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A Shocking Twist (Lay the Very Best - Chapter 210)

🕑 Added 2024-02-13 00:55:12 +0000 UTC

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Cpt.Jack

Oh a Mimikyu will be fun I think and a Ghost Ace fight will be very interesting. She let her glittery red eyes rover over Wren's body, ("rove" over) "I feel we're leaving you too out."(that sounds a bit wrong to my ears, 'too' and 'out' just don't combine for me in that way. I would go with "leaving you out (a bit) too much.") Her hair messy hair flicked about as she buzzed happily. (cut the first 'hair') Brandy said, and they meant it. (not sure what your pronoun convention is for this world, but so far you've only used 'they' with pokemon) Sparky She wasn't going to like the next bit.(cut the 'She')

Sup3r J4k3

Uh oh...


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