bennjordan
patreon
A number changed.
🕑 Added 2026-01-12 07:48:54 +0000 UTCI'd be lying if I didn't admit to fantasizing about this number over the years, and I don't think a single dedicated YouTube creator hasn't at some point. Yet, here I am, watching the numbers turn over. I feel...incredibly agnostic.
What is perhaps more interesting is how this number or metric changed meaning so many times. 6 years ago, when sitting at a table with Loopop and Andrew Huang (two incredibly inspiring music creators who had far larger platforms than mine at the time), I considered that this metric meant that I would one day have access to virtually unlimited music making tools. When a synthesizer or guitar pedal manufacturer had a new design, I'd be among the few to get to make music on it before it was fully released to the public.
Then, as the shelves of my studio became more and more cluttered, I realized that these tools actually did very little for my music or personal expression. They made good YouTube content though. I eventually realized that this content was akin to the output of a contemporary ad agency. More importantly, as my personality and beliefs trickled out, I began to feel the weight of this. I got legal threats from Behringer. I very publicly invited the largest music retailer in America to perform oral sex on me. I started to understand that being an "influencer" would come at the expense of my autonomy. The "YouTube Benn" would have to differ from the person my friends and family know. There's nothing wrong this, generally speaking. When a creator exists in a sub-genre or specific hobby demographic, their critique of the system itself isn't typically desired. When I want to find out more about a telescope mount I'm considering buying, I don't particularly care to learn about an ethical problem within the supply chain. Product reviewers are valuable, it's just that, after a lot of trial and error, I learned that I do not possess with restraint or patience to be one.
I incorporated as a non-profit so there would be no personal incentive from YouTube revenue, Patreon memberships, or sponsorship windfalls outside of the increased growth of the channel's scope and projects. I would no longer be able to look at an endorsement in a way that linked to the comfort of my retirement decades from now. Virtually every person I was close with in the social media world thought this idea was risky and potentially pointless. Ironically, I agreed with them. The channel would probably stagnate with the majority of my viewer demographic, but there would no longer be a path to follow or ceiling to hit my head on.
It was really tough for a while. I'd put 100% of my time and budget into answering a question or exploring a difficult topic only to see viewership numbers that were a fraction of what a synthesizer review video yielded. But in this lull I began to learn how to sell ideas, when to approach something lightly, and when to be as serious as possible. I started to understand the delicate balance between making a video for the purpose of getting views and making a purely selfish video that few people will actually want to click and watch.
That's when the ceiling really blew off. ADHD drug shortage, Ghanaian scammers and witchcraft, a 45 minute video essay on post-capitalism, etc. The channel's subjects and content lost all predictability but remained cohesive through the mutual exploratory voyage myself and viewers would take together. That's when I found my flow and truly started enjoying being a YouTuber.
I'd love to assume that the individuals making up this massive 7-digit number grew to this size because I'm likable, funny, or intelligent. The truth is, it's far more likely that the x-factor for this channel's growth is a musician and high school dropout proving that the thing preventing viewers from exploring difficult topics or following through on a weird idea is hierarchical and intangible. If this flawed person can wake up in the morning with a hair-brained idea and spend their free time pursuing or researching it, what's stopping you? Perhaps my value to my subscribers is providing an antidote to some of their imposter syndromes. I could come up with theories all night, but the point is:
This community is full of musicians who are more skilled at music production than I am, scientists with more useful research, engineers with far better code, and personalities that are far warmer, funnier, and approachable than mine. What we all have in common is the desire to build a spotlight that we can use to explore the darkness, and the desire to share our findings with one another. Sometimes that darkness hides something playful and innocent like a bird song or microphone trick. Other times it is hiding more serious things like tools an oppressive government is using against its own people or the failure of an economic system.
Somehow this journey of mine allowed me to be where this diverse group of curious and motivated people congregate, and that alone eclipses whatever joy or validation I could take away from an arbitrary landmark number of YouTube subscribers.
It's a big, impressive, and unfathomable number. But it's also the only thing that has changed on this channel between last week and today. My agnosticism about reaching 1,000,000 subscribers is not because I'm unwilling to recognize the accomplishment, but because I've already been far more proud and impressed by the community associated with it.
I wanted to thank everyone who has supported me on this journey.
And now that I see how much I just freestyle-rambled into this post, thanks for reading.
Back to work!
This week I embark on a journey across America to record infra/ultrasonic noise pollution around large data centers in hopes to create or contribute to an acoustic health standard that can be used by local governments for zoning near residential areas. Of course, this will tie in to a video project that I will hopefully have out in early February.
Comments
2020k RJ Kozain
Yes!
Rich Galante
Well deserved milestone man. Your videos are the perfect blend of educational and entertaining. I love hearing your name pop up in many other people's videos, too. Anyhow, congratulations!
Dr Qua
that was one of my favorite things recently too! I couldn't believe I had never heard about the Zapatistas, and it was so interesting. I've learned so much cool stuff from Benn's channe. it's no big surprise that he was a teacher
NTHM
Thanks for the post Benn, it’s nice to know your take. For whatever it’s worth, this engineer and high school dropout loves your tangents on supply chain issues or social impacts in the middle of a video. I loved it when you hit the brakes on an AMAZING video to talk about the Zapatistas. I love watching your videos because of those tangents, that passion, your approach, and personality. I’m stoked that you’re enjoying this new era of your YouTube journey, because I am SO here for it. Heck, I joined Patreon just so I could follow you on here and get insights like these. Thanks Benn! You rock, my dude!
Bryant Eadon
Congratulations on the milestone.
Lynne Bennett
Thank you! You are a kindred spirit in multiple ways to many of us.
Sensath
Be positive by being positive.
Mike Martin
Congratulations Benn. Thanks for everything you do.
Shilu
This world needs you. Don't overthink it too much and keep doing what you love.
Jeff Green
That is a very wordy way to say thank you.
Dustin Poland
I too am begrudgingly a part of the Data Center ecosystem. I electrically test switch gear in a plant that almost exclusively builds for data centers. There is no end in sight with the contracts we get from the Oligarchs.
writ clad
I'm a video, 3D animation, audio nerd who found your videos a few years back during Covid when you tore apart some audio equipment, and only subscribed to your patreon more recently after endeavoring to 'hinder some undesired surveillance'. I've never found a person (much less on YouTube) who so closely matches not only the disparate nature of my interests but who always delves so deeply into them, while remaining singularly motivated and disconnected from financial motivation that would bias the information. That aspect is an absolute necessity in my eyes and it's a shame it's virtually non-existent regarding the vast majority of creators. I fell backwards into Electrical Engineering despite dropping out of school. I'm currently working at a Oil and Gas company in the greater metro area of Denver and we've recently been absolutely inundated in Data Center design. I've always been averse to Data centers since 2016 when I first discovered Bitcoin and blockchain tech and now I'm begrudgingly help architect the destruction of society. A very faint (almost imperceptible) silver lining is all the data centers we create utilize only 28kW to 35kW 480VAC HVAC units with no water cooling whatsoever, but I assume that will change. I can only imagine the infrasound hundreds of these could create, especially given plenty of data already exists showing anecdotal impact on human subjects from SPL studies from heavy electrical motors. If there's ever any data you may be curious about, please feel free to DM me. Ive never said this to anyone before, ironically or otherwise, but it would be a personal honor to aid even in the smallest way to one of your future studies or projects. Thank you so much for what you do.
