Bitter Karella
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Midnight Pals: Revenge
🕑 Added 2026-01-30 17:48:48 +0000 UTCDickens: okay listen up, you grinches, i'm about to melt your icy hearts with another tale of yuletide joy
Dickens: it's called the mother's eyes
Dickens: it's about this guy who murders a guy cuz he has a weird eye
Poe:
Dickens: and then his guilty conscience causes him to go insane
Poe:
Dickens: i know what you're thinking
Dickens: 'Charles, how did you come up with such an original concept?'
Poe: that's not what i was
Barker: YEAH
Barker: that's exactly what i was wondering
Barker: tell us more, chuck
Dickens: here's another jolly Christmas story for you
Dickens: i call this the story of mugby junction
Dickens: it's about a stupid dumb waitress who can't recognize a cool esteemed author when she sees one
Poe:
Koontz:
Barker:
King:
Lovecraft:
Poe: um
Poe: is this one based on a personal experience?
Dickens: oh no no no no
Dickens: yes
Dickens: yes it is
Dickens: i mean, c'mon!
Dickens: what kind of stupid waitress can't recognize Charles fuckin' dickens when she sees him?
Dickens: i made her childhood magical, damnit!!
Dickens: anyway, this stupid dumbass waitress is so stupid and dumb that she makes a famous author pay for his coffee
Poe: that's a little petty, don't you think?
Dickens: is it as petty as steve with bryan smith?
King: oh come on
King: that's not fair
King: that guy hit me with a car!
King: all things considered, he got off light
Dickens: got off light???
Dickens: you wrote him as a drunk idiot!
King: not drunk
King: he was high!
Dickens:
King: there's a difference!
King: look, if that waitress hit you with a car, then i could understand the animus
King: but all things considered, she didn't do anything wrong
Dickens: didn't do anything wrong?
Dickens: are you joking?
Dickens: she failed to recognize me!
Dickens: me, Charles dickens!
Dickens: the man who made Christmas magical!
Dickens: i thought i would get a little more sympathy around here
JK Rowling: i totally get where you're coming from, charlessss
Dickens: finally! someone gets it!
Rowling: like, thisss one time, thessse kidsss were being very rude to me on twitter
Dickens: yeah, i don't know what that is
King: it's like Friendster but for nazis
Dickens: oh ok then
Barker: wait hold the phone how do you know what Friendster is
Larry Niven: Charles is right
Niven: if you can't get revenge on your enemies in your writing, what's even the point of writing?
Niven: for example, in my story, i had my archnemesis kurt Vonnegut burning in hell
Niven: for being against the Vietnam war
Poe:
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Niven: NOW WHO'S LAUGHING, KURT???
Comments
John Ross
Meanwhile other authors are offering their patrons the chance to be killed off in their books.
Gary McCammon
Dante Alighieri: Fuck you, Niven Dante: you derivative asshole Dante: I was frying MY antagonists in Hell SIX CENTURIES before you
Gary McCammon
Well, how is he even in the same place with Poe, Barker, and Rowling? Magic!!!
Lucy Boone
How DOES Charles know what Friendster is?
