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Midnight Pals: Linehan Arrested
🕑 Added 2025-09-03 17:43:01 +0000 UTC[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: tonight i want to talk about the ssscourge of ssslightly taller than average department sstore clerksss
Rowling: when will we be free of thiss long national nightmare?
Kathleen Stock: a just question, my liege!
Rowling: in fact i [cell phone ringing]
Stock: your mobile is ringing
Rowling: my what
Stock: your mobile
Stock: its what we call cell phones here in britain
Rowling: oh right right of courssse
Stock: [cell phone ringing] oh weird my mobile is also ringing
Helen Joyce: [cell phone ringing] mine too!
Rowling: [cell phone ringing] sstrange, who could be desperately trying to reach all of us?
Rowling: [cell phone ringing]
Rowling: [cell phone ringing, narrowing eyes] fuckin linehan
Graham Linehan: mommy mommy please pick up please pick up
Rowling: what iss it thiss time graham
Rowling: thiss better be good
Rowling: you interrupted the grand unveiling of my final ssolution for sslightly too tall department sstore clerkss
Linehan: mommy mommy i've been arrested please come pick me up i need an adult
Rowling: you've been arresssted?
Linehan: yes!
Linehan: by the notoriously pro-trans british police!
Rowling: oh yeah the biasss is obviousss
Rowling: an obviouss misscarriage of jussstice
Rowling: the time hass come Rowling: for too long, we have osstracized graham for being an unhinged embarrassssement for the terf causse
Rowling: but now
Rowling: i think he's exactly the right amount of unhinged embarrasssment for the terf caussse!
Rowling: now is clearly the time to throw our sssupport behind graham, as an obvious victim of police overreach
Linehan: i recorded the whole incident!
Rowling: oh good!
Rowling: graham'ss own wordss will exonerate him and prove that we're really definitely making the right move to sstand with him
Rowling: play the tape graham
Linehan tape: "I'LL FUCKING MURDER... FUCK FUCK KILL DEATH... I'LL KILL YOU ALL, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU IN THE JURY... TRAS CONTROL THE FREE MASONS!!! FUCK KILL ARGLE BARGLE FART"
Linehan: what do you think? do i have a case?
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling:
Allison Bailey: mr linehan i'd like to represent you
Bailey: i am a serious lawyer or, as we call them in england, a banister who has argued many cases in court
Linehan: wow! did you win them?
Bailey: i have
Bailey: i have argued many cases in court
Bailey: the big question, mr linehan, when the police arrested you, did they or did they not
[briefcase falls open, spaghetti dumps out]
Rowling: oh wow didn't expect that
Rowling: never ssaw that fuckin
