RuffWriter
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340 redux (still unedited)
🕑 Added 2018-05-25 15:42:03 +0000 UTCSo I'm not gonna lie, I didn't really do anything about all your comments. Yea rain seems mean, but like... he thinks Luo-Luo's a spy. He's not gonna be all kind and sweet. I still did some rewriting, because the original ch did not convey the tone i wanted or really get to the points i wanted presented. So, here y'll go. It's different enough, so read it :D
https://docs.google.com/document/d/16ULf9osMxofy2FXRRqjLoDt3LLQIXvS9oL6XUeVsQ6w/edit?usp=sharing
Luo Luo had much to be aggrieved about.
Not just today, but her entire life read like a tragedy for the opera. Born of the first generation, Luo-Luo should have been raised as a pampered Imperial Noble, but the circumstances of her birth conspired against her. Born on the anniversary of the Emperors coronation, cruel fate robbed of her life of luxury, but such was the Mothers plan for her children, trials and tribulations without end. As a child, shed believed those lies and worked harder than anyone around her, determined to excel in every way possible and become the best Servant she could be.
And she succeeded.
At seventeen years old, Luo-Luo was declared the top student at the Academy and sent to compete against the best students from Academies across the homeland. After four days of competition, she strode onto stage for the fifth time and knew that every Noble, Royal, and Imperial in the room was watching her with bated breath, having already been awed by her superlative skills in poetry, calligraphy, painting, and dance. Although Luo-Luo failed to take first place in any of the previous categories, she had only lost out to the truly phenomenal performers, such as the lyrical verses of handsome poet Wah On or the seductive dancing of the exquisite Diao Chen. What made Luo-Luo stand out from the crowd was how shed ranked second or third in every category, making her a rare, multi-talented Servant worth employing. It hadnt been easy to reach her level of mastery in so many different skills, with years of her life spent in dedicated practice, but such was her burden to bear. Her pride would allow no less, and while the crowd hungered to know if she would finally take first in the final event, music, Luo-Luo had no doubt what the outcome of the final event would be.
Music was her chosen field and most practised skill after all.
On their first day of practice, her music instructor placed Luo-Luo in front of the zither and told her the Zheng character in her name was taken from the instrument. Although it wasnt a name given to her by her birth parents, that tiny connection was enough to convince the five-year-old Zheng Luo to pour her heart and soul into practising her namesake. Twelve years later, on that fateful day of the final event, she performed an original arrangement shed spent years composing and perfecting, and when the strings fell silent, so too did the crowd, every single person there falling to their knees in surprise and wonder. Only one person stood and clapped for her performance, but as Luo-Luo kowtowed to accept her applause, she knew all her hard work had finally paid off.
For she had received a standing ovation from the Imperial Emperor himself.
In an instant, Luo-Luos star soared high into the heavens, rising far and above her peers as she became the most sought after Servant in all the Empire. Not only would her skills earn her patrons a tidy sum renting her out, Luo-Luo was a woman with talent enough to tug at the heartstrings of the Son of Heaven. As she knelt and received her applause from the Son of Heaven, shed envisioned herself inundated with offers of Service from across the homeland and living a pampered life playing songs, painting scrolls, and composing poems for her patrons. Her days would be spent in leisure and her nights attending parties, with handmaidens to her bidding and nothing to want for, a blessed existence for one with her status.
Unfortunately, cruel fate had other plans in store for there was such a thing as too valuable a prize. Contrary to her lofty expectations, Luo-Luo received only two competing offers for her Service. There were no mention of terms or conditions, no efforts to sway her choice with promised benefits or expensive gifts, not even an assurance of her safety or well-being. The two offers arrived in the form of a single scroll each, borne by the lowest of servants and containing nothing more than her prospective patrons seal and signature, one from the Grand Marshal and the other from the Prime Minister, the two most powerful members of the Imperial Court.
Only then did Luo-Luo realize shed grossly overestimated her value. Although she enjoyed certain privileges at the academy due to her unique circumstances, in the end, no matter how talented she was or illustrious her background, she might be, she was nothing more than a mere Servant, hardly worth the price she would have otherwise demanded. Worse, with the Grand Marshal and Prime Minister competing for her services, Luo-Luo sat atop a mountain of blades within a sea of fire. No matter her decision, she would offend a man with the power to overturn mountains and drain seas, and while her patron might offer her adequate protection, it was much easier to kill an individual than it was to protect one.
On the advice of her teacher, Luo-Luo had no choice but to reject both offers on the grounds of being unworthy of such prestige and in doing so, doomed herself to a life of oblivion. After rejecting the Grand Marshal and Prime Minister, who in their right mind would dare accept her Service? She was merely a talented Servant, hardly worth offending two of the most influential men in the world. Thus, she languished in the Student dormitories and watched with envy as her peers, then her juniors, then their juniors entered Service year after year, having learned the price of hubris from Luo-Luos example, the forgotten Servant too talented to Serve.
And now, after six years spent dreaming of what could have been, Luo-Luo finally had a chance to Serve. While becoming the concubine of the Undying Savage was not ideal, at least Falling Rain was a talented hero blessed with a brilliant mind. Or so she thought until she first laid eyes on her bantam Lord Husband and saw how he reacted to her charms. While her lessons were long behind her, Luo-Luo played her part to perfection and did everything as shed been taught to. She was demure, yet available, timid, yet eager to please, swallowing her embarrassment at being reduced to a mere breeding sow as she presented her best features for her Lord Husbands viewing pleasure.
And his response?
He. Yawned.
YAWNED.
In what way did Luo-Luo lose out to the women around her? Yes, Lin-Lin, Li-Li, and Mila were all beauties in their own right, but so too was Luo-Luo. Why was he not entranced or even interested in her? Its not like he was any prize himself, so what right did he have to be so judgmental of her? Worst of all, her Lord Husband seemed amused by her antics, disdainful of her attempts to win him over, and generally annoyed by her presence. Worried his rejection would send her back to the Academy or worse, Luo-Luo even overstepped her bounds and hinted at her lineage, but neither he nor Luo-Luos senior sister-wives gave any reaction when she mentioned she was of the first generation of Nobility. Did none of them understand what that meant?
As if to rub salt in her wounds, her Lord Husband not only forbade her from referring to him as such and was intent on turning their marriage into a sham, now he showed more interest in her Honour Guard than hed shown for Luo-Luo. For the first time, she saw his surly grimace shift into a smile, gazing upon the Death Corps soldiers with a covetous eye. How mortifying to be valued less than her slaves, a blow to Luo-Luos pride from which she might never recover. Was this to be her fate, a caged bird with no one to appreciate her song? Would she grow old and ugly, unloved and untouched, an unwanted stranger in her own home?
Perhaps now was the time to invoke her Privilege. At least she would leave behind a pretty corpse upon the funeral pyre, even if no one would mourn her.
So, you soldiers are from the Imperial Death Corps. Striding through their ranks, her Lord Husband all but disappeared among her Honour Guard as he inspected them one by one, and Luo-Luo had to stifle a giggle. Which one of you is the ranking officer?
Mother above, his ignorance was almost too much to bear. Hesitating over what to call him out loud, she settled on using his full name as hed instructed her. So what if it was disrespectful, he hardly deserved her respect. Falling Rain, the Imperial Death Corps has no officers, only soldiers. Only Royal Guardsmen may hold rank in the Imperial Army.
Oh. Stepping out from the sea of soldiers, Falling Rain reappeared with his surly grimace back in place. Thats disappointing. So theyre all just common soldiers huh? Damn, I was hoping for some elites. Well, whatever, I can work with soldiers. Listen up. I am Second Grade Warrant Officer Falling Rain and you are all now members of my retinue. Conduct yourselves properly and we will have no problems. Saluk, bring these soldiers to Mister Rustram and tell him we have 360 more mouths to feed and bodies to shelter.
Distressed at the loss of her guards, Luo-Luo watched in muted protest as they saluted and strode off. It was her fault for telling them to obey his orders, but for him to so openly covet her dowry made Luo-Luo worry for her future. She had little else besides her Honour guard, merely her bedding, clothing, a small box of jewellery, and a basket of items for her firstborn, but Falling Rain would likely take those away too. Stupid girl, shed even been dreaming of having a hut for herself and perhaps a handmaiden or two, but Falling Rain cared nothing for propriety at all. Shed probably be lucky to have a bed at all, seeing as how he told her to forget about being his concubine, and now that her guards were no longer hers, he might even gift her to his soldiers to sate their animalistic desires. If she invoked her Privilege, would he even comply, or would he laugh and throw her to his soldiers anyways?
Hmm, so many more soldiers to pay for. Im not sure I can afford them. With a grin which made him look even younger than his nineteen years, Falling Rain sighed in contentment, Oh well. Nothing I can do except work harder and earn more. Ah wait, Luo-Luo, how have you been paying them?
So shameless! He wanted nothing to do with Luo-Luo but was only too happy to take her things. Where was his pride? Before Luo-Luo could lose her temper, Mila took his hand spoke softly. Theyre not expecting to be paid, beloved. Theyre Oath-sworn slaves, every last one of them.
The change in Falling Rain was startling to see, his eyes flooding with compassion and empathy as he watched the Death Corps stride by, not emotions she expected to find from a man in his position. Ah, fucking hell. Without glancing her way, he stretched his hand out towards Luo-Luo and said, Their Token. Give it to me. His voice burned with cold anger and hinted at violence to come should she refuse, and Luo-Luo scrambled to unclasp her pendant, arms trembling all the while.
Coming to her rescue, Lin-Lin interposed herself between Luo-Luo and Falling Rain. Hubby, you cant do that, ya? Thats Luo-Luos dowry, you cant just take it.
Huh? Isnt the dowry a gift for the groom? Genuinely confused, the ferocious, steel-backed warrior melted away beneath his adorable wifeys disapproval, puffing his cheeks in frustration in a mirror Lin-Lins. They were so adorable together, two childhood friends turned lovers. Why couldnt Luo-Luo be so lucky to be loved like that? All she wanted was a place at her Lord Husbands side and a chance to earn a small fraction of the affection he had for the others, but he refused to even give her that.
No silly, Lin-Lin replied, leaning against Luo-Luos chest with a reassuring smile. The dowry belongs to the woman. Thats how it works, ya?
The dowry is to ensure a secondary wife or concubine will be cared for in the event of her husbands death. Also leaping to Luo-Luos defence, Li-Li added, By custom, the husband should add to, if not match, the dowry as a gift to his new bride.
Tch. Annoyed by the prospect of parting with his wealth, Falling Rain crinkled his nose and grumbled, Im not giving her more soldiers. I only have 500 myself. Besides, what does she need so many guards for and how does she expect to pay them? I suppose Im footing the bill for that too. Unfair.
Grateful to her senior sister-wives, Luo-Luo sniffled and stepped aside, curtsying as she presented the jade pendant to which her Honour Guards were sworn to. As Lor- Falling Rain says, this one has no need for soldiers. Please, accept them with this ones blessings. Like she had a choice. Why did it matter anymore?
At least Falling Rain knew enough to look ashamed as he took her jade phoenix pendant, the only item she had to remember her birth parents by. Whoever they were, she was forbidden to know, but shed hoped against all hopes that they still remembered her and had swelled with pride when Luo-Luo performed her masterpiece during the competition. She never resented them for offering her as tribute, for such was her place as defined by fate, but in the past six years, she often dreamt about what life would be like if theyd kept her.
Mostly, she wondered if they regretted the decision. Did they know of her troubles now? Would they even care?
Tears spilled out of Luo-Luos eyes and down her cheeks as she stared at her feet, trying not to make a scene. After a long silence, Falling Rain sighed and said, Look, Im sorry I was so curt. Please stop crying. Ill... reimburse you for the soldiers, okay? Double in fact, just as soon as I have the funds available. I promise, I wont let you take a loss on this.
Dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, Luo-Luo nodded without answering, too choked up to speak. Ever the sweetheart, Lin-Lin hugged her tight and whispered, Dont worry, ya? Hubbys been really grumps lately, he isnt always like this. Give him some time to warm up to you. Lin-Lin will help.
Feigning a smile, Luo-Luo nodded and wiped her tears. Her spirits low and future grim, she followed her sister-wives in silence as they discussed matters with Falling Rain, but she didnt care anymore. Let him have all her possessions, Luo-Luo would not be long for this world regardless. As soon as she had some privacy, Luo-Luo would write out her grievance and find some way to send it to a Justicar before taking her own life. Hanging perhaps, though it seemed a painful way to go. Cutting herself was out of the question, she lacked the stomach and nerves to end things so messily. The how wasnt important, but what mattered was getting word of grievance to a Justicar. She only hoped it would reach the Emperors ears and he would care enough to demand justice for poor Luo-Luo, the Servant who once moved him with a song.
Oh who was she kidding. If she had the courage to face death, Luo-Luo would have thrown caution to the wind and chosen a patron instead of wallowing away in obscurity for six long years...
Once they arrived at the beach, Falling Rain plopped down in the sand without so much as a blanket. Inwardly grumbling at having to dirty her best dress, Luo-Luo posed herself so not as to reveal too much to anyone who turned away from the stage. Curling up next to Lin-Lin, Luo-Luo yelped as the Divine Guardian settled in around them, her beak a mere arms length behind them and eyes blinking in lazy satisfaction. With a head larger than Luo-Luo was tall, the Divine Guardian was an awesome sight to behold, a powerful, fearsome creature which filled her with admiration and reverence.
Which begged the question: Why was the Divine Guardian so attached to Falling Rain?
For that matter, what about all the other animals? Bears, wildcats, rabbits, and even the birds settled around Falling Rain, seeking him out for delicious treats and soft pats. From the interaction with her Honour Guard, he didnt seem all that charismatic, so why do animals love him so? It defied common sense. Truth be told, animal taming skills aside, Luo-Luo wasnt impressed with the number one talent in the Empire. The title wasnt even apt, there were probably dozens of young warriors under twenty five in the homeland who could defeat him and his brilliance was undoubtedly untrue. It took three explanations from three different people for him to understand the significance of his rank as Imperial Consort and despite it all, he still seemed annoyed by the honour. Falling Rain might be a talented warrior, but a genius mind? Not so much.
In short, Falling Rain was a shameless, uncivilized bully, disdainful of Luo-Luos charms and all too happy to take everything she owned and leave her with nothing. He even denied her the right to play her part as dutiful concubine and forbade her from calling him Lord Husband. Was she really so horrible to be around? He wouldnt even give her the chance to prove herself, his mind made up withing seconds of their meeting. At least he still kept her around, even if only to keep up appearances. Otherwise, how was she, a beautiful, destitute, and unguarded woman, to survive on her own? Shed heard the stories of rebels sharpening their blades and Defiled hiding in the wilderness of the vast, untamed outer provinces, where a fate worse than death awaited her.
Hi big sister. Hugging a sheaf of documents to her chest, sweet Tali ran over and crashed down beside Luo-Luo, making herself comfortable as children were inclined to do. Lin-Lin said you wanted to see Rainys book, ya? I like the pictures, but its not a good story book. Do you know any good stories?
Hmm, have you heard the story about the greedy little dog? Launching into a silly childrens tale, Luo-Luo smiled and silently greeted Talis parents and brother as they sat down beside her. Carrying the adorable, chubby-cheeked Tate in her arms, Talis mother Alsantset was a stunning brunette half-tiger, her every movement brimming with grace and confidence. With a cursory nod, Alsantset acknowledged Luo-Luos existence while keeping careful watch on her precious daughter, ready to act should this stranger prove a threat. Further away, Rains older brother Charok patted the Guardian Turtle before offering Luo-Luo a polite smile. Aside from his amber eyes, he shared few similarities with Falling Rain, with a stronger jaw, more prominent cheekbones, and a taller frame. Perhaps Charok would be more receptive to the idea of a concubine and treat Luo-Luo better. He only had the one wife and it wouldnt be strange for a successful younger brother to pass on a gift to his older brother...
To this end, Luo-Luo tested the waters once she finished telling her story, treating Alsantset with her warmest smile. Your sweet Tali is such a delight, she has the most impeccable manners. You must be so proud of her.
Thank you, Alsantset replied, baring her teeth in what seemed like an icy smile but felt more like an open threat. But proper manners are not much to be proud of, or are you so surprised because she hails from a tribe of savages?
Shrinking back from the fearsome tigress, Luo-Luo abandoned all thoughts of seducing Charok. At least Falling Rains wives were kind to her, even Mila who so obviously felt threatened by Luo-Luos existence. The temperamental red-head had immediately switched tack when she learned about the Privilege, a gentle, affection soul willing to share the man she loved so Luo-Luo wouldnt take her own life. Well, Mila had nothing to worry about. Falling Rain clearly had no warm feelings for Luo-Luo, sitting there with Lin-Lin on one side and Mila on the other, both women nestled in his warm embrace. They looked so happy together it made Luo-Luo bristle with jealousy.
In an effort to distract herself, Luo-Luo opened Falling Rains book and marvelled at how smooth and thin the parchment was, making a mental note to beg her sister-wives to procure some for her use. Ignoring the hubbub around her, Luo-Luo immersed herself into reading as she so often did, scoffing at the authors so called mission statement, declaring his goal of bringing about a new age of knowledge and prosperity to the Azure Empire. Such hubris, as if such a feat could be accomplished by one man.
Despite her skepticism, Luo-Luo cared nothing for all the warriors pageantry occurring on stage, so she continued her reading. With each page turned, her doubts lessened as she absorbed the knowledge contained with them, her mind working at full force as she came up with alternative uses for each technology. The most impressive thing she found was cast iron, a cheap, low-effort alternative to smelted iron. It was noted as brittle and inflexible, but so long the tensile and compressive strength didnt suffer, then it could easily be used in all manner of items which were deemed too uneconomical for regular iron, things, things like durable wagons with iron axles and wheels which could carry more goods in a more reliable manner, or reinforcing walls and doors to better defend against the Empires enemies, or even something as simple as cheaper farming implements or different musical instruments.
And that was just one item in the book. With these pages, there was so much potential, with so many more projects yet to be finished. Liquid stone which hardened over time, allowing one man to pour out a wall, or a stable, non-flammable yet destructive explosive made from a yellow dye, the descriptions of these items sent Luo-Luos mind into a spin. Trembling from a mixture of fear and excitement, she closed the book and applauded as Tali cheered for her great-granma, letting the information soak in for a long moment.
Falling Rain put his name on the work, but he also mentioned he had help. Whoever the brilliant mind behind this book was, Luo-Luo was determined to meet them, to speak with them, and gauge the calibre of their soul, for this was a person destined to bring about great change.
Or one destined to commit unspeakable horrors.
Comments
Alan McBrayer
Nah, you can’t give the Legates POV because not knowing what side he is on and what he is doing is such a big part of the story atm
it would work coz luo luo feels kinda save with legate no so make them also aquinted
i would like a pov from the legate more personal thoughs and make him more interesting like he is brilliant but shunned cuz he is gay orsomething
and tbh she kinda is. Its just that she doesnt know it that she is the leash from the legate. now is the legate more good with dubious ways?
Thenais
much improved
so why do i feel like they will face a situation where they will have to depend on each other. A cliche is not a cliche when he tells you he is one, or not untill that becomes 1 too
