bethofthewild
patreon
depression
🕑 Added 2022-09-14 00:02:06 +0000 UTCheads up that i might not end up posting all that much in the next week or so due to feeling crushingly depressed. It's now been over a year since I quit my office job and i was really hoping that this Patreon could eventually become something like a real job, but i'm now resigned to that never happening. i really appreciate all the support i get but it's still nowhere close to even minimum wage where i live (minimum wage here is $15 USD, so in a month of four weeks with a 40 hour work week that would be about $2400 a month which is more than ten times what this is making). i feel like i've maybe been deluding myself in acting like this is anything like a real job or that i could make a living writing stuff online. i keep seeing youtube videos where they have like 900 supporters or whatever and it's getting to me. maybe the stuff i write is just too niche or too hard to find. idk. i could probably do more self-promotion/cross-posting but every time i've tried stuff like that i am met with the vastness of the internet's apathy and get even more depressed. i'm really fortunate to live with my sister who makes enough money to support both of us but i kinda feel like i'm a leech and i'm taking advantage of her. anyway, starting to wonder if it's actually worth me having a patreon at all, when even my monthly therapy costs are more than this makes in a month. i put in a lot of work and stress a lot about the quality of what i write and from a financial standpoint it just doesn't make sense. not going to do anything right now and regardless i'll keep writing stuff but i might have to start spending more of my time doing other things because i kind of think this just isn't working
