T. A. Star
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25 - Lost
🕑 Added 2024-06-22 00:00:12 +0000 UTC
“Again,” Paul would say as Phoenix completed the complex form for wielding two daggers against an invisible opponent during their morning training exercises in the room they normally used at their shared home.
Paul wasn’t here, though.
The memories of his voice and assessing gaze were, however, and Phoenix paused her movements to stare at the empty spot that her mentor should have been occupying. In that moment, the loss of time with the man felt like a weight trying to crush any sense of hope or purpose she might have dared to feel.
Standing alone in the training room, Phoenix felt more lost than she had since before arriving in this world. It was early still, her nightmares startling her awake and not allowing her a full five hours of sleep once more.
The rest of her party would arrive shortly to do a bit of training before actually taking a day of rest after the last two weeks of endless monster hunting in the west. It had felt like a constant stream of activity between hunting, exploring more of the alien vessel, and checking in on things at the estate every day.
Padma had awoken a few days ago after her ascension and seemed thrilled to have Uriel teach her how to make an aplet tart, despite Dazien having told Phoenix it was some kind of romantic innuendo. She didn’t see how it could be something like that, but even if it was, Dazien seemed to believe Uriel wasn’t interested for reasons he wouldn’t explain to her.
The Wayfarer could admit that was all a bit beyond her understanding or concerns at the moment. Her focus was on getting stronger as fast as possible and getting her dad back. The silence was a deafening reminder that it would be a long time before her mentor would fill the void with his simple words of both correction and encouragement.
As she stood there in the empty room, the world seemed to simply stop and time had no meaning aside from the measurement of her thoughts filled with memories and regrets.
Death had always been an ever-present companion in her life, it felt like, having claimed so many around her but never herself, and despite Paul still living, it felt much the same when he was absent and far beyond her reach.
She found herself wondering, not for the first time, why she was granted life while others were not. Since the day she was born –the same day of her first death, she had later realized– she had never been the one to be embraced by the particular deity that ruled over the concept of death or an afterlife. While those around her fell and their souls moved on, she remained.
It struck her in that quiet lonely moment that she would always remain. Unless she chose to use the slight twenty-four-hour window after reviving, she would always escape the Undertaker’s grasp and would stay in the world of the living forever.
Her wandering mind wondered if she would continue aging as well or had that stopped when she became a Wayfarer? She thought she was growing still but maybe that was just some wishful thinking.
Phoenix made a mental note to ask Patricia about that, then contemplated if she could actually handle being immortal. Even if she hadn’t stopped aging, the process of reviving seemed to restore her body completely, potentially reversing any negative effects that might come from old age. If this was true, then she would live eternally while everyone else she knew and loved would pass on and leave her behind. Unless they became Obsidian Caste, her friends, family, maybe spouse, and even her children would all die one day while she remained.
The weight of loneliness pressed down even harder on her at this revelation, and she found herself sitting down on the canvas mat of the training arena. She bent forward with her head against her knees as she struggled to control her breathing.
A warm hand rested on her shoulder, and she only noticed his presence at the touch and words his low, reassuring voice spoke, “I’m here for you, Phoenix. What do you need?”
She looked up into Uriel’s emberlit eyes and let out a shaky breath as she tried to smile and he interrupted before she could say something, “You don’t have to do that for me.”
“What?”
“Smile,” he replied to her confusion, “You don’t have to force yourself to be happy when you don’t want to be. It won’t make me or you feel better. You deserve to feel things too, even if it’s sadness.”
The Mage gave a small smile as he said, “That was the goal with removing my earrings, right? Trust me when I say even sorrow can be worth it… at least once in a while.”
Phoenix rocked forward and hugged the cinderen, basking in the warmth and comfort as he returned the gesture, rubbing her back as she sniffled without breaking down completely into a sob as she muttered, “I miss Paul. I’m sorry, I was just–”
“I don’t need an explanation either,” he whispered in her ear, “You don’t need to apologize. I just want to help. I don’t need to know why you need it.”
Comforting silence fell between them, and despite it being just as quiet as it had been only a few minutes earlier, she didn’t feel that suffocating weight anymore –her friend easily lifting it from her shoulders as he steadied her breathing and racing heart. His warm, stormy scent relaxed her nerves, causing the tension to melt away.
“You know…” she said once she finally risked falling asleep, “I think you’ve won the title for best friend.”
Uriel chuckled, causing her own body to vibrate, “Not Dazien?”
“Psh, brothers lose the title by default,” she said with a laugh, “And Saiya acts too much like a mom sometimes, while Rayna is more like the sister that would get me into trouble and then help me hide the bodies.”
“You don’t usually leave bodies left to hide,” the cinderen pointed out.
“Ha. Ha,” she retorted, “The point remains… I appreciate you, Uriel. It’s like you know exactly what I need better than I do. I trust you and don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d be just fine without me,” the Mage said with a shake of his head, then seemed to hesitate before adding, “It should be Paul here instead of me…”
“What?”
“If you hadn’t wasted that cleansing potion on me. He’d be here, and you wouldn’t be feeling like this in the first place.”
“It was not a waste,” she replied angrily, pulling back to look up at him, “Don’t say that. If I had done that, Paul might not be trapped asleep but you’d be dead. It’s not even crossed my mind to want to go back and redo that.”
The man fell silent and nodded in understanding but didn’t seem to fully agree with her. Dazien’s words about Uriel’s lack of self-worth echoed in her mind, and she found herself asking, “Why do you think you’re worth less than everyone else?”
“Because I am. It’s just a fact,” he replied simply.
Phoenix scrunched her nose at the blatant response and argued, “Um, no, we just established you’re my best friend… but why do you believe that?”
The cinderen finally looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “You’re starting to sound like Priest Jacob with questions like that.”
She chuckled, “I might have gotten that one from him…”
The Wayfarer found herself touching the golden collar around his neck as she said, “When he asked me that, I told him that it was because I was too weak to do anything. Even now, I keep making mistakes, and it feels like I keep breaking everything I get near.”
“I do that literally,” he pointed out, finally giving her a small smile, and she laughed.
“You’re worth something to me though,” Phoenix continued, “And I know you’re worth even more to Dazien, right? We all care about you, so you can’t be worthless,” she grinned then and added, “Actually, I think that means you’re priceless.”
Those ember eyes stayed fixed on her for a long time before he finally began speaking, “There’s something you should know about–”
“There you two are!” Rayna said as the door to the training room opened, and the bard walked in dragging their Healer along, “See, they’re just sitting here waiting for us to start training, Sai!”
“I’m sorry, you two,” the smaller voxen apologized, “I tried telling her to wait outside, but–”
“It’s fine,” Uriel said quickly, gently untangling them and standing to straighten his clothing, “We were just talking while we waited for you all to arrive.”
Phoenix frowned at the obvious dismissal of the conversation, and she wondered what he was going to say. Perhaps he was finally going to open up? Maybe just shut down her attempt to comfort him in return. She silently cursed the interruption but she promised herself to wait for Uriel to come to her. He never pushed her, and she wasn’t about to do that to him.
“Oh good, everyone’s here already,” Dazien said as he entered the room a moment later, “We get today off, but I was hoping we could talk more about the last two weeks of patrol and go over any thoughts and maybe do some brainstorming on additional tactics.”
“It’s good to step away and de-stress, though,” Saiya reminded.
“Actually,” Phoenix interrupted, “I was wondering if any of you had more ideas on how to use my illusions for combat. I think I’ve hit a wall with it since it doesn’t seem to be progressing anymore when I use it.”
Dazien grinned at her, “I’m sure we can come up with something together that might help challenge that one,” then gave a nod towards the Healer, “We’ll time box ourselves so we get to actually relax today.”
Dazien was feeling pretty good overall about their patrol mission over the last two weeks, clearing out the monsters they had come across in the west. Only twice did they have to retreat from a foe to get help and it got handled smoothly afterwards.
Even today had turned out well so far with talking through their tactics and things they wanted to try as their powersets expanded with new capabilities. He would need to look into buying some Spirit Gems for himself, which seemed much more obtainable now without needing to worry as much about maintaining his equipment and paying rent.
The extra loot he had been gaining from his [Tribute] ability had mostly been sold off and used to pay back a loan he had taken out for some of his initial Crystal Caste Spirit Gems and barely magical armor.
As he stood in the middle of his new bedroom, looking around at where to place a few of his personal effects that Uriel had brought from their apartment, he felt like this was yet another turning point in his life. Whether he got adopted or not, this would be his new home for the foreseeable future.
He looked down at the blanket he had placed on his bed, the one his mother had made when he was an infant, and wondered if perhaps he was getting ahead of himself. Phoenix may have claimed him as a brother, and Paul had made the offer, but it would be years before it could become real. What if Phoenix changed her mind about him? What if he made a mistake he couldn’t come back from? What if he couldn’t live up to the potential Paul seemed to believe he had?
Dazien shook his head, trying to clear the negative thoughts that he knew better than to have. He was going to be a king someday. Being a noble backed by a respected house would make that easier, but it wasn’t a requirement… He knew that wasn’t why he wanted it, though.
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and he called out, “Come in.”
Patricia opened the door and gave a cursory glance at the room that only had a handful of personal effects scattered about. Her eyes lingered on the picture he had placed on the mantle of the fireplace of him and Uriel as young teenagers before refocusing on him, and she said, “If you have some time, Mister Smithson, I’d like to discuss a few things with you in my study.”
He frowned slightly, not liking the use of formality rather than his given name that she had come to use before, “Of course, Ambassador Wayland,” he returned, matching her tone, “I’m glad to see you have recovered from your ascension. Congratulations on reaching Emerald Caste.”
She nodded but didn’t speak further until they reached her office, and both took seats opposite one another at her small desk that seemed shoved into a corner to give more space to the area intended for entertaining, which took up most of the parlor-like study.
“I have a few questions before I get to the real reason I wanted to meet with you,” the runeforged started off.
“Alright,” he replied, still confused about what exactly they were meeting for.
“Exactly how… dedicated are you to Mister Karislian, and how aware was Paul of it?”
Dazien’s brow furrowed, “Extremely and Paul was aware of everything. Uriel was one of my stipulations for accepting his adoption offer.”
The priestess frowned at that as though she hadn’t been expecting that response, but her face went blank the next moment as she asked, “Alright, then exactly how much do you know about your boyfriend’s titles?”
His eyes narrowed at that and he felt his anger rise at her accusatory tone but he kept it restrained as best he could and answered, “Everything. Just like Paul does. I’m getting the feeling that you didn’t know anything till very recently, however, if you’re just now asking and addressing us the way you are.”
Patricia gave a heavy sigh and rubbed at her temple as she muttered, “Of course, he knew and didn’t bother saying anything.”
Dazien’s fist clenched as he said firmly, “If this is going to be a problem we can leave but I won’t let him be cast out alone and I don’t believe Phoenix or Paul would agree with that.”
The noblewoman raised her hands up in defense and gave a tired smile as she said, “That’s not something I would force, Dazien. I trust in Paul and, if he already knew, then I will yield to his promises. However, you must understand my concerns. You’re a smart young man and have shown an interest in politics; surely you can imagine the position I’m in and my priorities?”
He finally relaxed and nodded as he said, “To protect the members and reputation of your House. I understand your concerns but I hope you can understand that Uriel is my partner and not something to be cast aside because it’s inconvenient.”
Patricia’s smile widened slightly as she said, “You sound like my father.”
At his questioning look, she expounded, “Let’s just say people were not happy when he married a human commoner girl. He didn’t care, though, he loved my mother. He might have been a strict arse most of the time, but he was devoted to her.”
Her gaze refocused on him, assessing him, and she asked, “Are you planning to marry him? You’re of that age now.”
“I don’t think that’s something Uriel’s interested in honestly. He still doesn’t like me talking about our relationship publicly… he shares your concerns about tarnishing my reputation, it seems,” he said grimly, then asked his own question, “Were you hoping to marry me off in the future? As the future Lady of the House, I’m sure you see me as a good bargaining piece. A Shiny gemite that won’t inherit anything but the name. It’s a valuable pawn to trade, right?”
The priestess frowned at him, “I know I can be… opportunistic and a touch manipulative, but you’re not just a pawn, Dazien. Paul wouldn’t have made the offer if he thought you would be. House Wayland encourages political matches, but we don’t force them. Like I said, my mother was a commoner and human. The only thing I’m hoping to leverage you for is as a capable Adventurer who can bring prestige to our House and hopefully help keep Phoenix alive out there beyond the safety of these walls.”
Then the woman moved to open a drawer in the small desk and pulled out a large stack of papers as she said, “I should have met with you sooner about this but it’s been a bit crazy and it feels like this is the first chance I’ve gotten in weeks.”
“What is this?”
“The real reason for this meeting,” she said, pushing the stack towards him.
He leaned forward to read the first page and asked in surprise, “The adoption papers? But Paul can’t–” he cut himself off as his eyes reached the bottom of the page where, in a messy script, was signed the name: Paul Wayland.
Dazien whispered past the lump in his throat, “He had already signed them?”
Patricia smiled warmly, “He was just waiting for you to accept him.”
Words escaped him. Even absent, the Lord of the House could still bring him to speechlessness it seemed.
“He also wanted you to have this once you ascended,” the noblewoman said as she slid a small purple box across the desk towards him.
It reminded him much of the box Rayna and Saiya had repurposed for him, and as he opened it, he discovered a small folded note sitting atop the Spirit Gem inside. He wasn’t sure he could handle reading the message at the moment, but he couldn’t wait either.
Dazien,
This is only the first of many gifts I plan to give you. Hopefully, you aren’t as stubborn as Phoenix in accepting them.
Congratulations on reaching Sapphire Caste. I’m sure you’ll reach the pinnacle with your friends and new family there to support you the whole way.
Hopefully, this Spirit Gem of Resolve will reflect the determination I already see within you to achieve your dreams.
Your father in spirit,
Paul
The gemite read and reread the note what must have been a dozen times before looking up at Patricia to see her still smiling fondly at him. He reached over and picked up a pen sitting on the desk and began reading through the stack of adoption papers, signing each as he agreed with their contents.
As he finished signing the last page, happy that it matched everything he and Paul had previously discussed, his new aunt said, “Now, I already have some additional things to give you.
“Paul and I had been going through the family vault after Phoenix had joined and we were sorting out some of his old things. There wasn’t much we thought either of you would be able to make great use of, but for Sapphire, we did find a chest plate of Paul’s that he never needed to use and would be better than what you have. Along with our grandfather’s shield. We don’t have many Defenders in the family, and none that could use it, so it’s just collecting dust.”
The gemite began declining the offer as he objected, “Sorry, but I can earn my keep. I don’t expect anything like pity–”
“I know,” Patricia interrupted, “This isn’t a contractual obligation or charity or anything. House Wayland just tries to take care of its family members,” she explained and added, “Welcome to the family, Noble Dazien Wayland.”
