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My Better Half (Mostly Complete Draft)
🕑 Added 2019-11-25 21:57:45 +0000 UTCBack at it with a (mostly) finished rough draft for that Magnolia/Pandora story. I know this needs some editing, but right now I'm looking for feedback on the story itself. Is it working for you? Too much dialogue or nah? Does it feel like melodrama and if so, which parts? Does anything need to be cut out or expanded on? I'm entirely open to criticism!
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Magnolia May gave a nervous glance to the wall clock. Her gut seemed to be full of twittermites.
She'd never been on a real date before- she'd been tickled absolutely pink when Pandora asked to meet up for a milkshake. Their grand romantic affair thus fair had been a whirlwind of stolen glances, awkward giggles, walking the other home everyday, both parties desperately trying to look cool and unattached and not desperately excited to trade nervous kisses. Magnolia was especially fond of how Panny held her hooves within her lion paws- always so gently, as though Magnolia were made of glass. To actually go on an official date- what did this make the pair now?
Girlfriends? Actual honest-to-Princess Cadence girlfriends?
Magnolia let out the teeniest giggle, excitedly wiggling her hind hooves. She wondered how her parents would react. Mama Applejack had always scoffed that Panny was a 'wily varmint, like 'er daddy', but Mummy Rarity argued that for all the draconequus' trouble-making, she was perhaps a diamond in the rough, and only needed the right opportunity to shine.
Other ponies just needed to give Panny a chance. Isn't that what generosity is all about? Magnolia mused....then had to brush aside a more exciting thought. Plus if we ever get married, it'd make me a princess! Even if only by technicality. And then I can make a royal decree tellin' Belle Velour to kiss the fattest, most freckled part of my-
A great, dazzling flash of light- like the birth of a star- suddenly appeared before the unicorn. Magnolia had to shield her eyes, cussing- but she was able to make out a set of limbs, then a great, horned head. The light flickered and faded, settling within the eyes of the entity, which glowed like molten coins.
The creature resembled Pandora, but not quite...right. More like Pandora had been tossed into a laundry load with too much bleach.
"A warm welcome to you, Magnolia May." The entity spoke, "Thank you for joining me this evening."
".....Panny?" Magnolia squinted. "You, uh.....ya don't really look like yourself today, shug."
"No, I'd expect not." The creature took a seat next to Magnolia and fixed her with an indulgent smile- at least, Magnolia thought it was a smile. It's lips pulled back over pristine, gleaming fangs, which gave Magnolia the unfortunate impression that the creature might eat her. "I am Pandora, cleansed and reborn. I am pure. I am Order." The entity idly tapped it's claws together. "You may call me Luma."
"....Cleansed and reborn?" Magnolia crinkled her nose in confusion. "What the hay are you on about, shug? Why're you talkin' like you're fresh out a cult? How come yer lit up like a Hearth's Warmin' tree set on fire? Is this a spell or a prank or-"
"You needn't concern yourself with magic outside your comprehension, my little unicorn." Luma reached over to pat Magnolia's hoof. "Let's not muddy the evening with pointless details like how and why. We've already focused too much on me- I'm here to gather data on you." Luma leaned close, and Magnolia could see her own pale reflection mirrored in it's eyes. "Pandora quite enjoys your company, you know. Of the entire population of sapient creatures, you are the only one to elevate her heart rate to medically unsound levels." Luma's lips pulled back, smiling the same approximation of a smile as before. "She wanted this meeting to be perfect. So tell us, our dearest Magnolia- what can we do to make your experience tonight both entertaining and ideal?"
"Uh. You could start by not talking like an agent tryin' to sell me a timeshare, for one." Magnolia frowned.
"Fair enough." Luma hummed. A waitress timidly approached the pair, squinting in Luma's radiance. Magnolia, grateful for a distraction, lost no time ordering her favorite milkshake. "And whatever rainbow colored concoction tickles the fancy of my draconequus pal, if you please." She added, attempting a friendly smirk in Luma's direction.
"Vanilla will be fine, thank you." Luma stated plainly, dismissing the waitress with a wave of her paw. She turned her golden eyes upon her partner. "Why don't you tell me about your day, my dear?"
"Oh! Um-" Magnolia brightened at that. "Well, it was a doozy, shug. Today was our big cosmetology final. Judgement day." Magnolia leaned forward, stomping her hoof against the table dramatically. "And bein' as this was a pass-or-fail class, this final really was the decidin' factor in whether us students were meant for a glamorous lifestyle of makeup artistry among Equestria's elite- or condemned to a fate worse than Tarturus- a lifetime spent smearing cheap lipstick on frumpy mothers at the flea market."
"Oh my!" Luma gasped indulgently. "So how did you fair at this crossroad of destiny?"
"I passed, of course!" Magnolia crowed. "They all doubted me- that snob Belle Velour, Suri Polomare's witch of a daughter- but my project blew all those other chumps outta the water! And I did it without some hoity-toity rich background, without any fancy Canterlot connections. All it took was grit, spit, and a lil' willingness to use lard when I ran outta mane conditioner! My model had the sleekest, tastiest-smellin' coiffure in the whole class!"
"Well done, Magnolia. You truly are an exceptional little pony." Luma praised warmly, and Magnolia beamed. "So very noble. So remarkably brave."
Magnolia began to grow sheepish at this flood of accolades, and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof. "....Well, gosh, sugarcube, it was just a beauty school test. I dunno if I'd call it particularly brave."
"Oh, but it is!" Luma pressed. "It's inconceivably brave that you can entertain this passion for the beauty arts at all....." Luma gazed at Magnolia for a long moment, with eyes so piercing the little unicorn shivered a little. "....All things considered."
Magnolia frowned. Although Luma was smiling again, she sensed an insult. "...All things considered?" Her eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
The waittress meekly returned with their drinks, and Luma took a casual sip of her milkshake. "My good friend, I meant no harm. You're a very fine little cosmetologist, Magnolia May. It's just...." Luma trailed off in thought. "Hmm, I'm at a loss how to broach the subject with sensitivity, I'm afraid. I know you little ponies can be.....insecure about this sort of thing."
"Insecure?" Magnolia felt her cheeks heat. "There ain't nothin' in the world I'm insecure about, shug, so whatever you got to say to me, you better spit it out before-"
"Your cutie mark." Luma said bluntly, finally setting aside that accursed milkshake. "I'm afraid I simply must ask. "If your passion is beauty artistry- makeup, mane styling, and the like- why is your cutie mark a flower?"
"Um." Magnolia fumbled. "Well, that's....ah, w-well, maybe it's hard for a non-pony to understand, but cutie marks aren't necessarily literal. I like doing make-up and styling hair! You think that ain't so just 'cause my mark isn't a compact mirror or a....a hair dryer or somethin'?"
She'd risen up to loom over the table, her cheeks flushed and her glare defensive. Luma tilted her head, regarding her with detached curiosity, the way one might observe a crawling insect.
"I mean...." Magnolia's temper buckled a little. "....I like flowers, too. I guess." She admitted, a trace of bitterness coloring her voice. "But it's just.......Nopony that was ever somepony ever got famous from waterin' rose bushes. It's....mundane, you know? My mama Rarity's mark doesn't have anything to do with fashion- her special talent is gem excavation, just like mine is....floristry." Magnolia mumbled, as though the very word carried shame. "But do you see my mother dedicating her life to toiling in some Celestia-forsaken mine? That kinda work ain't for ponies like us! It's for diamond dogs, or-"
"Earth ponies?" Luma suggested, still smiling her thin smile. Magnolia winced.
"No....no...well, I dunno. Maybe?" Magnolia listlessly stirred at her milkshake."I wanna be somebody, shug. I want my name in lights, I wanna stick it those beauty school tramps, I want..." She sighed, then fixed Luma with a plaintive look.
"No matter how close I stuck to Mother, I never quite picked up her gift with fabrics or gems or charmin' the horseshoes off fancy type ponies." Magnolia toyed listlessly with her mane. ".....I earned my cutie mark plantin' a magnolia tree with Mama Jackie. Not even a lush, pretty tree. Some scrawny, busted sapling she'd rescued off the trash heap at the farmer's market." Magnolia rolled her eyes. "Mama said it'd be my job to take care of the pathetic little thing."
"Bein' a bratty half-pint, I did the bare minimum, of course. I watered it once a week, I shoveled a load of fertilizer whenever I remembered. But slowly......those weak, frail little branches started turnin' green. And....well, maybe it sounds silly, but it was like I could feel how grateful that tiny tree was to me."
"You're correct." Luma took another sip of her drink. "That does sound silly."
Magnolia shot the draconequus a glare. "Maybe to you, but I'd never felt anything like it before. Suddenly.....well, I cared about that teeny little tree! I wanted her to be all she could be! I started waterin' her like clockwork, givin' her only the fanciest fertilizer. Mama Jackie showed me how to channel magic into my hooves so I could push it into the tree's roots, encouragin' her to grow. Granny Smith taught me all her kooky farmin' know-how, and soon enough, I was sitting outside with my lil tree every night, wrappin' her in a baby blanket and singing her lullabies."
"How very adorable." Luma mused.
"And I'll tell you somethin'. After countless days and nights of sowin' and diggin' and waterin' and hopin'.....that stupid little tree bloomed. Perfect, pristine magnolia blossoms coverin' each branch like fresh snow! And I tell you, darlin', there ain't....no purer feeling in the world. My mamas and me had a picnic in the shade of that magnolia tree- and Mama Jackie plopped her hat on my head and said I'd done the family proud." Magnolia ducked her head to hide her smile.
"Yet you disregard the happiness growing flowers brings you because you don't feel it to be a grand enough path in life." Luma pondered. "The work that you love- the same work your mother Applejack does daily- you feel is beneath you."
".....Yes." Magnolia groaned, burying her face in her hooves. "Landsakes, that makes me sound pretty horrible, doesn't it?"
"Hmm." Luma mused, oblivious to Magnolia's distress. "I believe I'm starting to understand. I see now how comforting the world of make-up brushes and cold cream would be to you, my dear little friend. Oh my poor, poor Magnolia May." She reached to clasp Magnolia's hoof in her paws, then fixed her with a look dripping with cloying sympathy, as though Magnolia was a child and her pet goldfish had died. "You attempt to scrub away ugliness in others because you fear it in yourself."
"Myself?" Magnolia yanked her hoof away, unsure whether to feel baffled, patronized, or furious. She settled on the latter. "Are you callin' me ugly, varmint?"
"Oh, no. No physically." Luma held up her paws, trying to pacify. "You're a perfect vision of loveliness, Magnolia. I myself quite enjoy your symmetry. But....is it at all possible that you possess some personality blemishes you'd like to, hm, 'cover up', so to speak? The less savory parts of yourself, the pieces you hide from your little beauty school friends?"
Magnolia froze at that, her eyes going wide. Luma took that as an invitation to lean closer, tracing a claw against the unicorn's freckled cheek.
"Your temper, for one. Your stubborn streak. Your proclivity for foul language. Your pig-like appetite. Your cavalcade of country bumpkin blood relatives. Your love of mud and magnolias and piglets born in the springtime- all the little passions you dread polite society will spurn. Your fear, and the black cruelty that festers inside you, rotten and ready to wound anypony that gets close enough to know these things. Know the real Magnolia May." Luma traced a line from Magnolia's cheek to her chin, then tapped her long, wicked talon against the unicorn's nose. "Warts and all."
"I don't know what you're talkin' about." Magnolia breathed. Still paralyzed, she tried to summon her anger, and managed a glare. "There ain't any 'ugliness' in me."
"Oh, but there is. And it's very ugly indeed." Luma smiled serenely, all teeth. "I commend your commitment to Order, my dear. The established social order told you your special talent was banal, so you abandoned it with hardly a second though. I'm impressed. To so devotedly forgo your own happiness, to so thoroughly throw out your heritage, your humble mother Applejack, all because it embarrasses you.....My, my." Luma purred. "Your quest for perfection is admirable, dear Magnolia. But nobody is perfect.....except for me, of course. There is no mud mask or cold cream you can ever apply to fully hide your ugly little imperfections, Magnolia May." The draconequus chuckled- a flat, hollow noise. "....Though your efforts are certainly cute."
Magnolia moved to respond- or perhaps to hurl her milkshake in Luma's face- but a snarl interrupted the duo, cutting through the noise of the cafe like a chainsaw.
"Who're you calling ugly?"
Magnolia startled, nearly dropping her glass. A rolling tide of black thunderclouds manifested from nothing, letting loose wayward bolts of red hot lightning. An entity emerged from the noise and confusion, a slender head and neck rising out of the smoke. Enormous gnarled lion paws smashed down onto the wooden table, and a face full of wicked yellow teeth snapped into existence. The cafe guests watched with wide eyes, ponies nervously cowering in their seats, unsure whether to flee.
Magnolia herself trembled in her seat, edging away from the newcomer, pressing against Luma in a desperate bid for protection. "Luma, w-what's goin' on?"
Luma's serene, dignified facade had fallen away, and she now wore something almost like a grimace. She curled her wing around Magnolia, shielding her. "....Ah, Magnolia.....I fear I may have been the tiniest bit hypocritical."
Despite her fear, Magnolia squinted up at the entity's sneering face, as familiar as it was foreign. “....Pandora?” She looked confusedly from Luma to the newcomer. “....Is that you?”
The beast rolled her eyes and made a strange sound in her throat, somewhere between a gargle and belch. “EE-NA." She scoffed, turning her burning, feral eyes upon Magnolia. "And you're right on the money, dollface. I'm everything Little Miss Perfect here tried to get rid of. I'm the true Pandora. Uninhibited. Raw. Chaotic." She turned to growl at her counterpart, shoving her snout against Luma's. "Cut me out and I come back stronger."
"Like a tumor." Luma sighed.
"Oh? You've got quips now?" Eena snarled. "You split apart from me so you could have the perfect little romantic rendezvous. You were that convinced I'd screw this up. Yet here you sit, with the fucking nerve, to call Magnolia May- six time Ponyville Pageant champion, smartest and sweetest pony I know- Celestia-blessed stone cold babe- 'ugly', because she isn't flawless enough for you."
Of all the ways Magnolia had imagined the situation playing out, she hadn't expected this monstrous version of Pandora to come roaring in, ready to defend her honor like a valiant dragon. Her cheeks flushed pink, and she fanned herself a little with her hoof. "W-well, landsakes. Maybe there's hope for this date after all."
At this, Luma looked the slightest bit put out, and Eena puffed up in victory. She snaked closer, curling gnarled talons around Magnolia's hoof.
"That's the spirit, babe! You'll find that I- and for that matter, Pandora- ain't one for patience. So tell me, doll, how does this night end? Let's ditch Lady Snoregasm over here and head over to your barn. I'll show you a real roll in the hay." And Eena made an obscene gesture with two digits and her tongue, cackling. Magnolia's jaw fell open.
"You are disgustingly vulgar." Luma said softly. Her lip curled microscopically, the faintest hint of revulsion. "It's no wonder Pandora didn't want you here. Without me to keep us in check, you're nothing but a witless child, spilling out whatever vile thought pops into your head."
"At least I'm fun, you insufferable stuck-up bitch." Eena turned and hissed. "I'm so, so sick of you always tellin' me to pipe down. There ain't nothing more natural that Chaos. I say we retract the giant stick from our ass, and finally cut loose for once. Can't you see sweet lil' Maggie's into it? It's written all over her face, clear as day." Eena brushed her tail under Magnolia's chin, delighting at how red the little unicorn was becoming. "Of all the creatures in all the world, she wants a freak like us." Eena purred. "Goodness, whatever would the posh little ponies think of this?"
Luma protectively drew Magnolia closer with her wing. "Magnolia, dear, don't listen to her-"
But Eena floated close, winding through the air like a great serpent. "C'mon, Maggie May. I know you're tired of this too. You wanna break free, be a wild animal. I can see the ache in your heart, burnin' like a wildfire." Eena leaned close, examine Magnolia like a hawk- and Magnolia shivered at how naked she felt under those burning eyes. "Just once, you wanna stick it to high society, don't ya? Just once, you wanna let your hair down." Eena hooked a talon under Magnolia's hair tie, snipping it with ease. The farm pony's lavender mane tumbled free. "See? Better already."
Magnolia blushed. "Thank you, but I'd really rather-"
Luma interrupted, glaring at her counterpart. "What Magnolia wants is to be a civil, upstanding member of society. She wants to fit in and be just as ordinary as her little peers."
The unicorn frowned. "Um, I dunno about ordinary-"
"Exactly!" Eena crowed. "Nuts to ordinary! Be you! Be Magnolia May- the little pony who is extraordinary!"
"Oh gosh, Miss Eena." Magnolia ducked her head to hide her smile, playing girlishly with her mane. "Thank ya kindly for the vote of confidence, but Luma's not entirely wrong- the gals at the beauty academy wouldn't exactly appreciate my ah, down-home eccentricities-"
"So what? In a hundred years, worm's will have eaten out your eye sockets. Why give a shit about what some prep school pricks think about you? I'm the unbridled self, and I say it's time to be your unbridled self, babycakes."
Eena snapped her talons, and in a great burst of sparks, she summoned a plate of fresh grass. The roots were still attached to a dirt clod, and a stray ladybug was crawling through the green shoots. At Magnolia's surprised expression, Eena smirked.
"I know this is the way a farming gal like you wishes she could eat. Fresh from Celestia's soil! It's how ponies ate for generations, til the aristocracy got some wealth under their belts and started looking down on eating grass? They say it's low class, don't they." She leaned close, sharing a conspiratorial grin. "But I know you sneak a mouthful or two when nobody's looking, May. So eat up!"
Magnolia turned red, mortified. "I- y-you promised you'd keep that a secret, Panny!" She glanced fearfully to Luma, who was shaking shaking her head.
"You don't have to eat it, Magnolia dear." The pale draconequus sniffed. "It's filthy."
"There's nothin' more natural and healthy in all the world." Eena growled, flashing wicked teeth at her counterpart. "In fact-"
She snapped her talons again. A sheet of mud was summoned above their heads. It hung suspended and dripping in the air for a second, before raining down as a tidal wave of filth. It coated the table, ruining Magnolia's drink, splattering across her once-pristine mane and coat. Before she could react, however, Eena snapped a few hogs into existence, and they tore through the cafe, squealing and sliding in the fresh mud, chasing the cafe guests.
"Eena- or Pandora- or whoever the hay you are-!" Magnolia shot to her hooves, her cheeks flushed with anger. "Stop it right now! This isn't what I want at all!"
"Oh, but it is." Eena cackled. "You deny the chaos within yourself, just like Pandora denies it in herself. Don't you little idiots know you can never hide what you really are? Chaos will always be apart of you!"
In a burst of magic, she conjured up a familiar wooden banjo. Magnolia's eyes went wide- that was her instrument, passed down from Gran'ma Pear Butter herself. Eena brought her wicked talons down, ripping out a twang that echoed off every wall in the cafe. She struck note after note, playing a song that had no melody, the notes skidding and crashing into each other in a medley of noise. Lighting her horn, Magnolia tried to wrench her banjo out of Eena's abusive grasp, but the draconequus exhaled and blew out the magic in Magnolia's horn, as easily as snuffing out a candle.
"Give it back!"
"Eena." Luma stood to her paws. "You're making a fool out of us."
Eena jerked at that. "You know, I've had just about enough of you." She snarled. "Why don't you do us a favor. Make like diarrhea- and run!" Gripping the banjo tight in her claws, she brought it down like a police baton. Luma teleported out of the way, and the banjo snapped like a twig against the table, bursting into a shower of splintered wood and splayed strings. Magnolia shrieked.
Luma reappeared in a flash. Eena immediately charged, but Luma gripped her by the horns and hurled her, bodily, through the cafe wall. Eena groaned within the rubble of ruined plaster, before surging to her hooves, and rushing to clash with her counterpart. The impact sent tremors through the cafe, rattling dishes off the walls. The remaining onlookers began to flee, and the two draconequuses fought, struggling with talons and teeth, raw magic thundering free in sickening waves.
"Why must you be so difficult?" Luma hissed, her fury like a frozen sun, "You always ruin everything."
"And I'll bet your crap just smells like daisies and daffodils, don't it!" Eena struggled underneath her counterpart, hind hooves kicking. "You're supposed to be my other half, but all you ever do is throw me under the hay cart!"
"I wouldn't have to if you weren't such a child!" Luma finally bared her teeth in a snarl, mirroring her twin. "Why can't you get your life together?"
"I'd have an easier time of it if you ever had my back!" Eena roared, her face streaked with tears. "Why do you have to treat me like an embarrassment?"
"Eena-" With a frustrated snarl, Luma began charging a ball of light in her jaws, aiming right at her twin's face. The air began to hum with unseen power.
"Luma-!" Eena did the same, her teeth crackling with electricity-
A tiny voice pierced the noise. "Enough!
Both draconequii looked up, their magic dissipating. Magnolia May stood before them.
In her magic she held the two broken halves of her banjo. Her eyes brimmed with tears she looked to be trying very bravely not to shed.
"Magnolia-" Both counterparts uttered, reaching out- but the unicorn turned on her hooves and began walking away, flinging her ruined instrument to the wayside. It landed with a dull, discordant note.
"Magnolia, wait!" Eena cried. She glanced at her counterpart, who nodded, just once. Luma reached out her paw. Eena took it, and in a blinding flash, they converged into one being.
two entities become one, Pandora feels and fumbles at herself for a moment, before taking off after Magnolia, calling her name. She finally blocks Magnolia's way.
"Magnolia, please, just let me-"
Magnolia shook her head, her eyes glimmering. Angry, thinks it was all some elaborate prank. Tells Pan there were easier ways of making her look like a fool.
Pan is hurt, of course it wasn't a prank, Magnolia sweetie, honeypot, she just wanted this date to be perfect, she thought mags would enjoy
Pan thought Mags would enjoy this?? Magnolia's never felt so humiliated and stupid in all her life!
Pan knows, she didn't mean for that to happen! She can fix it! She picks up the banjo, tries to fix- but it only snaps in two again, she's out of magic. Panics, says give her time, she can fix it, says she can wipe everypony's memory, I can fix everything-"
Mags gets mad. You think you can show up and throw all the magic around, but you know what you can't fix? My feelings. Can yer magic whip up an apology? Cause yer mouth sure ain't!
Pan pauses.......She doesn't know why she should have to apologize? She broke herself into pieces just to please Magnolia. Yeah, it didn't go as planned, but her intentions were good, and that was some advanced magic, and she did it all for Magnolia- and besides, she can make it like it never happened! She wipes a glob off pie of Mags face. Nopony will remember, they can try again.
I'll remember. Or would you cast a memory charm on me too?
Pan is a little too slow to respond. Mags freaks out. "Oh Celestia- you would, wouldn't you?" Panics, gets paranoid, "Have you erased my memory before? Are there other 'first' dates I don't know about?"
"No!" Pan lifts up her paws, trying to pacify. "I'd never wipe your memory without your full and complete consent!"
"But you'd do it to everypony else. Pardon me if I have a little trouble trustin' you at this point, varmint. I still ain't heard an apology."
"Luna, love, and light." Pan rolls her eyes. "You're over-reacting. And I wouldn't even need to do brain wipes if you didn't care so much about what other ponies think!" Pan scoffs. "War in Yakyakistan, poverty in Griffonstone- but did you hear the worst news of all? Little Miss Magnolia May got pie on her face! Oh, won't somepony stop the presses!"
Magnolia gapes at her, shocked and hurt. "You....you asked me out tonight, Panny."
Pan pauses at that, ears folding back, before she resigns herself to annoyance, folding her arms with a huff. "Yeah, well.....maybe I thought you were pretty, is all. Maybe I would've reconsidered if I'd known you were so fussy and.....and impossible to please."
"Impossible to...." Magnolia echoed softly. Her eyes glistened faintly, so she shut them. She drew in a single, long, shaky breath- and when she opened her eyes, her gaze was hot as steel. Her mouth, strangely enough, pulled into a sugary-sweet smile.
"You want a lil bit of advice, sugarcube?" Mags breathed, "Never let anypony get too close."
"Huh?"
"I didn't see it before." Magnolia chuckled. "That goofy, pathetic facade of yours- Landsakes, you had me fooled! I felt sorry for you. I thought you were misunderstood. Secretly sweet. A diamond in the rough, like mummy would say. But now I see You're a selfish stupid child with more power than you know what to do with! You could spend that magic makin' the world a better place, but instead you blubber about how you can't possibly measure up to perfect princess Momma Sparkle. But you don't even try. You just do whatever you want, barreling in with your overcharged magic, upending pony's lives and wellbeing. And damned be the consequences, right? You just slap whatever quick-fix bandage you want on the situation- like that horrid memory wipe charm- and whatever your incompetent little paws can't fix, your mother can. You can always count on Momma Twi to bail you of trouble, can't you?" Magnolia jabbed her hoof to Pan's chest, pointing to her six pointed star. "I don’t envy Princess Twilight, forced to grin and laugh off the property damage you cause, the embarrassment you bring her good name every other day."
Pan's face went dark as a storm settling over the ocean. "Little unicorn, are you going to lecture me about failing to live up to expectations? Have you forgotten that little secret you shared with me?" Abruptly, Pan shape-shifted into a perfect clone of Magnolia, and began to speak using the unicorn's voice, though it was mocking, dripping with syrup.
"Maybe I can relate a little to feelin' like you don't measure up- I mean sure, your mama might be a princess, but both of my parents are elements of harmony. Both of em are honest-to-Celestia heroes of Equestria." The Magnolia doppelganger cooed, "Ponies look at me and expect me to be this amazing, perfect blend of Generosity and Honesty. But the fact of the matter is, well....Mama Jackie is strong and dedicated and tough as grits, but I...ain't. Not like her. And my other mother is Rarity, but I'm nowhere near as creative, or generous, or beautiful-"
Magnolia lowered her head. ".....It's true. Maybe I'm not any of those things. But at least I try. Honesty and generosity can be learned. Creativity and dedication can be mastered. And with a little love and care, anypony can be beautiful."
The Magnolia clone paused, then in a flash of fire, shifted back into Pandora's true form. The draconequus combed her talons through her long mane, her venom extinguished. She looked young, hopeful. "....Do you really think that, Magnolia?"
"Course I do, darlin'" Magnolia tossed her long mane glamorously....then curled her lip in contempt, aiming a look of raw disgust at Pandora. "....Except for you, of course. You're ugly inside and out." Pandora flinched, but Magnolia strode closer, nearly trembling in her fury.
"Face it. You’re just a destructive brat and a beast, ponies are right to fear and hate you and if their was any justice in the world you wouldn’t be allowed to live among us civilized ponies. You’d live in a cave somewhere, or better yet, encased in stone."
Pandora bowed into herself, any defense she could grasp evaporating on her tongue. "I.....I...."
"You know what your fancy magic can't fix? Yourself." Magnolia jabbed her hoof hard into Pan's chest, shoving where her star had gone dull and lifeless. "So that's my advice to you, shug. Never let anypony in. Never let anybody see the real Pandora. 'Cause they'll turn tail and run, like I should've done from day one." Despite her best efforts to contain it, Magnolia's blue eyes glittered. "And I'm a damned fool for givin' a freak like you the time of day."
And in a a whirlwind of lavender hair, Magnolia spun and left, stomping her way out. The cafe entrance bell gave a merry jingle as the door shut behind her.
Pan stood stock still, replaying Magnolia's words in her head.
ending? end on sorrowful humiliated note for them both? Maybe looking at ruined restaurant and snapped banjo Pan's pride finally deflates and she finds the words "I'm sorry" bu there's no one there to hear.
Comments
KaeWolfe
Besides the occasional typos here and there, its really good! I felt all that raw emotion. I can't really see anything that needs to be changed or removed. Sorry this is not something you want to hear. You have yet to disappoint me though <3 Definitely agree and love that Luma is calm but critical and Eena is impulsive but definitely cared. Didn't expect that tbh lol
Lopoddity
Thanks for the support. :)
SmilesPerHour
I'm sorry, but I can't see anything that might need to be changed. The story is perfect as is. Yes, it's a lot of dialogue and melodrama, but I can't find a single sentence that doesn't belong in this story. Maggie has every right to call Pandora out like this, and Pandora, in spite of her best intentions reacted to the criticisms in a natural way. Not only that, but I think it's incredible how you included both 'good' and 'bad' aspects of both order and chaos, like how Luma was calm and polite, but critical of individuality, while Eena was unhinged and impulsive, but very clearly cared about Magnolia. This is a really insightful and eye-opening look into Pandora's past, and how she became the draconequus she is today. Well done, Miss Oddity, well done. :)
