RuffWriter
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Chapter 513
🕑 Added 2019-10-04 17:57:40 +0000 UTChttps://docs.google.com/document/d/12TLTWUPApvtBSIEkO3OavDA5gAt-v9Cy1l4nNEeO-Vc/edit?usp=sharing
Anger spent and emotions drained, I pant and wheeze while glaring at the hateful Abbot who stands in irritating silence, his neutral expression conveying patience and understanding despite suffering through a barrage of insults and slander which even I have to admit isnt entirely deserved. Still, theres nothing more aggravating than unloading all your rage and frustrations on someone and getting absolutely nothing in return, and the more I look at the old, bald, bastard, the angrier I get. Who does he think he is, standing there with his palms pressed together and head bowed in silent contrition throughout the entirety of my tirade? Some sort of enlightened Holy man? How dare he accept so much verbal abuse and not even try to defend his actions? I mean, sure, he didnt force me to drink the gourd of Water Chi, nor did he claim it would fix me, and he already admitted hed made a mistake, but...
but...
How fucking dare he get my hopes up for nothing?
Much like dry tinder, my rage is quick to ignite, but the flames dont last long without more substantial fuel for the fire, and it quickly becomes apparent that I dont have a leg to stand on. Go away. Though spoken by my voice, I can barely make out the words which squeeze out from my hoarse throat, but for the first time since this tongue-lashing started, the Abbot finally reacts, reeling back in surprise as if physically struck. Just... go away and leave me alone.
Hai... an erroneous declaration made in haste, and all credibility is lost. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Heaving a regretful sigh, the Abbot nods along with my request and disappears from before my eyes, robbing me even of the pleasure of seeing him slink away in defeat. Undaunted, he Sends, This monk offers his wholehearted apology and will withdraw to meditate on his mistakes, but please Junior Brother, do not hold this ones errors against the Brotherhoods teachings as a whole. If you do not wish to speak with this monk, Brother Anand and Brother Jorani are still available, so I beseech you to seek them out if you should have questions which need answering, or even if you simply need someone to talk to.
Fat chance of that ever happening, but I keep my opinion to myself. Honestly, with how hard the Abbot seems to be taking this, I feel bad about calling him all those hurtful names. How many times do I have to make the same mistake? Think, then act, dumbass.
Wrapping her slender arms around my waist, Lin slips into my embrace while taking special care not to jostle my injured shoulder. Nuzzling her cheek against my chest, her velvet-furred ears brush against my cheek and the warmth of her body seeps into my skin, stilling my trembling frame as the last dregs of rage and adrenaline finally burn themselves out. Even then, I cant bring myself to hug her back and all I can do is clench the empty gourd tight and wish I had still had the strength to crush it to a pulp, but after a futile effort, I simply toss it aside. Even seeing Ping Ping dart her head out like a snake to snap up the aerial gourd like a favoured treat isnt enough to put a smile on my face, and sensing my foul mood, Lin says nothing because she knows Im all talked out and let her actions speak for her. Guiding me back to the privacy of my tent, she helps me inside, lays me down in my bedroll, and strokes my head until the empty darkness of sleep comes to claim me.
Time passes in the blink of an eye, and Lins still there when I open my eyes, her fingers wrapped tightly around mine while her cherubic expression is drawn tight in worry even in deep slumber. Dark though the close confines of my tent might be, I can tell that Aurie and at least three rabbits form a gulf between us, so she lays in an awkward, bent position just so we can share a single pillow and be that much closer. Bright and cheery as she usually is, even Lin has her sombre moments, though at times it feels like Im the reason for all her bitter sorrow. If she doesnt regret falling in love with me, then she should, because Ive brought so little joy to her life and have never treated her as well as she deserves. Im a failure and a lecher who brings her nothing but hardship and lusts after every other woman in sight. Shes better off without me, all the women in my life are. If I were a better person, I would find the strength to leave Lin, Mila, Yan, Luo-Luo, and even Li Song behind, along with my family and friends who care for me. Im a burden and always have been, even before I became a cripple.
...
Oh, hey there depression! I almost didnt see you there. Its been a hot minute since we last met, but damn, you havent changed one bit.
With my left arm still too sore to move, I free my hand to rub my eyes but accidentally wake Lin in the process. Covering her mouth to hide her dainty yawn, she smiles and shifts closer to rest her forehead against mine. Hi hubby. Feeling better?
Mm. Hoping my grunt will be taken as a yes, I tap her nose and fake a scowl. Thanks for keeping me company, but you didnt have to. Youre gonna get a sore back sleeping like that, and youre not even lying on a bedroll.
Well used to my nagging, Lin scrunches her nose and playfully sticks out her tongue. Its all hubbys fault for sleeping in a tent. Id be much comfier if you had a yurt and a cot, ya? Tilting her head in thought, she eyes my hand and adds, Two cots, because hubby is a grabby lecher in his sleep.
The accusation hits hard considering my earlier musings, and all I can offer is a whispered apology. Sorry Lin-Lin. Your hubby is a horrible man.
Stuuuu pid. Never one to mince words, Lin hits me with an adorable glower and a less adorable missed headbutt which turns into a hare-ear slap. Hubby is the best, and dont forget it. No ones allowed to say otherwise, not even you. Of course, she ruins her stern demeanour by puffing her cheeks up in anger, a sight too adorable not to smile at. No woman wants to hear their mans moping, so I simply nod and move on, but Lin isnt ready to give it up. I mean it hubby. Youre the best. Dont let this setback bring you down, okay? Theres no need to worry, youll get better with time.
Problem is, I dont have time to be weak. Stupid as it sounds, its the cold, hard truth. We wouldnt be stuck in this shitty situation if it werent for my weakness. Id still be the Number One Talent and beloved by all, instead of a crippled has-been who most would rather forget.
Dont be silly hubby. You were never beloved by all. Grinning at her joke, Lin adds, Youre putting too much pressure on yourself, ya? Your recovery will take time, but for now, you should rely on the people around you more. Remember Rainy, youre not alone, and even if the sky should fall, there will be others to bear it.
But what if Im the reason the sky is falling? I cant just sit by and do nothing.
Hehe. Cheeky Rainy is best Rainy. Pinching my cheek, she grins and asks, You really think this is all your fault?
Isnt it? I mean, Jixing and the Disciplinary Corps are targeting me because
Because the stinky Legate pointed stupid Jixing in your direction by betrothing Luo-Luo to you. You think he didnt account for this beforehand? Hes an Imperial Noble hubby, one in high position, which means he probably thinks ten steps ahead before wiping his butt.
A woman after my own heart, Lins love of toilet humour rivals my own, though shes usually better at hiding it. Still, if I werent crippled
Dumb Jixing would still find a reason to bother you. Its not like the stinky Legate planned for you to be crippled. Frowning, Lin falls silent for a moment, then asks, Or did he?
Now whos being silly? Even the Legate couldnt predict what a crazy bastard like Gen or Zhen Shi would do, right? With things being put in perspective, my situation isnt any better, but at least I dont feel as guilty anymore. Even then, Im a long ways away from being happy again, which wouldnt have been so bad a few months ago, but having been recently reminded what happiness feels like, that makes its absence all the more palpable. Either way, this is hardly Luo-Luos fault. I shouldve seen something like this coming and prepared for it.
Hmph. You dummy! Glaring with adorable pique, Lin gnashes her teeth and asks, How come you call her Luo-Luo but wont call me Lin-Lin?
Because Luo-Luo was a grown woman when I met her, and Im still kinda ashamed about accidentally tricking the sweet little Lin-Lin into marrying me along with four other women. Ignoring her question because I dont have a good answer, I pretend to be lost in thought and sigh. You know whats weird? I was actually relieved when I came back from Sinuji crippled. With the truth out there, I cant stop myself from voicing my frustrations. For the first time in memory, I had no pressing need to train or progress along the Martial Path. I love being a Martial Warrior, but I hate war and being in the public eye. After the business with the Society, everyone kept expecting more from me, first in Sanshu, then at the Grand Conference, and after that, on the front lines.
Closing my eyes with a sigh, I reflect on those happy weeks in the Citadel when I was left to my own devices, with no obligations to uphold or expectations to fulfill. I was so miserable and stressed on the front lines, because failure meant letting down soldiers who trusted me and their families back home. Every day, Id have my head on a swivel watching for Defiled and Spectres, wondering when disaster would strike or worrying I might miss an important clue or overlook an ailing soldier. None of those problems went away after I was crippled, but... I dunno. Theres something liberating about being powerless. I cant change the outcome of the war, so what I do doesnt matter as much, you know? I could finally relax and go about at my own pace instead of frantically pushing forward for fear of getting left behind.
Everyone calls it the Martial Path, but sometimes, it feels more like a vast ocean instead, and Ill only be able to breathe freely after Ive made my way to the surface.
See, this is arrogant Rainy at his best. Beaming with delight, Lin giggles into the pillow so as not to wake the sleeping floofs. Hubby, crippled or otherwise, you were never strong enough to affect the overall outcome of the war.
Fair enough, but still... Ouch.
Rolling her eyes, Lin shakes her head. All you can do is try your best, and if things go wrong, then you learn from your mistakes and keep going, ya? I shouldnt have to tell you this. Remember when you first came to the village?
Of course. Those were the best times of my life.
You cried sooooo much, Lin declares, her eyes gleaming with glee. Morning, noon, and night, remember?
...Id really rather not.
You cried over everything. Remember the first time Daddy quizzed you? You bawled your eyes out because you got one question wrong.
Ugh...
And that time you spilled your tea? You wailed so loudly, I thought you burned yourself real bad, but nope. You were just sad because you couldnt drink anymore, even though the teapot was still full.
In my defence, I was still in the mindset that wasted water would earn me a beating...
And that time Mugi popped out of the bushes to scare you? You punched him in the face and then ran away crying, even though you almost knocked him senseless.
...That was Mugi? I should probably apologize.... Is there a point to this humiliating trip down memory lane?
Still giggling into the pillow, Lins response is muffled and sporadic. What Im saying is, even though you cried all the time, when you were done, youd just wipe your tears and move on. Theres nothing wrong with crying Rainy, and nothing wrong with being weak, so long as you keep doing what you can, its fine to leave the rest to the people around you. Thats what life in the village is all about.
...Its also standard battlefield doctrine to boot. Soldiers against tribesmen, Officers against Chieftains, and Experts against Demons. Division of labour, simple as that. I see. Youre saying Im taking on more than I can handle.
No dummy. Flicking my forehead, Lin explains, Im saying you should have a good cry. You never cry anymore Rainy. Its not good. You keep all your emotions bottled up and put on a happy face, but thats not healthy, ya? Laugh when youre happy and cry when youre sad instead of pretending youre one while hiding the other. Its so much work trying to read your mood hubby, just be honest about it, okay?
...This all sounds suspiciously like the advice I gave Song.
Then follow your own advice, dummy. Stretching her arms with an adorable squeak, her movements finally wake Aurie and the bunnies, which sets off a chain reaction of yawns and stretches, but Lin isnt finished. Look at what happened today. Youve been so mopey and frustrated these past few days, you blew up at Abby whos really only trying to help. Thats not the Rainy I know and love, ya? I mean, he was wrong, but is that really a good reason to go off on him like that? No one knows much about shattered Cores, so you shouldnt hate him for making an honest mistake.
I know... I overreacted. Much as I hate to admit it, I totally did. I was desperate for a solution to all my woes, I just went along with his suggestion without thinking. If Id stopped to think about it, I couldve mentioned that I drank Water Chi before and it had no effect, but I just... I wanted the Abbot to be right. I took a blind leap of faith and got upset when I landed on my face, when instead, it shouldnt have come as a surprise.
Its okay Rainy. Hes a monk, hell forgive you if you apologize. And dont worry about wasting your Water Chi. Even if you poured all of it away, youll still figure this all out, and if you cant, then just wait for Daddy to come up with a solution. Patting my hand, Lin adds, But maybe you should temper your expectations, ya? It took mister Pee-Shi decades to recover, so why are you in such a big rush?
I would love to see how Broken Blade Pichai reacts to being called Pee-Shi, but hed have to show up first, or at least reply to a letter. Its not like Im rushing because I want to. I wouldve been perfectly happy recovering at my own pace back in the citadel, but the circumstances wont allow it.
Then just leave, ya? Bolting up with a smile, Lin tugs on my good hand but fails to free it from Auries grasp, his arms wrapped carefully around my wrist in silent appeal for pets. Not even the stinky Legate can stop you if you want to go. Just have mister rat-rat bring you away, or Abby, or I could talk to Daddy and hell
Leaving wont make all the problems go away, Lin. Giving Aurie a kiss on the nose, I carefully sit up and look my sweet wifey in the eyes. Ill be safe, but what about everyone I leave behind? Even GangShu cant bring all the Sentinels safely back North, and if I leave, theyll be the ones to pay the price. Besides, Id never forgive myself if I ran away and abandoned my soldiers. Dastan and the others would haunt me to my dying day.
Them? Theyll be fine hubby. Rolling her eyes, she asks, Das-Das killed a Demon, hubby. Zu-Zu is probably already pressuring the Legate to overturn the Disciplinary Corps judgment, because Das-Das is too talented to throw away. Nodding with confidence, Lin declares, Once Zu-Zus opinion becomes known to the public, well be back in the citadel by end of the week, ya?
It takes an embarrassingly long time to realize Lins talking about Nian Zu, because its hard to connect the Colonel General and Hero of the Northern Wall to Zu-Zu, but after thinking it through, I realize shes probably right. Having built his career out of what other Officers view as a thankless task, Nian Zus word holds a lot of weight in the North, and his rank does the same for the rest of the Empire. If he says Dastan is too talented to be wasted on the front lines, the other Colonel Generals will take notice and maybe weigh in.
While the people will always revile a traitor, any commander worth his salt will understand that one can never have too many talented soldiers.
Pulling Lin into my embrace, I kiss her cheek and squeeze her tight, though I dont dare do anything more. My tiny tent might be free of Lins veiled guards, but it will prove no defence against them if I should overstep my bounds. They guard Lins chastity more fiercely than the Emperor guards his harem, and Im told he has a whole city set aside just to house them, one defeneded by women and eunuchs to keep him from getting cucked.
Seems a bit overboard, but on the other hand, what would it be like to have a harem big enough to fill a whole city?
...No. Bad Rain. Bad. Five wives is already plenty, and more than you deserve. Lin and the others already deserve better, so dont go dreaming of making things worse.
With Lins help, I head out and find Alsantset waiting nearby with Song, Luo-Luo and the rest of my floofs around her while Ping Ping looms in the background. Greeting me with a hug, Alsantset looks me over with a smile and says, I see your mood has improved, little Rain. When you feel up to it, go thank the Abbot for keeping your tirade from reaching any other ears, though I am still tempted to wash your mouth out with soap, if only on principle.
Oof. Sorry, sister. I shouldnt have lost my temper, it reflects poorly on me and my upbringing. Intending to go apologize right away, I change my plans as Alsantset moves to reheat my dinner and my belly rumbles at the sight. Ill find the Abbot after dinner. Not just to apologize for my childish tantrum, but also so I can ask why he thought drinking Chi Water would be a good idea. He was wrong, but the road to success is paved with mistakes. So... whatd I miss?
While you slept, I brought your consort to the training grounds to examine her progress. Judging from Luo-Luos hang-dog expression, I suspect she hasnt progressed much at all, which makes it all the more surprising when Alsantset says, She is a passable Martial Warrior.
Passable? Really? Thats pretty high praise considering she comes from a long line of Martial Warriors who dont believe in positive reinforcement. I was one of the best of my generation, and the best I ever got when starting out was barely passable, which speaks volumes to Luo-Luos talents. Before I can ask for details, Alsantset continues, Li Song has also made great strides, defeating Dastan, Tam Taewoong, and a number of other would-be challengers.
Challengers? More like suitors. I bet theyre all here to try their hand at taming a Bekhai Savage, but Song is the worst target they couldve picked aside from Mila. Seeing her cat-ears flickering with pride, I smile and say, Impressive showing, Song. Howd you defeat Dastan?
By knowing when to advance and retreat. Though stony-faced as always, Songs enthusiasm gives her away as she explains in great detail how she beat Dastan by using his strength against him. Knowing she couldnt match him in raw strength or overcome his fancy footwork, Song tricked him into thinking she was going to clash head-on, but pulled back at the last moment and forced him to overextend. Clever girl using his strength against him, because even if Dastan sees it coming, he cant half-commit on an attack because Songs attack could also be real, so he has no choice but to commit to the offensive or hunker down and stay on the defensive, which is not an ideal position for an axe-wielder.
Though I also ask Luo-Luo how her matches went, shes less descriptive and more vague, so I quickly lose interest. Shes only had a few months of training, but considering she still flinches when Mafu rushes to her side, I doubt shell be any use on the battlefield even if she had another decade to prepare, which is fine. Shes no warrior, and Ill do everything I can to keep her safe, because even though were not in love, shes proven her loyalty time and time again. Maybe the Legate still has plans for her, but Ill deal with the problems as they come. For now, I just need to take things one step at a time, which means dinner, then an apology, probably followed by a heated debate on theology.
Problem is... custom demands I present a gift alongside my apology, but what do you give to an ascetic, masochistic monk?
Comments
Blah64
At this point, I don't care how it happens. I just want the story to progress.
Hello everyone my first post in patreon. For Rain healing...I would like more if Rain find the solution by reflection rather than it happen during dangerous situation (but yeah maybe the second situation would be more badass). Anyways thank for the chapter.
Atlas Dwarf
Maybe it did something to one of his Spiritual Weapons. Three broken weapons and three gourds of Water Chi.
So the chi water really did work then cause he's being influenced by the spectres and that means his core is healed/healing. So is rain on the path to a spiritual heart now?
