "...There now. I imagine you have some questions."
Fluttershy nodded, her eyes wide and glistening.
"I'm certain I know what the first one is. I'm afraid the answer is no. You will not leave this place alive."
Fluttershy made a strange sound in her throat, high-pitched, gurgled.
"Now that that's out of the way, if there's anything else you wish to know, now's the time to ask, my dear."
The tendril covering her mouth slipped loose. "Why are you doing this?" Fluttershy breathed. Her voice wavered with such raw hurt that Moondancer was momentarily taken aback. "I don't understand."
"It's.....nothing personal." Moondancer reassured. "Not against you, anyway. This is just....a precaution."
"It's you, isn't it?" She blurted. "You're the reason....p-ponies are disappearing."
"Bravo, Missus Shy." Moondancer clapped, a hollow gesture. "The ponies of Equestria don't appreciate their gifts. Their magic is better off with me."
"T-that's....." Fluttershy drew in a deep breath for courage. "That's not your call to make."
"Predation is the same in ponies and animals alike, Missus Shy. The strong must consume the weak." Moondancer lifted his head. His horn lit, and he controlled the tendrils, drawing her closer to the cavern entrance. "Would you deny a starving fox, tempted by a henhouse?" Moondancer charged his horn, then cast a broad illumination spell, lighting the interior of the cave in a warm, red glow.
Inside stood rows and rows of crystalline statues, arranged as carefully as dolls in a display case. Every figure was unique, their open mouths and glassy eyes bathed in the glow of Moondancer's light. There were mares and stallions, unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi, all artfully chiseled from dull grey crystal, their poses and expressions so realistic it appeared they were living creatures, simply frozen in time.
Had Fluttershy been standing, her legs would've given out from under her. She felt a wave of bile surge up in her throat, and she clasped her hooves over her mouth to keep from letting it loose. Every one of those lifeless figures had once been a pony. Moondancer had stolen the breath out of them, one by one.
"Such fat, docile little hens." Moondancer chuckled, licking his lips. At some point, a thick, black, tar-like substance had begun leaking from his nostrils, from the corners of his eyes. "Would you like to join them?"
"Moondancer, no-"
"You are Kindness." He continued. The barrel of his chest began to heave. "You embody your element perfectly. Perhaps you can calm them down- the noisy, ungrateful things." One of his ears twitched, and he snarled in frustration, dropping down to scratch at it with a hind hoof, resembling an overgrown, flea-bitten dog. "The voices- they won't be quiet-"
"Moondancer, please, you need help-" Fluttershy tried, pleading. "Princess Twilight can help you-"
"Princess Twilight would have me incinerated in the light of her wretched harmony." Moondancer panted, pacing wildly. "That's why I took you. Had to be you. Had to be Kindness. Friendship is a powerful force, but you- you're the weakest link in Princess Twilight's chain. Dispatching you will sever the connection between the Element-Bearers, nullify their greatest weapon before the little fools even think to launch an attack against me."
"I...." Fluttershy was trembling, but her voice steadied suddenly, and she glared hard. "I am not weak."
"Flighty little hens don't know they're hens." Moondancer smiled at her. "....Not til the fox is upon them."
"Does your mother know about this?" Fluttershy warned. "....Does Maud?"
Moondancer paused. "....Enough questions." His face darkened, and he lit his horn, casting a conjuring spell. Fluttershy felt something sharp tap her cheek. It was a horn, long and curved, the tip stained crimson.
"Goodbye, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy felt dangerous, raw energy crackle up her spine, as the air charged with unseen, malevolent power. The magic would rip through her body at any moment, in a bolt of monstrous, white-hot force that would come and burn out her life before she could think to scream. She felt the prick of tears, but she refused to shed them. She shut her eyes, and braced for the end.
But it didn't come. From the darkness, there floated a voice.
"Let her go."
Fluttershy's eyes shot open. Standing before the pair was her nephew, Chakra Blossom. She twisted in her bindings, rushing to warn him away, to scream at him to run, but a tendril slipped over mouth, and her cries were lost.
"Oh well this is a surprise." Moondancer hummed. "....Did you follow us all the way here?"
"Uh-huh. Imagine my surprise when I saw a shifty-eyed little punk leading my aunt into the woods all alone. You may have everyone else fooled, but I know the look of a pony up to no good. I knew nobody would believe me, so I followed you myself."
"What a clever little pony you are." Moondancer chuckled, and there was a strange, dreamy echo to the sound, as though he was speaking with more than one voice. "But not clever enough. If this is a rescue, it's off to a terrible start. You've already squandered your element of surprise."
"I don't need it." Chakra held strong. "Because I think you already want to let her free."
Moondancer stilled, glancing up at the ensnared yellow pegasus. "....An appeal to my better nature? Is that the best you can do? I'm disappointed, Mister Blossom." Moondancer moved to face Chakra, turning his back on Fluttershy. "Don't you know what I did to Midnight?"
Chakra braved a glance up at Fluttershy- and he saw her carefully wriggling a hoof free. Good. Okay. Keep him talking.
"....I could hazard a guess." Chakra ventured. "You lied to Starlight and Sunset. It wasn't an accident at all, was it?"
"Oh, it was. At first." Moondancer began to circle the green pegasus, prowling like a great cat. "A delightful, delicious accident. At first I was afraid, yes- I would've run for help. But then......I realized her power could be mine. Everypony, everyone- they could all be mine."
"I see." Chakra's muzzle twisted in a sneer. "So Midnight had to die to feed your inferiority complex."
"Midnight was simply the first." Moondancer's mouth split into a thin, hollow smile. "Many will perish to feed my hunger. I couldn't stop if I wanted to. Do you have any idea how good this feels?" He gave a loud, ringing laugh, and it echoed through the forest. "I was inferior, all my life, but now- Now-"
The whites of Moondancer's eyes went ink black. His horn roared to life, and his magic caused a gale around them, causing the trees to groan under the force. The wind whipped viciously at Fluttershy and Chakra, battering them with debris. Raw, malevolent power blazed through the air, and Chakra could feel the energy crackling against his flesh, volatile and hungry.
"Power has come to me, at long last." Moondancer's voice boomed through the clearing. "And I only grow stronger with every new soul. Nothing else matters anymore. Every moment I don't use this blessed, dark, wicked magic, my flesh crawls, and I feel worms in my brain, compelling me to use it again, to bear the wretched voices, the sickness- if only for another electrifying dose of black magic. It's become a drug, a beautiful, terrible sickness-but I need it. I will have it. I will tear it from the mouth of every spoiled, indolent little pony in Equestria, I'll gut the soul of Celestia herself. I will be greater and more powerful than any alicorn, than any creature who has ever lived."
As quickly has the hurricane had flared up, it dispersed. Chakra lay curled into himself, protecting his body with his wings. When he peered up, he found Moondancer standing directly in front of him, regarding him with vacant black eyes.
"...No one can stop me now, Mister Blossom." The unicorn said softly. "Least of all you."
Chakra tried to calm his hammering heart. "Okay. I hear you. What...." He wet his dry mouth, grasping for an idea. "....What about a trade, then?"
"Eh?" Moondancer cocked his head.
"Me for her, dipshit." Chakra pointed at his aunt. Fluttershy swung her head madly in refusal, letting loose muffled pleas.
"Auntie Shy always told me that kindness is alive in every creature." Chakra continued. "The second you take her out, what's to say somebody new won't step up to wield her element? It could be anyone, you'd have no control over who the forces of Harmony pick."
"I.....You're bluffing." Moondancer snapped, but his ears folded back, uncertain.
"Wanna bet?" Chakra stood up, daring to step closer. "And every time you kill somepony, you lose leverage. If Princess Twilight and her friends find out, and manage to find a replacement for Aunt Shy, you'll be completely, royally screwed. But if you had a hostage-" Chakra gestured at himself- "You'd have a way to manipulate the others. If you take me, and let Fluttershy go- she's compromised. She's the element of Kindness, she can't take an order from Twilight to use the Elements on you, not if it means I could get killed in the crossfire." He pointedly didn't look at his aunt. "Kindness....can be weakness. Exploit it."
"Princess Twilight and the other alicorns would do anything to save their precious little ponies. The princesses certainly wouldn't care about you. Who's to say they wouldn't force Fluttershy to use her element?"
"They're the elements of harmony, dumbass. They don't work if one of the users is out of sync. You can't force harmony, not with all the magical force in the world."
"My, my, Mister Blossom, how very noble. But you must know.....I wouldn't stop. Even if Fluttershy goes free. I'd harvest the magic from every creature and rebuild the world anew." Moondancer lifted his head, examining the pegasus closely. "So tell me- would you really sell out all of Equestria to save your aunt? Countless lives, yours included- all ponies with hopes and dreams- all thrown away for one pathetic, sniveling soul?"
Chakra didn't hesitate. "Yes."
Fluttershy let out a screaming little sob, and struggled desperately in her bindings. Moondancer chuckled, low and dark.
"A sacrifice as selfless as it is selfish. I'm impressed, Mister Blossom." The unicorn praised. He lit his horn. "But I can't allow Fluttershy to go traipsing back to reveal my plan. I'd like to remain in the shadows for just a bit longer.....I'm afraid there can be no witnesses."
A black tendril burst free of the ground, uprooting trees, ripping through the forest floor. Like a flash of lightning, it snaked around Chakra, ensnaring the pegasus before he could think to run. With a yelp, Chakra was wrenched into the air, and Moondancer began prowling over to the helpless stallion. Chakra swung his head around wildly- and his eyes settled on Fluttershy. She was watching him with wide, streaming eyes- but she'd managed to free another leg. She was prying at her binding with a wing, careful to mind Moondancer's position. The unicorn couldn't be alerted of her escape.
Chakra tried desperately to steady himself. She's okay, you're okay. Focus, asshole. Keep stalling.
He switched tactics, deciding to goad. "I'm sure you think this edgy drama queen theater kid crap is real intimidating. But none of the black magic in the world is ever gonna earn you an ounce of respect. You're pathetic, Moondancer- this whole routine is just you desperately trying to hide the fact. Midnight was scarier than you, and she was pink."
"Careful, Mister Blossom." Moondancer warned, stalking closer. "I promised to make this as painless as possible for Missus Shy. I'm of no obligation to extend that courtesy to you."
"I told you, I ain't afraid of you." Chakra mocked. "Midnight wasn't. She knew you were just a spoiled little foal, throwing a tantrum because ponies had the nerve not to kneel down and kiss the dirt you walked on. That's why you had to take her down a peg, right? She was the only one of us who saw you for the coward you really are."
Moondancer froze. His mouth twitched, and then he burst into a peal of incredulous laughter. "You think Morning Glory wasn't afraid of me?" He snorted. "Sorry, did you imagine her last stand was some brave, heroic spectacle? Did you think she gave me one of her signature dour-faced little dressing downs?" He laughed again, unable to contain himself.
Moondancer leaned in close. When he spoke, his voice was softer, a dry, feminine drawl. Midnight's voice.
"I died like a stupid, lost little filly, Chakra." Midnight-Moondancer murmured. "I died crying for my mommies to save me."
Chakra's mouth fell open, and his body went slack. A sense of horror clawed at his heart, like nothing he'd ever known. Despite himself, he felt his eyes well up, and shameful moisture began to flow down his cheeks.
Moondancer sniggered. "Now who's pathetic?"
Chakra made a sound, somewhere between a sob and a laugh. He drew his head back once- and spit into Moondancer's face.
The unicorn jerked backward, revolted. He wiped at his cheek with a hoof, aiming a glower at the impudent pegasus. "Oh, charming, Mister Blossom. Charming to the very end." He brandished his horn, and the magic tendrils constricted tight around Chakra's body, forcing out a wheeze.
"You know....Morning Glory was a talented witch. I can admit that freely. Her mothers miss her terribly, the poor dears. And Missus Fluttershy- she'll be missed as well, by many. She's an admirable pony. She and Midnight were important chess pieces that needed to be captured- but their loss is regrettable. Their lives had value. I wish I could say the same for you, Chakra." Moondancer sneered. The unicorn turned his head, and the tendril followed the motion, drawing Chakra tight, winding him back.
"In your case, it's really more like.....getting rid of vermin."
The tendril snapped forward, hurling Chakra into a tree. The wood splintered against the sheer force- and there came a high-pitched sound. Fluttershy was screaming.
"Wakey-wakey, Mister Blossom. No lying down on the job."
Chakra had been slumped over on the ground, but Moondancer seized him again, winding another tendril round his slack body. "Oh dear, that looks bad." The unicorn examined Chakra's wing. It dangled lifelessly, broken and bloodied.
"Of course, I'm no doctor." Moondancer chuckled. "What's your opinion, Missus Shy?" He turned round to face her, lifting Chakra up so she could see him. Fluttershy startled, caught. She'd been halfway out of her restraints, hell-bent on saving her nephew.
"Oh my, you're not trying to slip out, are you?" Moondancer lilted. "....Or perhaps you've been trying to this whole time. Those filaments are a part of me, my dear. I could feel you trying to slip free." He pulled another tendril from the shadows, moving it to wind around her. "...But there can be no escape."
"Please, don't." Fluttershy squeaked. "Please...."
From behind them came a cough. "He's not gonna listen, Aunt Shy." Chakra rasped. He struggled to lift his head, trying to look his aunt in the eye. "....It was a good try. You did good."
"N-no, Chakra, honey-"
Chakra smiled, weak, but genuine. "Hey, Auntie, for what it's worth.....I'm sorry."
"What a sweet sentiment." Moondancer crooned. "Too bad it came so near the end. Poor, poor Chakra Blossom." Moondancer let fly a flash of magic, summoning the red-tipped horn. Gently, mockingly, he placed it against Chakra's forehead.
"Waste of space. Trusted by no one, detested by all. Good for nothing...." Moondancer's eyes began to glow dimly, and the horn hummed with malevolent, unseen force.
"And now, you'll die for nothing."
There came a flash of blinding, white-hot light. Fluttershy forced herself to look. Chakra struggled for only a moment, before his body abruptly went limp as a ragdoll. Light poured from his eyes and mouth, brutally wrenched into the horn. His color bled off his body in waves, and his fur and feathers turned ash grey, becoming crystal, with a sound like cracking glass. The horn drained everything from him, every last trace of life and magic, until all that remained was a brittle, unmoving statue.
And all the while, Moondancer was laughing. His eyes burned hot as coals fresh a fire, and black veins coursed down his body, dark magic sharing its lifeblood with him. His laughter became drowned out in a cacophony of voices, all laughing along with him, flooding the forest with unending, deranged noise.
The attack came from above.
The impact was a flurry of feathers, a blow hard enough to rattle his skull. Moondancer reeled from the force, grasping at his face. Blood was streaming from a cut on his forehead, and he looked around madly, trying to locate the assailant.
"Give. Him. Back."
Fluttershy stood before him, both wings flared in fury. She'd kicked him.
"How'd you get free?" Moondancer hissed. Desperately, he glanced to where he'd held her captive- only to find that his tendrils had fallen to the ground, torn to pieces. "What? That pegasus oaf was twice your size and couldn't break free, so how could a weakling-"
"I'm not weak!" Fluttershy shouted, stamping her hooves. "Bullies like you- Monsters- always underestimate me! But.....b-but I'm.....I'm a veteran defender of Equestria!" Fluttershy lifted her chin. "And I'll always find the strength to do what's right!"
"Touching." Moondancer spat. "Too bad you couldn't locate that strength before I turned your nephew into a lawn decoration."
"Give him back." Fluttershy strode forward, unafraid. "Give him back now."
Her voice was a growl, and Moondancer's ears pricked up. Hers wasn't the only snarl he could hear.
From behind a tree stepped a timberwolf. It's slavering jaws hung open, showing off ragged, splintered teeth.
"Give him back." Fluttershy repeated."
Several pairs of green eyes lit up from within the forest. An entire pack of timberwolves prowled closer, one letting out a howl. From above them came a great rustling. Moondancer looked up to see an enormous eagle owl, staring down at the pair with golden eyes. Another appeared, sinking gargantuan talons into the rotted branches.
The timberwolves were slinking closer. A great, dark shape stirred behind a tree- a bear?
Was this Fluttershy's doing? Were the animals drawn to her distress?
"Give him back."
Moondancer glanced around, trying to keep track of the creatures stalking about. It seemed everywhere he looked, there was yet another pair of glowing eyes, yet another set of dripping teeth. He swallowed. "I can't....do that."
"Give him back." Fluttershy hissed. The hoard of animals was advancing. "You're going to undo whatever terrible magic you've done to these ponies. Right now. You'll give Midnight back to her mothers. You'll give me back me nephew."
"No." Moondancer glared at her balefully, but he retreated a step. "They- and you as well- are necessary for my plan." He lowered his head to brandish his sparking horn. "And I will not be intimidated by-"
"GIVE HIM BACK!" Fluttershy roared, the entire forest reverberating with her rage. The animals roared alongside her, the volume sending Moondancer's head spinning- and then they rushed to attack, joining Fluttershy's charge. In the face of the rampaging stampede, Moondancer's nerve failed him. He teleported, vanishing in a blip of light.
"Coward!" Fluttershy screamed. "I'll tell Princess Twilight! I'll tell everyone! All of Equestria will know what you've done!"
The hair on the back of her neck stood up suddenly. He was behind her.
Fluttershy whipped round to face him, hauling back her hoof to kick, but the second they made eye contact, Moondancer's eyes flashed white, just once.
"You'll tell no one." He hissed. "Sleep, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy crumbled.
A creature leapt to catch her before her head hit the ground. She tried to resist the drug-like pull of Moondancer's spell, but sleep drew her in, made her lids heavy. She fought to keep her eyes open, and made out her animal hoard rushing back in to attack Moondancer. But the unicorn vanished. In the commotion, a stray green feather was kicked up, and fluttered softly past her line of sight. Desperately, she trained her gaze on it, straining to stay awake, to undo the nightmare, to warn Twilight, warn everyone- but consciousness slipped from her grasp. Her head lolled to the side, and her breathing grew soft and even.
Fluttershy slept.
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Comments
ApofisNecros
Thank you for taking the time to respond, glad to hear you are alright! I know it's not really my place to be worried about you but I just can't help myself sometimes. All the best dear artist!
Lopoddity
I’m alright! Thanks so much for the concern! :)
ApofisNecros
Hi Lop, hope you are ok. Not trying to make any negative implications but it's been at least 10 days since there was any sign of you on here or Deviantart. It's probably my paranoria speaking but if I don't hear from my friends or family for that long I kinda start worrying. I was going to comment on the story posted when it was first posted but Dancey Lad made me so incredibly angry I didn't trust myself to reply appropriately. Which I suppose means it was a pretty damn fine peice of writing to inspire such black hearted vitriol. Hope you are ok and everything is well!
Amber
Wait! Question! If Cuppy and Panny know that Moondancer is the murderer (Bertrum told them!) how is it that Moonie is continuing to kill?
Chioro
Love it! Curious, is this all happening before Chakra met Nactose? Sorry for misspelling and autocorrect on the phone
KaeWolfe
Wow this was intense! That ending there too! Like damn! I'm thinking Fluttershy is probably not gonna remember what happened, therefore, her not telling Twilight and Moondancer can continue with his shenanigans....for the time being. Very good!
SmilesPerHour
Your writing is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking. I almost couldn’t bear to read on, and yet I had to know what would happen next. It’s so chilling, so terrifying, and I can’t wait to see how it ends.
Angsty Ram
Wow... just wow. This is possibly your most intense writing yet. It’s certainly shows how sick and twisted Moondancer has become. I also love your portrayal of Fluttershy, someone who is shy but has strength too. It’s incredible to read. Also loving how Chakra uses his snarky attitude to his advantage. He knew he’d be turned to stone but he made sure if that so his aunt could escape. Honestly it was an incredible read. However, does this mean Shy won’t wake up? Because if she does, won’t she still be around the horde of crystallised ponies?
Amber
Also, "At some point, a thick, black, tar-like substance had begun leaking from his nostrils, from the corners of his eyes." Teensy error. but that was beautifully written and I'd been looking forward to this for ages!
Amber
AMAZING!!
