FortySixtyFour
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RE: Trailer Trash 54 pt 1
🕑 Added 2023-10-27 18:55:57 +0000 UTCTabitha felt incredibly anxious huddled up with hunched shoulders at the curbside, watching for the bus that would spirit her away to her long-anticipated big return to Springton High. Waiting with her were three other teenagers, but none of them spoke to one another. They were each bundled up in what must have been five different layers of winter clothing and unrecognizable—this morning at least no one seemed to notice or even care that Tabitha was a newcomer to their bus stop.
It was that cold.
Temperatures had plummeted throughout the tail end of winter break until now; sidewalks and lawns glittered with ice crystals, and a rime of frost persisted in the shadows beneath parked cars and suburban hedges. At thirty degrees fahrenheit it was uncommonly cold for Kentucky, and the bitter chill in the air was painful to breathe. The corner curb here at the end of the street featured the concrete slab of a storm drain atop which it was convenient for them to stand, and although the bus stop was on the same street the Macintires lived on, it was a long street, and their place wasn’t visible because of the bend of the road.
Her outer layer was a bulky hunting jacket borrowed from Officer Macintire—camouflage pattern with neon orange highlights—beneath that, the hoodie pilfered ages ago from her father, and underneath that was the gray fit-and-flare winter dress presented to her way back when she was released from the hospital; the one grandma Laurie had tailored so that the one sleeve had ample room for her cast to fit through. Both of her outerwear hoods were up overtop of a new hat and scarf set she’d discovered in the bucket with her forgotten birthday presents. Beneath the dress she wore her nice white jeans, because it was way too cold today to go without, and she’d also donned her second pair of new shoes; snazzy brand new white ones that ate up most of the JC Penny gift card she’d been given for Christmas.
Ugh! The look on Sandra’s face when she found out I’d intended to just wear my new running shoes for everything every day, Tabitha wore a wan smile, nose and cheeks stinging even despite being wrapped in her scarf. And, she wanted to just throw out my old sneakers! Even when they still fit!
Each of the teens huddled there in silence, simply bracing themselves against the cold. Tabitha couldn’t guess what grades these kids might have been in or how old they might be, likewise no one had immediately identified her as Springton High’s social pariah. The rumor mill redhead, whose mysterious conflict with some of the sophomore girls had resulted in a string of suspensions… and an attempted homicide. She’d had weeks to steel her nerves for walking back into that level of attention, and finally thought she was ready.
‘Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated,’ Tabitha planned to say to the inevitable questions. That’s a super clever thing to say, right? Mark Twain quote and everything. Didn’t get a chance to use that one back there at the Hot Topic, but since I already thought it up and all, it’d be a shame not to use it. That’s such a great line!
She’d practiced it several times in the bathroom mirror this morning, forcing herself to slow down the cadence of her speech so that she wasn’t just eagerly blurting it out. Now, her only fear was that enough people wouldn’t be listening when she actually delivered it, because repeating the line would be uncool. Worse yet, maybe others would be talking over her or interrupt her moment—Tabitha had to time her chance perfectly. If she stumbled over her words or misspoke, that would be it, and everything would be ruined.
It’s totally not cringe, Tabitha lied to herself. Going over cool things to say in the mirror by yourself is a perfectly normal teenager thing to do. I bet if I asked Elena or Alicia, they’d agree. Not that I WILL ever ask them that or admit that, because yeah… that’d be super embarrassing. So… okay, maybe it IS super cringe. It’s super cringe, but ONLY if anyone finds out. Which they won’t. Right? Still gonna use the line if the right time appears.
Because no one had realized who she was yet, Tabitha fancied herself in disguise. Maybe she could even pull off some sort of thrilling big reveal. Idle juvenile fantasies such as that where she impressed everyone with a big dramatic debut tumbled through her head one after another without much serious thought invested in them. They helped distract from how freezing it was, they were silly daydreams that softened the vague sort of dread she had for going back to school.
The sophomores who were out to get her were mostly removed from the equation, now. It stood to reason that while maybe the rest of the student body wouldn’t like her, that at least the ones who actually hated her were gone now. She had so much more confidence now, she’d grown and learned and struggled through some of that, so things could be different, this time. She was going to do it right. Have friends, be a little popular. Enjoy a normal adolescence for once.
Not going to shrink away from all of that anymore, Tabitha swore to herself. I’m not trailer trash, now. Mostly. I, I have MULTIPLE OUTFITS. Instead of basically one change of clothes for each weekday on careful wash rotation. I have FRIENDS. If people have snide remarks or talk down to me, I’ll just go to Elena. Or Alicia and Casey and the art club clique. Matthew. Olivia. I know at least A FEW people, now, so this school experience won’t be the same wilderness of horrors. I’ll have little pockets of safety here and there now, ones that can maybe grow out as I meet more people and form into some semblance of normal.
All so long as she didn’t panic, or freeze up, or make a fool of herself. She couldn’t run away from the socializing and retreat to her introvert comfort zone, because she needed to meet people, talk with people, assert herself as a human being to them so that their image of ‘Tabitha Moore’ didn’t remain a collection of rumors and slander and hearsay. It was going to be difficult and unpleasant at first, surely, but with time it would get easier.
Right? I can do this.
Their ride finally announced itself with the rumbling rattle of its diesel engine, and a high-bodied yellow bus appeared, its row of windows fogged enough to render the scattered students seated throughout blurry and indistinct. The vehicle lurched to a halt with a hiss of hydraulics, and Tabitha followed the others to board as a little motorized STOP sign swung out from the side of the bus like the fin of a fish.
Climbing up to enter, Tabitha discovered the bus was warm inside but it also smelled of sweat, and as the aisle of seats came into view she saw that their stop must be somewhere midway through bus thirteen’s route. The benches were less than half full here, whereas she remembered back on bus fifteen the trailer park was one of the last stops, so it was always difficult to find room to sit. The students were in disarray, some still bundled up from the cold while others had unzipped jackets in the heat or removed layers entirely to heap them on the seat next to them.
I can claim a whole empty seat to myself! Tabitha thought, a little thrilled. Now it’ll be on someone else to awkwardly make eye contact or ask for permission to sit with ME, this time. How the tables have turned!
She took the bench for herself and sat, gingerly reaching up to separate her hoods and pull them back without having them take her hat with them, then adjusting her scarf down to below her face. Her cheeks were still flushed from the cold, Tabitha scooted in to occupy the window spot and readjusted her bookbag into her lap while she looked around the bus with interest.
“Holy shit,” The guy in the bench across from her said, causing some heads to turn in her direction. “You’re Tabitha, right?”
“Um… hi?” Tabitha offered him a shy wave. “Gary, right?”
She didn’t recognize him, but hopefully the basketball he was clutching gave him away; he was a pale, lean-bodied older teen in tracksuit pants and a puffy half-open Kentucky Wildcats winter jacket. No backpack or bag of any kind was apparent; just the basketball. He looked surprised to see her here, but perhaps even more startled to be recognized by her in turn, and Tabitha couldn’t help but smile.
“You know me?” Gary asked with a quizzical look.
“Casey said you lived nearby,” Tabitha explained, eyeballing his basketball. “She said you were like, the basketball guy around town.”
“Hah, damn right,” Gary grinned. “You play?”
“I can’t,” Tabitha lifted her one arm. “Still have a fracture. Would love to try, though. Maybe in a couple months?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Gary nodded. “Have you played much before, though like—you know how to play?”
“Of course!” Tabitha said. “I’ve seen Space Jam, that’s basically it, right?”
“Ahhh-hah ha ha HAHHH!” One of the guys a few seats back jeered—from the cut of his jib he seemed to be one of Gary’s friends and simply jumping at the chance to heckle him. “Broooo—”
Tabitha twisted in her seat and made sure the smile she had on was a teasing one so that they knew she was kidding, while the bus rocked as it turned through the suburban neighborhood in search of its next stop. She felt… pretty good about things, so far. The last time she’d tried to use a pop culture reference in this same sort of situation on a school bus she’d cited Eminem lyrics, which at the time didn’t exist yet—and therefore failed spectacularly. This time, she’d nailed it. Space Jam was a mid-nineties movie for sure.
“That’s uhh, yeah basically,” Gary laughed. “Guess you kinda got the gist of it. Space Jam, hah. So, you’re Casey’s friend?”
“Yeah,” Tabitha affirmed. “She’s one of the few upperclassmen who, uh, isn’t some sort of vengeful psychopath?”
“Haaah, yeah,” Gary said. “Man, those girls had it out for you, like, holy shit. What did you do?”
“I wish I knew!” Tabitha remarked with a bitter smile. “High school girls. They’re just downright dangerous! You’ve gotta be careful around them—you know, don’t ever show them you’re afraid. Don’t leave food out. Never travel alone.”
Both of the guys laughed at that, and Tabitha flooded with relief.
Inwardly, her heart was beating out of control as her mind raced for witty or memorable things to say. Applying situational humor like this was so much easier when it was just her and Hannah! There was something mentally exhausting about trying to be cool in front of people she was just meeting for the first time. The right words were coming to her—for now—but at enormous effort and exertion, because she already felt like she’d done good enough for today and was ready to treat herself with quiet alone time in the school library. Away from everyone else, so that she could recharge her mental batteries.
No, no. I’ve got this. I’m doing okayish enough. Just have to keep at it throughout the school day, and it’ll get easier.
( 53, Ringing in the new year. | RE: Trailer Trash | Next, 54 pt 2 )
/// Here we go!
Comments
VaeVictis9
Going back and rereading this makes the latest chapter where she's practically freezing to death more startling. Winter = Jacket even on mud addled brain.
Some BS Deity
Tabs, you can breathe
Stephen Weinberg
Very glad to see you doing well enough to start posting frequently again
