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Matabar. Book II. Chapter 47 - Driba

🕑 Added 2025-12-22 23:01:01 +0000 UTC

Comments

G

A criticism: You never showed Ardan procuring the foetid cinnamon nor did you show him administering it. This is a crutch you've used multiple times. This is not good story telling and its holding you back. To show the procurement cinnamon you switch to Nathan Balitsky noticing Ard pocket something. To show the administration you switch to Sestrova smelling something nice etc. Your problem is you need to hide information from the reader, but you only have one POV. This makes it difficult and your story telling suffers. The bullet seance needs to be rewritten. At those distances everything is instantaneous, in fact the sequence is; all the visuals happen first then the sounds hits in less than half a second.

G

Excellent work! The clues were all there and you hoodwinked like a champ! You're going to have everyone coming up with crazy theories going forward.

John

Thanks!


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