bethofthewild
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Streamer Ch. 22
🕑 Added 2022-07-13 19:35:48 +0000 UTCSage was frustrated. She’d been doing all the things you were supposed to do, but her view and sub counts seemed like they had hit a plateau and just… stopped. If anything, they were going down slightly.
She decided to stop look at her metrics–which she probably shouldn’t be doing so often anyway, if only for her own mental health–and instead messaged her girlfriend.
7thSage: Bleh why did I look at view counts
7thSage: I think it’s actually getting worse over time
7thSage: And I know it would probably help if I streamed more often and put out more content but
7thSage: I guess now that it’s basically my job, it feels like there’s a lot of pressure
7thSage: So even just thinking about streaming has been stressing me out
7thSage: I wish I could just take a break from it for a while but from what I’ve heard that’s basically a guaranteed way to lose all of your subs
melsalvia: o no
melsalvia: i think ur mental health is more important than if ur a Successful Content Creator ™
melsalvia: genuinely, even if you lose subs it’s okay. Your health is way more important than that
7thSage: Is it though
7thSage: I mean I don’t have several people watching me for my mental health
7thSage: Just by the numbers, doesn’t it affect way more people if I stop streaming? If I keep streaming, the only person negatively affected should be myself
melsalvia: i think you can only make yourself do something you really don’t want to every day for only so long
melsalvia: i think there’s gonna inevitably some burnout if you try to do that
melsalvia: also i’m sure your viewers would want you to take care of urself!
melsalvia: the ones who aren’t shitheads, at least
7thSage: but I’m not even streaming very many hours per day compared to a lot of people
7thSage: And they don’t seem to get burned out
7thSage: So obviously the problem is me
melsalvia: well i don’t really agree. the difference i think is that those people don’t mind streaming often. that kinda thing varies a lot by person and i don’t think u can compare people like that in a productive way
melsalvia: idk i just want to see u have an okay time in life and hopefully manage to have fun with streaming
7thSage: god people can probably tell i’m not having fun can’t they
7thSage: I’m probably lower energy or less fun to watch
7thSage: That’s probably why I’m losing viewers
7thSage: Fuck
7thSage: I need to get better at having like a streamer persona divorced from how I actually feel
7thSage: No one wants to see what I’m actually like (a weird, anxious, depressed gay trans girl)
7thSage: They want the fun challenge runs and speedrunning with commentary and et cetera
7thSage: I’m probably just interchangeable to all of them
7thSage: They’d be just as happy to watch any other streamer playing the same stuff
7thSage: None of them actually care about or like me as an individual
7thSage: I’m just mildly entertaining background noise
7thSage: Also, like, why did I want to be a streamer
7thSage: I’m doing nothing to make the world better
7thSage: If anything I’m making it worse by distracting people from things that actually matter
7thSage: Real life instead of video games
melsalvia: i hope you don’t take this in a negative way but to me it seems like you’re depressed and i think you’re projecting a bit onto others
melsalvia: i guess i can’t speak for others but i can definitely say that as a viewer i enjoyed watching you specifically. honestly with streamers i care more about their personality and sense of humor and vibe than i do about what game they’re playing
melsalvia: and i’ve always liked how you come off as relatively genuine. i think the big advantage of online content creation over stuff like TV and movies is that it feels more like people can get a genuine, relatively unfiltered view of another person. at the very least it feels more authentic, even if it probably isn’t in some cases (but i can confirm it is, in your case)
melsalvia: and i think people only have so much energy to think about and deal with real world problems and i actually think you’re making a positive difference in some people’s lives by entertaining them and helping them relax and distracting them from stressful stuff in the world
melsalvia: god knows there’s been lots of awful shit going down lately in politics in the US and i cannot think about that stuff any more than i already have. as an individual i really don’t have the power to stop or change that stuff, as much as i wish i did, and thinking about it impotently really just makes things worse with no upside. i feel like the best i can do is to at least not let the transphobes stop me from sometimes having fun and enjoying life and not thinking about them
melsalvia: sorry kind of a wall of text but hopefully you get what i’m saying
7thSage: I guess? But if people actually wanted to watch me specifically for my personality etc, I feel like I wouldn’t be hemorrhaging viewers
melsalvia: okay let’s not exaggerate
melsalvia: your views are basically the same as last week and the week before
melsalvia: really wouldn’t call it hemorrhaging
7thSage: Okay look Mel sometimes I just want to complain. Sometimes I’m just unhappy. You don’t always have to try and talk me out of it
7thSage: Maybe you could just listen sometimes
melsalvia: ok sorry
melsalvia: :(
melsalvia: is there anything else you wanted to complain about?
7thSage: Not anymore
7thSage: I think I need some time to just go lie face down on my bed and cry
melsalvia: ok
melsalvia: ttyl
melsalvia: <3
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