laprasking
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So November Happened
🕑 Added 2019-12-01 04:12:48 +0000 UTCI've not been so well this past month. I know its not what you guys that support me want to hear, and its been the last thing I wanted to happen, but this whole month has almost been a write off in regards to new content. And its not even something like a cold, flu, or anything that would just go away in short time either.
I've been having some deep anxiety problems.
I never thought as myself as someone to have anxiety issue, as least not very deep ones. I know when I was kid I was quite shy, and thats really all I thought it was, shyness. Online, I had no problem talking to people whether it be given advice, making funny comment jokes or responding to commission requests.
This month, its been very different. I have no idea what might of triggered it, but all of a sudden it was kind I became shy or even scared to reply to even the most kindest of message or private message. Creatively, its been like an invisible force is stopping me for drawing or writing, which has made me start to question myself, like is anything I do even do enough to satisfy people in my life and around me. At times, I've found myself escaping to comfort zones like videogames and Youtube.
After finally opening up to some close friends, especially one that does get anxiety attacks sometimes, there was no question about it, its Anxiety.
And after thinking about it, it did make sense. Thinking back on moments in my life, where I mentioned my shyness, it certainly seems to click. Feeling awkward around people I just met, not really coming out of my shell till I've been around them enough, and just even the little things.
While I feel a bit relived that my awkwardness could be summed up by that, even if it took me this long to realize it, I'm still without a clue why I've been this way in regards to online interactions this month. Thats probably a mystery I'll have to solve sometime later down the road, but I'm thankfully somewhat out the woods. While I did do a bunch of dollies last week however, this journal explaining all this has been hard. I've been at the point where I just want to move on and not drag this whole ordeal I've been going through even further, but you guys deserve an explanation, not just a "I've not been well" but a detailed journal because you guys support me like no other followers of my work, you believe in me and my dream to make this a full time career even though so much real life stuff gets in the way That I can't help, especially this year, but you guys stuck around and I am forever grateful to you all.
You deserve so much content than I can deliver, but I am so sorry this happened this month and that this year has been slow and full of gaps because of real life stuff.
I've not yet decided if I'm going to book an appointment with my GP to see if this could be diagnosed as other forms of mental illness, I have found that I've been getting better thought tons more sleep than my usual aim (Normally aim for 8 as recommended, but 10 hour has made all the difference) but if anything of you can relate to what I've talked about, let me know either in the comments or through a private message.
On the plus side though, its not all doom and gloom. During this idea, I have come up with some really neat new ideas. One in particular is Fanfic related. It an idea I've got a really good feeling about and just sparks brilliance that I think it can get me writing fanfics again. Not to say I won't return to Boxed In or Rocket Corruption, but if I start on this new idea, I know it can help me get back to working on those 2. I promise you will love this new fanfic!
Guess its true what they say, writers and artists can come up with really great ideas during periods of depression.
As for plans going forward, tomorrow I will bring back New Character Sunday. After that, I want to really try working on my own ideas along with slowly getting on with outstanding commissions and Donator rewards. I want to do it as daily double updates, but as to whether I able to remains to be seen (So one work my own and a commission/reward a day).
Saturday, I will start on that exciting new fanfic to kickstart back the Fanfic Saturdays.
As for Sex Doll-Tember, its on the final hurdle with just 3 people left to fulfill orders for. I might have to give it awhile before I do another promotion like this.
Once I get the pile of art commissions out the way, I am really going to knuckle down and put some big limits on how much I can take on commission because its become too much. This won't have any effect on Donator Rewards, on the contrary it will free up more time to do more rewards if I'm not concerning myself over outsider commisions too.
One of my own works I want to do this month is a SFW art piece I wanna gift and share with family. over Christmas. Once I ink it, I really want to experiment with colouring Technics so I can make it look fabulous and worth of showing off and maybe even sell as a print. Hoping it goes well. <3 There will of course be the usual NSFW stuff to come as well.
Not quite the birthday upload you were all expecting huh. ^^; Ahh well, always next year's bday....
Comments
Niva
Hey I really hope you´ll get better. I think I´m speaking for most of us when I say: Take your time don´t rush things and just do what you want. I know the feeling when you need help and the best think you can do is to spend the time with friends and family. So I hope this few words make you a bit happier and I really wish you a good Christmas time.
Jo johnson
I can relate to your anxiety, I too have a hard time communicating with people even online. And even when I do I mostly keep it a couple words or sentences at best.
