Neviara
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Cycle 29-13: Moving On
🕑 Added 2024-01-12 17:00:15 +0000 UTCThe gym's glass doors slid open with a soft hiss, greeting Kaitlyn with a blast of warm air and driving music. The bass rumbled through her chest as the smells of sweat and rubber washed over her.
Yeah. This brings back memories.
As for what her goal was here, she wasn't entirely sure herself. It wasn't to rekindle what she'd lost. She was fairly certain of that, at least. Nor was it simply to torture herself by seeing Alex again.
I just feel like I need to talk to him again. REALLY talk, not just in passing like I have before. It feels... important.
How exactly talking to the guy would help her current predicament wasn't entirely clear to her. But she hoped to figure that part out later. If nothing else, perhaps it could help bring her some closure.
Kaitlyn peered through the maze of machines, weight racks, and benches. Sure enough, a familiar bronze-skinned figure stood near one corner by the mirrors, a dumbbell in each hand.
Here we go, Kaitlyn. Time to face your fears. Time to finally put this all to rest.
With no small amount of trepidation, she forced her feet to move forward one step at a time. The usual reminder that none of this mattered and that he'd forget everything anyway felt insignificant in the face of the present reality of the situation. But all too fast, she saw Alex look up at her approach.
"Hey! What's up?"
His grin sent a familiar tightness through her chest. Remember, he's not my Alex. That's not his smile.
Shaking herself, she stammered out a response. "C-can I work out with you?"
"Sure, no problem!" The athlete agreed easily, evidently seeing no issue with her out-of-the-blue request. He tilted his head to the side. "Wait, do I know you?"
Her heart nearly stopped. For a brief second, confusion and disbelief coursed through her veins. Does he… does he remember now? No, it's impossible.
The sudden surge of emotions guttered out like a candle. No, that wasn't it. She knew exactly what he was referring to. "Uh, yeah. Kate's Kitchen? You've ordered food from me before."
"Oh, that's right!" His face lit up with a grin at the realization. "That is you, isn't it? Dang, I gotta say you make really good mac and cheese. The other stuff too, but that one was awesome."
"Thanks." She gave a small smile. "I'm glad you liked it."
"Yeah!" He set down the weights as he finished his set. "So uh, what kinda workout are you doing?"
Ah, right. "Just some basic weights, nothing too special. I just... don't like working out alone."
"Yeah, I get it." Alex nodded sagely. "It's way more fun with a partner. Do you work out a lot?"
Kaitlyn chuckled. "Not really. I used to, but kind of fell out of the habit."
"Hey, no worries!" The guy sent her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "At least you're picking it back up. What matters is that you're here now!"
"...I guess so."
Kaitlyn retrieved some weights from the nearby rack and started to lift alongside the athlete. It had been a long time since she'd exercised like this, long enough that she'd forgotten how difficult it was. Her spindly arms were burning after just the first set of lateral raises.
Geez. Am I really this weak? Sweat beaded on her forehead. I know it's been a while, but these are the weights I'd always start with. They feel way heavier than I remember.
"You got this!" Alex cheered her on as she struggled. "Push!"
With a grunt of effort, Kaitlyn forced her arms up one last time. Then, they fell to her sides like wet noodles.
"Nice!" Alex clapped her on the back. "Good form, too!"
"T-thanks..." she panted, collapsing onto a nearby bench to recover. "I… hah… need a moment…"
From her spot, she was able to watch Alex as he began another set of his own. The athlete's muscles flexed as he lifted a much heavier set of weights in his own exercises. His face contorted slightly in concentration, focusing on making one laborious motion after the other.
...He certainly looks like he's trying harder, Kaitlyn realized with a start. Those weights seem a bit bigger than the ones he used before, definitely. It explains why he's having more trouble.
The change just reinforced something that she'd already known -- the romance ending had changed Alex. Even if he didn't remember her, he still had changed in ways that remained permanent across the loops. He was more willing to try things, even if they were new or difficult. At least, that was how it appeared.
Alex set his weights down with a final strong exhale. Sweat beaded on his brow as he turned toward Kaitlyn with a grin. "So… what major are you?"
"Huh? Oh." Kaitlyn shrugged. "Bio."
"Nice! I'm in Business. You do any sports?"
"No. I uh, used to run, but nowadays I just cook."
"Oh really? Awesome!" Alex grinned. "Hey, if you ever feel like getting back into running, you should join cross country! I'm on the team, they're a cool bunch."
Kaitlyn couldn't keep a wry grin from her face. "Thanks. I'll think about it. Though the season's almost over, isn't it?"
"Yeah, true… Well, there's always next year! Or track, I'm doing that too!"
They continued making small talk as they worked out, the conversation pausing and restarting as they began their own respective exercises. As they spoke, the butterflies in Kaitlyn's stomach slowly began to settle. Her initial fear slowly receded. In its place she felt… something else.
He's not my Alex. I already knew that. She shook out her arms after a particularly difficult set of rows. He's got a lot of the same qualities now, the good ones that he grew into. And I'm happy about that. But... he's different.
The more they spoke, the more Kaitlyn realized that she was speaking to a stranger. A stranger who she cared deeply about, sure. One who was also incredibly attractive and charismatic. But this Alex wasn't even the one she'd known at the end of the loop.
It made some amount of sense. After all, months had passed since the start of this loop. Who's to say that he didn't change even further over its course, all on his own? But regardless of the reason, the result was the same: Kaitlyn felt like she knew far too little about him.
She held a weight vertically behind her head, slowly lifting it with both hands in a tricep extension. Her arms trembled as she forced herself to control her breathing. She dipped the weight down once more and pushed, desperately willing her muscles to lift it again. The weight stayed in place.
She let out a grunt of annoyance. C'mon, arms! Just one more!
But they simply refused to respond. Her grunt intensified into a growl as she continued to push and push.
"Woah, take it easy!" Suddenly, the weight disappeared as Alex placed a hand beneath the dumbbell's bottom. As he carefully took it from her, he gave her a pat on the back. "Good effort, but don't push it too hard! That's how you get hurt."
"Hah… T-thanks…" Kaitlyn slumped onto the bench once more, shaking out her exhausted arms. Only then did she realize what had just happened.
Huh. Her brow furrowed. I didn't… react to that. Before, any little touch sent me blushing like nothing else. So why am I so calm?
Initially, she thought it might've been a result of being too focused on the exercise. But that didn't feel quite right. The fact that she still remained calm attested to that. So why?
It's because it's not just Alex, she realized. I've changed too.
Through all the loops, Kaitlyn had become someone almost unrecognizable to herself. She felt more confident, more capable, and more mature, not to mention skilled in all manner of subjects and skills. The sheer amount of time spent in the loop had given her plenty of time to reflect and develop. It had changed her entire outlook on the world around her. How could she expect this to stay the same?
When I fell for Alex, I was a different person. She thought back to those times with a twinge of nostalgia. At first, I liked him because he was a male lead. Then, it was because he was nice to me, because I could actually talk to him. Then it was for more than that. And because of that, we both grew. Together.
But now... we're both so different. I've kept growing in ways that he simply can't. He's changed too, sure, but if anything that's just made us further apart. She stared at Alex as he stood once again. He's not my Alex, but... I'm not his Kat, either.
The realization filled her with loss, but something else, too. A strange sense of relief. For so long, she'd been pining after what she'd lost with Alex, putting what they'd had on a pedestal. Their relationship had been some unreachable ideal to be admired but never touched. As though it would shatter if she tried to come anywhere close.
But I can't do that forever. That's just not healthy. She shook her head sadly. I'm grateful for what we had. I'll always be grateful for everything he taught me, and how he helped me grow. But… I can't stay here forever. I need to move on. REALLY move on.
"Well, I'm just about done here." Alex stood and stretched, his shirt damp with sweat. "How about you?"
"I… think I'll stay a little longer." Kaitlyn ducked her head apologetically. "Thanks for working out with me, though."
"'Course! Anytime!" Alex's face lit up. "Maybe we'll run into each other again. I usually swing by here after practice, so feel free to give me a wave."
"Yeah. Will do."
"Cool! See you around…?" Alex paused. "Shoot. What was your name again?"
Kaitlyn couldn't help the brief wave of nostalgia that washed over her. With a wistful smile, she held out her hand. "Kaitlyn. My name's Kaitlyn."
"Kaitlyn! Right." Alex smacked his forehead. "Sorry, I'm pretty bad with names. See you around, Kaitlyn!"
With a final wave, the athlete slung his drawstring over his shoulder and headed for the door. Kaitlyn waved at his back as it receded into the distance.
See you around, Alex. Thank you for everything.
Comments
Mio P
Thanks for the chapter! I call bullshit that Kate likes Philip, or well at least not as much as she liked Alex. I want more development in her feelings of him but I know this is probably the last loop with Philip 😭
Kyle
Very nice to have definitive confirmation that Kaitlyn's relationship had an impact on Alex, even if he can't remember it. Very curious about what might happen once ALL the male leads are changed by their experience(s) with her. TFTC!
