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Midnight Pals: Who Killed Elon
🕑 Added 2025-10-09 16:53:21 +0000 UTCM. Lopes da Silva: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of what if elon musk got killed
Aubrey Wood: ah yes what if melon husk got unalived, hypothetically, in Minecraft
Wood: lol just kidding!
wood: …. unless?
da Silva: what if elon musk got killed
King: siiiigh
King: oh if only
Poe: steve you can't mean that
King: no of course not i
King: i just
King: how does he die?
da Silva: a deer vomits glitter on him and he melts
King: still, one has to wonder
King: what if…
[screen goes wavy, dream chimes play]
Poe: terrible news, everyone!
Poe: I've just been informed there was a murder at 1313 deadbeat drive
Poe: it seems elon musk… has been murdered!
Patricia Highsmith: the question is
Highsmith: who had the motive to kill elon musk
King: why is everyone looking at me
Poe: we're not looking at you, steve
Barker: i was looking at him
King: it wasn't me! i'm innocent!
Mary Shelley: well done, steve
King: i didn't do anything!
Shelley: i didn't think he had it in him
King: it wasn't me!
Announcer: That's right, it's the new game from Parker Brothers "Who Killed Elon Musk?"
Announcer: players will match wits by sifting through clues, interviewing scheming heirs, and finding out who among his many, many, many enemies actually killed elon musk
Announcer: but watch out
Announcer: there can only be ONE winner
Announcer: for ages 9-99
Video will of Elon Musk: eyyyy itsa me, elon musk! iffa you see this now, thatsa means i have become an hero. thatsa spicy-a meat ball! whoever solves my murder willa inherit my entire fortune offa ten (10) golden manbabies. May the games-a begin!
Patricia Highsmith: don't worry steve, i'll get to the bottom of this
King: oh thank goodness
Highsmith: of course, to prove your innocence
Highsmith: i'll have to extensively interview all of elon's hot widows
Grimes, Justine Wilson, Taluley Riley, and Ashley St. Claire: [simultaneously answering the door in their merry widow mourning lingerie] oh inspector i didn't expect you so soon, i'm just soooo distraught over the death of my late husband
Highsmith: [smirking at camera] it's good to be the detective
[interviewing suspects]
Highsmith: Was there anything unusual about elon?
Grimes: I should say not. Elon was a perfectly normal person in every way. Except is as much as he was convinced that he was being watched by a giant roko's basilisk
Highsmith: How big was roko's basilisk supposed to be?
Grimes: Normally he was wont to be about twelve feet from nose to tail, but when elon was very depressed roko's basilisk could be anything up to eight hundred yards long.
Highsmith: ok I've compiled a list of suspects
Highsmith: can YOU solve this crime and figure out…
Highsmith: who unalived melon husk (hypothetically) in Minecraft?
Justine Wilson
Motive: a mother's revenge for elon's mistreatment of daughter vivian, asserting herself as alpha wife, elon's death would make great fodder for new urban fantasy book "AngelDemon"
Quote: "Sure, I hated him… but I didn't kill him!"
Talulah Jane Riley-Milburn
Motive: elon never bought her the film career he promised. is this ingenue from the streets of Victorian London hiding a dark secret under her top hat?
Quote: "I don't know what you're talking about, officer. I was right here on the set of St.Trinians the whole time"
Grimes
Motive: this japanese conceptual artist feared retro-future-sea-punk-gurgle-core-wave music was getting stale, so took it to strange new places… including murder??!!?
Quote: "Shinji, get in the robot! Lollerskates, i'm BeInG raNdOm!11! SPORK of d00m!!!11!"
Ashley St. Clair
motive: wanted to launch ASMR influencer career with clips4sale vids of her rubbing elon's corpse during funeral
Quote: "Why am I being interrogated when the real black trans jew illegal alien responsible for this is still running free?"
Vivian Wilson
Motive: as a member of an inherently violent, nihilistic demographic, could Vivian have killed Musk out of pure evil? And if she had nothing to do with the murder at all, could she still be blamed just because? Signs point to yes
Complicating Factor: boymoding to frame twin brother?
Griffin Musk
Motive: could this hen-pecked first born who could never do anything good enough to earn daddy's praise have finally snapped when elon couldn't remember his name?
Complicating factor: girlmoding to frame twin sister?
Kai Musk
Motive: the large adult son, the favored one, the golden child. Could Kai have finally gotten tired of waiting for the inheritance he thought his due and decided to speed things up with some arsenic in his father's morning ketamine?
Saxon Musk
motive: mistook his dad for a visigoth
Quote: "Unhand me, Roman dogs! You'll never get the secret of Getafix's magic potion!"
Damien Musk
motive: reportedly a vegetarian & smarter than his dad, perhaps this deranged hippie genius understood his father's death was necessary for the common good?
Quote: "Man, carrot juice constitutes murder, man! Down with government!"
X Æ A-12
motive: could it be that X Æ A-12 finally snapped after years of humiliation due to that incredibly fucking stupid name? (probability high)
Complicating Factor: In an effort to distance self from father, gets name changed to the chemical element for hassium
Strider and Azure Musk
Motive: A pair of Ray bradbury-esque small assassins who appear sweet and harmless while sucking on oversized lollipops, could they hide a sinister secret?
Quote: "Who do you ask, Papa? We're ever so innocent!"
Exa Dark Sideræl
Motive: known as the little engineer for her cold, calculating demeanor, could Exa have plotted the perfect cold-blooded murder to inherit her father's wealth? what secrets does her deadpan Wednesday-esque demeanor hide?
Quote: "No hard feelings… It's just business, father."
Techno Mechanicus
Motive: some say emotional, hotheaded Techno is too stupid to organize a murder… but not too stupid to be Exa's patsy, whom she will double-cross in the final reel and get off scot free!
Quote: "hey, when do i get that horse? i was promised a horse"
Seldon Lycurgus
Motive: the dirty little secret of the Musk clan, too crazy for boy's town and too much of a boy for crazy town. they say he wanted to kill someone and musk just got in his way…
Complicating factor: not guilty by reason of… INSANITY!?!!?!?!
Arcadia
motive: this bedraggled VC Andrews-style moppet haunted & tormented by the spirit of her dead mother grimes. could the spectre have finally goaded her to murder?
Quote: [mumbling to self] "No mother… no mother, stop it… no mother… Mother, no…"
Romulus
motive: as a vat grown clone possibly infused with the DNA of history's greatest warriors and dictators a la serpentor, did romulus go mad with power and destroy his own creator in a fit of pique?
Quote: "FOOLS! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!"
Comments
Claire Hiria Ahuriri-Dunning
This is a fucking masterpiece XD
Shirley R
"mistook his dad for a Visigoth" 🤣💀
