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idletry september update #1
🕑 Added 2024-09-01 19:56:59 +0000 UTCi wanted to make an individual post about these edits because i do want to disable comments on it. there were a couple of significant changes sketched out for the first and third scenes. i posted the original, then the edit.
the edits for the first scene were because initially, i intended for jessie to point out some of the inconsistencies in the visuals of the story much more directly i this scene. this is relevant thematically, which this edit would make much more overt. however, it also raises a lot of questions for a large swathe of readers who can't answer those for themselves: why can they see visual changes when she thinks that the story is written in text format? how can her fur color change before her very eyes when it's described with words? well... go read some warrior cats trivia and get back to me.
regardless, this is a big drawback, and it's why i pulled back when scripting the scene, but she is already pointing out something visual with the ruler...
the fact that we don't see her finish eating the banana is also a much smaller drawback. the banana is just that important.
the dialogue is rough -- essentially a first draft, because i wrote it off-the-cuff, so maybe i will like it after some more refinement. i hope, at the very least, it provides some insight into jessie's character over the course of the comic, and how she thinks.
for now, the change is tentative. i wanted it on paper so that i could, in the far off future, see how i feel about it. it's going to be a huge PITA to renumber all of the pages if it's integrated into the final version, though.
the edit to scene 3 was to make it end on an odd page so that the new scene started on a page flip. it was a little challenging to find a way to stretch it out... a note i'd made while editing the second draft is that jessie mentions in act 2 that she snapped her pencil tip, which made her first use of the power work. she has plenty of time off-screen to contemplate why it worked the first time it did, but i decided a productive way to stretch it out would be to emphasize jessie looking at the pencil before putting it away...
she doesn't get it right now, but she has given it more attention that would explain why she understands later.
i also felt conflicted about the last expression -- it has to communicate a lot, and it will characterize jessie's use of the powers later in act 1. i tried to run it down the middle with an expression that could be communicating that she's determined to figure this out, or that she's smiling. she finally understands: SHE is the main character. she is being called to help with dinner now, but she is the main character. it's a little too smile-y right now, but it can be tweaked.
there are also some edits to page 1, and a sketch for a page 0... page 0 was intended to be white space, due to how the foreword ends, but possibly with some of her opening dialogue bubbles. i tried to rein in the proportions with jessie's hand vs the notebook... it still needs work. i "cheat" with perspective and placement of props a lot, which is more excusable here in this story than anywhere else, so if the notebook ends up being huge, it ends up being huge.
i've been working on coloring page 2 today, because it really did not get that many edits... i'm not comfortable locking in page 1 yet with coloring. besides the colors, one of the larger edits was moving the rose in panel 4 to fully exist in the panel, next to jessie. additionally, it's now only just starting to bloom instead of being fully bloomed.
