goodbadcomics
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Six!
🕑 Added 2022-06-17 20:38:10 +0000 UTC6 years ago on June 19th, I posted my first comic on the internet under goodbadcomics. For whatever reason, I forgot my 5 year anniversary last year. 5 seems like a nicer number to celebrate but it's okay, any number of years is nice enough to be celebrated. ┌(・。・)┘♪
6 years is a lot of days. Hmm. I feel like I've only just started taking myself seriously. Remembering this day is proof #1. I'm so very grateful for getting to live my life on my own terms (which is a bit difficult some days but I am here).
Lately and also for the past couple of years I've been questioning what goodbadcomics is about. I never seem to find and answer. And my obsession with finding an answer leads to more confusion about what my work is about. I don't know if it's as confusing to you, you probably-definitely don't even think about it as much as I do haha.
But I've been in so much agony about this. Have I given my readers, the people, anything to remember me by? What do I want them to think about when they think of my work? What would remind them of my work or me? Why is that important to me? Why is that important? Is that important? Questions that plague my mind.
I've been inconsistent with the way I've drawn my comics over the years. It's difficult for me to stick with one way of drawing even though I've really wanted to. And it isn't inherently a bad thing but I feel so wrong and confused when I fall into the rare pits of comparison with other artists who have given the world something to remember them by. And I'm so in awe of their consistency. But I can't force myself to keep going one way, it feels very anti.
I don't feel "established" enough or like I've "arrived" and I don't know if I ever will. I hope I do one day but I think it's time to redefine what established and arriving mean to me personally. All this pressure makes me feel like I'm roaming around aimlessly and sometimes just standing when in reality I'm just walking my own walk even though it feels wonky and bumpy, it's my path.
Over the past couple of months I've strongly decided that it's not a bad thing (it's a goodbad thing wink wink). The way I want to work is the way I want to work. So, I'm not gonna make myself feel bad about wanting to change things up every now and then. That's just what I do! The right people will stay.
The comparison thing is not very frequent but whenever it happens it's quite annoying. My mean inner critic gains power. But I keep reminding myself that I can admire someone without wanting or having to be like them and embrace the way I work.
I feel like I forget who I am by assuming my readers don't know who I am because they don't have anything to associate with my work but as long as I know and remember who I am, I believe that things will fall into place. Or places will fall into things. Whatever it is that needs to happen, will happen as long as I hold my own hand first.
Death and existence have played a huge role in the way I live and question life and make decisions. Many important things seem silly and silly things seem important.
It's currently 1:19AM on Saturday, June 18th. I'm sitting on my bed. Maau is licking himself on my desk by the window. I just got bitten by a mosquito and am itchy. Ugh. Scratch scratch.
This is not exactly what I planned to write on goodbadcomics's 6th birthday but oh well. Now I can't remember what I originally wanted to write about. I just let the words flow. YOLO.
I'm gonna not think too much before drawing stuff now. I don't wanna wait to pick out the perfect set of colours. Or wait to think about drawings for my words before I let the idea out.
I'm just gonna do it. Like i used to in 2018.
I was stalking myself and I feel like i was so much more free back then. Now I've limited myself to these boxes. I like the boxes, though. But I'm not gonna think a lot about what goes into the boxes to the point where I can't even start drawing.
The fear of doing things wrongly and never getting to actually doing them because what if there's another more right, less wrong way of doing it so let's just wait wait wait until I magically figure out the right way by doing nothing, is so wet socks.
I'm just gonna draw comix however, whenever, whatever.
That's how I want to approach my work right now. And it's OKAY (this is just for me from me. It's okay it's okay it's okay shhh)
Sometimes I'm like, why do I care so much? Then I'm like, I cared because I care. But now I'm not gonna care because I care. Y'know?
Also instagram has made this feeling worse but screw instagram. It just feels nice to let this out, it's lonelifying (this is a word now) to have these thoughts plague your mind when everyone on the internet seems to have their stuff figured out. But a lot of people have some of it figured out and the other lot don't and none of it matters when I think about Mars or Jupiter's many moons or how sun is just fire. It makes me feel connected to myself and my practice and my fellow beings.
Thinking about space makes me ultra aware of my presence on Earth. This was a scary feeling for a while and still is at times but I'm getting very comfortable and also happy that I found a grounding tool. 🌌🌏
Ok this is becoming less and less about my comic's 6th birthday.
I obviously want to thank my patrons. Thank you, patrons. You've made these 6 years happen just as much as I made it happen. You are the spinal cord to my brain. Thanks for giving me money.
My readers who read. Thank you for being another vital organ to my comic body.
My friends for encouraging me to put my stuff on the internet gram. Thanks thanks.
My other friends for supporting me and making me feel validated. Thank you for that.
And lastly, me, for being alive and typing all of this in the middle of the night. Thanks. You're welcome 👍🏽
To celebrate 6 years, I've made 2 of my recent comics about love and friendship into small zines that you can gift to your lovers and frienders and your neighbours and stuff. Or you can buy them for yourself 🤝❤️
There are three links. Two for India India and the other for Not India.
I thank u. I love u.
🐬🐋🐳🐟🐠🦈🐡
