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An Ode to Tammi.. | blahblah
🕑 Added 2020-05-26 03:12:03 +0000 UTC
In Animal Crossing New Horizon, Tammi was the first villager who moved to our island (along with Beau and one other). I really hated her then; We already had Flip, and I didn’t want another badly color-coordinated monkey hanging around. I also hated Flip, but within a week he won me over. Not only did I find him randomly singing near my music player, he was singing K.K. SKA, as if he knew the way to my heart. And a what a lovely voice! But ugh, Tammi, I saw no way for her to endear herself to me.
Weeks went by, and as a patron told me, there are qualities to discover in villagers, and Tammi’s qualities had started to shine bright. Her pop-star wannabe ways gave her pep, and some villagers just didn’t understand how she could be happy all the time. But she had all these amazing replies, she had no time for sadness, after all she lived on the best island with the best villagers, with the best humans. She would dance, sing and spin with excitement when she saw me in the morning, or maybe on a sleepless night, she was there.. with me.
Sometimes she couldn't sleep because she drank too much coffee, sometimes her mind was spinning out of control with thoughts and she needed help settling them. I had come to treasure those moments and all moments with her. She was surprisingly relatable at the end of the day.
Tammi taught me the fun emotes, she loved the fashion I picked for her just a bit extra, and she was the first to adopt my line of fashion when I started displaying it via the Able sisters outlet. She wore the tops I had made, and they looked stunning on her. Her red eyes were scary at first. The deep black eye-shadow only helped make them stand out more, but they transitioned from a sign of horror to a sign of hope. Like a beacons in the night, her red jewels sparkling in the distance was now a heart-warming thing. No matter what I was feeling, she’d be there to support me and not once did she judge or put me down.
Hers was an existence of acceptance, and even if others didn’t accept her, she always accepted them.
Then the night came, this night when Tammi approached me she wasn’t running towards me with glee in her eyes - no - she came at me slowly, burdened by thoughts. This was extremely rare. She mentioned that her popstar career maybe had gone a tad stagnant, and perhaps she needed to pursue excitement and fame…elsewhere.
My partner was screaming in a mix of rage and fear, and I felt a pit in my stomach. I have a very clear way of dealing with these things, both in life and in “games”, and that is letting people go explore and do what they want. Follow their hearts, basically.
Tammi said she had experienced everything she could on our island and there was something missing in her heart still. She even hinted that one of the things missing was a deeper connection with someone; love. And while the selfish part of me wanted her to stay, I knew things could never be the same if I didn’t support her now, like she always supported me. I knew I had to let her go.
My partner passed me the controller, no way in hell were they gonna hit the button that sent Tammi packing, this is something I had to do. So I took deep breaths.. deep deep breaths.. made sure the arrow pointed at the supportive statement "Go, live your life to the fullest!" and then it happened… I hit accept.
The world grew colder, darker, I was realizing that Tammi now was going to leave and how much she meant to the atmosphere of our island. I was crushed. I couldn’t read Tammi’s reponse. What if she thought I hated her now? What if all she wanted was for someone to tell her to stay?? You just don’t know. I didn't know.
My partner caught my attention, they wanted me to read what Tammi said.
Tammi’s response was: “Thank you.. I know this was a hard decision for you, and you know it was for me as well.”
Somehow Tammi realized how fucking hard this decision was, and it meant everything to me. It was like she was aware of the connection, or bond if you will, between villagers and animals. The bond we had formed.
Me and her. She knew letting her go would be my ultimate sacrifice, but she also knew she had to follow her own heart, and maybe she also knew I would never, ever stop her from pursuing her wants and needs.
Letting her go was the right decision. T h e o n l y d e c i s i o n .
Besides, my amazing partner throws these big “farewell parties" at Harv’s Island. In Tammi’s honor, we made a stage for her to be a popstar on and a roaring crowd, spearheaded by our favorite villagers and our avatars. Cameras were flashing, lights were pulsing, Tammi’s theme was blazing and her voice was one of cuteness, hope and endless determination.
KK himself would’ve been blown away by this performance for sure.
It’s all so sweet, there’s celebration and tears, and the knowledge that in Animal Crossing, no matter how much you want it to happen, villagers never come back. They don’t write you about their travels and experiences. Once they leave, that’s it. I really wish I could write them, but the option just vanishes the moment they go. It’s fucking garbage and it’s something I will hate Nintendo for. But .. I would’ve never met Tammi to begin with if it wasn’t for Nintendo, and whatever magic they pull to make her (and maybe other villagers) so damn likeable.
I’ve been putting it off - you know the day comes when you have to go to their house and say goodbye, for real. This is an emotional time if it’s a villager you care about. In Animal Crossing you share space with these animals for months, or even years, through thick and thin. Tammi’s personality was explosive and beautiful, and here I was outside her house.
Trembling, I did not want to enter. But I knew I had to. The concert was a great way of saying goodbye, but this, inside her house, is personal. It's private. It’s just you and her. So, again with deep breaths, I knock on her door and open it.
The first thing that hits me is the lack of music. She had a very upbeat oriental tune playing, probably connected to her roots. The day I met her she was wearing something cheongsam-like. She had packaged her music player away, and then I notice all the boxes stacked and .. there she is, Tammi. She’s not wearing her usually colorful ensembles; instead she has opted for a throw-away article of clothing. Something she won’t care if gets dirty or messed up. She’s sweeping the floor quietly.
I’m standing there looking around at what used to be Tammi’s home. All the bullshit we gave her, and presents, all of it used to be displayed. The accidental giant fish I gave her which she placed on the floor. The coconut drink I made her thinking she would drink it, but instead she put it on display. So many memories, now all whisked away..packaged into Tom Nook-branded cardboard boxes.
We say our goodbyes…
..
I exit her house…
...Sigh.
I noticed my partner had built a fence around Tammi's door. "She can't leave now, she can't get past my mega-awesome fence!" is how I read it as. Tammi is a monkey, very similar to a lemur, with a long striped tail, I somehow don't think a fence will stop her. But I appreciate the gesture.
It's now 3:45AM. In 1 hour and 15 minutes, Tammi will be gone for good. My character is sitting outside her house, looking very sad, and I know whatever happens, at 5AM the screen goes black and the game basically "loads a new day". Trees grow new fruits, flowers bloom, fish and insects cycle in and out, and villagers respawn at their houses. Tammi however will unceremoniously despawn. And while I know it won't matter, come 5AM, I will run to Tammi's house and I will cry. The garden we built her will still be there, her memorabilia will be around, and the CRATER-SIZED IMPACT she made will always be felt. And I can't believe what I'm feeling for a tiny AI routine named Tammi. H o l y s h i t.
A supportive comment from a patron earlier made me want to write all this. They were heart-broken that Chevre, a villager of theirs, was leaving as well, and I instantly knew what they meant. I felt I had to write a little something about Tammi. She's not a popular villager; her colors are met with contempt by many. Someone named Cookie moved in a month ago, and she has a very similar personality, and is fucking adorable by default,
but.. Tammi is special. Tammi is someone you grow as a person with. Tammi is love, and Tammi is the personification of not ever giving up on your dreams. No matter what. Tammi leaving also lines up with someone else leaving in real life, someone I didn't expect to care about, and while I should be happy for them, I feel…empty. I really didn't need my #1 villager to leave the same week.
It's now 4:25AM .. Ugh. I'm doing one last render of Tammi. I agreed to make her pantsless. AC villagers just don't wear pants. And you know, I support that and respect it, and so her last render will be half-naked, basically. Nothing lewd, just how they prefer it.
IF YOU'RE somehow still reading this, and if you happen to see Tammi out there, please be kind to her. I know she doesn't look like much but she is the absolute best.
I'm gonna drown myself in ice-cream now while waiting for 5AM to come.
"I'm always down to monkey around, chimpy." - Tammi
..And it's now 5:10AM.
Tammi is gone,
she's really gone.
5:55AM - added some screenshots of the last concerts and moments together.
And yes the pink-haired girl(?) with the bandages on her face is me.
