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The Celestia Diet
🕑 Added 2020-12-31 07:26:14 +0000 UTC(contains cartoon ponies getting fat, wardrobe malfunctions)
Commission for PaulRevere
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This mirror was a bold-faced liar!
Princess Celestia’s gaze narrowed suspiciously at her reflection. Naturally, the glass copy mimicked her expression, even when her neck dipped in for a closer look. The alicorn practically pressed her nose into the smooth surface, dipping her muzzle left then right. Shining purple eyes examined the curves of her face, noting possible inconsistencies from what past year’s pictures showed her.
Maybe her cheeks had gotten a bit fuller. That was nothing to get concerned over. It was still a face, bright and full of youthful vigor.
The clop of her hooves echoed through the bedchamber in her slow turn. Long bird-feathered wings lifted so Celestia could admire her profile. Everything seemed in order upon a cursory glance. The mare’s chest stuck out strong and proud, leading to long regal legs.
Shouldn’t there be more space between her thighs? Celestia gave an angry snort and shook her head dismissively with a swishing of rainbow colored mane. That was just outside insecurities trying to poison her thoughts. Sure, routine exercise might have been a bit lacking after dealing with all the peril Equestria suffers. That didn’t mean she was becoming some kind of slouch during peace times.
The analysis continued along her strong, curvy back, noting her healthy, filled horse's barrel. Celestia bit her lower lip nervously shifting her hind legs. Abdominal muscles clenched hard, causing her stomach to compact into the regal arch her subjects expected. Good, not that heavy of a sag. Some ponies even said a little pudge was a sign of a healthy diet. They might not even notice anything off.
Celestia would find that fantastic, because trying to hold her gut in was incredibly difficult. Letting out a breath that allowed her belly to billow out once more, she turned to present her sun cutie mark flank to the mirror. She glared at it over one shoulder, watching her rainbow pony tail wave back with no breeze. There was nothing wrong with her elegant posterior. It always stuck out round and white.
Round like the moon!
“Luna speaks such childish nonsense,” Celestia grumbled out loud. With an angry nicker she strode out of her bedroom, head high and expression calm.
The pegasus posted beside her door promptly raised his left wing in salute. A gesture she completely forgot to acknowledge in her sea of arguing thought. Great, now the poor stallion might think she was rude and ill mannered.
Or maybe he was too busy wondering if her figure looked a bit thicker.
“Mmph!” Celestia closed her eyes, clenching teeth behind pursed lips. She was used to holding a professional demeanor under pressure, so her subtle gestures went unnoticed by the other guards she passed on the way to the palace dining hall.
Unless the bouncing of her girth also distracted them.
“Uggh! Stop thinking such stupid thoughts!” Celestia flopped into a huge decorative chair at the end of a long dinner table. Her long spiral white horn emitted a strong glowing aura of magic that, without having to look, levitated a doughnut off a half-eaten breakfast plate over to her muzzle. “Ahm!”
Celestia took the biggest bite of fried pastry her royal lips could manage, too grumpy to care what the guards thought of her eating habits or if she yelled at nothing. Not ten minutes ago she was enjoying this sunrise breakfast of cinnamon waffles, cream cheese crepes, and doughnuts like any other morning. No pony knew when it became her comfort food of choice to cope with being a daytime ruler.
Then her younger sister, Luna, had to come staggering in after a tiring shift of overseeing the night. One look at Celestia’s platter sent eyes rolling, followed by subtle scoffing.
“I dear say, sister, if you keep stress eating like this you’ll swell fatter than the moon. Trying to rule over two white orbs would be a demanding job even for me.”
It was Luna’s attempt at casual hazing, no doubt learned from visiting the dreams of the more extroverted of their subjects. Unfortunately, both princesses were unskilled at ‘being casual’ around each other, much less taking teasing in stride. Celestia gave a polite nod and smile while watching her dark blue furred sister stride through the dining hall towards her room with a heavy yawn. The older alicorn finished a mouthful of waffles, took a deep breath, and slammed cracks into the marble table with her forehooves.
Clearly Celestia let such exaggerated comments get the better of her. Scarfing down a delicious chocolate eclair only did wonders for her mental state. No way was having one a day going to make her some blobish mare.
“Your highness!”
“Mwrah!?” Celestia snapped back to the present, all but forgetting her pastry chewing was on autopilot. She swallowed the lump of delicious dough and cleared her throat with a blush. “I mean, what is it?”
The guard that had approached her blinked at the lapse in demeanor before moving along. “Lady Rarity has just arrived for your scheduled dress fitting.”
“Oh! Uh, that was today!?” Celestia ceased her levitation spell, accidently dropping the remaining doughnut off its plate. They planned this meeting weeks in advance, but the last thing she needed was to be measured. “Oh, right? Have her set up in the arranged room and I’ll receive her there shortly.”
The guard saluted and trotted off. He didn’t make it out of the room before Celestia lost all sense of appearances. Her angry frowns could curdle dairy while she slumped into the royal chair. Within seconds another doughnut levitated towards her muzzle for a few comforting bites. Sweet sugar could help her relax and think of an excuse to postpone this whole affair. She just needed to sum up all her cunning for a brilliant plan.
“Hello, Rarity,” Celestia said upon marching into the fitting room utterly defeated. Two doughnuts and a waffle proved sadly inefficient in helping the princess think of any reason to send the white unicorn away, without looking rude about it. Decorative hooves dragged across the floor in a death march, eager to get this over with. “Thank you for arriving so punctually.”
“Oh, please, Lady Celestia! Don’t be silly. A chance to design for royalty is the dream of every seamstress.” By a sharp contrast, Rarity bounced around the room like a filly on a sugar rush. Her white horn poking out of a stylized purple mane glowed brighter than the lamps, its spell manipulating tools, fabrics, and pony fitting statues simultaneously. It was a rather impressive display of passionate skills. “Now, we should... uh... dearie, are you all right?”
“Hm? O-oh!” Crap! Celestia completely forgot to turn on her ‘professional’ relaxed appearance. Granted, Rarity represented the element of generosity, but the proverbial grumpy cloud hanging over the princess remained noticeable without such traits. Nothing to gain about being dishonest at this point. “It’s nothing, little pony. A few misplaced critiques on my figure have put me in a sour mood this morning.”
“Ah, say no more. I’ve dealt with critics far too often, and the skin never truly gets thicker.” The genuine delight behind Rarity’s smile while she talked helped disarm Celestia’s apprehensions for their meeting a little. She let the younger mare lead her onto a platform, bringing along a pony figurine wearing a very plain fitting gown on it. “Pay them no mind. No one will complain after seeing your new dress for the year.”
It was nice to hear some gentle reassurance for a change. Celestia let tranquility ease her anxious mind for a few seconds, letting her lungs expand in a deep, calming breath. And then the measuring tape floated into view. The alicorn gave out a meek gulp, biting her lower lip as pupils dilated to take up most of her irises.
Rarity failed to catch her princesses reaction that time. While the long band unraveled, she busied herself looking along Celestia’s profile, trying to mentally size them up. Eyebrows wiggled in a subtle air of uncertainty that sent Celestia’s heart racing. Front to back seemed the most standard approach, Rarity’s mind continuing to ponder so hard she didn’t notice the bigger alicorn flinch when measuring tape wrapped around her shoulders.
“Now we just need to update your measurements from last year so I can get the basic dimensions to work... from… hmmm.”
Celestia felt her face burn hearing the energy drain from Rarity’s words. The tape ground firmly into her shoulders and then chest, showing numbers she could not see that made Rarity stare off in deep thoughts. Suddenly everything was all business, with legs and neck getting quick measurements that a levitating quill jotted down on some parchment. Did she really have to react to each measuring with a deep ‘hmm’ noise? All they did was jab the alicorn’s anger back to the surface. It reached a breaking point when Rarity finally got to Celestia’s stomach and hanged on the area for a noticeable amount of time.
“You seem really lost in your work today, Rarity,” Celestia kept her voice civil while speaking. It was her expression when glancing over her shoulder that lacked any restraint. The alicorn’s smile was crooked with eyes twitching out of sync in a hallowed stare. “Is anything the matter?”
“What? AH!” Rarity glanced at her princess and promptly recoiled in momentary alarm. “It’s... uh... nothing to worry about, darling. We just need to make bigger updates to your figure than I expected.”
“Bigger, you say?” Celestia’s hooves shifted slightly, her smile cracking wider. “A lot must have changed then.”
A light layer of sweat covered Rarity’s forehead. In an instant, this room somehow felt more dangerous than the many times she and her friends saved Equestria from certain doom. “Well, yes. Growth spurts happen often over a year. A lot of changes we don’t expect. I can only imagine how Twilight will look when she grows into a noble alicorn like you.”
“Yes, well, don’t be surprised if I might change a little more during your process. I hope that won’t be too BIG a problem.”
The way Celestia’s face contorted at the uttering of ‘big’ sent shivers through Rarity’s purple tail. “N-no. Certainly not, highness.”
“Okay then!” Celestia went back to facing forward, once again looking dignified and patient as a princess does. There was only a slight twinge of crazy eyes when the tape continued back to measure out her flank.
Meanwhile, Rarity approached their remaining fitting session with the care one has when disarming a bomb. She worked the tape fast as she dared on Celestia’s rear, having to bite her lip to stifle any pensive noises. With most of the measurements taken, other tools hovered and flew about for their designed purposes. While the unicorn took down Celestia’s leg numbers, pins and markers began arranging the outline gown for the pending dress.
It did not escape Celestia’s notice there were a lot more adjustments for widening than slack tightening. That was not given a comment aside from slowly puffing out her chest in a calming, deep breath. If anything, this will be a goal to show them all. The ruler of Equestria was not some bloated miniature sun to be pitied. By the time the next holiday comes around for her dress unveiling, she will be so thin it’ll hang off her like a tent. Rarity will hum for hours having to readjust for all that slack while Celestia mocked about it to Lunas fat, stupid snout.
But first, the alicorn really needed to calm down. Her horn glowed for a second, using magic to yank on a rope cord near the door. A distant bell rang, followed by the door opening seconds later.
“Yes, your highness?” Asked the guard that poked her head in. Another pegasus with a muscular build.
“Errr…” The envy that flowed from Celestia seeing this guard’s fitter figure almost made her forget why she had called. Everything seemed out to mock her existence today. “Have the cooks deliver a snack to my room immediately. I’m feeling cheesecake with heaps of candied berries.”
“Yes, highness,” the guard bowed only hesitating when she turned to leave. “How much cheesecake do you desire?”
“As much as they dare think I’ll need!” she snapped with a flash of anger on her beautiful muzzle.
The guard yelped and left without a second word. Silence fell on the room save for slow timid snips of Rarity’s scissors on the fitting gown.
“Um…” Rarity had no idea where she found the courage to speak, but the way Celestia whipped around to stare at her made the unicorn regret it. “Isn’t it a bit early for such heavy sweets, princess? We still need to test the size of your gown. YEEK!”
“Oh, for the love of me!” Celestia’s horn blazed a fiery light, yanking the gown off its stand so fast a bit of hem got torn from Rarity’s stuck scissors. “There’s nothing wrong about me. Let’s just get this over with.”
“B-but princess, I have to widen the…” Rarity lost her words with the realization she could not prevent an incoming disaster. She only hoped to not be blamed for any ridiculous reason.
Ignoring the tear damage, Celestia ducked her head under, navigating the dress onto her body. She got her neck inside with only a tight pinching around the neck. That was fine until she caught a glance at the mirror and growled. Damn thing pushes excess skin up to the point she looked like a massive frog.
No, this is fine. Rarity can just loosen that up on the real thing. That’s the whole point of a fitting. Celestia shook off the bad thoughts with a forced giggle. Her front legs slide through the sleeves just fine. Nothing to worry about as the material stretched across her chest and back snug, but not uncomfortable.
“URRFH!”
And then Celestia brough the skirt across her stomach and hit a jam. Rarity took a nervous step back, seriously considering the importance of voicing a professional recommendation over a lot of angry horse noises. Celestia glared at the offended dress that refused to cover her flank, increasing the spell’s intensity with harder tugs. Attempts to suck in her gut did little to help. The white, furry waistline mashed into rolls simply refusing to go in the dress.
SHRRRTTT!!
Ignoring the seams’ pained straining, Celestia conjured all her power in one hard tug. Some might have found it impressive her back end proved the sturdier of the two forces. The dress split at its waist in four different gashes, sliding its skirt across the alicorn’s flank before slipping off into a pile of slivers at her hoofs. Celestia’s eyes grew wide for a second, processing the destroyed half of a gown on her before giving an angry snort.
“It seems you might have brought a fitting gown for filly’s by mistake, Rarity.” Celestia stared ahead with an amazing amount of deluded dignity. “I guess we must make use of what you have.”
“Y-yes. Of course…” Like Tartarus would Rarity argue that the gown is meant to measure a minotaur if necessary. To think that this morning she felt bringing the cheaper material would be an insult to royalty. She could only sigh, silently glad it was not her silk stock suffering such a messy demise.
Restitching the skirt back on Celestia’s flank turned out a bit crude yet necessary under the very threatening air around the princess. Rarity just got a sense of what dimensions the actual dress would need when the door opened. The same muscular mare guard wheeled in a trolly that had Rarity’s jaw hitting the floor. Not one but several cheesecakes filled its three shelves, all lavished with various kinds of toppings.
“Your first batch of cakes is ready, majesty.”
“Excellent work,” Celestia said, already levitation an entire cake to her eager muzzle. “I would expect nothing less than three batches like this.”
“There will be an extra two just in case.” The pegasus looked amazingly calm about sharing this. Should such an extreme binging be treated so normally?
Their mutual ruler seemed to think so, giving the guard a dismissive wave with a mouthful of cake. Rarity could only continue her measuring best she could with a ripped gown. Their hour planned fitting suddenly felt like it would take all week.
Celestia burped upon completing her first cheesecake, picking up one buried under whipped cream with only a moment’s rest. Adding six inches to whatever measurements were made today sounded like a safe bet.
* * *
It took only two weeks to complete Celestia’s new dress, thankfully, with no more practical visits to the princess. Rarity practically flooded her shop in sweat during the waiting period of sending it off and getting a response for the final results.
Intuition had saved her tail in spades, according to Celestia’s letter. They compliment her design, which Rarity always put the most effort into, yet complained about slack in the skirt. Thank goodness it actually fit her. Maybe that was a sign Celestia brought her stress eating down along with her excess girth.
Regardless, that was the last Rarity heard on the matter for a while. Business continued on like normal, making it easier to forget about such tense interactions. Many more dresses were made, and they thwarted a few ancient evils through quick wits and friendships.
Only when the summer sun celebration came around did Rarity’s past anxiety catch up. Naturally Twilight Sparkle got invited as Celestia’s student, which welcomes the unicorn and all their friends to join in. Their leader made it a point to mention celebrating her duty in raising the sun while unveiling her new dress.
A fact that made Rarity ready to faint standing among the crowds of Canterlot. If her luck, and that dress, didn’t hold out, Celestia might do something drastic. Something like humiliating the dressmaker by forcing them to binge eat with her. Ugh! The unicorn would look horrible with a dump truck flank.
“Take a deep breath, Rarity,” Twilight Sparkle said soothingly, one hoof on Rarity’s shoulder while the other offered them a glass of punch. “I’m sure Celestia’s got everything under control.”
“Dear, you don’t understand!” Rarity paused to chug the whole glass in one breath. It did little to help her shake. “Our poor princess was teetering on the verge of a mental breakdown. I’ve seen no one so proudly in denial before.”
A stray thought caused both ponies to shoot a glance towards a blue pegasus eating a pear nearby. Rainbow Dash promptly brushed her titular rainbow mane out of one eye to give them a scowl back.
“Everyone has bad days,” Twilight continued from the digression. “The princess has had plenty of time to do a little dieting and exercise. At worst, I’ve read a five book series that’s kept me in shape, so helping her lose a few pounds would be a cinch.”
“Maybe not,” Rainbow Dash countered.
Before Rarity could question that, her friend’s meaning became apparent to the hundreds of ponies present. Somewhere near a lifted platform came the rising notes of an orchestra that ended all conversations. Like every year, it reached a crescendo building on the ceremony’s expectations. With its end, their beloved Celestia descended from the clouds in a burst of flare, leaving the crowd in awe.
Frankly speaking, few attendees have ever seen a princess the size of a cow. Rarity had designed the dress with a sun theme in mind, using heavy emphasis on reds and yellows. The way it now clung to the bloated roundness of Celestia’s torso instead made her appear like some overripe strawberry. When she walked across the platform, the skirt clung tight to her bouncing wide butt, causing its hem to ride up and expose her back legs.
“Greetings, ponies of Equestria!” Celestia said while her horn glowed. Magic pulled the skirt back over her hammy thick legs, helping her act like the problem didn’t exist. “Here’s to another year of glory and prosperity.”
A pause shook the crowd. They were used to a bit more of a speech when it came to formalities like this. Slowly a few began nervously stomping hooves, with more joining in until the crowd was lost in half-hearted cheers for their corpulent ruler.
“I told you!” Rarity seethed through her teeth. They stood several yards away from the stage, but even that didn’t prevent her from whispering.
“Not enough, apparently!” Of course, Rainbow Dash could be counted on for curtly blurting out what literally everyone around her was thinking. “She puffed herself into a whale overnight!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight Sparkle hissed, blushing at the audible snickers of other ponies nearby. Turning back to Rarity, she added, “This is fine. She’s rushing through the ceremony a little, so we can just go talk to her afterwards. Offer some great friendship advice before things get crazy.”
“Too late,” Rarity said, ears flopping against her mortified face. She couldn’t avert her gaze from Celestia’s having to make several hard wing flaps to get herself airborne again. There was a halfhearted attempt at some flying acrobatics that just looked like a sandbag sloshing about. “I only used silk stitching for the seams because I had nothing sturdier with me. If she’s not careful at such an excessive size, the whole thing might…”
Words trailed off with only pure silent horror in their place. The moment Rarity dreaded arrived and she could already tell what was about to happen. Her pupils contracted as Celestia swooped into position in front of a big decorative hoop. With a flourish the princess spread her wings and all four legs, raising the sun over the mountains so its light washed through the ring onto her similarly round form.
KKRRTTTTTT!! SHOOM!
Celestia’s dress lasted just long enough for her job to be complete. Then, as if cut by the sun rays themselves, her dress tore apart in one explosive burst. White furry flab bounced free before gravity took its hold, sagging across her hips in a rich pear shape. Her pose remained stiffly spread out in the presentation of a winged star. A slack jawed crowd continued staring at the now naked princess, ignoring the rain of red silk blown over them.
Rainbow Dash proved first to regain her wits, noticing the way Celestia’s face violently twitched. That vein in her thyroid could not be healthy. “Uh, maybe we should run?”
Both Rarity and Twilight were about to confer what a great idea that was, only for a shrill wail to cause everyone to flinch, hooves clamping at their ears.
The display area became a blazing inferno of light, literally. As the ponies looked on Celestia rocked her head back screaming in anguish towards the heavens above. Seconds later, her mane and tail spontaneously combusted into flames. The unorthodox hairstyle billowed out in an eruption that sent the crowd clambering over each other in a panic.
“This is not fine!” Twilight Sparkle shouted over the seemingly endless screaming. One hoof went over her eyes, trying to squint past the blinding inferno. Seeing Celestia in her current rage however crushed any remaining hope to lend them aid. The princess’s hair fanned out in a wall of fire behind her while the torrent from her tail incinerated the hoop stage under her.
“That’s what I’ve been saying. We need to... uh…” Rarity’s eyes also squinted, noticing something a bit odd about their broken princess. Despite billowing harder than a volcano, Celestia’s white body shone in a waterfall of sweat. As she watched, Rarity became dumbstruck that the alicorns body seemed to contract in slow, rhythmic pulses.
“Is it just me, or is she literally sweating off all that flab?” Rainbow Dash asked, unsure what they were witnessing.
“I... think you’re right, darling?” Rarity gulped, finding the absurdity of the situation a bit overkill. Little by little Celestia’s round belly collapsed on itself, her four legs thinning out into firmer muscles once more. “Pardon the pun, dears, but I think she’s only burning off the water weight. Look, it’s already slowed down.”
Twilight Sparkle looked on, amazed to see that was true. While Celestia melted off much of her size, she still looked thick for her large alicorn size, especially around the stomach area. Eventually her scream waned until finally dying out. The rush of fires flickered into dispersing fumes, leaving her normally waving mane and tail behind once more. All energy left the princess while she fluttered clumsily into the ash pile that had been her stage.
“Uhhhh…” Celestia blinked, looking like she awoke from a dream. With a deepening blush she glanced frantically around her into the many frightened faces of her subjects. The ones that hadn’t dashed off in pure terror. “Perhaps I overdid it a little?”
* * *
“Huff! Huff! Huff! H-how is this even remotely fair?”
“Oh, tsk sweet sister!” Luna said with a smug she couldn’t hide on her best days. The dark blue alicorn rested upon the treadmill to stop its rhythmic shaking, less it broke. “You asked for my help and now I got to pull double duty raising the sun and moon WHILE spotting your exercising. Who’s really losing out on this routine?”
“I’m...going...to...die!” Celestia heaved a breath with each labored trot. The blasted belt constantly moving under her only mocked such inadequate jogging capabilities. Both her sports top and spandex shorts, made by Rarity of course, did nothing to stop the constant sloshing of her love handles making balance even harder. “That’s got...to...to be five miles, right?”
“Mmmh.” Luna leaned over to check the console and shook her waving star mane. “Still need one more to go. Then we can break for our diet shakes and salads.”
“If you love me, you will kill me!”
“Cripes, Celestia! What would Twilight Sparkle think if she saw her teacher so readily giving up on a typical endeavor?”
“She... w-would end my suffering quickly.” Celestia couldn’t stand much more, lunging forward to at least slow the belt’s speed. “Please, at least water.”
“Of course,” Luna said. Her smile gained a lot more sincerity in hating to see her older sister struggle so much. That’s what happens when you love cheesecake so much. Horn glowed, but then her gaze shifted about confused. “Now where did I put that water bottle. Oh, yeah.”
THHRRRKKKK!!
Celestia’s ears shot up at the tearing sound. She almost tripped off the damn treadmill when she caught sight of Luna bending her front legs to look under a nearby bench. This raised her tail high into the air in a flex that severed the back of the younger alicorns spandex shorts. A rather plump looking dark moon loomed before Celestia, along with its equally moon cutie mark.
“Um... Luna? Been sneaking some late night snacks?”
There was a dejected sigh in response. Luna had one hoof over her blushing face in no rush to stand back on all fours. “More like early morning treats. I’m going to need that treadmill after you. Working three jobs is... stressful.”
Celestia would have laughed were she not worried her lungs would shoot out of her mouth.
