Neviara
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Cycle 33-1: A Measured Response
🕑 Added 2024-05-04 16:45:00 +0000 UTCOver the next few weeks, Kaitlyn went through the practically automatic motions of establishing her early-loop routine. Kate's Kitchen, Chella's, and Professor Adams's lab all slotted themselves back into her daily schedule, with music practice filling in some of the empty space. It kept her busy enough that the loop still felt like forward progress, even if she wasn't actively working on an ending.
Most importantly though, she made plenty of time to simply think about the Ian situation. Given how much focus she wanted to put on it, Kaitlyn tried to set aside a bit of time each day for the task. However, she quickly realized that there was only so much pacing she could do before her thoughts started going in circles. Even worse, her attempts at meditation and journaling weren't getting anywhere. They just made her feel stifled and antsy.
Instead, it was time for a different solution. One she hadn't considered in a long time.
Kaitlyn's sneakers slapped against the paved pathways as sweat dripped down her forehead. Her breathing was slightly ragged, but rhythmic in the in-in-out pattern she'd taken to using so long ago. A warm breeze sent her hair fluttering behind her as she jogged beside rows of budding rose bushes.
It had been a long time since she'd gone on a run like this, and for good reason. The activity used to remind her of memories she'd rather not dredge up. Even now, it felt a little bittersweet to revisit. But she'd moved on.
Ever since the Philip ending, Kaitlyn had made her peace with losing Alex as much as she could. The reality of the game made her realize that she couldn't let the past haunt her forever. And so, she'd decided to slowly start letting in those parts of her life that she'd cut off in the aftermath. Running seemed like an obvious place to start, and why not? It was an activity that she associated with both baggage and benefits.
And so, for the first time in years, she started to spend her mornings running.
She hadn't joined cross country, of course. That was a step that she might never take again. But running alone had some similarities, given that her lack of athleticism often left her alone at the back of the pack. If anything, it was kind of nice to go at her own pace and not worry about making the team wait.
…That doesn't mean it's easy, though. She wiped some sweat from her brow, struggling not to pant. Seriously. Why do I even do this to myself?
She knew the answer. As much as she hated feeling sweaty and weak, she couldn't argue with the benefits. It cleared her mind better than anything else. The effects were most obvious while she was running, but persisted even afterwards. Because of that, it quickly became her preferred thing to do when she had a problem to solve. And the matter of Ian's romance ending was a problem.
There were a few possibilities that came to mind. Maybe there was some family issue or deep-seated fear of Ian's she simply hadn't addressed, one that was more important than the areas they had worked on. There was also the matter of Ian's game. He'd cut back his time spent working on it as a result of their other activities, and he'd never mentioned it to her directly. Considering that Ian's friendship ending had culminated in showing her the game, maybe it was more important than expected. However, at the time, she'd had really good reasons to believe that her way was the right choice.
It wasn't just for him to focus on his future, though that was a big reason. It's also that I don't see how it helps him. If anything, letting him buckle down and go all-in on it feels like it would be unhealthy. I'd just be enabling him to focus obsessively on one thing.
The most consistent element between romance endings so far was a focus on improvement. With both Alex and Philip, she'd been able to help them become better, more well-rounded people. That's what she'd been trying to do for Ian, too. At least, that's what she'd thought. Apparently, her efforts hadn't succeeded.
Alex learning to try things and Philip making time for his family made sense. But this? Maybe the game would see it as pursuing his passion or something?
That was all assuming that the game was the right path, though. It was entirely possible that she'd been wrong on that front and just didn't have enough information to see the bigger picture.
…Maybe I was just going about it wrong? She frowned internally. Maybe I have to help him establish healthier working habits for the game, rather than just abandoning it? That might make more sense. At least, it would fit more with the theme so far.
Unconvinced, Kaitlyn sighed. If she was supposed to focus on the game, then it would be an even bigger problem. During the friendship ending, Ian had only shown it to her near the very end of the loop. Helping to finish it or even work on it would require that event to happen much earlier. Not only that, but she had no idea how to actually help with it, if that was a requirement.
What am I supposed to do if I get that far? Do I just encourage him to work on it? Or do I help out myself somehow?
The first one would be easy, assuming she could actually find an opening. But the latter wasn't really something she knew how to do. Kaitlyn didn't have any game development experience herself, nor did she know the programming language he seemed to be working in. Then again, that was something she could fix pretty easily.
I know he's working in D-Flat, but most of the programming I've done so far is in Rattler or Assam. But it can't be that hard to learn, right? Philip said that once you've learned one, it's way easier to pick up others.
As she passed another group of students heading to their morning lectures, she considered the idea further. Learning D-Flat wouldn't just give her a way to help Ian more. It would also make it easier for her to strike up conversations with the guy, especially if she did some game development research herself. Who knew, maybe she could even use the timeloop more directly to her advantage. Bringing back ideas or bug fixes between loops was sure to speed up development progress. If that didn't break the rules, of course.
She slowed as the dorms came into view, walking the rest of the way as a cooldown. With as much thinking as she'd done lately, her body was starting to complain about the constant runs. Her legs felt like jelly despite the somewhat slower pace she'd set today.
Dang. Just one more time where I wish my body didn't reset…
The thought that all of her exercise progress would disappear in a few months was pretty disheartening. It made it just a little bit harder to drag herself out of bed and get out there. But even if the long term benefits were fleeting, the immediate ones were definitely worth it.
Alright. It's settled. She laced her fingers together behind her head, taking measured breaths as she walked. This loop, I'll focus on learning D-Flat, just in case. Next one, I'll try for that romance ending again. Either we'll finish his game, or I'll get more info on what else he needs help with.
***
A couple of weeks into the loop, Kaitlyn stepped into the familiarly cozy site of the biweekly Bash Bros tournaments. The steady din of gameplay and friendly chatter filled the enclosed space, making it even louder and more busy than it would have otherwise. Then again, the first tournament of the loop was pretty packed. It had the most entrants of any aside from Bara Bash.
She weaved between groups of gathered players and tables, looking for a setup to join. Near the back, she spotted a familiar mop of chestnut-colored hair in his usual spot. Ian was already in-game, playing some friendlies with John.
Turning away, she kept looking. It wasn't that she wanted to avoid Ian entirely, per se. However, she felt like she wasn't quite ready to dive into that situation entirely yet. But that didn't mean she wouldn't come to tournaments anyway.
I need to keep my skills sharp somehow. And besides, even if I'm not going to get super close with him, that doesn't mean I can't learn by watching.
Eventually, she decided to commandeer a seat next to ZoggyWoggy. As antisocial as the guy was, he was less intolerable without Lelas at his side. Also, he was still one of the most skilled players here. Even if she had managed to beat him, there weren't many better people to practice against.
At the Corgo player's dull-eyed nod, Kaitlyn plugged in and sank into the comfortable flow of the game. Her own cyborg dog glided across the screen, giving Zog even more trouble than it had last time. Evidently, the guy did a lot of improvement himself over the course of the loop.
Huh. I wonder if he'll be harder to beat at the end if I practice with him? Ian is, so I don't see why it wouldn't be the case… Though to be fair, Ian and I played a lot more than every couple of weeks.
Eventually, John's voice cut through the noise to announce the start of the tournament. The older student rattled off pairing after pairing until Kaitlyn heard her own name, right where she'd expected it.
"Indy and K! You're at setup 6."
Cracking her neck, she stood and headed over. Unlike in the past, she wasn't worried about this match. It wouldn't be easy, of course, but there wouldn't be too much riding on it. Besides, since they hadn't warmed up together, she still had the element of surprise on her side.
Ian glanced up as she approached, his mint-colored controller already plugged into the PlaySphere. Kaitlyn met his curious gaze. There wasn't a single spark of recognition in it.
She winced internally. Like always, she'd known to expect it. But the thought that she was starting from scratch yet again still stung a bit.
I'm getting used to it, but still… it's pretty disappointing. At least it feels like it's getting easier each time.
"Indy?" Kaitlyn smiled as she leaned forward to plug in. "I'm Kay."
"Oh! Nice to meet you." Ian gave her a hesitant smile. "You ready to go?"
"Whenever you are."
They both quickly picked character, Ian sitting up a little straighter as she selected Corgo. As they loaded into the game, he extended a fist toward her in the customary pregame gesture. "Good luck."
Nodding, she met his fist with her own.
As usual, Kaitlyn took advantage of the newly-reset Ian's lack of experience against her to great effect. But even with her advantage, Ian was no slouch. She had to fight for every stock and pull out more tricks than she would have liked. Still, the match ended in a win for her, and a slightly more convincing one than ever before. Even his plot armor wasn't enough to overcome her, not this time.
The victory screen appeared, declaring Corgo the winner. After slouching back in her chair slightly, she turned to Ian and reached out her fist with pride. It was dimmed slightly by the knowledge that the reset had pretty much nerfed him. Still, she wasn't quite good enough that she'd turn her nose up at a victory yet. "Good games."
"Yeah… Good games."
Ian sighed slightly with disappointment. She could understand the feeling. No one wanted to be knocked into losers in round one, especially not a player like Ian. Still, she didn't feel too bad.
He'll make it back. I'm sure of it.
For the rest of the tournament, she made a conscious effort to direct her attention elsewhere. It was an easy enough feat, given how many other games and players milled about the room. Still, she caught herself glancing over at his mint hoodie more than once.
I really thought he was happy last time… Am I really that bad at judging how he's feeling? Or is he just that good at hiding things?
Turning away, Kaitlyn pushed the thoughts aside. That was a matter for another day. For now, it was time to take advantage of the reset and destroy some of her oldest enemies.
With a wicked grin, Kaitlyn headed toward her next match. They'll get better over time. This advantage might not last the whole loop. But while it does, I'm really going to enjoy knocking these guys down a peg.
