Neviara
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Cycle 30-6: A Healthy Distance
🕑 Added 2024-02-02 17:00:08 +0000 UTCOver the weeks, something strange began to happen. Something Kaitlyn had hoped to avoid.
She began to feel restless.
It wasn't some kind of manic, subconscious need to escape her problems, though. This felt more like an impatience to move forward and do something. Something substantial and meaningful. Something other than just meditating on her feelings.
Her self-imposed chores around the house helped. It gave some amount of structure and direction to her day. But other than that, there was a complete lack of expectation on her.
Of course there is. That's the point, isn't it? To just let myself be for a bit.
But rather than make her feel more at peace, it got her feeling anxious. She tried to sit still and process her own thoughts, but doing it for too long risked a spiral of negativity and feelings of stagnation. But she didn't want to do anything too productive for fear that she was running away from those thoughts again. It was a real dilemma.
The influence of her adopted roommates didn't really help, either. As great as Vinny and the guys were, their standard way of handling problems was to have a beer or host a party – the epitome of running away from the issue. At least, that's what it seemed like. She hadn't minded so much last time around, when the numbness was a welcome reprieve from her otherwise tumultuous emotions. But now? It felt just a little unhealthy.
I shouldn't judge or anything, she chastised herself. I really do get it. It's fun, and I like partying with them sometimes. But it just feels… off.
Now that she had the wherewithal to actually take in her surroundings, the entire situation gave her a weird vibe. Besides their complete comfort with taking in a total stranger for an extended period of time with no idea of who she was, there were other things that felt off. The guys were all happy and enjoyed their partying, but there was an underlying sense of aimlessness there. As though they were content to just drift along, but not really.
They're nothing like Heather and Philip, that's for sure.
From so many loops working with the pair, Kaitlyn had gotten used to the surety and purposeful direction that they seemed to exude. Going from that to this felt kind of like stepping into a sandpit. One that she might be sucked into herself if she weren't careful.
I'm probably overthinking it. She shook her head. I mean, the other guys are still going to classes, though I don't know how they're doing in them. Vinny's got his issues, even if he won't talk about himself much… But it's not like they're bums or something. They're just not quite as driven.
She had made a few more attempts to talk to Vinny about a range of subjects – hobbies, family, his daily activities, and other seemingly standard things. But every attempt to get past surface level topics was met with refusal. Not some subtle redirecting of the conversation, either. Just a flat statement that she should "mind your own damn business, girlie."
Strangely enough, it seemed to be an unspoken rule about the house. As friendly as the other guys were, no one spoke much about personal stuff, even when prodded.
Wow. I can't believe I never noticed this before, she realized, and not for the first time. There's so much I just completely missed. About all of it.
The whole situation meant she ended up going on a lot of walks to think. They, at least, were helpful. It was as close as she could get to the best of both worlds. But soon enough, midterms season rolled around, forcing her to make a decision.
And after a lot of deliberation, she decided to head back to campus.
Kaitlyn stood on the threshold of the house with Vinny behind her. The other three roommates – Ryan, Chris, and Zach – stood inside.
"Thanks for the food," Chris gave her a cool wave. "Come back and visit sometime, yeah?"
"I'll try." Kaitlyn nodded. "And let me know if there's anything else I can do for you guys. I left an extra lasagna in the fridge as a going-away present."
That made their faces light up. Chris shook his head in amusement. "Nah, you've done enough."
Vinny grunted. "Great. Now we're gonna have to go back to pizza and whatever shit Ryan makes."
"Hey!" The muscular frat boy protested. "I'll have you know that I picked up some tips and tricks from her. Just you wait, soon I'll be whippin' up omelets and fancy pastas like you wouldn't believe!"
Chris chuckled. "'Like I wouldn't believe'. Sounds kinda like I won't believe they're edible."
"Hey!"
Kaitlyn giggled at the exchange as Vinny crossed his arms. "Alright. You got your shit?"
"Yup." She hefted a spare drawstring over her shoulder. "Not like I had much, honestly."
"Good. At least it means I don't gotta make more trips." He nodded at the door. "Let's go."
With a final wave, the pair turned toward the driveway. Vinny led her to his shiny chrome motorcycle where it sat, a single helmet resting on its seat. Her grocery bags full of belongings went into the freezer box strapped to the back.
He called over his shoulder as she settled behind him. "Ready?"
"One sec." After putting on the helmet on, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Ready!"
The chopper let out a deep rumble that sent vibrations up her entire spine. Vinny navigated them onto the main street, and just like that, they were off.
Streetlights and greenery whipped by as they sped down the street. The cloudy sky had begun to dim in the evening light, turning from grayish-white to grayish-blue. She was fairly certain it wouldn't actually rain, despite all appearances.
Over the course of the weeks, Kaitlyn had re-acquainted herself with Vinny's driving. It had taken a lot of grocery runs and near constant reminders that he was a good driver. But now, she could manage an entire ride without practically strangling the guy in a death grip.
Still, the experience was exhilarating as always. Though more in a "roller coaster" way rather than a "imminent collision" one.
As the motorcycle roared along, she thought about the last few weeks. They certainly had helped. She felt a lot better, like she'd been able to come to terms with things a bit more.
I didn't learn much more about Vinny, though. They weaved between a pair of cars. One of them honked angrily as Vinny cut him off. But that's ok. I wasn't trying to do recon or anything. Besides, I can always come back.
Now that she knew how easy it was to simply join the guys at the house, she figured it wouldn't be too hard to do it again. Assuming she could walk the whole way, of course.
Although… I still have no idea HOW to learn about him. As open as he is about some things, he really doesn't seem to like talking about others.
She watched the back of his head, wisps of his slicked blonde hair tugging free to snap about wildly in the wind. Talking to him now was pretty much out of the question. Not only was it impossible to hear over the engine and wind, but she didn't feel like any particularly useful conversations would come of them yelling at each other.
Oh, well. Like I said, it's not something I have to do right now. That's a problem for later loops.
So for the moment, she sat back and enjoyed the ride. While only occasionally squeezing the air out of Vinny's lungs in a death grip.
***
About 15 minutes later, they rumbled up to Hartland University's east dorms. Vinny pulled up to the curb, kicking out his bike's stand. Kaitlyn pulled off the helmet, leaving her short hair in a messy halo about her face.
"Alright." He jerked his head toward the cooler. "Just grab the box. I don't need it."
She blinked. "You don't want to keep it?"
"The fuck am I gonna do with it? Get more groceries?" He snorted. "Like we'll actually use the damn things. No shot Ryan's actually gonna try and cook anything, much less anyone else."
Kaitlyn felt a pang of guilt at that. It wasn't like she was responsible for these guys or anything, but still. It felt strange to know they'd just go back to their old ways so easily.
I wonder how long his room will stay clean for. Maybe it won't be as bad as I thought?
"That's ok." She reached inside and pulled out her grocery bags of belongings. "I don't need it, either. Besides, it's better to have just in case."
Vinny rolled his eyes. "Just take it. Chris can drive if anyone actually cares."
"Well, I'm not driving at all, so I literally have no use for it. At least you can put other stuff in it," Kaitlyn pointed out.
The blonde gave her a withering look. "It's goin' straight on the floor. I don't like this thing hangin' off my bike like a damn eyesore."
"That's fine." She shrugged. "Better than on mine."
With a long-suffering sigh, the guy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. Stickin' me with the shit you don't want…"
Kaitlyn grinned. "Basically. Thanks for letting me stay."
"Sure," he snorted. "Still dunno why you even wanted to, but sure."
Kaitlyn stepped onto the curb as Vinny got ready to leave. She nearly turned toward the red brick buildings of the dorms, then hesitated.
"Vinny?"
He raised an annoyed eyebrow at her. "What? Gonna take the box after all?"
"What? No." She shook her head. "Just… thanks. Really. You're a nice guy."
"What gives you that idea?" He took the helmet and put it on. His voice came out a little muffled. "I'm just a fuckup like the rest of 'em."
"That's not true." She shook her head. "You're nicer than you have any right to be."
That was true even before I fed you guys.
He wasn't kind out of any feeling of reciprocity. In fact, she still wasn't sure why he'd done half the things he had, aside from being a secret softie.
Maybe that's all it is. He's like Alex, just nice to people. He just puts on a really prickly exterior while doing it.
"Keep tellin' yourself that, girlie."
Before she could respond, Vinny kicked off and sped down the street. The chopper crested the hill, its sound fading into the distance as she watched.
Kaitlyn stood there for a moment longer, then turned around. Well. Guess I should get up there. Heather's probably waiting for her absentee roommate to get back.
Hefting the bags in her grip, Kaitlyn started for the stairs.
Comments
Mio P
Thanks for the chapter! Every time Vinny says “girlie” I laugh because it sounds so silly 😭 (please keep it, I love it)
