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sorry for being sad 🥀
🕑 Added 2025-02-03 20:53:41 +0000 UTC
Everyday I have woken up and I have given up on myself. I've lost myself in the past few months. I'm sorry for constantly not having anything to say and for not knowing what to send your way for the money that you are giving me which I am so grateful for but I feel so guilty and so sad, I haven't been able to make things the way I used to. I'm constantly mourning, grieving my old life. When I'm around people I am someone else and sometimes I forget about things but sometimes I forget about myself.
There's some things in my life that I'm struggling with a lot and I would really like to talk about it but now is not the time to do so. I feel like I'm in the depths of hell sometimes. I find pockets of joy sometimes but I lose touch. It's 2 am and I'm crying and I can't sleep, I would really like to sleep. I lost my earphones so I got cheap ones for ₹400 but they are so bad and lose connection with my phone. My partner is in bed snoring, sleeping. Good for him, I guess.
I've been thinking about life, death, planets, moon, plants, fruits, meat, milk, capitalism, billionaires, genocide etc etc etc a lot and I'm really numb and existential, my head is going to explode.
I wish I could talk it all out with someone in person, i feel lonely even though I have friends and a loving partner. I've been in Delhi for a month now at my partner's parents place, we're all living in the same house. I miss maau terribly, he has bladder stones and I'm going to Pune very soon. I'm just worried and worried. Oh my god I feel so pathetic.
I really hate instagram and I really don't know what to do with my life in the future, I'm just scared and worried and all the similar words. I miss myself. I hate it out there and inside myself. I'm tired and bored and I'm so done with myskef.
But I still feel hope and one day soon I will find it somehow. I know I still have it in me to be me again. But for now I will just cry till I'm dry. Thank you for everything.. I'll talk soon. Sorry so much. I'll probably regret this word vomit but oh well 🥲
Aditi
Comments
Kate Kelly
it can be helpful to let it all out even if you delete it later. I hope you can see Maau soon. thoughts can spiral and feel like everything but they're only thoughts and will pass. we are here because we support you, no need to feel guilt on our account. pay attention to your own desires - what do YOU WANT to do? not what will be easiest or frictionless or what will make everyone else happy. it can be difficult to think that way but it makes it easier to find your Self. good luck, we are all supporting you <3
SRH
Aditi! Sorry you are feeling so low :( Good to hear a update from you anyway! <3 <3 I agree Instagram is dumb - I have still been using it but also got an account on BlueSky (similair to twitter) and they are supposed to working on a photo-app like IG (called Flashes) and hoping it will become an option soon....if you want to find me on BlueSky: @garlic-heart
Kristen De Haan
I am sorry you are feeling so low. And I didn’t realize that you couldn’t bring Maau with you. That is very hard in and of itself 😔 I hope you are able to find yourself more soon. Surrounding you with love and light, Adi 💕
