AlsoAshley
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The Current “Tgirl” Climate - How My Experience with Social Media has Changed in the Last Year
🕑 Added 2023-10-22 17:00:20 +0000 UTCI’ve been online for nearly a decade as “AlsoAshley”. A username I chose almost as a joke in 2014 - “Yeah you may think I’m this frat-boy jock-douche - but I’m also Ashley.” It’s a fun username backstory I still really enjoy telling 😂
It’s especially funny since people make the joke now that I should probably change my name to “AlwaysAshley”. Which I can appreciate, that name is usually pitched by folks trying to show support/validate me as the woman they see online without question. But I’ll let ya’ll know right now - AlsoAshley makes me happy.
This post is a two-fold subject for me, and hopefully it speaks to some folks interests, or at least might help some of you gender non-conforming/fluid/trans/non-binary folks going through a similar experience feel a bit seen. Firstly, I will hit up my latest viewpoint on fetish - and how that ties into my own gender experience. Secondly, that will lead into what I’ve witnessed lately from the changes within about every social media platform in the last year - and my frustrations with them. So strap in if you’re ready to look at a more “political” view in my brain that I normally keep out of my fun sexy postings.
First up - I have finally unlocked my own reconciliation when it comes to the link to the fetishistic side of my life. I want to make it clear to those who need to hear it - playing into fetish doesn’t undermine who you are or disqualify you from choice when it comes to your own gender representation in your life. The reason I’m as big as I am online today is because I found a niche fetish back in 2013 that specifically catered to feminization, forced feminization, and the now outdated term of “Tr•p”. There used to be several fetish spaces back then where you could use that term and not have people come in to say “SEE! THEY WANT TO TRICK US!”… Yeah, it’s a fetish, angry online dude - Some people like impact play, that doesn’t mean they want to be hit by people every waking moment of their life, and liking impact play isn’t the only thing that defines who they are. Just as me being into ForcedFem doesn’t mean that is the only thing that I am.
Over the last couple of years I’ve personally felt a heavy push to pull back on my posts, comments, or even references to this feminization/tr•p/forced feminization fetish. A lot of that decision was put upon by myself - out of fear that me playing up that fetish would undermine the trans movement, and give right wing nut jobs more ammo to try and use me as an example of “See! Being trans is just a Fetish! Look at this GUY.” And the thought of undermining the people and community I care about has always made me feel trepidatious about the whole thing lately…
But recently I had to remind myself - I can simultaneously enjoy a fetish and still be me. Those nut jobs are going to undermine me and the people in my community no matter what I do. They hate us - and they don’t want to know us. And they would never understand that there is obviously a huge difference between a fetish, and your real fucking life. They are limiting themselves already in their potential to widen their experience, and it is not my responsibility (or anybody else’s for that matter) to hold their hand and walk them through how to fucking realize their are nuances to everything in life - from gender to sex, to even just how you want to feel that day.
Ultimately, in the past couple of years, that feeling of fear (that people might use me as ammunition) has made me step back and stop from crafting some of my most popular content - and what made me such a popular creator with the audience I have now in the first place. And I held back on all of that for people who despise me just for existing anyway. So fuck them. If I want to say “God, he really looks hot in this maid outfit now.” or use he/him pronouns to play up how much my once masculine body has gotten more feminine, then I will - and they will just have to deal - I’m tired of stepping carefully in my playground for vindictive people who have such sad, closed minds.
Now, that all being said, it leads me a bit into my next realization. Me stepping back and being “A good tgirl” on my social media content has really only proven one thing - since 2014 - the world has gotten so much more outspokenly transphobic and vindictive when it comes to folks like me. And every platform I exist on has tried to kick me off of it or block me from posting at one point or another - wither that is SFW or NSFW platforms. And the attempts to push me out have only increased exponentially in the last year.
“Cosplay Influencer” is by far my number one description online - or the title you all have dubbed upon me really 😜 And the reason almost every platform has made those excuses to try and kick me off, or silence me is because well hell, I’ll just make the bold claim: because “Trans”. Despite me having changed almost everything I post to be even more SFW in several of these spaces than Cis folks, and even me taking a back seat to promoting my more sexual content sites like OnlyFans… doesn’t matter lately. I can do everything right, and that “T-word” still allows these platforms to find what they can to shoo me away.
Every damn cosplayer on the planet has an OnlyFans or Patreon - some doing far more explicit material than I ever would. All of them get invited to hit up brand promos, get red carpet premiere access, are boosted on these social platforms, or are allowed to post practically whatever they want of their body. I’m not trying to talk from a “poor me” perspective. I am talking from the truth I personally have experienced - I do not get those invitations. The only thing I get are invitations from sex toy companies (which admittedly - kinda awesome)… And Imgur being a doll and asking me to team up on stuff with them occasionally… Honestly, Imgur is one of the few exceptions lately - but even they will mark some of my content mature if anybody mentions the word “trans” or the mod for that day is somebody who doesn’t realize I work with the people who run the site.
So what is it, what separates me lately from all these other Influencers in this recent climate online? Why does me having an OnlyFans make me different from any other cis cosplayer who has one? It’s pretty obvious to me.
Admittedly, this has now become more of a rant than anything at the end here, but really - it’s because I’ve just been far too exhausted by it lately and my frustration meter has run out.
We’re all stuck in this weird space right now, and frankly, despite this whole post being about me - I want to say, to those of you out there who can relate to any of this - I see you. I feel you. And please hang in there. I cosplay as a form of my gender expression, and I am truly lucky to have as large of an audience as I do allowing that to happen. But that doesn’t mean things aren’t gonna get rougher before they get better for all of us. And I can only hope some day we can wedge out of that weird space and feel less pressure from folks who really have no business judging us about shit that doesn’t even affect them.
And ultimately all we can do is say “I am going to be who I want to be. And I’m tired of letting you decide who you think that is.”
Let them squirm for now. Let them try and tell us who we are. And let’s not take it anymore.
Ashley
Comments
Marcus Gonzalez
Thank you for sharing your story Ashley. I love it. I'm hoping someday, soon, things will shift and certain people will be less judgemental and all that. It's not their business, it's not like you're loving in their house! I always say it's about who you love in your heart, not that biological components that make a person.
John
Thank you Ashley, for such an interesting insight in to things. I honestly hadn't realised that things have been so difficult for the trans community lately, I guess my dumb ass just thought things were still improving! It's sad to hear that it's not. You know you're always supported by a huge number of people, who even if we have never met you are 100% behind you. Xx
Adrian197251
What an interesting read and I love you for who you are and what you do. You will always have my support 100% ❤️💋
Lloyd Hawthorne
Know yourself and to yourself be true....Aristotie ( mush more nuanced than it at first sounds and still the best advice ) circa 350 BC
Sheezaboy
Thanks so much for sharing this! Right there with you. 👀 I have lived as a woman for years. I used to perform as a Female Impersonator (yeah, a thing from long ago). And i still engage in gender-play. Mainly on-line. Occasional use of he/him is a buzz because it is so totally incongruent. We all have our kinks. Mine is in my screen name. Anyway, AlsoAshly, right there with you. I live as a woman... I'm also a boy. 😉
