Bitter Karella
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Midnight Pals: Another Forever War
🕑 Added 2026-01-04 17:00:12 +0000 UTC[white house]
Trump: so we're bombing venezuela now
Trump: no reason, really, just because
Trump: we just had all these bombs lying around
Trump: and we thought
Trump: why not
JD Vance: masterful gambit, sir
Larry Niven: MR PRESIDENT, MR PRESIDENT!
Niven: we heard the news and we came as fast as we could
Trump: who's this
Niven: we are
Niven: SIGMA
narrator: SIGMA is the secret code name for a think tank of costumed science fiction writers dedicated to advising the president on matters of their expertise (see issue #43 - ed)
Niven: of course
Niven: for security purposes, we have to keep our identities hidden
Greg Bear: I'm Greg Bear
Niven:
Niven: really, greg???
Niven: every freakin' time
Bear: i'm greg bear
Elizabeth Moon: lay off him, he's trying!
Niven: get this guy out of the room before i--!!
Bear: i'm greg bear
Moon: c'mon, greg, let's go wait in the hall
Niven: mr president, we heard you were thinking of starting a war with venezuela
Niven: for freedom, right?
Trump: no, oil
Niven:
Niven: i mean, yeah, i know, but
Niven: you're not supposed to say it
Trump: who are you again
Niven: let me tell you, i am all for this war
Niven: i have a spotless reputation of war endorsement
Niven: you might remember a little war called Vietnam?
Niven: well, i was for that
Trump: i don't remember Vietnam
Niven:
Niven: well, i was for it
Niven: and i think history has vindicated me on that front
Niven: anyway, SIGMA has plenty of members who specialize in military sci fi
Niven: we could advise you on how to do regime change
Trump: no we already did it
Niven: you did it?
Trump: yeah
Trump: 20 minutes ago
Niven: now there's more than one way to do regime change
Niven: but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess-
Trump: we already kidnapped the president
Niven:
Niven: you did what
Trump: yeah we kidnapped the president of Venezuela
Trump: "kidnapping"
Trump: an old word but a beautiful one!
Niven: you kidnapped the president of venezuela?
Trump: yeah and his wife
Niven: and his wife?
Trump: very rude woman
Trump: ugly too
JD Vance: haha yeah boss she sure was!
Trump: shut up
Vance: sure thing, right away boss!
Pete Hegseth: [lurching drunkenly into office] Mr President, we need to bomb caracas to secure the future of the white race
Hegseth: America has bombed korea, Iraq and Afghanistan
Hegseth: and by gum it put them on the map!
Hegseth: [violently vomits]
Trump: don't puke too hard pal, you'll tear your face lift
Vance: hahaha good one boss!
Trump: shut up
Vance: right away boss!!! shutting up right now, boss!!!
Niven: okay but mr president
Niven: surely you need us to advise you on your next step
Niven: for example, a lot of Venezuelans were probably injured and maimed in those indiscriminate bombings
Niven: what if we spread a rumor about organ traffikers to keep them out of hospitals?
Niven: eh? eh?
Niven: that one never goes out of style!
Comments
Gary McCammon
Meanwhile Reichsminister Miller is outside the Oval Office having Bear and Moon deported because those names sound suspiciously "Red Indian" as he puts it
Gary McCammon
NIVEN: Laos, Cambodia, Syria, Yugoslavia, Guatemala, Chile, Nicaragua, Grenada TRUMP: TRUMP: Are you having a stroke? And I know because people who have strokes say nonsense like you did there, like ischemic Banff Opalocka singe balalalalanitsita VANCE: admirable demonstration sir TRUMP: What demonstration? I smell toast. Must be breakfast.
