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FaD strip: male privilege
🕑 Added 2021-08-10 01:52:56 +0000 UTChi. first of all, my hand has been hurting from the commission work on top of comic work last month. i rested it for 2 weeks, but it's still in pain, and i couldn't really rest it while moving all of my stuff to my new apartment. (it's only myself living here, by the way, so... i get to decide when i move from oklahoma, lol)
still, i felt like i was going to explode if i couldn't draw some personal art. i used to make so many fad strips when i was on adderall. the desire is there, but the energy and time isn't.
i will need to continue resting my hand now. it's actually been numb today from drawing, which isn't good. my doctor said at this point to apply ice and heat and use it as minimally as possible -- clearly following her advice stellarly by drawing a 7,800-pixel-tall comic...
i'm also planning to invest in a larger tablet because i have become infinitely more interested in smaller, more precise details, and my small, old tablet is forcing my hand to constantly clench for the small motions necessary to accomplish this even when zoomed in. hopefully combined with the rest and other things, i can go back to some kind of "normal."
this strip is about the changes in how the general public interprets me. it started during 2020, before top surgery, and before cutting my hair. weight gain has, ironically, been the biggest factor in being interpreted more as male than female... but going back on testosterone probably also contributed. i am gendered differently even on the phone and have to actively pitch my voice up, and speak differently, because the way i used to talk sounds notably angry and intimidating with a deeper pitch. it's hardly the first time i've been interpreted as a man, but the consistency with which it happens is very different.
my mind hasn't really changed the public eye, and i struggle to grapple with that.
this strip focuses on the privilege of being able to walk around at night with minimal risk of being sexually assaulted -- while the strip doesn't outright say that the fear is of sexual violence more than something like being mugged (men are more likely to get mugged because women are usually more prepared for a stranger attacking them, by the way), it is implied with several cues, such as holding the key a certain way in your fist, looking in the backseat of the car and underneath it before getting in, mentioning the perpetrator would be male, trailing off instead of stating the perceived crime, and focusing on perceive gender in the narrative. what was not addressed in this narrative was the effect i might have on a woman walking around at night if i pass by and look like a man to them, and not just my own feelings on walking outside when it's dark, but it's a messier topic.
i do not see a lot of content about more negative feelings toward the consequences of transitioning medically, for reasons i believe are obvious, but i wanted to write more about gender than just simple gender euphoria strips. the tone of the strip was carefully touched up -- although the inner monologue is accurate to the actual experience -- to leave on a vindicated note instead negative feelings about transitioning so as to avoid implying regret or a wish to go back.
the first palette is editing it by hand. i also made a blue palette by using some filter layers, because using the bucket tool left some nasty artifacting due to resizing. i thought it might be interesting to look at and included it, since i wasted my time making it. it's also easier on the eyes, due to the lighter background color. the third is obviously just the red it was originally drawn in.
i did not do well drawing in "nighttime mode" and if i ever color this i will need to carefully touch up the lines. still, i think it came out okay. it looks night-ish.
also, sorry for the aggressive copy pasting at the end of this strip, i really don't think my hand can take drawing that background 5 times in a row without disintegrating into dust. the text is also written by typing it out in a font of mine instead of hand-writing it for the same reason. lettering is one of the hardest things on my hand.
EDIT: i just remembered i also wanted to say, i was NOT planning on drawing this strip with the cockroach fursona. i told myself i wouldn't use the cockroach in folie a dupe strips, but then i started drawing it and accidentally added the antennas and i was like "fuck it, whatever, it was going to happen eventually"... they really are fun to draw, though, lmao.
Comments
Charlie Mead
really thought provoking and similar to lines of thought I've had in the past... I appreciate you going in the 'vindication' direction at the end, I think it would have had a very different tone without it.
