williamMiles
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2020 - The Year to Date
🕑 Added 2021-01-01 17:53:57 +0000 UTCI leapt strong from 2019 into 2020 -- I resolved to make it my year of change. The NPC Einin that I articulated to Savin in February of 2019 for CoC2 I finally wrote hundreds of pages of, and I also established Leila in an motivated binge. For a short time I even worked on Cloud 10, and eventually found myself employed by Fenoxo for Trials in Tainted Space. Every new month of 2020, from January to February to March, was pushing something new my way, and thus pushing older promises and projects further and further down as I had to learn to manage new responsibilities and obligations.
I did not succeed, and I did not mature into the role as quickly as I wanted. I hardly finished any of my longest teased projects. Whilst I feel the beginning of the year was a solid effort an indicator of things to come, an incorrigible decline began around the mid-to-late summer of 2020, just a year after similar problems in 2019.
And then, a sudden personal crisis took place on October 21st that manifested in a series of stressful events that festered and worsened instead of passing. A week and pocket change after, I scheduled several appointments and started psychiatric treatment. In the days since I've been a thousand times better off, and have improved my self-care. Currently I'm only on one medication, which is working wonders. The things I'd taken before this one were also excellent.
Having had a lot of time to think about the 'why' of my issues on the 21st, I'm fine with articulating them now.
As I was going to sleep for the day, I was hit out of nowhere by an excruciating panic attack. I got out of bed and paced anxiously. I'd never done this before, and it has never happened before. But I was able to get to sleep just fine, but it kept happening, and happening, and it was being exacerbated by several other factors. I spent a lot of long, unproductive nights being brutally honest with myself to understand the why.
I checked myself in for heart palpitations early November which prevented me from sleeping. But, I was physically fine, and over the last two months, I've had a perfectly fine bill of physiological health. In fact, certain things have also notably improved between the visits. I won't say exactly what brought on the nervous episodes, but it veers me into something I had already planned to say for this year's report. I might have said it before, but not so fervently, and I am compelled to say it--
I am extremely happy to work for you, and the support network you've all helped me build, and the connections I've made with many across the community, are everything I've ever wanted. To all of you, and especially to those who've shown me breathtaking kindness and generosity in the recent months: I love you -- Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You have all brought me a good fortune and everything that goes with it.
In those months and years before 2018, before starting down this road, I lived an aimless life with almost no responsibility, to myself or to anyone else. I realized not so long ago, looking even further back, that there were always signs I'd someday be doing this seriously, and my attitude towards it has never quite been what it should be.
Where I am now happened suddenly. Maturing into it has and will continue to be the pre-eminent challenge. 2020 did not close out brilliantly, and that is my fault; however, going into the unknown landscape of 2020 with a clearer mind, I know things will be better; I will endeavor to hold to my new resolution: to finish all that I've started, and to be a force for significant change and long-waited additions. TiTS will also experience a much-needed overhaul in the near future once it's ported to a new architecture: a new UI, availability on all devices...
There'll never be a better time to strike.
We go into this year differently from the last two. During my too-intermittent workstreams, I spoke of publicly releasing all of my documents and projects the following year. Therefore, I am making 2018's and 2019's history of work available to all. Of course, all documents created in 2021 will remain private to those pledging on Patreon. A new folder will be made to store the newest projects to come, and will be linked when applicable.
Tomorrow, we begin another poll. I did indeed finish the Male Rask scene during December - it was even implemented in time! I'll try to posit some of my own ideas for the next one, but remember the routine: if you're pledging > = $5, feel free to offer an idea for a small scene to add to the game.
All TiTS Projects of Yesteryear:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1yLGG16dnGjTr8U6O6czOE12gBULtcChz?usp=sharing
All CoC2 Projects of Yesteryear:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1GhxePXsjU1Q_V4t2N31oTmVHzel3QwK1?usp=sharing
All C10 Projects of Yesteryear:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1u_TByTIiujQvNmFtLJUplPJGxxBaBf0O?usp=sharing
Please understand that in the TiTS folder, serializations are not missing, they simply belong to documents that I am not ready to make available to anyone yet for certain reasons. This includes the upcoming Nemesis Laquine. If there are any scenes that I have neglected to add, such as contributions to characters where I did not create the doc, remind me to slap such things in as well.
Thank you.
