Bitter Karella
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Midnight Pals: Nosferatu
🕑 Added 2025-01-11 17:00:15 +0000 UTCRobert Eggers: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nosferatu
Barker: oh we've heard this one before
Eggers: not the way i tell it!
Barker: has it got farting in it?
Eggers: n-no!
Eggers: i do more than just fart movies for your information!
Barker: this sounds like its about farting
Bram Stoker: this is just a blatant rip-off of my story!
King: which one?
Stoker: "which one"
Stoker: Dracula! i'm talking about dracula!
Stoker: obviously i'm talking about Dracula!
Eggers: nope nope this is about a guy named orlock
Eggers: totally different guy
King: he's got you there bram
Stoker: no he doesn't
Stoker: it's obviously the same guy!
King: the names DO sound kinda different
Stoker: orlock is just the same as Dracula!
Eggers: oh yeah?
Eggers: well does Dracula have a mustache?
Eggers: huh smart guy?? does he?
Stoker: yes Dracula does have a mustache
Eggers:
Eggers: ok but i bet it's nothing like this mustache
Eggers: orlocks got an insane mustache
Eggers: like a real hoss
Eggers: so here's the thing about orlock
Eggers: he's got like a huge freddy mercury mustache
Eggers: like he looks like the dad from Marmaduke
Eggers: you won't mess with this stash
Eggers: i know we've all seen the original nosferatu
Eggers: but i think we can all agree that what would really improve it
Eggers: is about 3 extra hours of really ponderous old timey dialogue
Eggers: also orlock should hang dong
Bram Stoker: wait you see orlock's dick?
Eggers: yeah i thought you'd like that
Stoker: i
Stoker: i didn't say that!
Eggers: he likes it
Barker: obviously
Stoker: I DID NOT SAY THAT!
Stoker: i do like that you took out threesome with dracula's brides
Stoker: in retrospect i always thought that was a mistake
Stoker: you know how it is
Stoker: women just slow down the action
Poe: i like how many cats are in this
Lovecraft: i like that too
Eggers: nosferatu brings this plague of rats with him
Eggers: just thousands of rats
Eggers: and there's one rat
Eggers: you'll know him when you see him
Eggers: just standing up on his hind legs
Eggers: like a little rory Calhoun
Roger Corman: eyyy its me roger corman
Corman: star of da bluesky account!
Corman: so where's dis showboatin' rat i been hearin so much about?
Corman: i hear this rat's got real star power!
Corman: he's gonna make it big in dis town!
Comments
Gary McCammon
Am I wrong to hear Bram Stoker's dialogue in a real cheesy Bela Lugosi voice?
Shirley R
Bram Stoker's widow did, in fact, win a lawsuit with the folks who did the original "Nosferatu". History does not record whether or not she said, "I might as well get SOMETHING out of that marriage."
Mike mccluskey
hahahaahahah, cats!
