CarolJ
patreon
From the Compendium of Monstrous Peoples: Goblins
🕑 Added 2017-11-28 23:37:43 +0000 UTCYou let us into your home, you’d best be the one at the oven. Otherwise a goblin’ll have you smitten by dinner and proposing by bed-time.
Gwynevyv-an-Brasbin
Of all the monstrous peoples, there is no race more affectionately close to man than the goblin. For nearly all of recorded history -- and likely centuries prior -- goblins and humans have lived hand in hand. This closeness is more than mere physical proximity, though it is not uncommon to find a goblin "village" close to a human settlement. It is also more than begrudging cooperation or the appropriation of culture or language, even if the goblin's public temperament is often near identical to that of a human woman.
Of course, there are differences between goblins and humans, similar though they may be. To begin, it would be nearly impossible to mistake a goblin for a human maiden. The two most glaring differences are almost impossible to miss. Vividly green skin and long, pointed ears make it child's play to identify a goblin at first glance. Given the immediacy of these anatomical distinctions, it is strange that these are often not the first qualities that come to mind when a human is asked to describe a goblin... Especially when that human is a man.
Indeed, a human man is far more likely to first note the proportional disparity between a goblin and a human woman. While goblins seldom grow taller than the average man's waist, their breasts and buttocks commonly grow to be as large as the average human woman's, if not larger. On their short, stocky frame, these assets appear exceptionally large. If one is to view a goblin with a less academic lens, their relative voluptuousness is arguably their most striking feature.
It is mostly thanks to their "exaggerated" figures that goblins enjoy an enviable position in human society, though their predisposition towards affability aids them in this endeavor as well. Most monstrous peoples possessing inhuman traits are at best tolerated by human settlements at large. Indeed, many monstrous peoples who do not possess any "unusual" physical characteristics are similarly spurned owing to the stereotypical perceptions thereof. The goblin, however, is a frequently welcome addition to human towns and cities.
This racial fondness extends in the opposite direction, as well. It is not unusual for goblins to emigrate from their home "village" specifically such that they might live amongst men. It is when these two like-minded forces meet -- goblin and human -- that the fascinating courtship rituals begin.
The goblin, as previously mentioned, possesses what many would claim to be the "ideal" female form, and at first glance the social role they play during courtship is similarly feminine. When the goblin's potential beau brags or otherwise postures for her attention, she responds in kind by fawning and swooning. She hangs off his every word and expresses bottomless awe, no matter how accurate or factual his claims might be.
This predilection for stoking the man's ego would normally indicate a preference for more forceful, dominant bedroom partners, but the goblin's behavior during the first steps of courtship is deceptive. Point of fact, there is nothing a goblin loves more than a submissive male. They make this submission more palatable, however, by disguising it as a reward well-earned. Praise is lavished upon their future husband, and he is assured time and time again that her affection is all but inevitable. After all, how could she possibly spurn the overtures of a man as virile as he?
A scholar is made to feel Herculean by his goblin lover, and a brute in turn is praised as Archimedean. With such constant praise, it is all but inevitable, then, that the goblin's suitor -- or perhaps her prey -- would submit to her insistent requests to "pamper" him. If the man allows this, he is all but lost.
Goblins, more than any other race, excel in the performance of domestic and wifely duties. If a man permits her to do so, a goblin will happily cook for him, clean for him, and ensure that his household responsibilities dwindle to nothing. After all, why would he worry when she so handily completes them? And thus his domestic agency fades, bit by bit. Every meal she prepares, every chore she attends to, every reassurance that he deserves a woman to dote upon him as she does. They pile higher and higher until the man is in such utter agreement that he will inevitably propose to her.
This proposal, however, can take many forms. For the more romantic, it can be a traditional proposal. If this is the case, the wedding that follows is typically a human one, and the newlywed couple will remain in the human town or city.
For those who are perhaps more carnally inclined -- or simply well-trained by the goblin -- this proposal can be more physical in nature. If a man is so inclined, his "proposal" can be as simple as a night of procreative sex or mere acquiescence to the goblin's insistence that they "start a family." If this is the case, the goblin will convince her "spouse" to move from wherever they lived prior to a more secluded area. This is often a nearby forest if one is available.
Their life together begins with what is known to goblins as the "first bedroom:" the cabin that the newlywed couple builds together. However, as the years pass and the goblin inevitably convinces her husband to give her more and more children, the cabin becomes the centerpiece of a small group of living quarters and utility buildings, termed "villages" by humans. While it is not objectively incorrect to refer to them as such, the name is misleading. A goblin "village" is comprised of one immediate family: the mother, father, and their myriad daughters.
While some goblins see fit to live with their parents well into maturity, tending to either their younger sisters or their parents once they grow older, they inevitably depart in search of a husband. One might view this pattern as alarming, and for good reason. If every goblin were to start a village, it would not be unheard of for the population to explode. However, this is mitigated by the simple fact that the majority of goblins go "urban" and live with their husbands in the human community in which they met.
In short, the goblin is and will likely remain one of the most fondly-regarded monstrous peoples. They are friendly, exotic in their attractiveness while still maintaining physical familiarity, and industrious. A welcome addition to nearly all human communities and many bachelors' homes, the goblin seldom finds herself -- and will rarely allow herself to be -- far from mankind's side.
Comments
Lorelei
Uh-oh. If I've learned anything from your stories, it's that the lap is a *dangerous* place for a goblin to hang out in. Lap-owners, beware.
Carol J.
If it means I get to see what you do with them, I will happily push "my" goblins into your lap. Steal away!
Lorelei
Huh. The post I was replying to vanished midway through posting. Thieving fey goblins are afoot!
Lorelei
Yeah, this is just a gorgeous species, and one I think I'm low-key stealing for my stories—assuming it's okay with Carol!
Betterfornow
Great stuff. Always enjoy hearing about goblins
