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Early Bird: With Silver Bells, Ch. 01

🕑 Added 2021-01-11 02:36:57 +0000 UTC

Comments

Lorelei

Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback!

Selestrilia

The first chapter is great without action. It’s nice to see familiar characters in non-sexy scenes and let’s their personalities bloom even more. If you’re worried about literotica, just start it w/ a quick blurb letting people know ch1 is all plot/set-up and they should check out your other stories if they want something more quick and arousing. Established fans will definitely read it even without smut, and new people know ahead of time.

Sothe Dain

I have both longed for and lived in terror of this moment.

Lorelei

Thank you! I'll think about this. It was very hard to write Alrek in a way that captured his moodiness without making him overtly abusive—this wasn't a case where that felt appropriate, especially since he's saying goodbye to Larya here and being a complete asshole would be inappropriate. It's a really difficult balance for me, and I struggled a lot this chapter.

acroPhobia

First off, I don't think more action is needed. I might be quite biased in that regard, though, so don't take that as representative of most people's. For the most part, all of the emotional beats connected, but some of the dialogue (particularly Alrek's) felt a little bit off to me, in places. He wasn't nearly as gruff as I'm used to seeing him, and I compared to both Wicked Amusement and Sea Slimes alike, to make sure it wasn't a development bit that I'd missed. I have other thoughts on the way certain things are phrased in it ( the repetition of adventurer in one section felt odd to me), but I didn't want to overload you with feedback on stuff that you weren't looking for. Either way, take my comments with a grain of salt. I really enjoyed the chapter, and the developments within!


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